Women Run The Show In Modern Marriages

[M30USA]

As the previous poster said, a man's marital happiness is determined by his wife's happiness. However, it's an assumption to say that the woman's happiness depends mostly or entirely on the man. Many unhappy marriages wrongly blame the husband for not making his wife happy enough. But didn't the previous poster say that women get their happiness from a wide range of factors? Then why are men so often held responsible for their wives happiness? Some women are just happy regardless of what happens and some women are miserable regardless of what happens. Some women can be pleased with little; others need practically the world at their feet and they still aren't happy. I've seen some men live simple lives (even boring lives) and their wives are happy; then other men will break their backs and do all the things they're supposed to and their wife is never happy.

[TaraMaiden]

It hinges on how much dependency people put upon their partner with the expectation that they will cause or create the happiness for them.

Parters will not make you happy.

You make you happy.

If you're not happy, and you blame your partner - you're doing it wrong.

[RickyLovesLucy]

But but but - what about the war of the sexes?

Make Love, Not War

[RickyLovesLucy]

As the previous poster said, a man's marital happiness is determined by his wife's happiness. However, it's an assumption to say that the woman's happiness depends mostly or entirely on the man. Many unhappy marriages wrongly blame the husband for not making his wife happy enough. But didn't the previous poster say that women get their happiness from a wide range of factors? Then why are men so often held responsible for their wives happiness? Some women are just happy regardless of what happens and some women are miserable regardless of what happens. Some women can be pleased with little; others need practically the world at their feet and they still aren't happy. I've seen some men live simple lives (even boring lives) and their wives are happy; then other men will break their backs and do all the things they're supposed to and their wife is never happy.

Previous poster here. I quoted a Wall Street Journal article summarizing the consensus among sociologists. The article didn't mention responsibility. I think you have it right when you state that some women are happy with little and some are not. Undoubtedly, some men are happy with little and some are not. Why does this happen? Because we come from a variety of backgrounds and experiences and we absorb that experience in a variety of different ways. Given that variation, I think it would be more surprising if we were all the same.

[Kamille]

Previous poster here. I quoted a Wall Street Journal article summarizing the consensus among sociologists. The article didn't mention responsibility. I think you have it right when you state that some women are happy with little and some are not. Undoubtedly, some men are happy with little and some are not. Why does this happen? Because we come from a variety of backgrounds and experiences and we absorb that experience in a variety of different ways. Given that variation, I think it would be more surprising if we were all the same.

 

There is no such thing as a consensus among sociologists, else we would all be out of a job .

 

Many studies do show that men tend to fare better and be happier in marriage than women. The explanations for this finding vary, but generally, the findings show that men reap more health and care benefits from marriage than do women. Women end up with more (house-hold related) work when married. The studies RLL cited point to the same finding: women tend to focus on the well-being of the whole household because they know how it is run - likely because they're mostly in charge of running it. Women are also more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression in our society. Whether women want to call the shots or men and women are socialized to expect women to do most of the tending for the household is up for debate.

 

The bottom line remains: you get to choose and define the kind of relationship you want. If you want an equal partnership, find a partner who wants the same. If you prefer to run the household, find a partner who's happy to let you do it. If, at any point, conflicts arise, deal with it with love and respect.

[dreamingoftigers]

In my case, my husband and I recently read the first chapter out of Spousonomics and split up the housework into "specializations."

 

It's worked wonders and there's no great excuses on either part for stuff left undone. Also, we're more forgiving if we know someone has a busy schedule and the work is left undone. It provides an instant chance to give the other a cost-free "gift."

 

There is no such thing as a consensus among sociologists, else we would all be out of a job .

 

Many studies do show that men tend to fare better and be happier in marriage than women. The explanations for this finding vary, but generally, the findings show that men reap more health and care benefits from marriage than do women. Women end up with more (house-hold related) work when married. The studies RLL cited point to the same finding: women tend to focus on the well-being of the whole household because they know how it is run - likely because they're mostly in charge of running it. Women are also more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression in our society. Whether women want to call the shots or men and women are socialized to expect women to do most of the tending for the household is up for debate.

 

The bottom line remains: you get to choose and define the kind of relationship you want. If you want an equal partnership, find a partner who wants the same. If you prefer to run the household, find a partner who's happy to let you do it. If, at any point, conflicts arise, deal with it with love and respect.