"There isn't going to be a next time, sorry"

[robaday]

Ive had this happen a number of times. A girl has come on strong, Ive tried to play it cool, reject a date or two, then when I want to see her, she gives the lets just be friends line.

 

Its this - I think she knew by your admitting your place was untidy and your anxiety, that you were now playing hard to get, even though she knew you wanted sex originally. She saw through your game.

 

So, she played you at your own game by offering sex then taking it away. Her text the next day "there wont be a next time" was because she knew that if there was to be a next time YOU WOULD EXPECT SEX. Thats my thoughts anyway.

[John Stiles]

Ive had this happen a number of times. A girl has come on strong, Ive tried to play it cool, reject a date or two, then when I want to see her, she gives the lets just be friends line.

 

Its this - I think she knew by your admitting your place was untidy and your anxiety, that you were now playing hard to get, even though she knew you wanted sex originally. She saw through your game.

 

So, she played you at your own game by offering sex then taking it away. Her text the next day "there wont be a next time" was because she knew that if there was to be a next time YOU WOULD EXPECT SEX. Thats my thoughts anyway.

 

No that's not how it was. I wasn't playing to get and I wasn't playing a game. Like I already said in my OP, I have an issue with anxiety, plus I genuinely wanted to put her at ease first by not putting any pressure to do anything on the first meeting. I deliberately left my flat not quite ready, so that I wouldn't be tempted to take her home, because I thought it would be best not to straight away. I've already made that clear.

 

In her email yesterday, she said that she was disappointed that I didn't take her home, but that she later realised that it was very gentlemanly of me not to, and that she appeciates it. As I've already pointed out, she really wanted to come back to mine. Her behaviour, as I've mentioned, was because she was becoming very excited and carried away. She wasn't playing a game either. And the text, like I've said, was because she really likes me and got confused. Sometimes that happens. So it doesn't look like there's any validity to your theory. It would be best if you read what was said, and then based your opinion on that. It's not that your theory couldn't happen but in this case it's way off.

Edited August 1, 2012 by John Stiles

[John Stiles]

oh, lord. I hope you decide to NOT email her back.

 

Just for that, I'm going to email her many, many times.

[John Stiles]

If a one hour meeting - where she had to suggest a 2nd drink just to keep the date going because you wanted to stuff her back on the train and send her packing after an hour - was her BEST date, then this girl obviously doesn't have many options. Seriously. I can't imagine being that desperate for a man's company that I would consider this the BEST date I'd ever had. It's actually quite sad.

 

 

After she got home, she was feeling obviously rejected by your need to push her back on the train as soon as you could - regardless if she REALLY wanted sex or not. That was insulting enough that you kept trying to stick to ONE hour like that's all she was worth - 'panic disorder' or not. I think that's why she started coming onto you sexually - she figured that's all she could offer you to keep the date going and she probably hoped it would make you 'like' her more if she upped her game. It was obvious you were anxious to cut it off at one hour and send her packing so I think she did whatever she could to keep your interest. Again, how pitiful for her.

 

I mean, come on. This is obviously a girl who doesn't have a lot of options if she had to resort to throwing sex on the table just to keep this date going.

 

And when you were having none of that and sent her on her way after rejecting her physically, you added insult to injury and freakin' asked her for phone sex once she was back home.

 

Are you KIDDING me?

 

Why do you THINK you got a text back saying she was going to move on and there wasn't going to BE a next time? It's already in the back of her head that you think she's a 'bigger' girl so she's already feeling like crap that you'd rejected her that night. How you could be so insensitive and ridiculously SELFISH to hit her up for phone sex is simply beyond me. If I hadn't already read that you're 36 years old, I would have sworn you were some dumbass 17 year old kid who doesn't know any better. Call a friggen 900 number and pay $2.99 a minute to whack off if that's such a priority for you. Jesus.

 

Well, her desperation is just shining through, once again. After your repulsive request for phone sex the same night you rejected her physically - and HER reply telling you it's not going to work out and "there won't BE a next time," she's all of a sudden CLAIMING she's been waiting all this time to hear from you???

 

Seriously???

