No Contact (NC). Guide for the long walk. Consolidated discussion.

[justtrying]

Hi everyone! I really hope to get to know some of you and your stories.

 

I have a pretty urgent question that i would really appreciate answering.

 

My girlfriend told me 2 nights ago out of nowhere she doesn't think she loves me anymore but needs to think about it and repeated 'this might not be the end'. I'm going full NC but there's 1 thing I'm not sure about. I know Facebook isn't the place for this stuff but it still says we are in a relationship, would me removing that be a good or bad decision right now? We didn't officially break up and I do have hope we will reconcile but this feels like an important factor.

 

Thanks guys, Toby

[Never Again]

Hi everyone! I really hope to get to know some of you and your stories.

 

I have a pretty urgent question that i would really appreciate answering.

 

My girlfriend told me 2 nights ago out of nowhere she doesn't think she loves me anymore but needs to think about it and repeated 'this might not be the end'. I'm going full NC but there's 1 thing I'm not sure about. I know Facebook isn't the place for this stuff but it still says we are in a relationship, would me removing that be a good or bad decision right now? We didn't officially break up and I do have hope we will reconcile but this feels like an important factor.

 

Thanks guys, Toby

 

I'd recommend either removing or blocking her on Faceboon entirely.

 

It may seem passive-aggressive, but you're not talking anyways, so what's the difference?

 

If she needs to "think about it", she needs to experience life without you completely. That means vanish.

[justtrying]

I'd recommend either removing or blocking her on Faceboon entirely.

 

It may seem passive-aggressive, but you're not talking anyways, so what's the difference?

 

If she needs to "think about it", she needs to experience life without you completely. That means vanish.

 

Really really appreciate the reply. I know it's only Facebook I just feel like it sends a signal. So that's a yes I should then.

[TaraMaiden]

Hi everyone! I really hope to get to know some of you and your stories.

 

I have a pretty urgent question that i would really appreciate answering.

 

My girlfriend told me 2 nights ago out of nowhere she doesn't think she loves me anymore but needs to think about it and repeated 'this might not be the end'. I'm going full NC but there's 1 thing I'm not sure about. I know Facebook isn't the place for this stuff but it still says we are in a relationship, would me removing that be a good or bad decision right now? We didn't officially break up and I do have hope we will reconcile but this feels like an important factor.

 

Thanks guys, Toby

To add, her stance is an extremely selfish one.

Think about what she's put here, and analyse it:

 

I don't love you any more, but 'this might not be the end'.

 

In other words, what she's saying is that, "while she has found the affection for you, decidedly diminished, it would do her ego a power of good if you'd just like to twiddle your thumbs, hang ten, wait in the wings and settle yourself on the back-burner, in case nothing comes along, so eventually, you might do."

 

You're her back-up, second-option guy. She wants to find love, with someone else, but heck, if it doesn't happen, well, at least there's still you to comfort her, love her, look to her needs and be attentive.

 

Until the next time....

 

Nope.

This is a break-up.

It's over.

 

Tell her that there is no 'might not be the end'.

It's one thing or the other, there can't be no man's land' in a relationship. You're either 'in' or you're not.

 

It's like being 'slightly pregnant'. Impossible.

She can't expect to be allowed to waltz off and enjoy herself, and still expect you to wait around like some desperate puppy waiting for a walk....

[ponchsox]

The key action is not NC in itself, it's when you get to the point where you no longer have a reason to contact them. For me, it took me getting pissed off and my ex who said things after our breakup which made it very easy to say good riddance and move on (well, after a few choice words for them.)

[GeorgesIsntAtHome]

You don't want to know how they are doing (its really more than you can handle).

 

 

 

I kindda do... like REAL BAD... It might be twisted but screw it, I suffered so much for a girl who wasnt ready when I was, her life was a mess and mine wasnt, but she screwed me up, a LOT... I want to think that I was not the only one hurt in all this, she says she wants to think about things but I doubt her words, I think she's fine, moving on, that I was just a bit of fun on the rebound from her ex, and it's driving me INSANE..

 

Plus I sorta know the guy living with her, wich is a common friend... it's KILLING ME jsut to think that I could just write to him on Facebook ask him how she's doing

 

it's been two weeks now, NC, no text, nothing, I think she's fine, I'm pretty F%$"/# far from fine..

[koolkisses]

One month one week...

 

Definitely progressing though. Becoming indifferent.

[Shaine]

One week. I still feel lost.

There are times when i feel so strong, like i dont care.

But there are times when i get panic attacks, my breathe is shallow and my heart is pumping fast.

Im scared of those moments.

 

I cant apply for a job coz im too afraid i might get panic attack while applying for a job. Getting out of the house makes me feel so alone and vulnerable.

I got too dependent on him.

 

Im trying hard to remember how i was before meeting him. But i feel that is a different person. I was really happy with him.

