debbysdreams Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 My husband just left me last week. I thought we had a beautiful realtionship and didn't suspect a thing except that he stopped having sex with me a month and a half ago. I am 44 and he is 29 - I know, big age difference - but it worked fine and we never had age-realted problems. We have been married for 4 and a half years. He told me when we got home from work one night last week that he had been seeing some woman for two months now and that he loved her. Then he turns around and says that he still loves me. Then all of the excuses started coming: I need to go because you deserve someone better than me, I have always made you unhappy....etc.etc. He left then came back a day later telling his girlfriend that he was going to work on his marriage. He was home two days, told me everything and more that I didn't want to know, said he wanted to work it out with me. I was elated and was willing to forgive and forget and work things out. But his girlfriend kept instant messaging him on his phone all evening. I called her and told her to stop because he wanted to work on his marriage and to please back off. Then I went to the store on the third day and when I came home, he left his wedding ring and a note saying that he couldn't think of anything but this other woman and that he had to do what "made him happy." Now I am so confused, I know I should file for divorce and get over him, but I love him and I do value my committment to him even though he broke his. He has called on the phone just to talk, emails me all day while i am at work just like he always did, and comes over to visit and talk (we aren't having sex). I ask him if there is any chance left for us and he says that he can't give me an answer on that just yet. I ask him if he still loves me and he says yes. We have season tickets for Hockey this year and he says that he will still go with me to hockey! What should I make of all this? I always thought that I would be so angry that I would want to hurt him and make him miserable if this ever happens - but rather than feeling that way, all I can feel for him is love and all I can think about is wanting him back. What kind of woman who knows she is breaking up a marriage does this? What kind of married man does this when he has a wife who loves him dearly? We have no children together and my only son is 20 yrs old. His girlfriend is 26 and kind of homely looking. So I know it isn't her looks that took him away from me. Please give me some good advice. I am lost and confused. Link to post Share on other sites
hurting so bad Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 I am going to be brutally honest with you, but i never thought it was a good idea for a younger guy to be w/ an older woman , thats a lot of years. it is innate in a man to look at younger women too. this must hurt like hell but I think you could find someone so much better your age~ I dont think that he doesnt love YOU, and i dont think u did anything wrong, but i think that hes realizing that he is much younger and maybe you dont have the same things in common....I know it is so hard. I would be confident enough to tell him to get out for good. He wont respect you if you keep taking him back Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Are you willing to share him? If you aren't, you need to give him an ultimatum - stop seeing the girl, never contact her and come back to me and work on the marriage. As long as he gets attention from you and attention from her, he'll continue to have his cake and eat it too. You don't necessarily have to file for divorce immediately although I would take legal steps to protect any assets but you do have to make it clear to him what it will take to reconcile with you. Good luck - I did the same thing last summer and my ex just moved in with the other woman last month. I was forced to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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