 

That doesn't even make SENSE. Either you're dreaming this email up to save face here on the forum, or this girl is even MORE pitiful than I already thought she was.

 

Then you obviously know she's desperate too, if you've been expecting her to come crawling back.

 

I actually feel sorry for girls like this. Pitiful.

Yes, she suggested a 2nd drink because she was enjoying my company. She told me that she was enjoying herself, many times.

 

I walked her to the bus top, not the train station. Learn to read.

 

She does have many options, trust me.

 

Actually, when she got home, she wasn't feeling rejected. She was feeling confused because she really likes me and was intrigued as to why I didn't feel the need to jump on her on day one. Then, as I have already said, she appreciated that I didn't, and respected that. Again, learn to read. And yes, she really did want sex. She told me.

 

I really do have anxiety. I have said this already. Learn to pay attention.

 

Actually, she knew that sex wasn't the only thing she had to offer. I enjoyed her company and I showed her this. I agreed to another drink because I was enjoying her company very much.

 

She wasn't freaked out by the offer of phone sex.

 

I got a text back saying that there wasnn't going to be a next time for the reason that she has given, which I have mentioned already but you haven't been paying attention, which is that she said she really likes me and felt confused. Confused because usually guys don't pass up an opportunity for easy sex. Like I said to you, she does have options. She also said that she was intrigued by my non neediness, and this has made me more attractive to her. Learn to read.

 

You're a dumbass because you're stupid and don't pay attention to what you're told.

 

She has been waiting for me to contact her. Yes, seriously.

 

What doesn't make sense is your ignorant evaluation of a situation which has already been explained. Learn to read.

 

I feel sorry for you because you're an idiot.

[Janesays]

It's funny that you keep saying you're open to the idea that she's just not into you, but when EVERY SINGLE POSTER claims just that, you want to argue and argue and argue.

 

I also find it slightly strange that, out of nowhere, this girl 'happens' to send you an email confirming every single "point" you've made. How convenient.

 

Look, you say she's a nice girl, right? Well I'M a nice girl too. I've been on plenty of dates where I knew that I wasn't into the guy. But just because I'm not feeling it it, doesn't mean I'm going sit there and sulk and be rude. Instead, I'm going to smile, and carry on a pleasant conversation, and try my VERY BEST to make sure the evening is fun for him. That includes laughing at all his stupid jokes....sometimes I'm laughing AT him more than WITH him....but he doesn't need to know that. Then, I go home, take a shower, and let him know as politely as I can that we're not going to work out.

 

You have NO IDEA how many times I've had guys respond with utter SHOCK that I don't want to see them again. "I thought we had such chemistry!" Ew, no. I was just being nice. "I thought we got along so well." Only because if you take the time to come and meet me, I at least want to try to be pleasant company.

 

So I'm agreeing with everyone else, she's just not that into you.

 

IF the 'email' from her is real, I would say that she just has a very low self esteem and currently no better prospects, so she thought she'd open the door to kill some time with you until something better comes along. Honestly though, I'd bet money that she doesn't even bother with that because she finds you unappealing. She just wanted to open the door. Sort of a just in case date.

 

Usually flakiness can be CLEARLY translated into disinterest from women. A girl that likes you, doesn't change her mind every 10 minutes.

Edited August 1, 2012 by Janesays

[John Stiles]

It's funny that you keep saying you're open to the idea that she's just not into you, but when EVERY SINGLE POSTER claims just that, you want to argue and argue and argue.

 

I also find it slightly strange that, out of nowhere, this girl 'happens' to send you an email confirming every single "point" you've made. How convenient.

 

Look, you say she's a nice girl, right? Well I'M a nice girl too. I've been on plenty of dates where I knew that I wasn't into the guy. But just because I'm not feeling it it, doesn't mean I'm going sit there and sulk and be rude. Instead, I'm going to smile, and carry on a pleasant conversation, and try my VERY BEST to make sure the evening is fun for him. That includes laughing at all his stupid jokes....sometimes I'm laughing AT him more than WITH him....but he doesn't need to know that. Then, I go home, take a shower, and let him know as politely as I can that we're not going to work out.

