Was I abused?

[michaeljones]

I can never remember my parents saying I love you to me or ever asking how my day was.

I can however remember them getting miserable every time I done something well and walking around very happy when I was depressed.

 

My childhood was awfully cold and repressed, never had any love or affection from any of them so as an adult there is a lot of stuff i have to face which to most people is natural but to me is almost impossible.

 

Was I abused?

 

When I listen to Eminem or Kurt Cobain sing about their childhoods and parents it makes me realize I am not alone in this, sadly, I wish I had been orphaned as a baby.

 

I am still trying to be a decent man, I can compliment others and help anyone in need, I prefer love to hate.

No one deserves a hard youth because it should be th emost carefree time of our lives.

 

I had to become an adult when I was eight.

Pretty messed up.

[StartingAgain]

I see that you cosider your parents cold and not terribly affectionate, but you wrote nothing that would lead me to believe you were abused. Rather, it appears that you were suffering from childhood depression.

 

Here's something for you to compare to. My father had absolutely nothing to do with me my entire childhood. He barely ever spoke to me and really didn't even want me in the same room with him. After he and my mother divorced, he disappeared, got married in two months time, started a new family and never looked back. Mother became an alcoholic and and a ragging slut. She wouldn't come home to her young children for days, sometimes weeks at a time and there was hardly ever any food in the house. When she was home, she usually occupied herself by beating one or more of us sensless, telling us what a horrible mistake she'd made bringing such stupid children into the world. She would even let her drunken boyfriends have their way with us (including me).

 

I could go on, but you get the point. THAT is abuse. I'm not saying that you were not abused. You may have been. But that doesn't mean that you get to allow it to poison your entire life. Get yourself some therapy and heal yourself. If you don't you will become an emotional cripple.

 

And stop listening to Kirk Cobain. He has nothing of value to offer. He killed himself, so he certainly didn't have any answers.

[mintjulep]

And stop listening to Kirk Cobain.

Who the hell is Kirk Cobain?

 

I know of a Kurt Cobain who killed himself, but I'd never heard of Kirk.

 

Abuse comes in many forms - maybe you repressed some things as a child. Do you recall ever being physically abused, or just emotionally? Perhaps a therapist can help sort things out for you.

[StartingAgain]

Originally posted by mintjulep

Who the hell is Kirk Cobain?

 

I know of a Kurt Cobain who killed himself, but I'd never heard of Kirk.

 

Abuse comes in many forms - maybe you repressed some things as a child. Do you recall ever being physically abused, or just emotionally? Perhaps a therapist can help sort things out for you.

 

This is called a TYPO. Can you say typo? LOL

 

Yes, abouse comes in many different forms, but there is a stardard definition. Michael may have been abused; I can't say. What I can say is that soooo many people are claiming that they were abused nowadays. It's one of the latest and hippest ways to buy into American victim mentality. It makes it so easy to make excuses for yourself. I feel for those who were abused. I was there; I know what it is like. And I can tell you, nothing pisses us of faster than to listen to some whiney-assed little looser (Not talking about you, Michael) gush on about how he/she was abused, when in reality they were "victims" of parents who wouldn't allow them to do anything they want.

 

MintJulip does make a good point, Michael. Why don't you talk to a therapist? It may help, even if you weren't abused. If you were, it's absolutely imperative that you do

[fateX2]

im sorry that happened to you...and i feel sorry for anyone who has to go through rough childhood expereinces..my dad was never around when i was growing up and when he finally would come get me id end up calling my mom an hour later cuz hed be trying to dump me off at his parents house...anyway i do think that when parents are cold and unloving it is abuse..sometimes it can be more damaging then physical abuse..do you find youself not truly letting anyone in? until i had my own child my past with my father really ate at me..my mom would tell me sometimes people just have to let things go and that i didnt miss out on anything by him not being there..but my mother had two GREAT parents..i dont think people can just let things go..me and my father talk all the time now but still its hard for me to forgive him for never being there for me. Have you let your parents know that this bothers you?

[fateX2]

..do you know much about each of their childhoods..were they raised to be so cold? anyways..i think maybe you should find some good self help books..*all the best*

*hugs*

 

-Fate

[mrs.sarah]

I believe that showing love and affection to your children is a very important part of parenthood.

If I could label what has happened to you, I would say you were emotionally abused, because you are obviously emotionally hurt.

But I'm really not sure what the experts would say.

 

I would deffinately suggest that you try out some therapy. Sometimes it helps to talk.

[michaeljones]

Hello again.

 

In all honesty I was emotionally and mentally abused pretty bad, I am not just saying this to sound hip or anyhting coz people who do that are ****ing offensive to me it would be like me saying I understand what its like to be black or female, coz truly i cant. Anyway...

 

My family were constantly split up and moved around as children, from the age of 8 till now my parents and every single older sibling have taken zero interest in my life and coz i was so loud and angry about it at 13 I became a scapegoat for every major family problem. Even though what I was saying was true. I was called a screwball, a mental case, ugly, a waster, paranoid, etc.. etc.. by all and sundry I was related to, weird thing is anyone I wasnt related to said I was a decent person. I was and am none of these things.

I see this as my famiys repressed way of handling the truth, I was telling everyone what the reality was and all this gave me was more reason to become deeply introverted.

