"There isn't going to be a next time, sorry"

[John Stiles]

Yes indeed.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Ok but let's not nitpick.

 

What I really want to focus on is psychology. What could lead a girl to have such a sudden change of mind despite having so obviously enjoyed literally every minute of it? The issue about my comments on her pictures was resolved even before we met so I don't think that has snything to do with it. If it were a problem she probably wouldn't have met me at all.

 

Well, you really don't seem open at all to the possibility that you may have misread this girl. Seriously. But that is probably the answer to your inquiry - it all happened because you did not read her correctly.

 

Also, your whole presentation of yourself and the interactions do not appear to be from a man who is "just looking for sex." I bet YOU were very difficult to read and confusing yourself.

 

A "player" who is hoping to get laid would probably not share that he might have a panic attack on the first meeting, for example. Nothing wrong with that - very honest of you - but in general, sharing things like that with a stranger sends a message of something more, or different, anyway, than casual sex being possible.

[John Stiles]

Well, you really don't seem open at all to the possibility that you may have misread this girl. Seriously. But that is probably the answer to your inquiry - it all happened because you did not read her correctly.

 

Also, your whole presentation of yourself and the interactions do not appear to be from a man who is "just looking for sex." I bet YOU were very difficult to read and confusing yourself.

 

A "player" who is hoping to get laid would probably not share that he might have a panic attack on the first meeting, for example. Nothing wrong with that - very honest of you - but in general, sharing things like that with a stranger sends a message of something more, or different, anyway, than casual sex being possible.

 

If I wasn't open to the possibility that I may have misread her, I wouldn't have started this thread. The whole point is to see if there is anything new to realise about her, or if in fact I already know what needs to be known, whichever may be the case. I don't know yet, hence this thread.

 

I'm sure I was difficult to read. I wanted sex, yet I wanted to get to know her too, and I didn't want to do it that night (nor was I able to). I'm sure she wasn't used to that. However, I did tell her that we wouldn't be having sex that night. I could have lied and led her on but that's not my style. Maybe my honesty seemed unbelieveable to her, due to past experiences or whatever. Who knows.

 

I had to tell her that I have a bit of a panic thing going on. It doesn't mean I can't want sex. The whole thing is an unfortunate series of misunderstandings on her part (as far as I can tell) because I was very honest with her.

 

By contrast, her behaviour was extremely contradictory. Telling me (before we met) that she didn't want to meet because she wanted more, and then the very next day sending me text messages saying that she wants me to f u c k her. Agreeing that it was just going to be a brief meeting with no sex, and then getting increasingly sexually suggestive and then getting disappointed when it wasn't going to happen and wondering why I didn't want to take her home. Despite me having repeatedly told her that I can't do that (because my flat wasn't ready) and also because it would be best to build some comfort between us first, not to mention my anxiety thing.

 

So you see, when you look at this properly, it's clear that she shot herself in the foot. She's a nice girl but she just a made a mistake, by building up her hopes of coming back to mine, despite all evidence that it wasn't going to happen.

 

It's not always the guy who gets it wrong. Sometimes girls do it too. She she didn't do anything wrong in a moral sense, she just got mixed up. I can actually understand it, it could happen to anyone.

[Ruby Slippers]

Your evaluation is pretty good. I can tell you have actually paid attention.

Thanks

 

The problem is this, though. If this girl has self esteem issues, and if ultimately the reason for the text is because she felt weird about having sex with someone without knowing if she's liked as a person, then me telling her that I really like her is going to make it worse, because although I think she's nice, I don't want to lead her on and cause her greater self esteem issues.

I disagree. She WANTS you to like her. She just thinks you're too cute or whatever, and she's too fat, so you couldn't possibly. It's messed-up thinking, but I used to think like that, so I get it. She went back and forth on just having sex with you probably because even though she knew ****ing a stranger wasn't the best idea, she's probably horny and thinks you're sexy, so it was tempting.

