Struggling to deal with jealousy and insecurities

[Hunter38]

I really need advice here or my relationship is going to turn sour really quickly!

 

I have been seeing my girlfriend for 3 months now and things are great. Few quick details. We are both 19, both virgins, both never had any sexual past at all, and both madly in love with each other!

 

This girl is perfect in every way, my dream girl if you like. And she says the exact same about me. However I feel that my jealousy is going to be the one thing that will destroy our relationship. My ex cheated on me and left me for another guy. The day before that the company I worked for went bust and I was unemployed and had no money. I got quite depressed about everything. Then I met this girl, she completely changed my outlook and I began to feel a bit more confident in myself again. But since being cheated on I struggle with these insecurities.

 

I get jealous if she hangs out with guy friends alone, or when she hugs her guy friends in front of me. I get jealous when she adds other guys on facebook. Today for example she "liked" another guys photo (a good looking guy) and I am so upset it's ridiculous! I do try and hide these feelings from her but sometimes I just feel like I need to ask her about something. She is very understanding and she says that it doesn't bother her at all. She knows how hard I took it when my ex cheated and she wants to help me get over these feelings. But then she still does things that upsets me all the time. And I know I have no right to ask her to change her ways or anything.

 

Does anyone have any good advice or any links to good websites that could help/give me advice. I really need to get over this soon!

 

Feel free to ask any questions or ask for more details about my situation. Thanks for reading.

[Leigh 87]

Some girls can have guy friends. A lot of women have close guy friends, and also have partners. However, if both your girlfriend and her close guy friend are sexually attracted to each other, it is disrespectful to your relationship, for them to hang out..

....If your sexually attracted to someone, and think they are really great people nd are very close friends.. it is ASKING for trouble, if you hang out alone with them often.

Sure, some men and wome CAN be just friends... but they should not be attracted to each other. If they are, time spent together should be limited to gatherings that mutual friends organise.

 

For girl to hang out with a guy, who is their close friend, she has to be very mature and self aware. She should be a deap thinker, who knows herself and KNOWS she is 100% going to safeguard her relationship with her partner.

Some people who " think" they can be good friends with the opposite sex, just do not have the maturity to know when to walk away, or the maturity to handle being close friends with each other.

[TG1]

I would say you should trust in the fact that your girlfriend is with you when she could have easily have broken up with you to be with this other guy or guys but she hasn't, she chose you, out of all others you, you should be thankful for what you have because just before you know it, it could be gone just like that

[Hunter38]

Some girls can have guy friends. A lot of women have close guy friends, and also have partners. However, if both your girlfriend and her close guy friend are sexually attracted to each other, it is disrespectful to your relationship, for them to hang out..

....If your sexually attracted to someone, and think they are really great people nd are very close friends.. it is ASKING for trouble, if you hang out alone with them often.

Sure, some men and wome CAN be just friends... but they should not be attracted to each other. If they are, time spent together should be limited to gatherings that mutual friends organise.

 

For girl to hang out with a guy, who is their close friend, she has to be very mature and self aware. She should be a deap thinker, who knows herself and KNOWS she is 100% going to safeguard her relationship with her partner.

Some people who " think" they can be good friends with the opposite sex, just do not have the maturity to know when to walk away, or the maturity to handle being close friends with each other.

 

Thanks for your reply. This sounds exactly like my girlfriend. I know I can trust her and I know that there isn't anything going on. She says that shes not sexually attracted and couldnt imagine them being any more than friends. I just always worry about that close friendship bond becoming something more. After the last time I got cheated on there is always that little bit of doubt creeps into my thoughts and it drives me crazy!

 

But I don't get why she still Does things that she knows will make me worry or get jealous. Like when she was on holiday a few weeks ago with her girl friends, I was really worried about her going away and being around all those drunk guys. She assured me that she wouldn't do anything when she was on holiday. However half way through her holiday she started adding these guys on facebook that she was meeting up with. This made me so upset for the rest of the week, I was convinced she must have cheated with these guys. She didn't but she did meet up with them nearly every night. But there wasn't really any need to add them was there?

 

Or last night for example I met another of her good guy friends (and he is really good looking, and single!) when we saw him she ran up to him, hugged him an didn't even introduce me to him! She felt really bad afterwards though, she said she didn't even think. I don't buy this excuse for a second. The guy knew who I was as he has heard of me but an introduction would have been nice instead of her running off and cuddling him.

 

I'm going to delete my facebook account though as that seems to be where 80% of these worries are coming from.

 

Also this guys picture that she liked isn't a close guy friend. I've never heard him being mentioned by her or her friends so for her to be "liking" this good looking guys photo is strange. I really want to know who he is and why she likes his photo. That is basically just saying that she thinks he's hot or good looking in that photo. There is no other reason to like it. So of course this is going to set off my insecurities again! Ugh I need serious help haha! Sorry for the long detailed postings. Just need to let all of this out as I'm too embarrasses to discuss this with any of my friends/family. Thanks again for reading.

[renee.m.o]

I am in the same boat as you. I am ridiculously jealous and insecure due to a past relationship. My boyfriend isn't as understanding as your girlfriend is, but I am sure things will work out in the end.

 

The only advice I can give is to listen to your heart. My heart has let me down so many times that I just shut it out completely. Now the stupid part of my brain keeps telling my to protect myself and that everyone is out to hurt me.

 

If your heart beats faster whenever she's around and you get the butterflies in your stomach from the thought of being with her or hanging out with her, I believe that is your heart trying to tell you that you have a good thing going here. Its hard to condition out the brain/heart filter, but I think we a little bit of patience and understanding, you will come around eventually.

[rebeconlannyJ]

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