I want to be costodial parent and i am the father. how do i make it happen.

[OWENRICH]

I NEED ADVICE... I live in Kentucky and my wife wants a divorce. her reason is she is no longer attracted to me and doesnt love me anymore. that is all i can get out of her. she doesnt want to go to counciliing because she says talking to someone cant change how she feels.

 

My concern now is that she is out running around every night and is very confused. she has a anger problem and yell at our 3 year old son in his face all the time such as " shut the f---- up" "eat your damn food" and this is at the top of her lungs . of couse he crys and then i have to play ref and fix things. she want me to leave the house and support her while she continues to be a stay at home mom. i only make $15.00 and hour and that doesnt go very far. her parrents think she should try to work things out but she wont talk to them at all.

 

I want to be the costodial parent what do i need to do since i am the father i know the stack is against me to start with. I can get plenty of poeple to babysit free of charge and i know a good day care. I would even agree to my wife taking care of him while I work but i want him to live with me. my whole life now is my son if it is over and he is very important to me. my wife wants me to move out and and her keep him since she is the mother and can take care of him only the way a mother can. I believe she needs time away from him to think things out and get her feeling sin order since she has so much anger built up toward me. she doesnt agree and doesnt think she has any problems except that i am here.

 

I really dont want to give up on our marriage but i cant force her to go to a counsler can I???

 

Again i ask what do i need to to to keep my son with me and let us have joint custody????????

 

her parents agree she needs anger management help and should also try to fix the marriage and not just give up. I have only known about these problems for a month. I guess my head has been in the sand. We were even trying to have a second child starting a few months earlier. her parents are not happy with her at all.

[StartingAgain]

You need a very, very good lawyer. An expensive one. Sorry my friend, but you have a penis and fathers are almost never given custody of the children, especially one so young. Your only hope is to prove her unfit. That's not easy to do and you can expect a long and bitter court battle that you will probably loose. Remember, in our society, we have come to regard the father's role as little more than providing cash. It sucks, but that's the way it is.

[sportsloving]

I agree that you are going to need an attorney, but I don't agree that the cards are stacked against you just because you are the father. If you seriously believe that your wife is need of counseling for anger, you can petition for her to be evulated and then if the court can order her counseling (if needed). It would be helpful for your case if her parents were willing to submit statements about her outbursts and such.

 

Contacting an attorney is your first step. Start a journal of everything she does in relation to your son, if she yells at him .. what he did and how she responded. Document everything, it comes in handy. If you feel your child is in physcial danger, by all means contact the authorities.

 

Best of luck to you.

[StartingAgain]

You make good points about documentation, sprotsloving. It is highly unlikey, though, that her parents would side against their own daughter. Blood is thicker than water. And the cards *are* stacked against him. There are only a handful of states where family court judges do not procceed on the base assumption that the mother is the best primary custodian of young children. Men's rights groups have been fighting this bias for years now, but not making much headway. there are a few states that have reformed their costodial considerations, but they aren't in the South. Generally, the best a man can hope for in the South is a joint custodial agreement. Unless the mother doesn't want custody, the man is almost never granted primary or soul custody. The only way to do it is to demonstrate that the mother is unfit. This is very hard to do. A court-ordered psychological evaluation of the mother may reveal that she has some problems, but it would have to be proven that she is a clear and immenent danger to her children. This rarely happens and the mother's attorney will submit evidence that the court's psychologist was wrong in his/her evaluation.

 

I have a friend whose wife had been in mental hospitals several times over the course of their marriage. She'd tried to kill herself twice, had a cocaine problem, was sexually promiscuous, and was verbally abusive to their children. When she left him for some guy she picked up in a bar, he filed for divorce and asked for sole custody. The court-appointed psychologist found her to be very unstable and recommended that the father be granted custody. Her attorney submitted an affidavit from a psychologist stating that the woman was suffering the lingering affects of having been sexually abused by her father as a child, that she was in therapy and progressing remarkably well, and was in drug rehabilitation. My friend spent about $60,000 in an effort to get custody. But in the end, the court awarded her custody and required her psychologist make regular reports on her progress to DFCS. The way he was finally given custody was when, two years later, she hooked up with a new fellow, dumped the kids on her parents and disappeared. He petitioned the court for soul custody and it was granted. But the damage was done. His children had been subjected to two years of this toxic woman. He immediately got them into therapy.

[Lester]

I feel for you and it will be tough. It will also cost you but dont give up. Your child is worth it. My wife just basically turned her back on everything and walked out. My son is 15 and has been living with me every since. When she finally decided to get a divorce, which I was totally against, she said she wanted custody of him. I said no. He is old enough to decide where he wants to live and that will be with me. She said ok but she wants joint custody. In reply I told her I wanted to be the custodial parent. when she said no I told her ok then you pay me child support and I'll take half your teachers retirement which I'm entitled since I sent her to school after we were married. This changed her mind and she gave in without a fight.

 

I know my story is different than your but you can win if you have the fight in you.