 

Whatever the reason for her text, I have no doubt in my mind that she really likes me.

I think you're right. The problem is that she doubts that YOU really like HER.

 

And actually, during our time, I behaved in a way that made her feel very comfortable, and liked. I paid her lots of compliments, teased her in a way that made her laugh, listetend to what she said, and there was lots of rapport.

Anyone can be nice for one date. She's not going to believe you really like her unless you show that CONSISTENTLY. And yeah, it looks like she's throwing up obstacles for you to overcome - if you choose to negotiate these obstacles, then she will really be reassured that you like her. If not, she'll conclude you just weren't that into her.

 

I'm not saying her behavior is healthy or smart - but to me, as a woman recovering from my own self-esteem issues, it seems pretty transparent.

 

You seem to want to keep analyzing the situation and placing blame on her instead of yourself. None of this really matters. If you like her and want to date her, do what you need to do. If you think it's too much work, then move on.

[John Stiles]

Ruby,

 

Really, I'm not trying to put the blame on her. Why should I place the blame on myself? Why should I place it on her? I'm merely pointing out or hinting at what you yourself have said : she really likes me. And she's mixed up and acted strange.

 

No one did anything wrong, but if anyone made a mistake it's her. I was honest, she has issues, she got mixed up, surely you would agree with that judging from your post just now.

 

It's not that I don't understand or sympathise with her self esteem issues.

 

If she wants me to like her, fair enough. I do like her. She's ok. But I don't want to lead her on. I don't want her to be my girlfriend (although hey, who knows, but at the moment I don't think she's someone I would want in that way). What I want is to just enjoy her company and do the other thing, and that's it, unless I change my mind.

 

There's no way to attain that without giving her the wrong impression. I don't want some girl who's seriously into me getting into bed with me thinking that I want or might one day want more. It's not worth upsetting and disappointing her however much I want some action.

 

The only positive outcome that involves seeing her again is one in which she pulls her socks up and gets with it and just enjoys it for what it is, and deals with the self esteem issues. I don't think that's likely to happen any time soon but there you go.

 

By the way we all have self esteem issues. Having her around me would make me feel good, but it's not necessarily the best thing, for her.

Edited July 30, 2012 by John Stiles

[Mme. Chaucer]

If I wasn't open to the possibility that I may have misread her, I wouldn't have started this thread. The whole point is to see if there is anything new to realise about her, or if in fact I already know what needs to be known, whichever may be the case. I don't know yet, hence this thread.

 

 

Well, that is never going to be possible unless we can hear her perspective of the story straight from her, which is not happening.

 

I really think that if you are looking for casual sex, you need to keep things much more light and not analyze so much.

 

Have you had successful experiences with casual sex much in your life so far? What about deeper relationships?

[Ruby Slippers]

Really, I'm not trying to put the blame on her. Why should I place the blame on myself? Why should I place it on her? I'm merely pointing out or hinting at what you yourself have said : she really likes me. And she's mixed up and acted strange.

You both sound kinda mixed up, and you've both acted strange. Both of you waffled about what you were actually looking for.

 

No one did anything wrong, but if anyone made a mistake it's her. I was honest, she has issues, she got mixed up, surely you would agree with that judging from your post just now.

I think you both did things wrong and were unclear.

 

If she wants me to like her, fair enough. I do like her. She's ok.

Yeah, that's not going to be good enough for her. She doesn't want to be a warm body for some guy who thinks she's OK.

 

But I don't want to lead her on. I don't want her to be my girlfriend (although hey, who knows, but at the moment I don't think she's someone I would want in that way). What I want is to just enjoy her company and do the other thing, and that's it, unless I change my mind.

Right. And that will not be enough for her - so I guess she read you very well and made her decision.

 

There's no way to attain that without giving her the wrong impression. I don't want some girl who's seriously into me getting into bed with me thinking that I want or might one day want more. It's not worth upsetting and disappointing her however much I want some action.

