I have fallen for my married boss!!!

[Blue Girl]

I hope someone can help me …

 

I never ever expected or planned for this to happen but I have developed feelings for a married man who has a young daughter and is also my boss!!! I am engaged to my boyfriend of 7 years and these feelings for my boss have come completely out of the blue and I feel absolutely terrible.

 

He is a fantastic boss extremely easy to get along with and very caring, supportive and friendly. Recently we have been working together more closely and I enjoy his company very much. One day when we were walking along together I had a moment where something clicked and I realized I was enjoying his company because I really liked him and I thought maybe he might have felt that too. Since then I have tried to convince myself that it was just a huge mistake and I don’t really like him but I really miss him when he is not around and when he doesn’t reply to my work related emails I feel sad and lost. I have also started becoming physically attracted to him and I think he is very handsome. His laughter makes me smile and when I look into his eyes I feel this horrible pang of longing and lust for him that I just can’t seem to shake. I keep having the same dream where he slips over on the street and I catch him before he falls. I have got it really bad and it is driving me crazy!!! He is always very attentive towards me but I really don’t know if he feels the same way. He seemed quite keen to touch my hand the other day, intervene when another male colleague was flirting with me and also help me with a work problem but I think if he does feel anything he is being extremely cautious. He also doesn't wear his wedding ring but maybe that doesn't mean anything.

 

The last thing I will ever do is cheat and ruin everyone’s lives. I am not interested in a fling and I am the sort of person who wants more out of a relationship. I still care for my fiancé but obviously these feelings for my boss are very strong and it is all very confusing. I need more time to clear my head but if I can’t shake these feelings for my boss I will leave my fiancé as it is not fair on him. I really want to find a way to move on and forget about my boss but I don’t know how, my feelings for him are just so overwhelmingly powerful! Leaving the job isn’t really an option right now.

 

Please help!?

[imani]

Are there any current problems between you and your fiance? Do you really want to marry him? I ask this because maybe if you don't really want to marry your fiance, you have projected feelings onto your boss as a way "out".

 

Even if this isn't the case, you say your boss is married, so I would leave it be. If he were single and available and if you were single and available then I'd say see where it goes. But since you both are committed to other individuals, it's best to just chalk it up to "he's cute" but definitely leave him alone. Too mant people can get hurt, especially his little girl.

[whichwayisup]

You have an out of control crush on your boss.

 

Are you seriously going to throw away a future with someone who loves you and you love back for some crush that you're not even sure if he feels the same way? Let alone he's MARRIED so either way it'll just be an affair.

 

TALK to your fiancee. Tell him the truth. Maybe his reaction will jolt you back into reality. That this out of control crush is confusing you and you dont' know what you feel anymore.

 

If you just end things with your fiancee and still lust after the MM boss, you'll be ruining your life in so many ways. People at work will talk, if they haven't already they will be. People aren't stupid. They see you talking to him and the way you look at him so it won't take long before rumours start. It'll ruin your work reputation too. Are you prepared for that?

 

Really think here. What do you want? If you need to, go to counselling to help figure it out.

[Alban]

Put yourself in your BF shoes ..7 YEARS, 7 ****ING YEARS

HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL AND SELFISH.

 

THIS WORLD IS MAD :@

[darkmoon]

OP pull yourself together - if the boss wants a full blown affair he'll ask you, there will always be charming film-star looking men and they mostly know they're sexy, but are just daydream fodder....sorry, but you must take this less seriously for your own sake, cuz he hasn't even asked you out

Edited August 4, 2012 by darkmoon

[durentu]

I'm a small business owner, and I'll make this easy for you.

 

The goal of the boss is to keep the employee productive. If this requires peer counseling, listening to problems and concerns, helping out with emergencies, being emotionally supportive and encouraging, it's all part of being the boss, because the company must be kept profitable.

 

Employees are the most important assets, but also they cost 2x-3x their salary due to workman compensation, insurance, retirement packages etc.

 

If I pay a salary of 50k, I'm actually paying about 100k to 150k to keep that person. This means, that this employee must help me produce and sell at minimum*** 100k-150k. Then I see a profit.

 

If that employee's performance starts to suffer due to problem at home or whatever, I will loose money, and/or need to consider replacement which costs more money.

 

Most bosses I know, don't know where this boundary is, but I do it more like a soccer team. If it doesn't feel like soccer practice, then it's has crossed the line.

 

Does your boss see it as soccer practice? Or does he want to show you a secret trick back at his home?...

[ifebuche]

Don't deceive yourself young woman. A married man with at least a young girl. Get over yourself and be faithful to your man of 7 years. You allowed this nonsense grow so its time to kill it.

 

Depending of circumstances, you may have to quit that job if u see a future in this 7yr relationship. But I don't think so, you would rather destroy both sides nurturing a stupid crush. You should b ashamed enough to retrace your steps.

 

Stop admiring him and do the job you are there to do. I wonder why women who do do this. Don't you see its disaster? Wake up!

 

Try sending your man an sms each time u think this misplaced emotion comes up.

[missingu]

I am the same sort of situation. You are not alone at all.

 

He is my married boss.He is nearly 50 and i am 26. He has 2 kids. I enjoy flirting with him. He likes flirting sometimes too. We have alot of eye contact across the room.A little bit of accidental touching when showing eachother something to do with work, and he doesnt back off but i do because he is married and im not up for breaking up his marriage. He has even acted nervous around me before it was so cute. I'd never seen him like that before.Playing with his hair couldnt look at me,kept shifting his feet,spoke really fast.He mocks me,mimics me.I want him,all i do is dream of him but unfortunately he is married. No doubt to a beautiful lovely woman who has to live with his **** 24/7 lol.

