Cali408 Posted September 17, 2013 Share Posted September 17, 2013 It's about living in peace without anxiety. I got back together with an affair partner of mine after a few years. During our time apart, the AP is divorcing, and I picked up the pieces of my good marriage. We didn't communicate but weren't in full no contact. You cannot look them up on the internet. Again, do not look them up on the internet. I did and had trouble moving on. Got back together. She lives far away and in the middle of a divorce and wants to date. My marriage, good. I chose to be stupid because I wanted to be with her again. We get together, it was good, but not like I remembered it. But, I knew I was temporary because she was on the hunt for a new man. Get caught, break it off. 3 weeks later she calls me and that she met someone else and after one date there is so much chemistry. My ego was brusied, no doubt about it, but I was determined to move on. Go no contact, calls me a week later. Tells me how great things are going with new guy I tell her I am happy for her and not engaging anymore. For 2 weeks now, NC, no looking no calling. Doing well, but she has been peaking at my blog, gone to my linkedin page. Won't leave me be. Although my ego feels good that she checks me out, I fell disrespected and used. Not giving in. Link to post Share on other sites
Freshstart17 Posted September 23, 2013 Share Posted September 23, 2013 Hello all, my wife has full blown GIGS. I can't keep a strict no contact rule because we have kids together. My question is when I do have to talk to her or see her how she I act around her? The thought of me looking at her actually disgust me. She has done sooo many hurtful things. I'm unsure of how to act around her, because honestly I wish I could never talk to or see her again. Lastly, I don't want her back. However, I'm struggling with what she did to me. I'm trying to get past the shock. It's tough to get past. Any suggestions to get past the shock would be appreciated, thanks guys! Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted September 30, 2013 Share Posted September 30, 2013 5 weeks no contact, 7 weeks since BU and I am doing good. There are no more tears, no more gut-wrenching pain...but I can't stop thinking of him..of us. Not one minute goes by when I don't think about him and it's impossible to stop. I think of the good, the bad, the what ifs.. I woke up today missing him terribly. I want his arms around me..his lips on mine. I want to hear his voice, run my fingers through his hair and tell him I still love him. I want to turn the clock back to when we first met. But I can't. All I can do is stay away from you, our memories, and continue to try and erase you from my life. I know we're not good for each other but my heart is reluctant to let go of you. She still beats with love for you... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnaAnna Posted October 1, 2013 Share Posted October 1, 2013 It's about living in peace without anxiety. I got back together with an affair partner of mine after a few years. During our time apart, the AP is divorcing, and I picked up the pieces of my good marriage. We didn't communicate but weren't in full no contact. You cannot look them up on the internet. Again, do not look them up on the internet. I did and had trouble moving on. Got back together. She lives far away and in the middle of a divorce and wants to date. My marriage, good. I chose to be stupid because I wanted to be with her again. We get together, it was good, but not like I remembered it. But, I knew I was temporary because she was on the hunt for a new man. Get caught, break it off. 3 weeks later she calls me and that she met someone else and after one date there is so much chemistry. My ego was brusied, no doubt about it, but I was determined to move on. Go no contact, calls me a week later. Tells me how great things are going with new guy I tell her I am happy for her and not engaging anymore. For 2 weeks now, NC, no looking no calling. Doing well, but she has been peaking at my blog, gone to my linkedin page. Won't leave me be. Although my ego feels good that she checks me out, I fell disrespected and used. Not giving in. I don't know your whole story but it sounds like she still cares about you a lot. Maybe she's saying all those things just to make you jealous. I don't think she's happy with this other guy because if she was she would leave you alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 10 Core Breakup Boundaries That Every Person Should Live By | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Here is an awesome post on NC from another website. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joe86 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 10 Core Breakup Boundaries That Every Person Should Live By | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Here is an awesome post on NC from another website. Thank you. Despite getting dumped, I've spent a while this week thinking I should have put up a fight. I've been thinking that as the man, I should maybe of fought a bit like I have in the past. But I didn't. I didn't complain, beg, plead or anything. Just respected her decision. But I know that was for the best really, I just need to read things sometimes! Link to post Share on other sites