I'm glad you realize this. The only way to get what you want at this point would be to pretend to be into her for more - and that would be really mean and shady.

 

The only positive outcome that involves seeing her again is one in which she pulls her socks up and gets with it and just enjoys it for what it is, and deals with the self esteem issues. I don't think that's likely to happen any time soon but there you go.

That won't happen. A woman like her would rather get with an OK guy who thinks she's amazing than a really cute guy who can take her or leave her. He'll treat her better and the sex will probably be much better, too.

 

By the way we all have self esteem issues. Having her around me would make me feel good, but it's not necessarily the best thing, for her.

I think it's clear that it's not. Move on and leave her alone. She has correctly identified you as a guy who isn't interested in dating her but just wants to get laid. Any contact from you at this point is just going to give her a sick feeling.

Edited July 30, 2012 by Ruby Slippers

[John Stiles]

Ruby,

 

I know what she did that was mixed up. Here's a list :

 

* She blocked me (on the dating site), then unblocked me, then blocked me again, without explaining why. Instead she decided to wait for me to come to her and ask. My point is that you don't block and unblock then block someone. It's too much drama. It's best to talk about things.

 

* She claimed to be ok with the sex thing, and thanked me for my honesty, then hinted that she wanted more, then the next day sent me sexually suggestive texts. When we spoke on the phone I explained that although I'm open to whatever happens (see? I did do that), it's best just to see what happens and maybe have some fun along the way. She agreed (by the way on her profile it says that she's looking for " fun ".

 

* She agreed to meet me for an hour, and then let it go on for 3 hours, with loads of sexual hints and innuendo.

 

* She had a very good time and then ended it.

 

Mixed messages, I think you'll agree. Who's leading who on now?

 

By contrast, I was consistent. So if you think I acted in a mixed up way, I'd really like to know. Seriously, I'm curious, because if there is something that I did wrong, I need to know and learn from it. The only thing I can think of is that I was very charming and nice to her, which may have given her the impression that I wanted more. Well I'm sorry but I can't help making an effort and trying my best to get a girl to be attracted to me. That's the whole point, right? I'm hardly going to put my worst foot forward. So do tell me what I did wrong, or what was mixed up or inconsistent or wrong or unclear about my behaviour or anything I said. I really want to know.

 

I don't think she read me well at all. Here's the truth : I want a girlfriend, but until I find the right girl I want to enjoy the company of many girls. Nothing wrong about that. In fact it's perfectly normal and actually a very good thing to do. She read me wrong because she assumed that just because I said the word sex, that it meant that's all I'm ever interested in. She judged me wrong.

 

Girls have a habit of seeing things in black and white. They don't see the nuances. You say "sex" and they think that's all you want. Very simplistic, and bad judgment.

 

So her final decision was based on whichever direction the wind was blowing that day.

 

By the way I treat females very well. Even if I don't want much with her. As long as we get on.

 

Another mistake that women make is to define things too early on. I can't say I blame them, it's the slut complex. Women like sex, but they don't want to be seen as sluts. It's very deeply ingrained. So when a guy shows up and says hey, let's have fun, and if it works nicely for both of us and we get on great, who knows, they can't handle it, because it means, in their head, that they're a slut.

 

If I made anything which could even remotely be called a mistake, it's using the word sex. I should have used her own term, which was " fun " (that's literally what she said on her profile). But in my defense, it's important to be straight. She ain't gonna do it, and someone has to. Mind you I don't think ultimately it would have made much difference to be honest. But perhaps I should have been less explicit. Apart from that, I was straight with her about everything. Maybe the word sex put her off (even though she herself flirted a lot with me and said she wanted to go back to mine, so go figure). And also, she said that she wanted me to take her home and f u c k her. My use of the word sex is nowhere near as explicit as that.

 

We were speaking the same language, but different dialects. Her dialect circumvented the slut complex, whereas mine unfortunately didn't. But, and this is a big but, she did meet me nevertheless.