My parents showed no love, no affection, no interest, and if I ever talked about something pure like love or peace I was made to feel very guilty about it.

Even talents I had like music or art were ignored completely, no one would even talk about it, these are the sort f people who if beethoven played a sympthiny to them and hit only one bad note, they would focus entirly on the bad note.

 

Now as an adult its kinda hard, the hardest part is forming relationships coz when yr emotions are used against u like a weapon u tend to hold them back to the point where no one knows what u think and eventually no one cares to find out.

There is no family in my life, no one, on my last birthday my 21st no one called, no money came through the door and my mother even went as far as to write me a card in her handwriting purposly leaving her name off it as a message.. PATHETIC!

 

I wasnt physiaclly abused, altough my uncle did make us fight each other as kids for a video camera, but compared to being raped its nothing so I dont know how hard that is, must be pretty hard.

 

Most people on this board seem alright.

Thanks.

[Craig]

Were you abused? Yes you probably were emotionally abused and being encouraged to fight for a video camera by your uncle is abuse. You were neglected as a child.

 

You are a bright person who has clearly done a lot of thinking about what has happened.

 

You have a lot to offer the world. You know what happened is not right and your being called all sorts of names when you started to offer the truth to those related to you at age 13 is just the way disfunctional family's work. Disfunctional families are the way they are because as a group they enable each other to be disfunctional any change that is suggested or offered is viewed as a threat. By offering the truth to them you were perceived (consciously or unconsciously) by them as a threat and rather than face the ugly truth about themselves they formed an alliance against you.

 

When people put down other people by calling them names ("screwball") or categorizing them ("mental case") it is just a way to falsely elevate themselves and feel better (falsely) about themselves.

 

The facts are that you come from a disfunctional family. Welcome to the world, most families (as well as people) have some form of disfunction, some worse than others. You will never be able to change anyone except yourself--better to just accept that your family is as it is and move on by yourself.

 

You said, "Now as an adult its kinda hard, the hardest part is forming relationships coz when yr emotions are used against u like a weapon u tend to hold them back to the point where no one knows what u think and eventually no one cares to find out." I'd guess that what you are saying is that you guard against showing your emotions because of what your family did when you did show them. That is a tough one. There are people in this world that will accept you and not abuse your vulnerability and then there are people like your family.

 

Your job now is to continue working on yourself. Absolutely avoid people who remind you of your family. Take emotional risks with people you think you can trust. Take small risks at first, remember you don't have much experience in this area and some of the things you say or do may be seen as "different" by others. Try going to places you might not normally go, talk to people you might not normally talk to and eventually you will find places and people you feel comfortable with. You'll have to learn by trial and error and you will make some mistakes along the way but that is the only way I can see for you.

 

You have so much to offer, my thoughts and best wishes go out to you.

[michaeljones]

Hey thanks for that its nice to know people out there who care do exist.

 

Truth is I dont hate people, i dont hate life and im not bitter or angry. Its just I would have liked a family that at least acted interested. I dont expect anything off them anymore I gave up on them when I was about 18, in all this time tho none of them have changed and I really pity them.

 

Abusive childhoods affect everyone and it makes bein an adult sometimes so tough but the weird thing is im always attracted to people from loving familys.

I can handle most of lifes problems but one thing I truly hate is being ignored by anyone, I HATE IT! it just reminds me of bein a child too much.

All my friends and associates are nothin like my family, I cant even sit around people who are ignorant, shallow, childish and jealous.

 

I guess in any situation like this u go either two ways:

1. you become just like the monsters around you.

2.You become everything they are not to the extreme.

 

Thank god I choose two, but its a long long long dark road to reality.

 

Thanx again.

[calires01]

What do you mean stop listening to Kurt Cobian!!!

 

I agree, he was deeply traumatized, and isolated in and from his childhood.

Aside from this, he (this is my opinion) was one of the best musicians of the 20th century.

 

I too, am a muscian, and let me tell you, it is a hard/fun life.

Music is the language of the soul, a universal and powerful thing.

 

Due to his mental state, and beatles influences he was able to compose amazing music, full of meaning and wisdom, albeit, bad. It is honest, pure, not to mention unique. He poured himself into his music, and the people responded. He married an had a child. I believe he was murdered.

 

Yes, he was a drug addict, but so was Elvis, he even died on the crapper, but still HIS music is a thing of beaty, just as Kurt's.

[calires0]

What do you mean stop listening to Kurt Cobian!!!

I agree, he was deeply traumatized, and isolated in and from his childhood.

Aside from this, he (this is my opinion) was one of the best musicians of the 20th centuary.

I too, am a muscian, and let me tell you, it is a hard/fun life.

Music is the language of the soul, a universal and powerful thing.

 

 

Due to his mental state, and beatles influences he was able to compose amazing music, full of meaning and wisdon, albeit, bad. It is honest, pure and not the mention unique. He poured him self into his music, and the people responded. He married an had a child. I beleive he was murdered (please visit "http://members.tripod.com/~react2/kurt.htm" if you WANT the FACTS of his MURDER) and i stand by it.

 

Yes, he was a drug addict, but so was Elvis, he even died on the crapper, but still HIS music is a thing of beaty, just as Kurt's....