Can my female friend face charges?

[DownsouthLily]

What happened is my female friend Nadine ended up hitting her then bf with the straightener iron (breaking his nose, blood all over) after he backlanded her hard but not enough to knock her down during an argument.

 

But now the ex bf has a cast on his nose is he's demanding for her to pay for his medical bills. My friend is poor and so is her family. What can my friend do? Can a woman get in trouble for breaking a man's nose in response to a backhand (if it's not really a life threatening situation but she did it in anger)? She only hits if someone hits her first but other than that, she's really a sweet laid-back girl.

 

The problem here is she has no visible injuries and she can't really proof her life was in actual danger but only that he hit first and she hit back harder. That jerk has been telling his friends and others that Nadine is a crazy and did it for no reason. What will happen if she refused to pay and he really ends up taking this to court and sues her?

Edited July 29, 2012 by DownsouthLily

[StrangeBehaviors]

Without a confession or any physical evidence, she will be considered to be at fault.

 

Even if he did strike her, the "force" she retaliated with can only be the necessary amount to cease the altercation. So, if you smack me and there is video of it admissible in court clearly showing I struck first, you may still be held liable if you hit me with a bat in the face.

 

Because the force may be deemed "excessive".

 

The quick answer for your friend based on what you have stated is that your friend will be considered responsible and have to pay at least the medical bills. She might want to pay quickly and have a waiver releasing her from "pain and suffering" suits as well.

 

Always seek a licensed attorney for more accurate recommendations in relation to local, state, and federal laws though.

 

I hold zero responsibility for your friends outcome.

[DownsouthLily]

I see and get your point. The solution in that situation would have been for her to walk away and report him but now if she to do it, I think there wouldn't be that much of a case against him.

Hopefully she doesn't end up with a record on her profile. She's never been in trouble with the law before.

[Radu]

If she reports it and they investigate, considering the history rewriting this guy is doing plus the physical proof, your friend might end up even worse.

 

Maybe in your eyes Nadine is a sweet laid back girl who wouldn't hurt a fly, but it doesn't sound like she has much self-control and is prone to violence, and that's how it is seen [because he has physical injuries and it can be argued she was excessive].

[M30USA]

I'm involved in a situation with family violence and it just saddens me. Nobody wins--victim or aggressor.

[DownsouthLily]

If she reports it and they investigate, considering the history rewriting this guy is doing plus the physical proof, your friend might end up even worse.

 

Maybe in your eyes Nadine is a sweet laid back girl who wouldn't hurt a fly, but it doesn't sound like she has much self-control and is prone to violence, and that's how it is seen [because he has physical injuries and it can be argued she was excessive].

True, she isn't the type of person to walk away if someone hits her. I recalled when we were in 8th grade, some girl bully kept on egging her nonstopping but it wasn't until she slapped Nadine and well my friend punched the girl back in the face (the girl was fighting back too but my friend still got the better in the fight). I had to literally pulled Nadine away before she went further.

She was lucky at the time that no suspension was issue but rather detention. But not sure if she'll be lucky this time.

 

I also remembered how she would tell me ''If I ever got in a relationship, I won't ever be the victim that does nothing, I'll always find a way to win any fight if they start bs with me''. Basically she has this ''Don't get physical with me and you'll be ok'' rule.

Edited July 30, 2012 by DownsouthLily

[M30USA]

True, she isn't the type of person to walk away if someone hits her. I recalled when we were in 8th grade, some girl bully kept on egging her nonstopping but it wasn't until she slapped Nadine and well my friend punched the girl back in the face (the girl was fighting back too but my friend still got the better in the fight). I had to literally pulled Nadine away before she went further.

She was lucky at the time that no suspension was issue but rather detention. But not sure if she'll be lucky this time.

 

I also remembered how she would tell me ''If I ever got in a relationship, I won't ever be the victim that does nothing, I'll always find a way to win any fight if they start bs with me''. Basically she has this ''Don't get physical with me and you'll be ok'' rule.

 

The problem here, based on what I heard Judge Judy say, is that a girl who is "afraid" of a man won't hit him -- even most likely in self defense.

 

The research I've read which asked female aggressors why they hit their man didn't have anything to do with self defense in most cases. The majority were things like: he was ignoring me, he hurt me so bad that I wanted him to hurt as well, etc.

Edited July 30, 2012 by M30USA

[DownsouthLily]

The problem here, based on what I heard Judge Judy say, is that a girl who is "afraid" of a man won't hit him -- even most likely in self defense.

For me that statement would apply (balls shot might work too in life threatening cases but the man might be wearing protective cups or moved away of time and then I'll definitely be screwed for good). Unless I brought pepper spray, at 5'3 no way would I stand a chance against the average man. But not sure about Nadine that's 5'9 and heavier.

The research I've read which asked female aggressors why they hit their man didn't have anything to do with self defense in most cases. The majority were things like: he was ignoring me, he hurt me so bad that I wanted him to hurt as well, etc.