 

I screwed up.

 

I was strong a while ago. Why am i weak again now.

[BC1980]

My moods are so up and down. One minute, I'm thinking this will be okay. The next minute, something reminds me of him, and I get sentimental. It hurts to think that he wants to live his life without me. I can't even think of the life we used to have because it's so darn painful.

 

I was so bad right after we broke up. I had anxiety, insomnia, couldn't eat. It scares me to think that I might go down into that hole again. I just can't go there. I can't let someone bring me down like that. I've got to keep my head up because there is a lot of positive in my life.

[Pa76]

I am in a horrible mood. I am now wondering who he really is or was. It's not fair that he is making me feel this way. Wish I never met him. I won't be contacting him but I want him to contact me just to see if he is human with feelings and not as selfish as I think he is. Frustrated with myself for feeling this crappy. I don't have friends here so makes it harder. All of mine are far away. Moved here thinking my life is looking up and was the right move but now I am questioning everything. Last thing I want to do is be around my happy family at holidays. I feel like sht.

[BC1980]

I am in a horrible mood. I am now wondering who he really is or was. It's not fair that he is making me feel this way. Wish I never met him. I won't be contacting him but I want him to contact me just to see if he is human with feelings and not as selfish as I think he is. Frustrated with myself for feeling this crappy. I don't have friends here so makes it harder. All of mine are far away. Moved here thinking my life is looking up and was the right move but now I am questioning everything. Last thing I want to do is be around my happy family at holidays. I feel like sht.

 

I wonder who my ex really was too. I question everything now. I'm trying really hard to have a good holiday season, but it's hard with him so absent. We've just got to make new memories.

[Shaine]

11 days NC

When im awake, i feel fine. I hate him think the break up as a blessing in disguise. I've written down many reasons why i dont like him and why a long term relationship with him is a bad idea.

 

But i always dream of him. My suppressed feelings comes back to me through dreams. I hate it. I dont have any control on it. I even dream of him when im napping. I cry and ask him why he did this to me. Why he hurt me so much. Sometimes i would dream about me telling friends we broke up and how said i am.

 

I wake up all depressed and panicky again. My heart pumping fast. The void in my heart keeps opening up.

 

I hate it. I feel like there's no escape.

[North22]

In the beginning was really awful. I had all the symptoms, physical ones I mean: throwing out, headaches, panic attacks (even in the middle of the night while I as sleeping), crying all day long, not even in the mood to take a shower, or go out (I can do that I work on projects, sometimes behind the computer), drinking in the morning (and I hate alcohol) and so on.

 

I can honestly say it's getting better. I do not know why or how, but it's getting better. Sometimes I miss him like hell, but if I will have to contact him again I do not know what I will have to say anymore, so far away I pushed all the intimacy between us. I mean I picture him like a total stranger and it helps. It helps a lot!!

[Braveheart01]

Another first day of the any NCs. Oh God, when will I ever learn.

[tem7074]

though not sure how many day 1s I have had. Have only made it 2-3 days recently before breaking it

[Mario79]

So I kinda screwed up today. I was going to meet up with this guy that was going to sell me some skates, and I also sometimes look at a last text my ex sent me in which she pretty much tells me to never speak to her again, I look at this text to remind me of how she sees me.

 

So I arrive at the location and its very crowded and I had to get some money, and I swear it was an accident, I ended up messaging my ex, saying, "Im here" which was for the guy I was going to meet. Since I didnt hear back, after 5 minutes, I realized what I had done, and then message her, "It was an accident, please dont respond", course she did, saying "dont tell me what do, and delete my number please".

 

I didnt reply to that. But I am sooooooo utterly pissed at myself. I had to stop myself from telling her, "Why the hell would I want to message someone that thinks of me as a criminal that is going to stalk you, I only keep those messages with your number to remind myself that you hate me and you are nuts, so I will keep them because you cant tell me what to do either", but I didnt say that.

[TaraMaiden]

So much for the 'No Contact' Guide.....

 

I really should amend it to indicate that you need an immense amount of will-power to follow through....

 

You should never have texted her that it was a mistake.

You already knew that, she abdicated all rights to know anything about you when it was over.... so I would have let her stew over that one.

 

Let her think you're a crazy stalker!!

 

"I'm here"....

 

"Where?! Are you following me? What the hell do you think you're up to?!"

 

Ah, paranoia is a wonderful thing!

 

[Mario79]

So much for the 'No Contact' Guide.....

 

I really should amend it to indicate that you need an immense amount of will-power to follow through....

 

You should never have texted her that it was a mistake.

You already knew that, she abdicated all rights to know anything about you when it was over.... so I would have let her stew over that one.

 

Let her think you're a crazy stalker!!

 

"I'm here"....

 

"Where?! Are you following me? What the hell do you think you're up to?!"

