Women Run The Show In Modern Marriages

[Radu]

Completely agreed Pyro ... ohwait, didn't you marry someone from half-way around the globe in a LDR, after you had seen each other just a few times ?

 

My girlfriend is really bossy. She's a loudmouth for someone so small. She says women like to make men think theyre I'm charge, but really the woman wears the pants. Im one of those too laid back guys. I find it easier to just not argue and agree with her. I also find I get laid a lot more, so I guess it's a win.

 

 

If you find yourself at the receiving end of a 'honey and baseball bat' strategy, it is time to rethink your relationship.

Edited July 31, 2012 by Radu

[Breathisoverrated]

My girlfriend is really bossy. She's a loudmouth for someone so small. She says women like to make men think theyre I'm charge, but really the woman wears the pants. Im one of those too laid back guys. I find it easier to just not argue and agree with her. I also find I get laid a lot more, so I guess it's a win.

 

 

Maybe she has to be loud TOOOOOOOOOOOO GET YOU TO MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE BUSTER. yOU CAN ONLY GET LAID IF YOU PUT THE REMOTE DOWN...apathy kills the mood to give head you know i would leave you there and go and do myself...Just sayin and all bro

[TaraMaiden]

My girlfriend is really bossy. She's a loudmouth for someone so small. She says women like to make men think theyre I'm charge, but really the woman wears the pants. Im one of those too laid back guys. I find it easier to just not argue and agree with her. I also find I get laid a lot more, so I guess it's a win.

When people declare that relationships should be equal, they're under the misapprehension that all relationships should be completely equal, 100% of the time, which is both completely unrealistic and unworkable - not to mention ludicrous.

In any relationship, there will always be an imbalance, and one party will always be 'stronger' and more forceful than the other, to some degree. It is how all dynamics work, without exception.

But the degree is what counts; that, and the level of respect, compromise and trust in the other.

[M30USA]

Eclypse,

 

I know the feeling. My wife would make me do things that she wouldn't do herself--or would begrudgingly do. I would have to play with her hair every night until she fell asleep and if I stopped (due to being tired from going to work at 5am) she would nudge me and wake me up to keep going. I don't think she once ever played with my hair til I fell asleep.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Eclypse,

 

I know the feeling. My wife would make me do things that she wouldn't do herself--or would begrudgingly do. I would have to play with her hair every night until she fell asleep and if I stopped (due to being tired from going to work at 5am) she would nudge me and wake me up to keep going. I don't think she once ever played with my hair til I fell asleep.

 

Did you have sort of a mistress / slave thing going on with her, or what?

 

I hope you don't let your friends and loved ones "make" you do things you don't want to do in the future.

 

Seriously, this is YOUR problem, not the problem of society.

[M30USA]

Did you have sort of a mistress / slave thing going on with her, or what?

 

I hope you don't let your friends and loved ones "make" you do things you don't want to do in the future.

 

Seriously, this is YOUR problem, not the problem of society.

 

My problem?

 

You obviously don't have any experience with people like this. One time I didn't play with her hair and she threw a huge fit, kept me up all night raging, and I went to work the next day with no sleep.

 

Another time she ran to her parents enraged that I didn't want to go shopping with her.

 

You should thank God you've never dealt with these people. No amount of strength and standing your ground works on them. They fight to the grave and dont care even if they make their own life miserable.

[Mme. Chaucer]

My problem?

 

You obviously don't have any experience with people like this. One time I didn't play with her hair and she threw a huge fit, kept me up all night raging, and I went to work the next day with no sleep.

 

Another time she ran to her parents enraged that I didn't want to go shopping with her.

 

You should thank God you've never dealt with these people. No amount of strength and standing your ground works on them. They fight to the grave and dont care even if they make their own life miserable.

 

And you CHOOSE to have "those people" in your life; you CHOSE to marry one, and you CHOSE to have kids with her.

 

Nothing for you to look at within YOURSELF in all of that?

 

I raised a so-called "strong willed child" who probably was / is one of "those people," so I actually do have quite a bit of experience there. I assure you, one can stand their ground with things a lot more serious than being "forced" to play with hair if one is determined to do so.

 

I hope you grow some semblance of a backbone before your kids hit their teens, if it's not too late already.

[TaraMaiden]

I have to agree with Mme Chaucer here, guys... the fact that you two were spineless wimps who acceded to your wives' every whim and wish - is not a reflection of society's attitudes to divorce - it just serves to demonstrate how two individuals were obviously beta males to their spouses' Alpha positions. If you couldn't fight your ways out of a paper bag - that's not society - that's your own feeble responsibility.