 

She's a victim of her own hangup.

 

I wouldn't at all be surprised if she contacted me within the next few weeks. And that's not just my opinion. I spoke to someone today and gave her (it was a woman) all the details that I've outlined here, and her opinion is that this girl was manipulating me. I wouldn't go that far but she was certainly mixed up or something.

Edited July 30, 2012 by John Stiles

[Ruby Slippers]

By contrast, I was consistent. So if you think I acted in a mixed up way, I'd really like to know. Seriously, I'm curious, because if there is something that I did wrong, I need to know and learn from it.

 

OK, here goes:

 

On my profile I very subtly hinted that what I'm after, at least for now, is sex.

Your "subtle" (but loud and clear to women) message = "I just want sex."

 

At one point I decided to make it extra clear of what I wanted so that there was no confusion. She was fine with it.

You reiterated the message: "I just want sex."

 

I asked her if she wanted to meet on a friday, in a pub near me, just for an hour or so, because I sometimes get a bit panicky / anxious and I told her this and she was fine with it.

This is kind of a strange message from a guy just looking for sex. You're revealing your panic and anxiety, which isn't something most people do with someone they're just looking to have sex with. And you're saying just for an hour, which is also odd coming from a guy who just wants sex. Most guys who just want sex want to get right down to it. If they had their way, most would just go straight to her house.

 

So, at first you're saying you just want sex, then you're... softening it a little. And then the date meant you lost either way:

 

Possibility #1: She just wanted sex. Outcome: You didn't close the deal.

Possibility #2: She wanted more. Outcome: You didn't communicate the same or give her the impression you wanted that.

 

So it's back to what I originally told you: If all you wanted was sex, you should have communicated that clearly and consistently, then followed through. If you'd done that, you might have a FWB by now.

 

Pick a side, and stay there: sex only, or relationship. This will dramatically simplify the process and get you much better results.

 

I don't think she read me well at all. Here's the truth : I want a girlfriend, but until I find the right girl I want to enjoy the company of many girls. Nothing wrong about that. In fact it's perfectly normal and actually a very good thing to do. She read me wrong because she assumed that just because I said the word sex, that it meant that's all I'm ever interested in. She judged me wrong.

No, she gets it. She just can't respect herself if she has sex with a guy who sees her as filler. And that's a good thing. If you want easy sex, you'll have to find a weaker girl with less self-respect - or a girl who just enjoys casual sex and doesn't want a relationship.

 

Girls have a habit of seeing things in black and white. They don't see the nuances. You say "sex" and they think that's all you want. Very simplistic, and bad judgment.

Girls who want a relationship do see men more in black and white - relationship material, or sex material. She decided to try you out as sex material, but you didn't close the deal, so she's moved on.

 

She's a victim of her own hangup.

She's probably already moved on to one of the next 10 guys from online dating who want to meet her. No offense, but guys who just want sex without commitment are 90% of the guys hunting for girls online. But I commend you for not pretending to be into her and wanting a relationship when you're not. That would be really shady.

Edited July 30, 2012 by Ruby Slippers

[John Stiles]

　

Ruby,

 

I didn't say anything that could reasonably be translated as "I just want sex". If I say apple, there's nothing to stop you from you from translating that as "only apple", but that doesn't mean your translation is reasonable (based on reason) or accurate. I accept that people make incorrect translations. I accept that this probably is what happened. I don't accept that what I told her can reasonably be construed as "I just want sex". Unreasonably translated, yes. Reasonably translated, no. There's a distinction.

 

　

 

To clarify, here's what I remember saying about it :

 

　

 

On my profile, I said "I think I'm quite sensual and I hope you are too". This is the only reference to anything that could be be construed as sexual. But I didn't say anything else like that on my profile.

 

When we chatted, I made it clear that what I want at the moment is sex. I did not rule out anything else. I may have even hinted or mentioned that I am open to something more.

