Navigating Charybdis (not Erin)

[kalik]

It's been a few weeks, and my ex called me to apologize for being so mean and nasty. She said that given a little time, maybe we could be back together, just not right now. And I agree. The thing is, even though I know she may not be good for me, I still miss her. Not as much as I used to, but I miss her nonetheless.

 

I saw her a few nights ago, and I didn't realize this until I looked into her eyes. And I came to terms with what I had lost. What we had was amazing. And I'm not trying to re-live the past, but I do miss having her in my life. And I still love her. It may not be the same way, but I do. And when I got up to leave (I was talking to some old work buddies-her current work buddies), she put her hand on my arm. And the feeling I got was almost intoxicating.

 

Throughout the conversation, she gave the usual body signals; playing with her hair, uncrossing and crossing her legs, playing with the stem of her glass. I know what these signals are, even though I could tell how hard it was for her to see and talk to me. She only smiled once or twice, and I could see that she was still a little hurt and that she felt the same way I did.

 

Of course I want her. I don't want her back. I just want her. I have been doing very well, and I'm afraid of falling into that kind of trap. No matter how much time and distance we've been putting between each other, I feel as if she is someone I love and want.

 

Is there some way to handle this? I don't want to jump into things again, God knows what happened after that. But I know if I don't do anything, we will never be together. I know she's too proud to admit the way she feels, and I know I'm being strong and stubborn. We both miss each other. I love her. I want her in my life again. How do I approach this without jumping in or scaring her off? Is there some guidelines I should follow or a time period to cool off a little more?

 

kalik

[Tony T]

If I had a penny for every guy who fell for a woman's teasing crap, I would be a multibillionaire.

 

Do you understand....if this girl really loved you, really cared about you, really felt you were special, she would want to be with you RIGHT NOW...THIS MINUTE. But you are not that special and she doesn't love you that much. You are Mr. Reserve...the guy she may settle for if she travels the entire earth and doesn't find anyone else.

 

She is a tease. She will do anything to keep your interest so you will be her safety net. She will do whatever she can to retain just enough of your interest to keep you on a string. She is playing you like no other. She knows just what to do. All users do...and they know what to do to keep the men from realizing it and she certainly did a good job on you. How simple you are to remain interested just because she crosses and uncrosses her legs, playing with her hair, etc., and you remember how it USED to be. YUK.

 

I am so glad you don't want this girl back. She will be nothing but trouble for you, you have my unconditional guarantee.

 

You say you know what the signals are but you really don't have a clue. When a woman wants to be with you, wants to know you better, wants to make your life happier, wants to love and care with you, wants to make you an important part of life and wants to do it right now...that's the signal you want to look for.

 

Forget this girl. She is a user, a teaser and she is not interested in you...she is looking for the best deal she can find and she has a lot of time to do that. Don't give her the satisfaction of being her fool because that's what you are right now. (I really don't think this girl even knows what is best for her, judging from the guy she's with now)

 

I hope there will be some way in the future you can let her know you are on to her act. I've had so many girls do this to me, I had to learn the hard way. You are getting this information for free, if you listen. Otherwise, you'll have to go through it again and again until it gets into your thick head...just like I had to do some years back.

[Deejette]

You have never told us that she is a nice person, a kind person, an interesting person, and intelligent person. All I have ever read about this woman (from your past postings) is what a tease she is, how psycho she is, and how painful the thing has been for you. Of course sex is good. Someone once said, "Sex is like pizza, it's even good when it's bad."

 

So it sounds like sexual games between horny lovers and not a nurturing, trusting, happy relationship.

If I had a penny for every guy who fell for a woman's teasing crap, I would be a multibillionaire.

 

Do you understand....if this girl really loved you, really cared about you, really felt you were special, she would want to be with you RIGHT NOW...THIS MINUTE. But you are not that special and she doesn't love you that much. You are Mr. Reserve...the guy she may settle for if she travels the entire earth and doesn't find anyone else. She is a tease. She will do anything to keep your interest so you will be her safety net. She will do whatever she can to retain just enough of your interest to keep you on a string. She is playing you like no other. She knows just what to do. All users do...and they know what to do to keep the men from realizing it and she certainly did a good job on you. How simple you are to remain interested just because she crosses and uncrosses her legs, playing with her hair, etc., and you remember how it USED to be. YUK. I am so glad you don't want this girl back. She will be nothing but trouble for you, you have my unconditional guarantee. You say you know what the signals are but you really don't have a clue. When a woman wants to be with you, wants to know you better, wants to make your life happier, wants to love and care with you, wants to make you an important part of life and wants to do it right now...that's the signal you want to look for. Forget this girl. She is a user, a teaser and she is not interested in you...she is looking for the best deal she can find and she has a lot of time to do that. Don't give her the satisfaction of being her fool because that's what you are right now. (I really don't think this girl even knows what is best for her, judging from the guy she's with now) I hope there will be some way in the future you can let her know you are on to her act. I've had so many girls do this to me, I had to learn the hard way. You are getting this information for free, if you listen. Otherwise, you'll have to go through it again and again until it gets into your thick head...just like I had to do some years back.