 

Some couples are happy to co-exist in this way. If you weren't happy - the fact that you continued in this vein does not find its reasoning at the hub of a social construct - it finds itself firmly within your four walls.

[dreamingoftigers]

My problem?

 

You obviously don't have any experience with people like this. One time I didn't play with her hair and she threw a huge fit, kept me up all night raging, and I went to work the next day with no sleep.

 

Another time she ran to her parents enraged that I didn't want to go shopping with her.

 

You should thank God you've never dealt with these people. No amount of strength and standing your ground works on them. They fight to the grave and dont care even if they make their own life miserable.

 

And that's why you make sure not to marry this. Then you leave or get done serious help if it turns out that you did.

 

Plus when you stand your ground you make sure you aren't assaulting her character in the process.

 

Play with her hair? Really?

[justpassingthrough]

However, one can't argue that there isn't some form of entitlement in the modern western or western influenced woman.

Feminism gave her a flag to rally around, validated her way of acting.

These are the ppl who go into marriage with 1 foot in, are in a constant power struggle, and use 'us' when it suits them.

 

And you're comparing "western or western influenced women" to who? "Eastern or eastern influenced women"?

 

Really?

 

What's the difference. Do tell.

[Pyro]

Completely agreed Pyro ... ohwait, didn't you marry someone from half-way around the globe in a LDR, after you had seen each other just a few times ?

 

Yes we did and feel free to be a critic about it because you aren't the first and you won't be the last.

 

Due to visa purposes we had to get married and we both had an advantage as we got to know a lot about each other personally through our posts here throughout the years. That may not be as effective as spending that time together in person but it still is better than not knowing anything about each other.

[Negative Nancy]

What is the deal?

 

 

Women have the p***y, women make the rules.

[Negative Nancy]

Men are leaving families?

 

70% of divorces are initiated by women.

 

Most likely because the men cheated on them, or were abusive. So the 70 % divorce rate is actually men's fault, that's crystal clear.

[M30USA]

And you CHOOSE to have "those people" in your life; you CHOSE to marry one, and you CHOSE to have kids with her.

 

Nothing for you to look at within YOURSELF in all of that?

 

I raised a so-called "strong willed child" who probably was / is one of "those people," so I actually do have quite a bit of experience there. I assure you, one can stand their ground with things a lot more serious than being "forced" to play with hair if one is determined to do so.

 

I hope you grow some semblance of a backbone before your kids hit their teens, if it's not too late already.

 

I married her because I didn't know who she was. It was a youthful mistake.

 

But amidst all your harsh words, I did not deserve her to assault me and leave bruises. That has nothing to do with having "no backbone".

 

I am separated and soon to be divorced from her. And whoever has a child like this, you should be ashamed of how you raised them. There is a clear difference between being a type A assertive person and being an abuser/assaulter. If you can't tell the difference then God have mercy on your soul.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I married her because I didn't know who she was. It was a youthful mistake.

 

But amidst all your harsh words, I did not deserve her to assault me and leave bruises. That has nothing to do with having "no backbone".

 

I am separated and soon to be divorced from her. And whoever has a child like this, you should be ashamed of how you raised them. There is a clear difference between being a type A assertive person and being an abuser/assaulter. If you can't tell the difference then God have mercy on your soul.

 

M30USA, I do not blame victims of abuse for being abused. My post was in response to your "playing with her hair" example.

 

I am very proud of my daughter and how she turned out. She is 25 now. If I would have succumbed to her willfulness, though, I might have helped to create a monster. Much backbone was required.

[Radu]

And you're comparing "western or western influenced women" to who? "Eastern or eastern influenced women"?

 

Really?

 

What's the difference. Do tell.

 

In my post i did not compare anything to eastern or eastern influenced women, YOU made that transition out of your own volition.

 

I live in a country that was communist untill '89, and i was stuck watching the transition.

Between the present generation that grew up on american culture, MTV, VH1 and the older generations there is a WORLD of difference.

 

If you haven't lived in this situation, i simply cannot show you the difference, but i see it in the men and women of my country aged 20 to 40 every damn day.

And what shocks me more, is the fact that in my country women's lib happened in '47, was mandatory.

So i really don't see a reason for the existence of radical feminism in my country, yet here it is ... brought by western television.

 

Yes we did and feel free to be a critic about it because you aren't the first and you won't be the last.

 

Due to visa purposes we had to get married and we both had an advantage as we got to know a lot about each other personally through our posts here throughout the years. That may not be as effective as spending that time together in person but it still is better than not knowing anything about each other.

