Men...do you hurt your wife/gf when you found new love?

[will_woman]

Hi....I am going through the divorce right now.

My husband raised the divorce saying that it is me who is at fault for not wishing to continue our marriage. But the fact is he left me for a woman. ANd he is even asking me to pay for the proceeding costs. My god....i am really so disappointed...i should be already heart dead....but I just brng myself to see that how a man has changed.

 

He has really turned into a lying monster. He is at fault and he even went to get the petition. And he caused me a 8 month job loss as I quitted my job to join him in foreign land. But he kicked me back within 6 weeks. He admitted he has a woman there. During the stay, he has already spoken hurting words to me. HE told me how much fun he as with the new gf, how sweet and pretty she is. Knowing that I am having a exam paper the next day, he still admit he has a woman.

 

Men, anyone out there....do you change so much when you found new love?

Do you have to go all out to hurt a wife of 6 years relationship when the new gf is just one month love.

[NotaBadGuy]

Will woman,

 

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I sort of know how you feel except for it happened in reverse. As for your question, it is something new for him. It is nothing more than a state of infatuation, which comes on strong and then in the end leaves like a cold dark wind. While this infatuation is in its prime, it is like a drug, a euphoria that changes reason and rationality into unwise and bad decision making. He probably is not aware of the damage he is doing because he is so infatuated with this new person. But it all does come crashing down. Eventually the new wears off and what someone thinks is a shiney quarter still winds up only being a penny.

 

As for the hurt and pain you are expereincing, I feel for you. It is bad, real bad how someone can take something that is supposed to be unbreakable and just discard it like yesterdays news. As I have found out the hard way, it happens. For what reason? I am still attempting to figure that one out. I have at least for now decided that when one door closes another one opens. In the long term, I guess it only makes us stronger.

 

Stay focused on your exam paper. My ex filed for divorce and had me served the day before my first final. Boy was I shellshocked. It took everything I had to fight through the betrayal and hurt. I am just now to the point where I have pulled the pieces back together and am just about content with who I am again. It took what seemed to be an unreasonable amount of time to reach this point, but it does come with time and dealing with the betrayal, loss, hurt, pain, anger, and diillisionment. That being said, it sounds like you may be better off without the dirtbag. It is guys like him and women like my ex that give the good people like ourselves the bad names.

 

But my supporting cast (friends and family) who helped me through my difficult times have me convinced I am not the loser in my battle. I may have had to deal with the initial assault of the meltdown of my marriage while she had her head carresed in the arms of another man, but eventually the new wears off and reality strikes in. In the meantime, I have gotten my law degree, developed and expanded my reputation in the community, made new friends, traveled, found out who my true friends were, and found out a little bit more about myself and how obstacles can either get in your way or you can go through them.

 

In fact, I was recently at the point where I still blamed myself and beat myself up day after day. But the funny thing is that I realized I was not the coward in my marriage who threw my vows and marriage out the window for some instant gratification. I was letting her being with him destroy me and make me feel inadequate. But I had to remember what I was told as a young man in my youth - that living in the past will destroy your future. So now I am regaining my focus and drive. I look back in the rear view window to remind me of the pain and hurt I've left behind. And from this point on I have to love like I've never been hurt. Sorry for the rambling.

 

You need to let lying dogs lie where they may. He will continue to burn his bridges while he is in this phase. It is ultimatley up to you to see how much of this crap you are willing to take. He may be back, he may not. But for now, work on yourself - treat yourself to a night at the movies, hang out with friends, read a book, throw yourself into your schoolwork. You sound like a strong and intelligent woman who has her bearings. Use these tools to your advantage.

 

Let him play Mr. Dress-up and see where it takes him. Short term it may be the greatest thing, but long term, karma catches up. I don't know if any of this even makes any sense and I apologize for the rambling on and on. Keep your head up and take care of yourself. It is rough right now but it does get better. Believe in yourself - you will end up on top in the end. We don't always wind up there how we initially imagined we would, but we do get there.

 

NotaBadGuy