 

Im not denying i would jump him in a heartbeat,but im not the breaking up marriages kind. Im here anytime you need to talk.I get it. I totally get it and i hate when people judge others over feelings they cant control.

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

I just have to throw this out there. These "intense" feelings you have are not unique. If you were to decide this was wrong and distance yourself from him the feelings will eventually fade. They just will. I've had these thoughts but you have to decide they are wrong. Nothing good will come of this and you will at some point lose your job. It WILL happen. He's not right for you, the situation is wrong. He has a family, you have a fiance. He seems exciting, you're getting the butterflies again. This is LUST. This is not love. Take a step back from this, take a step back from your fiance and be open with him. It'll bring you two closer and this "fantasy" won't seem as fantastic as it once did.

 

I would give anything to have a stable guy right now, and I've been through the ringer with the wrong ones. Remember what you love in your fiance, think logically about your boss - if he messes around with you what makes you think he won't mess around ON YOU later.

 

You have a guy that loves you, you just need to remember why you fell in love with him and FORCE yourself away from your boss. I highly recommend finding another job and then sorting your issues out with your fiance before you get married.

 

Good luck to you.

[underwater2010]

While you cannot take away you emotions, you can control your actions. I think it is great that you are able to see he is off limits. Your best bet would be to limit your alone time with him, keep it professional and/or transfer positions.

 

You also need to take time to figure out engagement. Why seven years and no marriage? Do you truly love your man or do you feel you are obligated to stay because of all the time invested?

 

Good luck! Remember all you can do is live with honesty and integrity. Do not lose those qualities by cheating with a might be crush.

[Caryopteris]

This is a great post. Your brain is on a drug called dopamine. It makes it very easy to do crazy things and forget about consequences. It might help your brain if you spend some time imagining that you met this guy in a hotel. The flirting and the drinks and seduction were all fun, and you crossed the line, but not very far, so you were trying to justify it to yourself. But THEN it got out because a coworker saw you and stirred up all kinds of trouble for you. There was an intensely stressful week where you didn't know what would happen. Then you got called in to your boss' boss's office and you were told they had to let you go. They didn't like all the upset this had caused. Your boss was deemed too valuable to fire, but they felt they could replace you, so you will now be escorted out of the building. Someone will go through your desk and send you your things.

 

Think how you would feel. Now you have this bad ending you will have to explain on your resume.

 

Now don't you wish you had just enjoyed the sensation of a crush but kept it all professional and just rode it out? Sure you do. Imagine this scenario regularly until looking at your boss gives you an uneasy feeling and you back off. I think it will help your brain stop delivering the dopamine that makes you so tempted to do something that could really hurt you. It's worth a try.

 

 

While you cannot take away you emotions, you can control your actions. I think it is great that you are able to see he is off limits. Your best bet would be to limit your alone time with him, keep it professional and/or transfer positions.

 

You also need to take time to figure out engagement. Why seven years and no marriage? Do you truly love your man or do you feel you are obligated to stay because of all the time invested?

 

Good luck! Remember all you can do is live with honesty and integrity. Do not lose those qualities by cheating with a might be crush.

[hopelesslyunsure]

I am going thru almost the same situation, with a strong crush on my ex boss, while I am in a committed relationship. We have gone a step further - we have flirted via emails and he has kissed me on the neck couple of times.

 

Now, I am in the "withdrawal" stage - slowly cutting off contact. Nothing will eventuate from this crush further, and I think he realized it too.

 

Believe me, it is hard going thru this, but I am determined to do this.You can do this too - distance yourself from him, find something else to keep you busy, find another job maybe, etc. Some days it will be hard and you just want to cry. Be strong, and trust me, the days will get better.

[sweetheart5381]

This is a great post. Your brain is on a drug called dopamine. It makes it very easy to do crazy things and forget about consequences. It might help your brain if you spend some time imagining that you met this guy in a hotel. The flirting and the drinks and seduction were all fun, and you crossed the line, but not very far, so you were trying to justify it to yourself. But THEN it got out because a coworker saw you and stirred up all kinds of trouble for you. There was an intensely stressful week where you didn't know what would happen. Then you got called in to your boss' boss's office and you were told they had to let you go. They didn't like all the upset this had caused. Your boss was deemed too valuable to fire, but they felt they could replace you, so you will now be escorted out of the building. Someone will go through your desk and send you your things.

 

Think how you would feel. Now you have this bad ending you will have to explain on your resume.

 

Now don't you wish you had just enjoyed the sensation of a crush but kept it all professional and just rode it out? Sure you do. Imagine this scenario regularly until looking at your boss gives you an uneasy feeling and you back off. I think it will help your brain stop delivering the dopamine that makes you so tempted to do something that could really hurt you. It's worth a try.

 

I like this advice, very well thought out.

 

This situation has bad news written all over it.

 

First off, even if you and he were both single, the company would strongly frown upon a supervisor or manager messing with his subordinate. It would cause strong feelings of preferential treatment among your own co-workers and you could very well be ostracized. You would eventually be removed from the dept for the unrest.

 

And the above is best case scenario if you were both single.

 

You really need to focus on all the bad that could come from acting on a crush that will inevitably run it's course and possibly leave everyone involved losing a lot..including innocent children.

 

You think you feel guilty now, eh?

[Sweetgurl]

Do not be stupid and act on it. You will regret it. Find someone your age and not from work. Read my post. I made a mistake and I am regretting every single second. He may not be into you. You will look silly and your reputation at work will damage. Focus on something else.

[stillafool]

OP I guess you know by now you need to break off your engagement. You are not a woman who is ready for marriage.