sniperz Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Thank you. Despite getting dumped, I've spent a while this week thinking I should have put up a fight. I've been thinking that as the man, I should maybe of fought a bit like I have in the past. But I didn't. I didn't complain, beg, plead or anything. Just respected her decision. But I know that was for the best really, I just need to read things sometimes! Yes. Respecting her decision is a great way to heal. I didn't thought of it. Had 2 exes and I realize it's a gift for the recent girl brights my path. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Thank you. Despite getting dumped, I've spent a while this week thinking I should have put up a fight. I've been thinking that as the man, I should maybe of fought a bit like I have in the past. But I didn't. I didn't complain, beg, plead or anything. Just respected her decision. But I know that was for the best really, I just need to read things sometimes! I never begged, but I did feel like I should try to fight for the relationship. I was so confused at why my ex didn't want to try to "fix" it. I sent him this lame email detailing what I thought were our problems and how we could work on them. What I failed to realize was that he had already given up, so none of it mattered. He had already done the analyzing and rehashing in his head. I really wish I would have gone NC sooner, but I have now been about 6 weeks NC. The first 30 days had some dark moments, but I am now coming out on the other side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnnaAnna Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 10 Core Breakup Boundaries That Every Person Should Live By | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Here is an awesome post on NC from another website. Good article! I am sticking with my NC for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 So yea....I broke 6 weeks NC today to email my ex a simple happy b-day. Admittedly I've checking my email constantly to see if he's replied. He hasn't yet. I knew I probably wasn't ready for the consequences of sending the msg but I felt I had to acknowledge his bday. Now that I've done it...it's 100% NC moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Naturally, you'll understand you'll get a lot of dissenting comments, because you didn't break NC to send him b'day wishes. You broke NC to get a connection with him. Hence the "checking my mail constantly". Birthday be damned. You just wanted to re-connect. Any excuse. had his dog died/car broken down/exam results/broken foot been the occasion, you would still have justified the contact. Day one. Da capo. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I was in denial yes. Here I am now after a few emails back and forth with ex waiting anxiously for the next response. Here I am now feeling low again. Here I am feeling weak again. I'm suffering the consequences of breaking NC. I was doing so well too... Link to post Share on other sites
Janni Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) I have no desire to contact my ex and break NC. Which I find confusing since I miss him terribly, think about him constantly and feel like I am on my way back, feeling worse every day. I have been in NC for 3 weeks now. Would have been four weeks, but I responded to a breadcrumb and also had to pick up some of my stuff he'd taken with him from our apartment. So. He's been with her for two months now. One of which he was still with me, though not in an official relationship. I want to check his facebook, to see if he is with her. Or if everything is as it was. But I don't. I am too afraid it will say "In a relationship with.." and I know it will break me completely. I try to think that maybe they are together, but maybe she's a bitch and she's making his life miserable. Maybe she actually left him for her ex. (I heard she was trying to get back together with her ex) Or maybe their relationship is not as perfect and happy as I keep imagining. I still feel like someone punched me in the stomach when I realize, he's with her. At least, as far as I know, he is. It is killing me. And I don't know how to get over it. I try being social. It makes things worse, it makes me feel even more lonely, it makes me miss him even more. I am afraid of going into town, because I might meet him, her or, even worse, both. I have no hopes or dreams for my future anymore and generally I feel like I am all over the place emotionally. When I start daydreaming about him, I ask myself "What makes him so special?" I can't come up with anything, that I wouldn't be able to find in someone else. I ask myself "What did he do for the relationship?" And it is a very very short list, compared to what I did. I even ask myself "What are his flaws? What did he do wrong?" and then, I can just keep on going - I wrote two pages before stopping. Rationally, I can see no reason for him in my life. No reason why the absence of him, makes me not care about my career or my other goals in life. It is completely irrational and it bothers me, because the next minute I am crying my eyes out, missing him. So why do I keep missing him? The sex wasn't great. Maybe it's because he's the only one I've been with. Sometimes I feel like, what I really want is for him to desire me. And what I really miss is someone to love, someone to buy stuff for, bake for, support, help and be important to. I really don't know. My heart is so irrational. Why can't my brain override it? Edited October 17, 2013 by Janni 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jba10582 Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 10 Core Breakup Boundaries That Every Person Should Live By | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Here is an awesome post on NC from another website. This is exactly what people need to read after a difficult break-up. