kourix Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 this is actually a simple question which i didn't use to have problems with, in my country, when two people make plans to meet, there would usually be a confirmation the night before that we're actually still going ahead and meeting. eg. let's hang on sat blah blah, and he'll text me the night before at least to "confirm" that yes, we will be meeting the next day. however, i've been dating a couple of guys that aren't from my country - the previous guy i dated was like that - he would seldom confirm after we agreed on a time and place and simply show up at the time and place(even if he did confirm occasionally, it'd be like 2 hours before meeting up and only because we didn't set a time before). there's this guy i've been talking to and a few days ago he texted me this: x: wanna meet on sun for lunch? me: yup, sounds good x: okay i'll see you then, let's reconnect before it's tomorrow. however, we haven't been texting so i'm not sure if we're still on? i THINK i'm supposed to meet this guy tomorrow but hasn't "confirmed" a place or time, just that it's lunch. and h hasn't "reconnected". usually i wouldn't mind texting to "confirm", but i don't want to come off over-eager and insecure - i don't know if this is how it'll look like to european guys. maybe they're usually just really casual? this is just weird for me, but is this the way western cultures do it? coz' i kinda tried googling it and it seems like this is a very normal occurence that they don't text until perhaps the day of the "date itself". the problem i have now though is that we haven't decided on a time nor place to meet, and it's sat night here now, and supposedly, we're supposed to meet for sunday lunch. is it alright to text him or wait for him to text me tmr morning? like i've said, don't wanna come off too desperate... but it's giving me this awkward, uncomfortable feeling because i hate not knowing if something is still going on or might be cancelled. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 'Norms' vary by location and person. IMO, communicate your own norms and leave it at that. Here's what I do... Me- 'I'd love to take you out to dinner on Friday' Her- 'That sounds great. Where do you want to go?' Me- 'xxxx.... how about I pick you up/meet you at 7?' Her- 'OK, I'll see you then' Me- 'Wonderful. If something unexpected occurs and I need to cancel or reschedule, I'll call you right away' The last part is my 'style'. I only call (not text, not e-mail, not carrier pigeon) if my plans change due to an unexpected event. I don't demand or request anything of the other person. If their style is synergistic, then we are compatible in that way. If other, then that. Have I been 'stood up' and cancelled on at the last minute? Sure. Many times. While sometimes annoying and occasionally hurtful, those events are also really good information. They're gifts. It all depends how one views the circumstances. It's a choice. Link to post Share on other sites
tachan Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I dont think there is any problem of sending a txt to see what is going on. Just txt once see what happens. If you dont hear from him the day of Id make other plans! Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 If you don't hear from him by this evening, then text him and ask if you are still on for lunch tomorrow, and if he responds, then set the time and place. It's not desperate to want to confim a date that was already planned. Link to post Share on other sites
DuchessKaye Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Hit him up, ask him if you two are still on, see how he reacts, I don't think you've got anything to lose. And next time you agree to see each other, set up the time and location right off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Hard for me to answer. I make specific plans (date and time on said date, and specific place) and then text either the morning of or the evening before to confirm. I'm weird that way... Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Hit him up, ask him if you two are still on, see how he reacts, I don't think you've got anything to lose. And next time you agree to see each other, set up the time and location right off. I agree with this. I will add that it is on him as the initiator and the man to be the one to set real definite plans. The guy in the OP's instance isn't doing his job. Link to post Share on other sites
turt Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 The ****? I've never heard of something like this. If you have plans with a time/location why would you need to confirm? Sure if you haven't set a specific time you need to establish that at some point but otherwise I don't see the point. Exactly, what kind of person would decide not to go and never say a thing about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 The ****? I've never heard of something like this. If you have plans with a time/location why would you need to confirm? Sure if you haven't set a specific time you need to establish that at some point but otherwise I don't see the point. I agree with you in principle. It doesn't sound to me that a specific time and place was set here though. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 A "looking forward to lunch tomorrow!" or whatever is nice, but an actual confirmation of "hey we are still going right?" or something is...unnecessary imo. If no one has cancelled...and you have plans...why wouldn't they still be on? Link to post Share on other sites
rocketman122 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Im having the same issue as you. Im on an online dating site and im a bit perplexed on whats going on with the woman. the last 3 weeks I had 4 woman agree to dates. some could not do the days I suggested and all gave counter offers. here's the list 1- put me in her favorites hinting she was interested. sent her a message and we agreed to a day/time and place. sent her message the night before..and nothing 2-we played the profile peeking ping pong game a few times. sent her a message. we chatted through the site and agreed to a day and place, but no time was set and she said she would call me so we can finalize. she never did. but texted me the next day saying she was sick. I ignored her. 3-same as #2 so sent her message and she replied "hey, call me" and I did an hour later. she never answered. sent her a text. she didnt answer. she sent me one later in the eve and said she'll call tomorrow and we can talk. she never did. 2 days later she clicked on my profile twice. I didnt show interest by clicking on hers. 4-last/recent one is older by 13 years and after she clicked a few times in 2 days, I sent her a message saying the distance is the only issue. a week later she clicked on my profile a few days ago and I thought its best I at least meet her before I decide. she sent me an email and we wrote back and forth a few times. she said she would be in my area this monday and tonight in the evening she'll call so we can finalize. I suggested a place but have not heard from her. I may be petty but I have no patience for those who arent serious. I simply walk away. I refuse playing the dating/ego game. I give one chance. if youre serious then fine. yes yes no no. makeup your mind. it seems to me many woman say theyre looking for something serious but what I see is that many are simply looking for something convenient, or simply just get their ego's boosted but arent looking for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 I won't even get dressed without a confirmation, I'm the same with meetings and everything else. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 i would never ask for a confirmation. it's like saying "here, think of a reason to flake on me". as soon as i get a place time that's it, if you want to flake you're gonna have to do it on your own, i'm not gonna invite it. Link to post Share on other sites
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