Anyone think MC ever had real positive benefit?

[trippi1432]

Getting over the affair was easier than getting over the way my wife threw me under the bus during the "recovery" phase. That's what was so freeing when I finally realized one of the reasons we weren't making progress....she was mislead by an incompetent counselor and in my opinion she took that to the bank to protect herself from more guilt and shame of what she did.

 

 

Now you should stop worrying about what I need to fix or not fix. Or trying to figure out what I'm trying to do with my wife. If I thought I could fix her, i wouldn't be spending so much damn money on her counselor. I really don't know why you got so stuck on that part of my post anyway. She really had a bunch of stuff to process with her therapist. She still does. Is 3 years too long for that too?

 

OP - I get that, actually, a lot of folks on this forum would get that and have been in that situation as well. As for getting stuck on what I quoted a few posts back, I did that too, stayed for 15 years because I thought I was protecting our son. I could have left at any time, money was not an issue, I had been a single parent before and had no issues with being one again, but I thought I was protecting our son by staying and living in chaos and misery. I also led myself to believe that I could have a positive influence in his life to help him get past his abusive, chaotic past with his alcoholic father. Square peg, round hole....lesson learned.

 

So, what's next OP? Some say, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is just plain crazy....truth is, it will make you crazy.

[tojaz]

 

Now you should stop worrying about what I need to fix or not fix. Or trying to figure out what I'm trying to do with my wife.

 

What exactly do you think this forum is about?

 

Thanks. I think I've gone through the worst of it.

Doubt that.

 

TOJAZ

[Owl]

Just curious...if the counselor you had wasn't meeting your needs...why didn't you find another counselor?

 

We went through a couple before we found one that worked for us. We had to find one that had a method that DIDN'T let her get away with not taking responsibility for her action...and once we'd dealt with the issues centric to the affair itself, I had to take responsibility for my own part in the other troubled aspects of our relationship.

 

Our counselor didn't "diagnose" anything...but he DID provide a well-centered, well moderated "safe area" where we could work through the issues that needed to be dealt with without tearing each other down.

 

Worked good for us.

 

It could be that you simply haven't found a counselor that is best suited for your own personalities and issues. Or it could be that the problems that exist in your relationship may be well beyond what any counselor can help fix.

 

Neither of those are the counselor's fault or failure.