 

You have NO IDEA how many times I've had guys respond with utter SHOCK that I don't want to see them again. "I thought we had such chemistry!" Ew, no. I was just being nice. "I thought we got along so well." Only because if you take the time to come and meet me, I at least want to try to be pleasant company.

 

So I'm agreeing with everyone else, she's just not that into you.

 

IF the 'email' from her is real, I would say that she just has a very low self esteem and currently no better prospects, so she thought she'd open the door to kill some time with you until something better comes along. Honestly though, I'd bet money that she doesn't even bother with that because she finds you unappealing. She just wanted to open the door. Sort of a just in case date.

 

Usually flakiness can be CLEARLY translated into disinterest from women. A girl that likes you, doesn't change her mind every 10 minutes.

 

I'm open to anything, but the evidence shows that she's into me. The reason why I didn't respond to her email from the other day with utter shock is because I'm not shocked, or bothered, because I know that sometimes females get confused. It's no big deal. And yesterday's email doesn't surprise me either. Like I have already said, she does have options and she's quite popular.

 

The trouble with you and many others here is that you don't listen. The facts are pointed out repeatedly and very clearly but all you want to do is ignore it all and go into your little fantasy world, despite all evidence to the contrary. If I posted wedding pictures you'd probably still keep saying that she's not into me.

 

By the way, this forum isn't the only place wher I've asked for feedback. You'd be surprised at how different the other opinions that I've heard are to yours. I've asked elsewhere and I've asked people face to face, mostly women themselves. And guess what, the concensus is that she really likes me. But the facts speak for themselves regardless. I suggest you wake up out of your fantasy land, and go with the facts, rather than your imagination.

[Janesays]

I'm open to anything, but the evidence shows that she's into me. The reason why I didn't respond to her email from the other day with utter shock is because I'm not shocked, or bothered, because I know that sometimes females get confused. It's no big deal. And yesterday's email doesn't surprise me either. Like I have already said, she does have options and she's quite popular.

 

The trouble with you and many others here is that you don't listen. The facts are pointed out repeatedly and very clearly but all you want to do is ignore it all and go into your little fantasy world, despite all evidence to the contrary.

 

 

Well, if you knew exactly what the 'facts' were and are so darn convinced that you're right and EVERYONE ELSE is stupid and living in a fantasy land, then why did you bother posting?

 

Seems like you know everything. Good luck with that.

[John Stiles]

Well, if you knew exactly what the 'facts' were and are so darn convinced that you're right and EVERYONE ELSE is stupid and living in a fantasy land, then why did you bother posting?

 

Seems like you know everything. Good luck with that.

 

Because I like to make sure that I'm on the right track. It doesn't matter how sure you are, it's always good to get some feedback in case there's something you've missed. Look Jane, the experience happened to me, not you. That gives me a certain advantage. I saw the body langauge, I heard the tone of voice, I saw it all. There are many nuances that can't easily be conveyed in text, you should know this.

 

But you have an advantage too. You can be 100% objective, and I appreciate that, which is why I think it's important to get an objective point of view. But what I expected was for people here to carefully read my account of what happened, and think about it and try to grasp it, before responding. Instead, what has happened is that the vast majority of you have made up your minds without really thinking about it. So the problem all along hasn't been that I can't take feedback, the problem is that again and again I'm seeing feedback based on prejudices, and not the facts. I mean, it has been so bad that someone here even wrote a very long post riddled with errors, like putting events in the wrong order. This shows that they didn't pay attention. I simply had to correct them, but it is they (and many others here) who can't take criticism, not me.

 

If you ask for feedback, and you get it, you still have the right to correct them. I can't just sit here and take seriously the feedback of people who clearly haven't been paying attention. I'm sure if you were in my shoes you'd be the same.

[Janesays]

I read it and thought about. I took the time to 'grasp' it. Don't immediately assume I'm stupid. I'm smarter than you. I can guarantee that.

 

Personally, I think you just posted because you wanted validated for what you already thought in the first place. AKA she is super into you, but rejected you....er.....because she was super into you? Because that's what women do. Right. I get it.

 

I doubt you really wanted an objective opinion. I think you just wanted your 'cocky playful' ego stroked a bit. If that's the case, whatever. Just be more up front about it next time so we don't waste our time trying to 'grasp' your oh so complicated and nuanced situation.