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 I dreamnt about you last night. ****kkk. Even when I tell myself, it's over and he is out of my system, you come in through my dreams. What's harder? Never having a shot and never knowing? Or having a shot and seeing it fail? I don't regret what we did. It was fun and made me feel alive. I'm simply annoyed by how you handled it. You act so mature but you didn't have the courage/balls to just tell me how it was unless I asked and even then I basically got a tonne of mumbo jumbo. Like I said, how you handled it is what bothered me. Link to post Share on other sites
jonsnuh Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 So yea....I broke 6 weeks NC today to email my ex a simple happy b-day. Admittedly I've checking my email constantly to see if he's replied. He hasn't yet. I knew I probably wasn't ready for the consequences of sending the msg but I felt I had to acknowledge his bday. Now that I've done it...it's 100% NC moving forward. 8 more days until my ex's birthday. Thoughts of me sending a B-Day text have circulated in my head, but it's only given me thoughts of the post-text similar to what you've mentioned. 5 months of NC. Her B-Day was supposed to be a milestone and I'll keep it that way. Wishing her all the best, but how much I've gained by focusing on myself since our break... I'm not going to throw that all away. My nurtured indifference is my strength and I still need to work on putting the resentment aside. Here's to everyone coping. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lost_Dragon Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 My ex's birthday is coming up. No way I'm breaking NC for that. I wish I forgot her birthday. Maybe she will choke on cake. MAKE A WISH!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Petunia20 Posted October 24, 2013 Share Posted October 24, 2013 So I guess you could probably guess that I met someone. He's not anyone I could marry or build a life with but right now he is giving me everything I need and want. I think of you less often and find myself becoming less needy for you. I no longer wish for u to come back. I am enjoying being single and having no tie to anyone or answer to anyone. If i want to hang out with my guy friends one day and see this new guy another day then I am free to do so. He calls me his Princess and says I'm gorgeous and hot lol You hardly ever complimented me so i am going with this. Havent looked at your profile or hers or thought much about you guys. Only reason i'm posting now is to document my progress. My family told me that once I found someone that I would stop thinking about you. I thought my love for you was stronger than that. But i guess its not. at times your face flashes through my mind but it goes away as easily as it came in. Been super busy lately with friends, this new guy and my job. I finally got that interview to work with Elsa. I have a second interview next week. I hope to get this position. You know what this position would do for me. Its crazy how all these good things are happening all at once. I wonder if i deserve all this. I've been so used to being sad that being happy is so surreal. omg i said i was happy...havent said that in awhile. Til next time! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Sometimes I wish that I had never met you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 28, 2013 Share Posted October 28, 2013 Sometimes I wish that I had never met you. Oops that was in the wrong thread. I was tired last night. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I guess I would be concerned that the next time she thought she could do better, or whatever, she would cut and run again. Do you think enough time has passed, that she has changed enough for it not to end again? Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 I guess I would be concerned that the next time she thought she could do better, or whatever, she would cut and run again. Do you think enough time has passed, that she has changed enough for it not to end again? Now you posted in the wrong thread! Yes, I have those concerns too. She and I aren't getting back together unless she "moves mountains" as they say and I don't foresee that happening. Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 Now you posted in the wrong thread! Yes, I have those concerns too. She and I aren't getting back together unless she "moves mountains" as they say and I don't foresee that happening. Wow! I was so with it. :-p 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lindsay1990 Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Joel and Anya, that was adorable, ha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2fargone Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 So I guess you could probably guess that I met someone. He's not anyone I could marry or build a life with but right now he is giving me everything I need and want. Seriously, women do this ? Finding a guy knowing there is no future, just to not think about 'the other guy' ? Link to post Share on other sites
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