Pyro Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 You mean CE and you aren't in a constant power struggle? But but but - what about the war of the sexes? and that is why these 'soldiers' in the war don't like me. I think the men who are most at risk in marriage are the ones who are generally laid back yet still responsible. We don't obsess and go frantic over routine things in life--yet this trait is mistaken for laziness. I think these men typically get steamrolled and bumrushed by their wives because, by nature, these men are not aggressive and are at peace with life. They are at risk if they just sit back and let the wife run everything. They don't need to be aggressive but rather be assertive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 The guys most at risk are the ones who need constant validation. Like everytime they take out the trash they deserve so much more than a simple thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 The guys most at risk are the ones who need constant validation. Like everytime they take out the trash they deserve so much more than a simple thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Marriage carries a risk for everyone. How is it you don't think women get hurt monumentally in marriage, and often? Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 They are at risk if they just sit back and let the wife run everything. They don't need to be aggressive but rather be assertive. I am naturally laid back. However, I have a college degree, I have always been steadily employed, I take care of my children, and I'm responsible. What I do not do, however, is play the role of "alpha male" and be "assertive". The Bible says that the meek are blessed and they shall inherit the earth. The Bible also says that those who wait upon the Lord shall be lifted up on the wings of eagles. Our society needs to learn something about being patient and living and let living. It takes a special kind of woman to understand this and not try to steamroll a man who is patient. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Even women admit marriage carries a risk for men, pretty amazing. I think most of us admit that marriage carries a risk for anyone who embarks upon it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I am naturally laid back. However, I have a college degree, I have always been steadily employed, I take care of my children, and I'm responsible. What I do not do, however, is play the role of "alpha male" and be "assertive". The Bible says that the meek are blessed and they shall inherit the earth. The Bible also says that those who wait upon the Lord shall be lifted up on the wings of eagles. Our society needs to learn something about being patient and living and let living. It takes a special kind of woman to understand this and not try to steamroll a man who is patient. Society does need a readjusting but until then lots of people will need to adapt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 I think most of us admit that marriage carries a risk for anyone who embarks upon it. Being born carries a risk for anyone who embarks upon it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I am naturally laid back. However, I have a college degree, I have always been steadily employed, I take care of my children, and I'm responsible. Are you married? Do you believe your wife "runs the show"? What I do not do, however, is play the role of "alpha male" and be "assertive". The Bible says that the meek are blessed and they shall inherit the earth. The Bible also says that those who wait upon the Lord shall be lifted up on the wings of eagles. Our society needs to learn something about being patient and living and let living. It takes a special kind of woman to understand this and not try to steamroll a man who is patient. Truly, the oft bandied term "alpha male" has NOTHING to do with being assertive, and being patient is not counter to being assertive. If a person has a strong stance on something, they owe it to themselves and to their loved one to make a stand for that. To do otherwise is to not be true to your own beliefs, or to yourself. And to not do so and then to complain about the outcome (wive "running the show") is simply passive aggressive. If you use the Bible as an excuse to refuse to be assertive … how do you intend to fulfill the many Biblical instructions for husbands to lead? How can a leader not be assertive? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 Are you married? Do you believe your wife "runs the show"? What I do not do, however, is play the role of "alpha male" and be "assertive". The Bible says that the meek are blessed and they shall inherit the earth. The Bible also says that those who wait upon the Lord shall be lifted up on the wings of eagles. Our society needs to learn something about being patient and living and let living. It takes a special kind of woman to understand this and not try to steamroll a man who is patient. Truly, the oft bandied term "alpha male" has NOTHING to do with being assertive, and being patient is not counter to being assertive. If a person has a strong stance on something, they owe it to themselves and to their loved one to make a stand for that. To do otherwise is to not be true to your own beliefs, or to yourself. And to not do so and then to complain about the outcome (wive "running the show") is simply passive aggressive. If you use the Bible as an excuse to refuse to be assertive … how do you intend to fulfill the many Biblical instructions for husbands to lead? How can a leader not be assertive? There's a difference between having to lead (a good thing) and having to constantly battle the haranguing of your wife. Instead of putting the onus entirely on the husband to lead (which he should), why not put some responsibility on the wives to have a heart which is able to be led. You are the one who implied that husbands should lead, right? This also implies that women should allow their husbands to lead. You can't have an effective leader of any group with a bunch of defiant people. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I think that it's true that in a more "traditional" marriage, even if the man was out working and the wife stayed at home, both were equal partners in the success of the marriage... My marriage is like that. Due to circumstances that we never, ever expected to have happen, i really to have to stay at home with my kids. This isn't the way that we had planned things to be, but sometimes, life doesn't work out the way one expects. Heck, I'm well educated, have experience in my field, and am really good at it, but not many employers would be okay with an employee taking two or three days off every week ( aside of weekends and evenings). But with the health issues two of my kids have, that's what would have to happen. I'd also realistically never make enough to pay for the care I give them myself. Because of this, we've fallen into the uber traditional roles of where he goes to work and I do pretty much everything else. His job is hard, his days are long and he's away a lot, but we work as a team so that things run smoothly...I support him in what he does and he supports me... I think all this quibbling over 'women are blah blah blah blah' and "men are blah, blah, blah, blah' is not really a representation of the reality that exists for an awful lot of married people...we may be men and women ( or men and men or women and women in a same sex marriage) but we are all people.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 Let me respost this in response to Mme.Chauer: There's a difference between having to lead (a good thing) and having to constantly battle the haranguing of your wife. Instead of putting the onus entirely on the husband to lead (which he should), why not put some responsibility on the wives to have a heart which is able to be led. You are the one who implied that husbands should lead, right? This also implies that women should allow their husbands to lead. You can't have an effective leader of any group with a bunch of defiant people. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 "There's a difference between having to lead (a good thing) and having to constantly battle the haranguing of your wife. Instead of putting the onus entirely on the husband to lead (which he should), why not put some responsibility on the wives to have a heart which is able to be led. You are the one who implied that husbands should lead, right? This also implies that women should allow their husbands to lead. You can't have an effective leader of any group with a bunch of defiant people." perhaps instead of the two spouses jockeying for position, why aren't both working together as a team and as a 'single unit" ? why is it "me" instead of "we"...? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Only if you let them. I love my wife very much and I go out of my way to treat her well but nobody steamrolls over me and if they mistake my kindness and calm nature for a weakness that is their mistake. I am never going to live any person's boots in any situation and not just relationships. My ex tried to call me lazy and accuse me of not being pro-active and I used to believe until I realized it was coming from somebody who had no job and did nothing around the house so who was she to talk. If I am so lazy how did I buy a house and have it paid off by age 30 with no help? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Someone has been watching way too much reality TV. Actually I still know a lot of people in relationships where than man just does whatever he pleases. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 perhaps instead of the two spouses jockeying for position, why aren't both working together as a team and as a 'single unit" ? why is it "me" instead of "we"...? My OP suggested equality in the first place. Mme.Chaucer (et al) are the ones who brought up the fact that husbands should "lead", whereby I suggested that a leader requires leadable people who choose to submit. I never even brought up leadership/submission. My point is that we don't even seem to have equality anymore. Women seem to be the ones in highest power in families now. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Let me respost this in response to Mme.Chauer: There's a difference between having to lead (a good thing) and having to constantly battle the haranguing of your wife. If a couple is in a constant battle with haranguing, there is a lot of trouble in the marriage. This is not because a woman is running the show. It's because they have a dysfunctional relationship. You are the one who implied that husbands should lead, right? This also implies that women should allow their husbands to lead.. No, I did not. I just noted that you were using the word of God to excuse you from being assertive. My understanding was that the husband was called upon to lead by that word. And I don't take the Bible literally, myself. You can't have an effective leader of any group with a bunch of defiant people. More to the point, you can't be an effective leader if you won't step up and lead; if you are relying upon the passivity of the people you might be in a leadership role with, you are NOT a leader. Whether you are a husband, a wife, a chairman, president or a boss, you won't be effective. I happen to believe that in most successful marriages and other partnerships, one has more leadership qualities than the other - or, they are allocating leadership in different areas of their partnership depending upon each person's strengths. I don't think it's dependent upon the genders of the people. What is needed is harmony about these things between those involved. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 Which is nice and all but we both know this isn't about you specifically. The way the family court system is set up coupled with the fact that there's a tried and true saying regarding pissed off women getting married is an incredibly bad decision for men. no exactly, why would I want someone to think I am special.I am not special, never have been, there are a lot of women who have to fight their guts out to get support probably more than you think of.You are giving your opinion on the basis you are reading facts and figures that you have been told or read about, not that you know first hand.Yet you feel the need to tell me its not about me.I, more than anyone else already know that.I was giving a specific example in relation to your answer where is your specific and real example....or should I say where is the link that you read about......dont insult me with "its not about you line" that is childish....that is something I am aware of, teach me something new thankyou I would appreciate your thoughts not something i can google........deb Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 OK, let's start over and stick to the topic and not dissect each other's present or past marriages. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 How. The. Heck. Was that sarcastic at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author M30USA Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 If you wanted the kind of woman who had the same beliefs as yourself, you should have carefully picked one, instead of someone who sees things differently. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you are getting a divorce and you've been accused of being abusive, is that right? I'm not trying to be sly here, so I'll just directly ask you, were you abusive? Nope. My wife beat my ass with a wooden plank. She served jail time. Of course she's still fighting to get the kids and probably won't have to pay any price for it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 OK, let's start over and stick to the topic and not dissect each other's present or past marriages. Sorry, I missed this. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 You mean CE and you aren't in a constant power struggle? But but but - what about the war of the sexes? All sarcasm aside Kamille and Pyro, most men would gladly accept the kind of arrangement you say you have Pyro. However, one can't argue that there isn't some form of entitlement in the modern western or western influenced woman. Feminism gave her a flag to rally around, validated her way of acting. These are the ppl who go into marriage with 1 foot in, are in a constant power struggle, and use 'us' when it suits them. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 All sarcasm aside Kamille and Pyro, most men would gladly accept the kind of arrangement you say you have Pyro. However, one can't argue that there isn't some form of entitlement in the modern western or western influenced woman. Feminism gave her a flag to rally around, validated her way of acting. These are the ppl who go into marriage with 1 foot in, are in a constant power struggle, and use 'us' when it suits them. That is why I never tell people to rush into marriage. Get to know the person first. Yes sometimes the power struggle won't develop until afterwards but don't be a pushover or a pusher. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eclypse Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 My girlfriend is really bossy. She's a loudmouth for someone so small. She says women like to make men think theyre I'm charge, but really the woman wears the pants. Im one of those too laid back guys. I find it easier to just not argue and agree with her. I also find I get laid a lot more, so I guess it's a win. Link to post Share on other sites
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