[mickleb]

Hi John.

 

With the updated information you've posted, I'd like to ask you a question. Based on the behaviour of this woman, how would you rate her emotional health?

[Kamille]

I do think that of all people here, JStiles is best positioned to know the details. I don't see the point in trying to prove our theories right and I believe him about the email.

 

But ok... Where does that leave you John? By your own admission, you think this girl has "big and bad" self-esteem issues. You said she was inconsistent, mixed up and confused. Are you going to respond and take her out again or would you prefer to avoid further confusion?

[John Stiles]

I read it and thought about. I took the time to 'grasp' it. Don't immediately assume I'm stupid. I'm smarter than you. I can guarantee that.

 

Personally, I think you just posted because you wanted validated for what you already thought in the first place. AKA she is super into you, but rejected you....er.....because she was super into you? Because that's what women do. Right. I get it.

 

I doubt you really wanted an objective opinion. I think you just wanted your 'cocky playful' ego stroked a bit. If that's the case, whatever. Just be more up front about it next time so we don't waste our time trying to 'grasp' your oh so complicated and nuanced situation.

 

Oh, the irony. Ok, here's why you're a dumbass :

 

You ask me not to assume that you're stupid, and then go on to make an assumption yourself, namely that you're smarter than I. It even comes with a guarantee. Love it.

 

You think I assumed that you're stupid. But I didn't. That shows your low self esteem. I actually thought you were quite smart, but it's clear now that you really aren't.

 

You then go on rambling your ignorant opinion, again not based on reality.

 

So how about you go and put the kettle on, watch some daytime tv, put your feet up, and take a rest from all that stuff that you call thinking. Go on, you deserve it.

[stillafool]

Frankly I don't see where any of that stuff (arrogance and pics) should matter since you were only looking for sex and she agreed to it. When she started making sexual inuendos why didn't you take her up on it? Why did you keep your apartment messy if you wanted sex? Didn't you want to bring her back home for sex? I don't understand why this happened if both of you made it clear what you wanted. You had her pretty much where you wanted her and blew it in my opinion.

[John Stiles]

Hi John.

 

With the updated information you've posted, I'd like to ask you a question. Based on the behaviour of this woman, how would you rate her emotional health?

 

Good question. I couldn't tell you. She doesn't strike me as messed up if that's what you mean. When I met her she really seemed to have it together, in other words there's nothing to indicate any major problems, but who knows. To be honest I think she just got confused, that's all. She really wanted to come back to my place, and I don't know, I guess she felt a bit weird at being the one who wanted it more (not that I didn't, I just couldn't, and I didn't think it was best on the first date). Maybe she felt like a slut, and couldn't comfortably picture herself meeting me again knowing what would be happeneing that night.

 

I've had some female perspective about this (women that I've asked in person) and they seem to think that this is a likely possibility. But I can't rule anything out just yet. We'll see.

[John Stiles]

Frankly I don't see where any of that stuff (arrogance and pics) should matter since you were only looking for sex and she agreed to it. When she started making sexual inuendos why didn't you take her up on it? Why did you keep your apartment messy if you wanted sex? Didn't you want to bring her back home for sex? I don't understand why this happened if both of you made it clear what you wanted. You had her pretty much where you wanted her and blew it in my opinion.

 

I need to correct something. I wasn't necessarily just after sex, and I told her as much, and she said she understood.

 

I didn't take her up on it because, as I mentioned a few times before, my flat wasn't ready, and I wanted us to be comfortable with each other first, and I didn't want her to feel like a slut. This is why I deliberatly didn't finish preparing my flat, to avoid temptation.

 

Yes, I certainly did have her where I wanted her, the problem was that despite knowing the score, she got carried away and wanted sex that night. But in her email to me today she has explained that she understands now why I didn't want to do it that night, and she respects that.

[Janesays]

Oh, the irony. Ok, here's why you're a dumbass :

 

You ask me not to assume that you're stupid, and then go on to make an assumption yourself, namely that you're smarter than I. It even comes with a guarantee. Love it.

