Twist of fate or is this wrong in some way?

[sweetheart5381]

I have recently been intimate with a friend of mine, we met at our workplace and have known each other for 2 yrs. We have become closer in the last several months and I have been attracted to him for quite some time. He asked me out for drinks about 6 weeks ago, but for scheduling reasons we could not find a good time to get together until this past weekend. I was very honest with him that I was attracted to him and had been for a long time. We both already knew it anyway, but I still prefer to lay my cards on the table before considering romance/dating/sex, etc. I ended up in his bed and we fooled around but didn't have sex.

 

All of this sounds like regular courting behaviour however there is a bit of a catch.

 

This friend of mine that I have been interested in is a very good friend of my ex who also works for the same company. My ex and I broke up at the end of January, it was pretty ugly for awhile, then we attempted to salvage a friendship. (We dated for about 8 months, then he wanted to see other women/not ready for relationship so we broke up). The friend made it clear during and after the b/u that he would not "pick sides" or talk about the it with either of us and has no detailed knowledge of it, just that it occurred.

 

So several weeks ago this ex, (who knew I was getting closer to his friend) showed up out of the blue wanting us to spend time together again alone while his friend was away on vacation. In hindsight I think the ex was cock-blocking his friend. Long story short, while the ex appeared to have good intentions, he just wanted sex then he cut loose again. When he did this I lost all respect for him and told him what a jerk he was to have done this to me (as a friend). I'm not angry with him, just disappointed, but he is very angry with me for calling him on his actions. We are NC, even at work. He avoids me and I am fine with that.

 

So now, my question is, is it wrong for me and the friend to pursue each other? We both want to see each other, we are all adults (or at least should be) and I personally would not be bothered if my ex dated one of my friends. (I would of course warn her to be careful as he has a tendency to use women, etc).

 

Any thoughts?

[todreaminblue]

I have recently been intimate with a friend of mine, we met at our workplace and have known each other for 2 yrs. We have become closer in the last several months and I have been attracted to him for quite some time. He asked me out for drinks about 6 weeks ago, but for scheduling reasons we could not find a good time to get together until this past weekend. I was very honest with him that I was attracted to him and had been for a long time. We both already knew it anyway, but I still prefer to lay my cards on the table before considering romance/dating/sex, etc. I ended up in his bed and we fooled around but didn't have sex.

 

All of this sounds like regular courting behaviour however there is a bit of a catch.

 

 

This friend of mine that I have been interested in is a very good friend of my ex who also works for the same company. My ex and I broke up at the end of January, it was pretty ugly for awhile, then we attempted to salvage a friendship. (We dated for about 8 months, then he wanted to see other women/not ready for relationship so we broke up). The friend made it clear during and after the b/u that he would not "pick sides" or talk about the it with either of us and has no detailed knowledge of it, just that it occurred.

 

So several weeks ago this ex, (who knew I was getting closer to his friend) showed up out of the blue wanting us to spend time together again alone while his friend was away on vacation. In hindsight I think the ex was cock-blocking his friend. Long story short, while the ex appeared to have good intentions, he just wanted sex then he cut loose again. When he did this I lost all respect for him and told him what a jerk he was to have done this to me (as a friend). I'm not angry with him, just disappointed, but he is very angry with me for calling him on his actions. We are NC, even at work. He avoids me and I am fine with that.

 

So now, my question is, is it wrong for me and the friend to pursue each other? We both want to see each other, we are all adults (or at least should be) and I personally would not be bothered if my ex dated one of my friends. (I would of course warn her to be careful as he has a tendency to use women, etc).

 

Any thoughts?

 

It is hard going when you have exes in the picture it is not for every one.When you start a new relationship, you have that desire to tend the fire, look after that that old flame as well, maybe a bit of guilt that you are finding happiness elsewhere.I call this Kamikazing.Cut ties with the old flame because if you dont, then you will tend that fire for as long as that fire wants stoking, they have a tendency to follow you to satisfy their own needs when there are no other sparks around to light them up, you are available.

 

Do not have a sexual relationship with your ex do not introduce your friends to this man.Choose who you want to be with and move forward.You deserve that new found happiness>

 

Don't be the caretaker even if that ex has had a horrible time of it in his past, another thing about kamikazes is the broken are attracted to the shine they give out, alot of it(his past pain) is probably used to keep you close or the ex has a chip on his shoulder about life in general.He is not considering your feelings.He sees you as an object to make himself feel good

kamikazes are not considered they are just there waiting for people to use them up.Let your ex go, I wish you love happiness and a light, dont you think your ex should too? A kamikaze deliberately sets out to martyr themselves for the greater good, for the majority rule, for the desire to give justice, to them finding peace.There is no greater good than you.Let him go I validate your devotion, you deserve love I hope you find it and cherish that new beginning..best wishes...debxo

[sweetheart5381]

It is hard going when you have exes in the picture it is not for every one.When you start a new relationship, you have that desire to tend the fire, look after that that old flame as well, maybe a bit of guilt that you are finding happiness elsewhere.I call this Kamikazing.Cut ties with the old flame because if you dont, then you will tend that fire for as long as that fire wants stoking, they have a tendency to follow you to satisfy their own needs when there are no other sparks around to light them up, you are available.

 

Do not have a sexual relationship with your ex do not introduce your friends to this man.Choose who you want to be with and move forward.You deserve that new found happiness>

 

Don't be the caretaker even if that ex has had a horrible time of it in his past, another thing about kamikazes is the broken are attracted to the shine they give out, alot of it(his past pain) is probably used to keep you close or the ex has a chip on his shoulder about life in general.He is not considering your feelings.He sees you as an object to make himself feel good

kamikazes are not considered they are just there waiting for people to use them up.Let your ex go, I wish you love happiness and a light, dont you think your ex should too? A kamikaze deliberately sets out to martyr themselves for the greater good, for the majority rule, for the desire to give justice, to them finding peace.There is no greater good than you.Let him go I validate your devotion, you deserve love I hope you find it and cherish that new beginning..best wishes...debxo

 

Thank you for your reply. There is alot of truth to this post. In hindsight I was always the one that was accommodating the ex and trying to make him happy, even at my own expense. I took all the blame for the demise of the relationship when really, as I look back, it just wasn't going to last because of this state of inequality.

 

My friend and I spent last night together. It was incredible to say the least . I've never had 1st time sex with anyone where we were so completely in tune with one another. It lasted for hrs, sharing and exploring without even a moment of awkwardness.

 

He is giving, kind and open in a way that I have never known a man to be... he gets me a beer and opens it for me, he makes my drink for me, he offers to go to the store if I need something. He is so thoughtful, it blows my mind.

 

We are going to take things slow and continue sharing and exploring one another at a comfortable pace.

 

Cheers to new beginnings