pathetic1999 Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 For whoever doesn't know my story..pretty much we planned to get married then he woke up and said I am just not ready and left. Obviously there were many things going on in his head he pretty much freaked out said he didn't know who he was etc (he's almost 27) but that he was still in love with me, always would etc. I told him never contact me again unless he knew if he wanted to be with me, then he 2 days later said he wasn't going to contact me at all because it would be too hard to separate if we kept in contact. About a week later I wrote him the "letter" since he was asking about me and how I was doing I told him in the letter I wanted him to hear from me not 2nd hand. I told him I would never forgive him and to please NOT contact me because I couldn't handle hearing him say he loves me and his kind words but the end result being the same he didn't want to be with me. Did I go overboard on the "don't contact me" or is he really not contacting me because he doesn't want to? It's almost 3 months and I don't want to let too much time slip by. Link to post Share on other sites
salmagundi Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 If I had to guess, I'd say he is a commitment-phobe and thats why he freaked out. By bailing on the marriage, he may therefore have spared you a divorce... But even if I'm wrong about that (what do I know?), you did well to set a firm boundary. The ball is in his court and if he doesn't contact you then you have your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemonlime Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 If your hoping to work things out... and your waiting to have him contact you... I dont know if its gonna happen. I love my ex more then anything. If he said that to me... I would never call, text, or email again. I would assume if he wanted to talk to me hed have to contact me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pathetic1999 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 If your hoping to work things out... and your waiting to have him contact you... I dont know if its gonna happen.. Do you mind if I ask why you say that? Just curious as I get that response a lot that people don't think he's coming back, and for some reason in my gut I feel he will I guess because he had such a hard time leaving me and acted like it killed him to do so... Link to post Share on other sites
lemonlime Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 You know him, so he might. If I really loved someone, and I really thought that they wanted me to leave them alone, I would. Because if I really love someone, then I want whats best for them, and if they tell me I'm not whats best for them and it seems like theyve thought it through and really mean that, then I'm going to respect their wishes. You telling him you didnt want him to contact you until he knows he wants to be with you is one thing. Telling him your never going to forgive him for what he did no matter what, and to leave you alone is another. Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 He might feel really guilty for what he did and with your letter he may not contact you no matter how much he wants to. I think if you want to have some contact you should start it, and not feel like you have to wait for him to. Sounds like you have feelings still, if so, there's nothing to lose by reaching out, only something to win. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pathetic1999 Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 See that's what I am afraid of, that I closed the door so tight. He could be worried to contact me because I was so firm on the other hand he knows I still wanted to be with him but that he hurt me, but I could see him not wanting to hurt me more. For my birthday a couple of weeks ago he told his brother (works at my office) to remind my friends there so they didn't forget, but he didn't contact me. That shows me he still cares and thinks of me but for whatever reason didn't contact me. Did he not because of him or because of me... Link to post Share on other sites
lemonlime Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 If you get to a certain point and havent heard anything, I would probably reach out some how. Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Pathetic I am confused.. you told him never to contact you again and you would never forgive him but you are trying to figure out why he hasn't? My ex told me the same thing. She said it was too hard to keep hearing my voice and told me not to contact her and guess what? I didn't. I still looked at my phone every 5 minutes hoping she would contact me but after a few months I gave up because I figured if she can let me get away then she didn't love me enough anyway. You told him never to contact you again so its up to you to make contact with him. I don't know what went on with your marriage plans but sometimes guys around 27 years old do freak out. It has nothing to do with you. Did you push the marriage thing on him? How long were you together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pathetic1999 Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 Pathetic I am confused.. you told him never to contact you again and you would never forgive him but you are trying to figure out why he hasn't? My ex told me the same thing. She said it was too hard to keep hearing my voice and told me not to contact her and guess what? I didn't. I still looked at my phone every 5 minutes hoping she would contact me but after a few months I gave up because I figured if she can let me get away then she didn't love me enough anyway. You told him never to contact you again so its up to you to make contact with him. I don't know what went on with your marriage plans but sometimes guys around 27 years old do freak out. It has nothing to do with you. Did you push the marriage thing on him? How long were you together? I didn't push it he did, so I finally said ok let's do it and then I think when I got serious he freaked out about it. We were together 2.5 years. I told him to never contact me again unless he knew 100% what he wanted so...it wasn't really NEVER it was not until you know. But I also know he as (some guys can be) only hear the never part so that's what concerns me. Or he may be happy as a clam away from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Stanza Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 I think at this stage you kinda know it's you that has to reach out. So instead of debating that further maybe start thinking about how you want to do it....I would recommend sending a text or email where you mention something that reminded you of him, something semi-cute....and shows you want him to be in touch....he could be hurting so you might not get an immediate reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pathetic1999 Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 Pathetic I am confused.. you told him never to contact you again and you would never forgive him but you are trying to figure out why he hasn't? My ex told me the same thing. She said it was too hard to keep hearing my voice and told me not to contact her and guess what? I didn't. I still looked at my phone every 5 minutes hoping she would contact me but after a few months I gave up because I figured if she can let me get away then she didn't love me enough anyway. You told him never to contact you again so its up to you to make contact with him. I don't know what went on with your marriage plans but sometimes guys around 27 years old do freak out. It has nothing to do with you. Did you push the marriage thing on him? How long were you together? Did you break up with your GF? Why did you expect to hear from her? Link to post Share on other sites
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