 

You think I assumed that you're stupid. But I didn't. That shows your low self esteem. I actually thought you were quite smart, but it's clear now that you really aren't.

 

You then go on rambling your ignorant opinion, again not based on reality.

 

So how about you go and put the kettle on, watch some daytime tv, put your feet up, and take a rest from all that stuff that you call thinking. Go on, you deserve it.

 

 

I didn't call you stupid. I just said I was smarter. Which is true. I am particularly smart. It's one of the few things that I'm proud of in my life. Unless you were on an adult reading level in kindergarten, graduated high school at the age of 15, college before you were old enough to buy a drink, had your IQ tested professionally multiple times, and currently work in a field such as science, math or any other traditionally 'hard' field, then I think it's safe to say that you're not as smart as me. It's not a big deal. Not a lot of people are. Like I said, my intelligence is one of the few things in my life that I really think I have going for me, so I'm not afraid to brag about it a little.

 

With that said, I always try my very best not to call names such as 'dumbass' or 'ignorant' when I'm debating with someone. Generally, I think it's immature and a sign of a weak mind.

[mickleb]

Good question. I couldn't tell you. She doesn't strike me as messed up if that's what you mean. When I met her she really seemed to have it together, in other words there's nothing to indicate any major problems, but who knows. To be honest I think she just got confused, that's all. She really wanted to come back to my place, and I don't know, I guess she felt a bit weird at being the one who wanted it more (not that I didn't, I just couldn't, and I didn't think it was best on the first date). Maybe she felt like a slut, and couldn't comfortably picture herself meeting me again knowing what would be happeneing that night.

 

I've had some female perspective about this (women that I've asked in person) and they seem to think that this is a likely possibility. But I can't rule anything out just yet. We'll see.

 

Okay. I'm not a fan of the name-calling going on here* but I suspect that a lot of the female posters are quite worried about this girl's behaviour. I think they may find it very unusual, and wouldn't engage in it themselves, and so, are trying to give that female perspective.

 

I understand you feel you can only go on the evidence you've been presented with? This is a rational response but could be frustrating some women here who feel this girl's behaviour is screaming out 'damaged'. You say you've had other female perspectives on the matter, who have gone with 'confused', so you're not sure.

 

I think those women who see this lady as damaged are feeling quite protective on her behalf. I think they are finding it frustrating that you don't see her behaviour in this way and are, therefore, presuming that you don't care about her. I think you have demonstrated that you do care how she feels, on this thread. As a woman, I can empathise with the frustration of some women here but I can also sympathise with your position. I think that women's irrational behaviour can totally flummox a guy, especially if they are trying to do the right thing, which I believe you are.

 

I, personally, think this woman has a lot of issues going on. Her behaviour is very unusual. I would be very wary of continuing with her for both your sakes. I really think she'd like more from you than you can offer at the moment, and I don't think she's ready for a NSA relationship. I think she could end up getting hurt very easily and she could, even, turn quite nasty on you. It depends on how she deals with her negative emotions - externally or internally.

 

I can appreciate that you might think I've gone off on a major tangent here, into a 'fantasy world' of my own, if you like. And it's true that this is simply prediction. But I do think it's clear that she is very confused, so I would advise not proceeding with a sexual relationship with her, as this has a tendency to emotionally flip women all-ways. Be careful!

 

There's something else happening here, though, I think. It seems to me that you are quite taken with this woman. You have devoted a lot of time to figuring this out and you have said some very complimentary things about her. If you do quite like her, and wish to proceed, I suggest you reassure her of this and go slowly with her.

 

What do you think?

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Although I can talk because I engaged in my fair share of it at a poster or two yesterday!

Edited August 1, 2012 by mickleb

[John Stiles]

I didn't call you stupid. I just said I was smarter. Which is true. I am particularly smart. It's one of the few things that I'm proud of in my life. Unless you were on an adult reading level in kindergarten, graduated high school at the age of 15, college before you were old enough to buy a drink, had your IQ tested professionally multiple times, and currently work in a field such as science, math or any other traditionally 'hard' field, then I think it's safe to say that you're not as smart as me. It's not a big deal. Not a lot of people are. Like I said, my intelligence is one of the few things in my life that I really think I have going for me, so I'm not afraid to brag about it a little.