 

Ah, paranoia is a wonderful thing!

 

 

Haha. That would have been rich. I just didnt react that way. Damn. Now I will spend all weekend beating my self up over it.

[Meadowgreen]

It's day 11 since I NC'd you. I still cannot believe I was naive enough...deluded enough...STUPID enough to ignore my heartbreak and agree to be your friend after you so unceremoniously broke my heart.

 

Why did I EVER reply to that grovelling email all those years ago? Why would I ever think your 'let's be friends again' email was a kind move on your behalf? All it did was let you believe the status quo had returned - you, the Narcissist, had your sexless Madonna back that you could go running to for advice and a shoulder to cry on (oh, and brag endlessly to about your numerous conquests, because why would that stuff ever bother such an asexual eunuch like me?)

 

I'm glad you're gone, and it's been such an eye opener reading up about Narcissism and understanding why things fell to pieces the way it did, why you would call me things like 'beautiful' 'angel' and 'precious' but the thought of being intimate with me made you want to heave. You're a pathological mess and I truly pity any woman - Madonna, Whore or otherwise - who crosses your path. She's in for a world of hurt.

 

Those of you curious about Narcissists and the Madonna/Whore complex should read this.

[felicity1]

The physical was all that kept me, even when s**t was really bad.

/QUOTE]

 

When there is little or zero communication there is really no relationship. She obviously wanted more. ie: you can't fix s**t with sex.

[Shaine]

Just when i thought i am defeating my depression, i hit rock bottom again.

I want to die right now. I did something terrible to my younger brother. I outed him to my mother. We had a fight and he said really hurtful things to me. That i am a loner and will forever be alone. I was so hurt.

I outed him to my mom, shouted he's a faggot. That i know his secret. Im such a despicable sister. How could i do this to him.

I shouldnt have done that. He should be the one telling us. I have no right.

My God what have i done. Cant stop crying now. I just want to go crazy please now.

[TaraMaiden]

Your deep regret and remorse should be sufficient to cleanse your mind; but you must apologise unreservedly to your brother - and to your mother - for your loss of control and vindictive temper.

 

Tell your brother you realise what you did is nigh unforgivable, and that if he cannot find it in his heart to forgive you, then that is a burden you will have to carry with you until such a time as he relents.

 

You cannot FORCE forgiveness from someone; you can only be truly contrite within yourself, and forgive yourself for your transgression.

 

We all mess up deeply.

I know I have; I still occasionally get flashbacks of something I have done wrong in the past, and I experience a flash of embarrassment or shame.

 

But it's in the past. I can't change it.

I can only change me.

Leave it be. Time will pass, and other events come and go to cast a shadow over this and render it less important.

 

Emotional pain only intensifies when we give it the space to do so.

[SameOldFear]

It's been almost three weeks now. I'm not really dying to contact him anymore, but I want so badly for him to contact me even though I know he won't and if he does, I've already decided to immediately delete it. Just some kind of sign that I meant something to him. But each and every day that passes I see how little it all meant. I can't believe I thought he was someone special.

[jphcbpa]

Tara or others.. Advice on the following.

 

 

BU Sunday morning, NC since.

 

 

When leaving I say the following...

 

 

1) "I am going to proceed as if this is over and I will never see you again."

 

 

2) (I have boxes stored in her attic and furniture at her residence). "I will hire some movers to pick up my things, box up anything that you want to give back to me and my son. I will not be here when the movers come."

 

 

 

 

I have an appt. scheduled for the movers on Jan 11th, Saturday. My thought was to text her in the coming days with the following: "Movers are scheduled for Jan 11th, 8:30 am. Does this day work for you?"

 

 

I would like advice on if that is a good approach and when I should send the said text. My thought was to wait until the new year.

 

 

Suggestions?

[SameOldFear]

Tara or others.. Advice on the following.

 

 

BU Sunday morning, NC since.

 

 

When leaving I say the following...

 

 

1) "I am going to proceed as if this is over and I will never see you again."

 

 

2) (I have boxes stored in her attic and furniture at her residence). "I will hire some movers to pick up my things, box up anything that you want to give back to me and my son. I will not be here when the movers come."

 

 

 

 

I have an appt. scheduled for the movers on Jan 11th, Saturday. My thought was to text her in the coming days with the following: "Movers are scheduled for Jan 11th, 8:30 am. Does this day work for you?"

 

 

I would like advice on if that is a good approach and when I should send the said text. My thought was to wait until the new year.

 

 

Suggestions?

 

I would suggest anytime that's not past 6 or so at night or before 10 in the morning. Just so it's not like either of you just woke up or about to go to bed. Just make sure the conversation stays on that, nothing else. If she tries to steer it in a different direction, give her very short, but polite and formal, one or two word answers that she can't build any conversation off of.