Family guest etiquette

[pink_sugar]

My mom says we're supposed to pick up after quests if they leave trash around. They usually stay here when they visit since they have nowhere else to stay and my grandmother had her birthday this weekend, but my mom just said she'd be staying longer to take her to her eye appt. Well, my mom always has the window open the fan going because she gets hotter than the rest of us and that makes a 1 bedroom apartment cold fast. I put up with that and all the clutter of 4 people in a one bedroom apartment. My stepdad leaves his beer cans laying around or sometimes they leave trash on the table or where they are sleeping. There was even a bottle on the floor next to the recycling can. Oh..and they also don't change the toilet paper roll when they use up the toilet paper. (we keep the rolls right next to the toilet) They just leave it empty there. I didn't specifically invite them over, but they do stay here. I still have other things going on such as work and school and I don't have time to pick up after people however long they stay. I think it's reasonable as a guest to pick up your own trash.

[turnera]

Except when they're your parents.

[wow04]

I think it is very rude and disrespectful of your parents to not pick up after themselves. In my opinon, if you are nice enough to let them stay there, they should be nice enough to pick up their own stuff. Who picks up their stuff at their house? I would tell your mom how you feel. Tell her you are busy with work and school and you would appreciate it if everyone picked up after themselves.

[RiverRunning]

I'm not sure if you have a tactful out with this one. In my experiences, people are very touchy about having their mistakes corrected. Sure, they might jump to correct it. Or, just as likely as not, you're likely to get a mouthful before they stomp out of the house and slam the door after 'em.

 

It comes down to this: how much time do you actually spend picking up after them? Most of the things you've described sound fairly minor, but then again, it depends on how many times a day they're leaving trash lying around (is their own house that filthy?).

 

I'd say wait it out until they go home. Then, approach your mom alone - in person, on the phone - and let her know that you weren't happy about cans and trash being left around your place.

 

I agree that it's reasonable to expect guests to clean up after themselves. But then there's the bigger issue: how do you handle it? What's likely to cause the least amount of fall-out? etc.

[pink_sugar]

It's a combination of things. It's already tough for 4 people in a one bedroom apartment with clothes and bedding in the livingroom for several days. She always wants the window open and fans on, even at night because she's too hot and the rest of us get cold. I was also firm with them about not walking around with shoes on (I'm tired of paying to rent a carpet cleaner every few months). Trash being left around, floors and countertops getting dirty, not changing the toilet paper when they use it up etc. Their place is definitely not the cleanest, they do do some cleaning before we come over, but we definitely throw away or trash and whatnot. I think what makes it the most difficult is living in such a small space and everyone being on top of each other.

Edited July 30, 2012 by pink_sugar

[pink_sugar]

Talked to my mom and she basically thinks she should have to "ask" to stay over. She thinks she can just tell us when she's coming and to expect her over for those days. We got in an agrument tonight because we had been visiting my husband's family more than her. (We hardly see his family) and that we should spend more time with her and not them, because they did X and Z two years ago. We had a good visit this time aside from the grandmother making it difficult to see them. I told my mom in advance I'd be busy this weekend visiting so I may not have as much time to visit her. She lives a few hours away and my husband's brother lives across the country.