I know Pyro, i read the threads where you guys got hitched and couldn't decide on wether it's Ms. Pyro or Mr. Erased.

My post was not criticism, it was a jab [without any ill feeling].

[Pyro]

I know Pyro, i read the threads where you guys got hitched and couldn't decide on wether it's Ms. Pyro or Mr. Erased.

My post was not criticism, it was a jab [without any ill feeling].

 

No ill feelings here.

 

I will enjoy proving all the naysayers wrong.

[Mme. Chaucer]

No ill feelings here.

 

I will enjoy proving all the naysayers wrong.

 

Just FYI, I have a good friend, a former employee, in fact, who took a vacation to Mexico with her friends 10 years ago and met an Englishman there. They really hit it off.

 

They met in NYC that New Year's and had one more trip together. Then he came to visit her in the US and had a terrible experience at customs where they detained him for over 24 hours and went through all of his tech stuff with a fine toothed comb. Evidently people in his line of work (technology for banking industry) have been working in the US without the proper visas and his whole identity was a big red flag.

 

They decided that they would either need to get married right away, or break up. The long distance and efforts at visiting back and forth were not going to be a long term workable thing. They chose to get married.

 

That was 10 years, 2 great kids, and a lot of good life together ago.

[Pyro]

Just FYI, I have a good friend, a former employee, in fact, who took a vacation to Mexico with her friends 10 years ago and met an Englishman there. They really hit it off.

 

They met in NYC that New Year's and had one more trip together. Then he came to visit her in the US and had a terrible experience at customs where they detained him for over 24 hours and went through all of his tech stuff with a fine toothed comb. Evidently people in his line of work (technology for banking industry) have been working in the US without the proper visas and his whole identity was a big red flag.

 

They decided that they would either need to get married right away, or break up. The long distance and efforts at visiting back and forth were not going to be a long term workable thing. They chose to get married.

 

That was 10 years, 2 great kids, and a lot of good life together ago.

 

Chalk one up for the good guys.

[Stellar Wench]

Let's just face it. You see it on TV. In small chat everyone knows it's the truth.

 

Women run the show in modern marriages. Why is it like this? You know...if equality is what women want, why not have equality then in marriages? But it's gone beyond that. In the majority of marriages I've seen the wife bosses the husband around, she says do this or do that and he up and gets to it without a word--because he knows what will happen if he doesn't. Meanwhile if most husbands dare tell their wife to do something, it's up for debate and he will probably get an argument in return.

 

What is the deal?

Sakes alive yes! It's all about the pu$$y power. All Hail Poonanny.

[BetheButterfly]

Let's just face it. You see it on TV. In small chat everyone knows it's the truth.

 

Women run the show in modern marriages. Why is it like this? You know...if equality is what women want, why not have equality then in marriages? But it's gone beyond that. In the majority of marriages I've seen the wife bosses the husband around, she says do this or do that and he up and gets to it without a word--because he knows what will happen if he doesn't. Meanwhile if most husbands dare tell their wife to do something, it's up for debate and he will probably get an argument in return.

 

What is the deal?

 

I disagree.

 

My husband is la cabeza... the head of the family. He makes the most decisions and he is responsible for me. He also kindly provides most of our income and has no problem with that. He also has taken responsibility for my health, which includes encouraging me to go to the gym with him at least 3 times a week and eating more healthy than I did when I was single.

 

However, I do make decisions too and I do most definitely make my opinions and feelings clear to him. Marriage is supposed to be a team, where both people's opinions and goals and feelings are important and where the couple learns to communicate well with the other and work together, like how one's right foot and left foot work together to help one walk.

 

So, even though my husband is most definitely la cabeza, he does not at all try to control me nor am I a doormat. Rather, he considers me the corazon (heart) of the family and listens to my heart just as much as he listens to the physical organ plumping his blood when working out. The parts of the body need to work together in order for the person to be happy and healthy. When the head and heart of the family work together for the family and learn to compromise, as well as care and love each other, the body (or marriage) can go through many things and yet get stronger instead of weaker.

Edited August 1, 2012 by BetheButterfly

[RickyLovesLucy]

Let's just face it. You see it on TV. In small chat everyone knows it's the truth.

 

Women run the show in modern marriages. Why is it like this? You know...if equality is what women want, why not have equality then in marriages? But it's gone beyond that. In the majority of marriages I've seen the wife bosses the husband around, she says do this or do that and he up and gets to it without a word--because he knows what will happen if he doesn't. Meanwhile if most husbands dare tell their wife to do something, it's up for debate and he will probably get an argument in return.