 

When we spoke on the phone, I made it explicitly clear that although I'm open to whataver, my focus at the moment is having fun / sex, and then see what happens.

 

Add all that up, and the correct and reasonable translation is :

 

"Although I'd like a girlfriend, right now I don't want to be thinking about that. If you turn out to be suitable, then let's do that, but for now, let's have fun". Put another way, let's not stop seeing each other if we're not suitable. Instead, let's have fun.

 

　

 

Revealing my anxiety is something that I have absolutely no choice but to do. Meeting someone in that situation could potentially be very nervewracking. I had to tell her. If you know anyone who has my issue, ask them and they'll tell you the same. It's not something that I can play games with. I must tell people. It may seem strange, but all it takes is a bit of consideration and knowledge of how common anxiety is to realise that it's most probably true, and not a lie or an excuse to leave if I don't like her or anything like that. There's no reason for her to think I was lying, except paranoia on her part, but I can't help that.

 

I'm not most guys. I have an anxiety issue, and I like to get to know someone just a little bit. Meeting for an hour kills 2 birds with 1 stone. If we all judged each other on what most guys or most girtls do, and never deviated from that, we'd never get anywhere. My aim was to put her and myself at ease. I'm sorry that most females aren't used to that.

 

　

 

And let's not forget that she agreed to all of the above. I can't be responsible for her confusion.

 

 

How many times do I have to say that I did communicate that I wanted sex? I'm running out of ways of doing it.

 

I'm sorry but you don't get it, and neither did she. Where are you getting these ideas from? A filler? Who said she was only going to be a filler? How do I even know that? How do I know what's going to happen? Don't you know that sometimes in life you can't know everything that's going to happen, and therefore it's best to go with the flow? Is that stupid, or is it very wise?

 

By the way it's ironic that you say I should find a weaker girl with less self respect. I have had a range of opinions on this, from one extreme to another. I'm arrogant, I'm an a ss hole, I'm a nice guy, she's got very low self esteem, she read me well, she was confused, she manipulated me etc etc etc etc etc. It's unbelievable how much opinion varies on this. But only I know the full story.

 

We live in a perverse culture, because it always assumes that the guy is a dog, and women never make mistakes. There's a bias where it always has to be the guy's fault. Men have to be in touch with their feminine side, and understand women, but women don't need to do any of that because men are simple creatures, who are so stupid that there could not ever possibly be any nuances to their behaviour. This disgusts me. Men have to crack code after code while women swan around sending a thousand mixed signals while not bothering to figure out that there's a world outside their head, and that other people have their thought processes and motivations too.

 

By the way I'm enjoying this chat, don't take it badly, it's going well. I just got a bit carried away at the end there.

[John Stiles]

It's not a case of me not closing the deal. There was no deal involving sex. The deal was to meet for a while. I kept to the deal. She changed the deal without my agreement. Then she was disappointed. That is not my fault.

[Ruby Slippers]

It's cool. No offense, but I have reached my threshold of interest for analyzing this specific story.

 

But I will tell you what stands out in your communication:

 

I'm sorry but you don't get it, and neither did she.

You have this strong need to be right. It's your ego talking. Eventually you'll learn that nobody is all wrong or all right, and nothing is all black or all white. And more importantly, being right is not as important as learning from mistakes and missteps and growing.

 

I understand the situation pretty well from the text-only info provided here, and I'm sure this woman interpreted the situation as best she could, too.

 

Don't you know that sometimes in life you can't know everything that's going to happen, and therefore it's best to go with the flow?

Sure. But when a man implores a woman to "go with the flow", we've learned that that pretty accurately translates to: "Just have sex with me without asking for any love in return."

 

We live in a perverse culture, because it always assumes that the guy is a dog, and women never make mistakes. There's a bias where it always has to be the guy's fault. Men have to be in touch with their feminine side, and understand women, but women don't need to do any of that because men are simple creatures, who are so stupid that there could not ever possibly be any nuances to their behaviour.