 

With that said, I always try my very best not to call names such as 'dumbass' or 'ignorant' when I'm debating with someone. Generally, I think it's immature and a sign of a weak mind.

 

Aaah, poor little princess is trying to impress me with her credentials. It's a pity she can't separate fact from her imagination. Go back to school dear, you're still wet behind those cute little ears of yours.

[Janesays]

Aaah, poor little princess is trying to impress me with her credentials. It's a pity she can't separate fact from her imagination. Go back to school dear, you're still wet behind those cute little ears of yours.

 

Says the 36 year old single guy who 'panics' when it comes to sex, keeps a filthy flat, and who just got rejected hard core by a fat chick....

[stillafool]

.

 

Yes, I certainly did have her where I wanted her, the problem was that despite knowing the score, she got carried away and wanted sex that night. But in her email to me today she has explained that she understands now why I didn't want to do it that night, and she respects that.

 

So you said you wanted sex, she wanted to have sex, then you backed out. And men say women are confusing.

[Mme. Chaucer]

OP, I asked you before, but you haven't answered.

 

You are 36 years old and single.

 

What is your relationship history? Have you been successful with your approaches for getting "casual sex" up to this one event?

 

I suggest you consider the true answers to these questions, if you honestly wish to have some kind of interaction on an intimate level with women in your life.

 

I do think it's odd that you elected, all on your own, to come here and post - and then proceed to not only reject all the (pretty consistent) input that you receive, but to insult those of us who are offering it to you.

 

You asked.

 

I am getting the impression that you have some pretty deep seated issues that have stood in your way of getting close to women, and maybe even close to anyone, in your life. You also seem to be a profound control freak, and a person who needs to be "right" at any cost, even in the face of all evidence to the contrary.

 

This woman represents a close call; a near miss.

 

The ONLY way things might turn out differently next time you have such an opportunity is if you become willing to be honest with yourself about yourself and your own behavior.

 

Maybe this girl is messed up and maybe she is not, but you can only do something about the stuff you bring into your interactions.

 

All of your own behavior you describe in this thread, along with the way you continue to interact with the people who are engaging you here, illustrate to ME that you have a lot to work on within yourself, and some honest introspection to do.

 

I am bothering to tell you this because I think you are reaching out, in a way, even though you present yourself as being tremendously arrogant and rude and at the same time, clueless.

 

If you want to share at least some parts of your life with women, I hope you will do what you can to make yourself a good candidate for a woman to share herself with.

[John Stiles]

Mickle, I don't know if you've spotted it but it's so obvious to see. There is a wide range of opinions here about this. Example, Marley Star piped in with an entire story based on not having even read what I said in my OP properly, and he/she/it even had the audacity to tell me what she and I were thinking, and he/she/it even got the order of events wrong, more than once. I tried to correct him/her/it but he/she/it wasn't having any of it because he/she/it is too arrogant to accept criticism. By contrast, someone else said that I didn't do anything wrong and that I'm probably a nice enough guy. Others have implied that it's the girl who is not quite right in the head, while others have pointed the finger at me, saying that I mucked her around. Some have even hinted that I lied about the anxiety thing and about my flat.

 

I can't take opinions and feedback seriously if people can't even ask questions, and try to get some facts or at least some reasonable conjecture first, like you have.

 

I totally believe you when you say that the women here think this girl is unstable, and that I messed with her and therefore I'm a bad guy and they're protective of her. Yes, I believe that. But women don't always think straight, let's face it. You know it, I know it, they know it and hate to admit it. It drives them nuts but it's true. Not that I think the girl that I met is unstable like this lot, because so far at least, the evidence doesn't indicate it strongly enough for me to form that view. I'm willing to keep an open mind, unlike this bunch of ignoramuses who have an opinion on everything but knowledge of very little.

 

Do I care about her? I don't know the girl. She seems nice, and I'll leave it at that for the time being. They can presume all they like, they and their baseless opinions mean nothing to me.