 

What is the deal?

Here's the deal:

 

In 2008 the Pew Research Center conducted a survey for the purpose of studying power dynamics in marriages: Women Call the Shots at Home, which was reported by the Wall Street Journal: Who Wears the Pants. The article notes of those surveyed: "43% responded that the woman makes most of the major decisions for the family, with 31% saying that the couple makes most decisions together... [Regardless of who makes more money] women wielded sole decision-making power far more than men did, indicating that what "father knows best" is when to defer to mom."

 

"Not surprisingly, one reason men say they are willing to acquiesce in their spouses' wishes is that their wives usually have greater knowledge of the day-to-day activities and needs of the home than they do...But what is rather unexpected is the deeper (and much sweeter) reason men have for giving in to their wives: They want them to be happy... The general consensus of sociologists is that, whereas a woman's marital satisfaction is dependent on a combination of economic, emotional and psychological realities, a man's marital satisfaction is most determined by one factor: how happy his wife is. When she is happy, he is. Working within this framework, most husbands are unwilling to dig in their heels on any issue unless they have a tremendous incentive to do so." [emphasis added]

 

The article also mentions another study conducted by Iowa State University. It is better summarized in a Science Daily article Wives Have Greater Power In Marriage Problem-Solving Behavior The researchers separately asked spouses to describe specific problems they currently faced. The couple was then left alone, but videorecorded, to discuss the problems each had mentioned. The researchers hypothesized that men would dominate the discussions, but they found the opposite: "It wasn't just that the women were bringing up issues that weren't being responded to, but that the men were actually going along with what they said. [Women] were communicating more powerful messages and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in."[emphasis added]

 

Finally, the Straight Dope message board had a discussion on Why Women Rule the Roost that mentioned both articles. A popular reason mentioned harks back to Aristophenes' play Lysistrata, summarized humorously, if crudely, as "Women rule the roost because in any relationship, they control half of the vote but 100% of the vagina." A user also mentioned a pair of coffee mugs owned by his grandparents: one said "I rule the roost", the other said "I rule the rooster".

[GorillaTheater]

Great post, Ricky.

 

And in the process, many men lose themselves and their own identity trying to make their wives happy, while many women grow disatisfied with their wishy-washy husbands who appear to have forgotten how to be strong and confident and lead in ANYTHING.

 

Some of us catch on to what we're doing in time, and some of us don't.

[Kelemvor]

"Not surprisingly, one reason men say they are willing to acquiesce in their spouses' wishes is that their wives usually have greater knowledge of the day-to-day activities and needs of the home than they do...But what is rather unexpected is the deeper (and much sweeter) reason men have for giving in to their wives: They want them to be happy... The general consensus of sociologists is that, whereas a woman's marital satisfaction is dependent on a combination of economic, emotional and psychological realities, a man's marital satisfaction is most determined by one factor: how happy his wife is. When she is happy, he is. Working within this framework, most husbands are unwilling to dig in their heels on any issue unless they have a tremendous incentive to do so." [emphasis added]

 

Fascinating. I would have to totally agree with this. I'd be curious to know why women don't value their husbands happiness in the same regard, or do they...just in a different way? Is it because of the extra responsibilities of the family/household/children, etc..?

 

I do agree that marriage is a power struggle. I noticed it when I first became married. She was very demanding and almost assumed, I think, that she would be calling the shots. Well, she married a very independent man who doesn't like people calling the shots for him, and if unhappy enough... would more than gladly revert back to single bachelorhood. Fear of that prospect, and recognition of that unwillingness to budge has led me to notice a much more dynamic change in how she approaches me, and the marriage in general. However, I do agree that most men want to please their wife. So, it has reverse led me to feel guilty in situations where I'm calling most of the shots and not listening to her enough, or letting her make an equitable decision together with me... Why? Because I can see how unhappy it makes her, which in turn makes me feel selfish and unhappy myself.

 

Very strange how the dynamics work.

[wheream_i]

Let's just face it. You see it on TV. In small chat everyone knows it's the truth.

 

Women run the show in modern marriages. Why is it like this? You know...if equality is what women want, why not have equality then in marriages? But it's gone beyond that. In the majority of marriages I've seen the wife bosses the husband around, she says do this or do that and he up and gets to it without a word--because he knows what will happen if he doesn't. Meanwhile if most husbands dare tell their wife to do something, it's up for debate and he will probably get an argument in return.

 

What is the deal?

 

Now, take this thread and use it to answer the other thread about someone not being married by the age of 40. This is a big reason why.