I disagree. My female friends and I are always talking about male behavior and where it's coming from, trying to understand. I'm dating a great guy now, and I'm reading relationship books that discuss the differences between men and women - what we want, how we tend to communicate, and so on. If I am tempted to interpret his normal male behavior as uncaring or whatever, I revisit this material and see it from another perspective, and then I relax and stop worrying that he doesn't like me. I'm doing this because I like him and want to understand him better, so we can get along better. It seems to be working.

 

Whatever "go with the flow" wavelength you are currently on, this woman is NOT on the same wavelength. So let it go. Move on and look for someone who is on your wavelength. In my opinion, as long as you're being honest, any relationship is valid. It's fine to be as casual or serious as you want - as long as you're not lying and leading someone on.

[Mme. Chaucer]

OP -

 

Just from reading your posts on this thread, I personally believe I have a pretty good idea about why this girl could have decided that that going forward with YOU would not have been a good idea.

 

I'm talking about the way YOU are coming off, independent of her own issues, or whatever.

 

I suggest you take it easy in the future. If you are looking for casual sex, don't make such an epic deal out of it. She's either DTF with YOU right now, or at least very soon, or she is not.

 

Casual hookups don't warrant even a fraction of this … whatever you'd call it.

[John Stiles]

Ruby,

 

The irony is that all of us have a tendancy to think we're right. Whenever anyone ever says anything, it's because that is what they think. It would be dishonest and silly if I pretended to agree with you. It's not ego, it's just saying what one thinks. I don't have to agree with you. I already know that sometimes no one is all right or wrong, you don't need to tell me that. And it is impossible to learn while having a dialogue without actually having the dialogue, and that involves expressing one's opinion, including when one disagrees. I'm not doing anything which aren't also doing.

 

I'm sure she interpreted the situation as best as she could too. What I'm saying is that she made up a story in her head, which was not based on reality. The reality that I made abundantly clear to her. I didn't lie to her and I didn't lead her on. All I can do is be honest and what she makes of it is up to her, not up to me.

 

My comments about living in a perverse culture etc wasn't aimed at you. It was aimed at the trend that is there in general.

 

Of course she's not on my wavelength. It doesn't mean that her judgment was based on reason, and it doesn't mean that I misled her, even if she may have had that belief. By the way I'm not in the slightest bit bothered about her. It is the knowledge of the situation that intrigues me. The girl herself is neither here nor there. Would you tell someone who is studying for a degree to let it go? Same here, it's about learning, and believe me I've taken everything that everyone has said on board. But just as they have a right to give feedback, I have every right to give feedback on their feedback. It's a dialogue.

 

Thanks for your comments.

[John Stiles]

OP -

 

Just from reading your posts on this thread, I personally believe I have a pretty good idea about why this girl could have decided that that going forward with YOU would not have been a good idea.

 

I'm talking about the way YOU are coming off, independent of her own issues, or whatever.

 

I suggest you take it easy in the future. If you are looking for casual sex, don't make such an epic deal out of it. She's either DTF with YOU right now, or at least very soon, or she is not.

 

Casual hookups don't warrant even a fraction of this … whatever you'd call it.

 

Whenever I'm curious about something, I go to to town with it. And it always pays off because my efforts always lead to better understanding. When I want to get to the bottom of something, I exhaust it like crazy until I either get it or I find out that it can't be understood. That's just me, and no one here is obliged to take part in this. My intensity about wanting to understand this situation isn't for everyone, it may even make some people here want to pull out their hair, but they have a choice not to take part.

 

I didn't make an epic deal about sex during the situation. I am however making a big deal about everything on this forum, because this is a discussion about the event, not the event itself. The event was very casual and light. Don't think for a moment that I was like this while it was happening. Like I say, if my intensity is too much, you don't have to be part of it, but if you have any feedback it's always welcome. But I will respond, and sometimes disagree.