 

Here's an example of how women can be nuts :

 

Years ago I was walking around with a girl. This woman who I knew (quite older than me) said who's that, and I said, oh just some girl. I meant it as in, just a girl I hooked up with but I don't know her well enough to be able to say much more. This woman then said something to the effect of, don't hurt her feelings. I thought to myself, what feelings? She's only known me for a couple of days, why on earth would anyone have feelings, unless they're really needy? Seem this is the type of silly female thinking that is very common on this forum. In fact, the women here (the ones that have responded to this thread at least) probably think I'm sexist and I hate women. Let them think that, it's their insanity, not mine. Live and let live.

 

Yes, I do care how this girl feels for the simple reason that I care about people. I wouldn't want to hurt her or lead her on but that's because I'm a nice guy, not because I'm in luuurve with her.

 

I'm glad you can empathise with my position. I know when I'm in a minority who sees the full picture (or at least a better, fuller picture) and I know when the majority (the clique, the shrieking mob) is totally off base.

 

Yes, thank you, women can be irrational. The less irrational they are, the more likeable they are to me. The more irrational they are, they more I'll drive them nuts by telling them the truth of their insanity. And I love it. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Oh yeah baby, bring it on, I love every minute of it. I love watching them pull their hair out.

 

And yes, from the word go I was trying to do the right thing. Of course I wanted to f u c k this girl. But unlike most guys, I have self control. Unlike most guys, I know that girls can feel a bit slutty if you do anything on the first meeting, and I respected that. Unlike most guys, I made an effort to make my place presentable (trust me, If she had seen my flat she would have suddenly realised why I couldn't have her there that night). And unlike most guys, I'm honest if I have a problem like anxiety. These scatty females here (the ones that have posted) aren't the real deal. They represent the very worst in womankind. They are extremely sexist and they'll never see it.

 

I'm inclined to take your evaluation of this girl and what's on her mind very seriously. I think you may be right.

 

I'm not taken with this girl. I do think she is nice, and the conversation was really entertaining, everything flowed well, and so on. She even made me laugh, which is rare, as I'm sure you probably know already. I can understand that it might sound like it's her that concerns me, but really, it's the whole event, what it means, how people think, etc that concerns me. It's just that when I want to get to the bottom of something, I make a huge effort.

[John Stiles]

Says the 36 year old single guy who 'panics' when it comes to sex, keeps a filthy flat, and who just got rejected hard core by a fat chick....

 

Mickle, check this out. See what I mean? Unstable and scatty.

[John Stiles]

OP, I asked you before, but you haven't answered.

 

You are 36 years old and single.

 

What is your relationship history? Have you been successful with your approaches for getting "casual sex" up to this one event?

 

I suggest you consider the true answers to these questions, if you honestly wish to have some kind of interaction on an intimate level with women in your life.

 

I do think it's odd that you elected, all on your own, to come here and post - and then proceed to not only reject all the (pretty consistent) input that you receive, but to insult those of us who are offering it to you.

 

You asked.

 

I am getting the impression that you have some pretty deep seated issues that have stood in your way of getting close to women, and maybe even close to anyone, in your life. You also seem to be a profound control freak, and a person who needs to be "right" at any cost, even in the face of all evidence to the contrary.

 

This woman represents a close call; a near miss.

 

The ONLY way things might turn out differently next time you have such an opportunity is if you become willing to be honest with yourself about yourself and your own behavior.

 

Maybe this girl is messed up and maybe she is not, but you can only do something about the stuff you bring into your interactions.

 

All of your own behavior you describe in this thread, along with the way you continue to interact with the people who are engaging you here, illustrate to ME that you have a lot to work on within yourself, and some honest introspection to do.

 

I am bothering to tell you this because I think you are reaching out, in a way, even though you present yourself as being tremendously arrogant and rude and at the same time, clueless.

 

If you want to share at least some parts of your life with women, I hope you will do what you can to make yourself a good candidate for a woman to share herself with.

 

You're way off base. It really isn't worth responding to your questions.

[John Stiles]

So you said you wanted sex, she wanted to have sex, then you backed out. And men say women are confusing.

 

I didn't back out. Please learn to read. She already knew the reason, before we met, why sex wasn't going to happen. I stuck to the deal (to meet but no sex yet), whereas she got carried away and still wanted sex.