Then I guess pure retaliation towards getting hit wouldn't be classified as self-defense.

[M30USA]

Downsouthlily,

 

I didn't realize the violence was mutual. I should have read it more closely.

 

However, I was shocked to find that the CDC reports that when violence is not mutual (ie, only one aggressor), 70% of the time the aggressor is the woman. There are countless explanations for this and the stat doesn't tell the full story, but it's just that--a stat.

[DownsouthLily]

Downsouthlily,

 

I didn't realize the violence was mutual. I should have read it more closely.

 

However, I was shocked to find that the CDC reports that when violence is not mutual (ie, only one aggressor), 70% of the time the aggressor is the woman. There are countless explanations for this and the stat doesn't tell the full story, but it's just that--a stat.

Yes, it was mutual but in this case, it was the man who threw the first hit (same thing as when she got into the fight with that girl at school, I saw it myself how that girl hit her first).

[DownsouthLily]

I have the explanation for you.

 

- Women can get away with it because a man is screwed both legally and socially if he retaliates.

So why not report it esp. if there is the evidence? I know of a neighbor's daughter who went to jail for that.

Ever wonder why you see 4'8" girls go crazy on 6'8" guys in a bar while you almost never see guys that size doing the same?

Because a 4'8" guy knows he's going to get his **** wrecked.

Well technically a 4'8'' guy would still be stronger than a 4'8'' girl. But yeah, I have to say the excuse ''Don't react because it's a she'' should be change to ''Don't use excessive force on smaller, weaker people (that includes against small guys, children or elderly)''. Only force use should be to get them away from you if nothing else works but a punch for a slap doesn't seem like self-defense at all.

[DownsouthLily]

I've been feeling uneasy ever since being on the car with my friend. We were on our way to the movies and there was a traffic jam but she kept using foul language and angrily tapping the steering wheel.

 

Regarding my friend's situation I don't know what to think now. Her ex bf left messages on her cell phone telling her to start paying for his medical bills this week or he'll take matters to court. Then the second message from him was a terrible ''You'll pay for this you crazy bitch, **** you''.

 

I got to admit by this point, I was getting upset he was insulting her that way. I decided to give her a call and tell him to stop treating my friend that way to which he answers ''Your friend? and I'm assuming you believe her don't you''?

The conversation went like this

Me: What did you expect her to do, stand there and do nothing. She was probably scare after you hit her first.

Him: Listen woman she is feeding you bs. I never ****ing touch her. I don't hit girls. I'm telling everyone how it is. Your friend is a crazy bitch. I just want her to pay for what she did. If she refuses anytime this week I'll start filing charges on her. And tell your friend to stop lying.

 

Obviously he sounded very pissed off and I told my friend but again, Nadine told me it's a lie and that he really started it. So I don't know what to actually believe now. If my friend was really the aggressor then she deserves jail time. If not, then she might still be charge for the force used.

 

But now I'm wondering something. Nadine doesn't seem to have any visible injury or bruise and wouldn't a man's hard backhand be enough to cause a slight discoloration? That would definitely make my face red for a couple days.

[DownsouthLily]

If someone is man enough to fight you they're man enough to have their **** ruined.

Do you continue beating them up once they are already down on the floor and you are free to go? If so, then you'll have a hard time proving it was really self-defense since there is no threat anymore.

 

BTW from the sound of your other posts, you seem to have a bitter personality. Maybe a shrink would be helpful.

[robaday]

"She only hits if someone hits her first but other than that, she's really a sweet laid-back girl."

 

This sentence says a lot - not sure if its intentionally written like this, but really the fact you say "she only hits" means you know that she is capable of violence. You say it as if she has a habit of doing this. Now I might be misreading your intention in saying that but it was a really telling way of writing this story - unintentionally you are saying shes violent.

 

In terms of pressing charges - hes doing her a favor by trying to settle outside court - domestic violence convictions really do not look good on your cv, and in a lot of professions would probably get you fired. Hes trying to get her to pay for the medical bills and settle out of court - from what ive read she will probably get charged if it goes to court.

 

Id be interested to know if there was more to the story - was he cheating by any chance?

[Radu]

Ok, you wrote quite enough of Nadine so far.

 

I honestly have no ideea if he hit her first or not ... but here are the verifiable facts :

- Nadine has no bruises, nothing on her ... her bf went to the hospital

- she has a history of anger problems, basically she can't control herself if it get to physical stuff

- she doesn't think things through, if it gets to pressing charges she will lose

 

I think your laid back, chill girlfriend, is in actuality a big big girl who can hurt ppl and which has not been punished so far in life for her actions.

Or she has an anger problem she refuses to get it looked at, in which case she might not even remember the whole interactions.

 

Either way, from a law pov, it matters only what you can prove [teary eyed female won't help in this case as proof], and her bf can prove a lot.

 

PS: M30, i have been hit in life far more often by women then by men, and most of the times it was with a serious intent.

Women know they can get away with it, that's why they do it.