about cheating

[kathryn2012]

All my life i wanted a partner to treat and love me the i way i did for them. I was going through a bad time in my life and prayed for somebody to come along and help me through it. I met my partner just over 2 years ago we new each other from school, we hit it off and after 2 weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend i said yes. Things were great we were inseparable and we have shockingly only spent 1 night away from each other, our whole relationship we do everything together he is like my best friend. Hes gorgeous and i found myself asking why is he with someone like me he can do better? I started to become less attracted to him the thought of having sex with him makes me feel sick but i honestly do love him. I like to go out socializing he hates it always wanted to to sit in with him but my sister asked me to come out for a few drinks he was unhappy about it but i just went anyway i got really drunk 1 thing led to another and i ended up back at this guys house he was my sisters boyfriends friend and i felt so guilty the next day i just wanted the ground to swallow me up. I promised it would never happen again but my partner started being distant i would come home for work go to give him a kiss and he would turn his head, I got lonely and it happened again with the same guy, it didnt make me feel better only worse i deleted everything messages his number and never spoke to him again. I spoke to my family they said it was best not to tell him although i was going to. 3 months on things are worse than ever the relationship is a joke we have just come back from holiday hes so distant i went out with my friend and my ex boyfriend was out he came back to my friends he was asking me to be with him it will be different i ended up sleeping with him, i have no intention of getting back with him i dunno why i did it. I came home my boyfriend was in the house ignoring me, i just said look pack your things i cant do this anymore he said ok we both no this isn't working i just wish i didn't cheapen the relationship by doing what i did i regret it so much but at the time it made me feel better. we were both crying in bed he asked me what went wrong i told him i didnt no he said he did not want to break up i said we cant go on like this he said it will be to painful without me and he needs me. I have no idea what to do I no im a bad person im scared he finds out i want to tell him but i no ill hurt him and he doesn't deserve that pain

[road]

You were wrong to cheat.

 

You are wrong to stay with some one that will not change, not meet your needs.

 

You are right to break up with BF.

[GLDheart]

It sounds like you slept with other people more than your boyfriend. Why is it that you guys are together again?

[g450]

"i ended up back at this guys house"

 

I love it how cheaters rationalize what they do. You didnt "end up" there. You went there knowing what would happen.

 

The first thing you need to do is stop rationalizing what you did and referring to it like it was an accident. It was a deliberate selfish and destructive act and it was YOUR decision. You chose to drink. You chose to go to his house and you chose to cheat.

 

Tell your BF what you did and move on with your life. He deserves the truth. Give him his freedom. He deserves better.

[DaveJones]

kathryn2012, I know exactly where you are coming from, from my personal experiance a year ago.

 

The way I see it is this, you keep cheating on him and although you say you love him i think your just staying with him because you once where very in love and probably want it back now its not there anymore, but unfortunaly by the sound of it you have grown apart and now you have the added stress of the cheating to deal with as well.

 

In my oppinion the best thing to do, it end it now before you hurt each other anymore and start moving on.

 

I dont think you should tell him about the cheating, What he doesnt know doesnt hurt him.... And trust me... to be told yu have been cheated on by someone you cherish HURTS HURTS HURTS HURTS HURTS!!!!

 

End it now, so you can both move on, get your heads straight and each find someone who will you happy.

[nofool4u]

I promised it would never happen again but my partner started being distant

 

Maybe its because he can sense you aren't a trustworthy woman.

 

You don't get to cheat, then complain about him being distant later. I'd become distant with a woman that likes to go out partying. But then again, I don't date partying women.

 

 

i would come home for work go to give him a kiss and he would turn his head

 

Something tells me he knows you are a cheater, but he simply has no proof. Therefore he has a hard time showing affection to a cheating party girl.

 

 

I got lonely and it happened again with the same guy, it didnt make me feel better only worse i deleted everything messages his number and never spoke to him again. I spoke to my family they said it was best not to tell him although i was going to.

 

Oh, but of course your family is going to tell you to try and get away with it.

 

 

3 months on things are worse than ever the relationship is a joke we have just come back from holiday hes so distant i went out with my friend and my ex boyfriend was out he came back to my friends he was asking me to be with him it will be different i ended up sleeping with him, i have no intention of getting back with him i dunno why i did it.

 

You know why you did it. You just don't want to admit it.

 

 

I came home my boyfriend was in the house ignoring me, i just said look pack your things i cant do this anymore he said ok we both no this isn't working i just wish i didn't cheapen the relationship by doing what i did i regret it so much but at the time it made me feel better. we were both crying in bed he asked me what went wrong i told him i didnt no he said he did not want to break up i said we cant go on like this he said it will be to painful without me and he needs me. I have no idea what to do I no im a bad person im scared he finds out i want to tell him but i no ill hurt him and he doesn't deserve that pain

 

So basically you, a cheater, are going to make him think that this is all his fault, and aren't going to admit that YOU are a HUGE part of the problem. Why would any man who doesn't enjoy the party life be happy or attentive to a woman who goes out and parties?

 

He doesn't know what is best for him. Because you like to party, I'm sure he has a feeling you have screwed around on him, but since he has no proof, his reaction is that he just can't get into being affectionate to a party girl.

 

So for his sake, its best that you two break up so he can find a like minded girl.

 

If you two stay together, it will only be because you decided to stay quiet about your cheating and he will think the problem is him.

And since you got away with it, you will have learned the very valuable lesson that you can get away with it in the future too.

[carhill]

Welcome to LS

 

You made some choices and will experience consequences from those choices. From your posting content and style, you sound young, so IMO this is normal. Life is a process. Hopefully, you stay safe and don't hurt too many people during the process.

 

My best advice is to spend some time outside of relationships (dating casually might be healthier right now) and build some clear boundaries regarding both your own behavior and perspective as well as what you insist upon in others you interact with. With that process, confusion will fade and confidence will grow. Good luck.