[It's Just Me]

You have this strong need to be right.

 

Thanks, Ruby. Full stop. End of story. That was abundantly clear a while ago, and I'm glad you said it.

[John Stiles]

That's very arrogant, and hypocritical.

[Emilia]

That's very arrogant, and hypocritical.

 

Q.E.D. hahaha

[John Stiles]

Yes, it's arrogant and hypocritical.

 

Just because I ask for feedback, it doesn't put you in the position of being infallible. Your advice isn't carved in gold and handed down from the heavens. To believe that your feedback is immune from criticism is arrogant. And to accuse me of being arrogant simply for not always agreeing with it is hypocritical. Would you think I'm arrogant if I praised all the advice given to me? I bet you wouldn't.

[Kamille]

I think the main reason posters are reacting the way they are is that you seem to place all the "fault" on her. Whenever someone suggests you might also have seemed wishy-washy, you reject their input.

 

Personally, I don't care. I wasn't there and what your take away from this situation will either help you better identify further potential dates (does she seem wishy-washy?) or communicate your own desires better.

[John Stiles]

I think the main reason posters are reacting the way they are is that you seem to place all the "fault" on her. Whenever someone suggests you might also have seemed wishy-washy, you reject their input.

 

Personally, I don't care. I wasn't there and what your take away from this situation will either help you better identify further potential dates (does she seem wishy-washy?) or communicate your own desires better.

 

When I say something I back it up. When people here say something, mostly they don't back it up. If anyone wants to say that I did anything wrong, that's ok, but they have to back it up, and more to the point, they have to back it up with something that makes sense and is based on what I make a lot of effort to explain clearly.

 

An example is someone yesterday repeatedly telling me that I acted strangely and my behaviour was confusing or contradictory. That's fair enough. The problem is, they never backed that up. I disputed that and all of a sudden I'm the ignorant one.

 

So, yes, I reject their input, because it's nothing other than claims without backup. Give me some feedback based on reality and having actually listened, and I'll take it seriously.

 

And it's very telling to consider that I've explained what happened to people outside of this forum, and guess what, their opinions have been very different to those that have been given here, because they listened to what I said and when in doubt, they asked questions, rather than shooting off opinions without having a grasp of what they're on about.

 

That's forums for you. People read a couple of lines, jump to a conclusion, shoot it off like it's gospel, and the get all uptight when they're told that what they're saying isn't based on reality. It's not opinions that bug me, it's baseless opinions based on big inaccuracies that bug me. And it's extra annoying considering the lengths and the time that I've taken to try and be as clear as possible, only to have my efforts amount to nothing. You don't have to take part in this thread but if you do at least have the courtesy to try to grasp what happened, and the humility to accept that I was there and they weren't and therefore I can say what happened from experience and they can't.

[John Stiles]

I just got an email from her a while ago (I didn't contact her first, and as yet I haven't replied). It was long, but here's the gist of it. I'll break it down into the basic points that she made :

 

* She had a really good time with me on friday. It was the best date she's ever had. She said that I treated her better than anyone has ever treated her.

 

* She very much did want to come back to my place.

 

* After she got home, she realised that because she had been so excited at the prospect of coming back to mine, she didn't stop to think that I couldn't accomodate her that night. She basically got carried away and forgot that I couldn't, and that I didn't want to anyway, not on the first meeting. She now appreciates that.

 

* The reason for the text is that she really likes me a lot and found herself confused. She didn't elaborate on that.

 

* She's been waiting for me to contact her, but couldn't wait any more.

 

* She wants to see me again.

 

 

 

It's pretty much as I expected. I'm glad she's emailed me, and I may email her back soon.

[It's Just Me]

I wish her the best of luck.

[Mme. Chaucer]

oh, lord. I hope you decide to NOT email her back.

[USCGAviator]

I get the impression you don't know what your doing.