Gilman Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Hello and would love some advice..... I was married in my mid 20s to a great women. We went down the road of marriage house child.....after 7yrs of marriage and a 3yr old baby she left me....we grew far apart and lost or identity to running a business together and parenting. It was painful first year but I understood why in many ways. I ws devastated she would not work on the marriage. We have run our business and co parented closely over the past three years of separation and actually have become friends. Spent one year alone than for two years I have dated a great girl who has accepted my life with my son, ex, and business....we broke up in Jan because I was unable to commit to having children with her. Now my ex wife and I are working on the marriage again. In therapy it has become clear that over the two years of dating I had the best of both worlds.... a family with my ex and a great fun girlfriend when I was alone. It was not intentional.... I did not expect to work so well with my ex after she left me but now I am at the crossroads of wondering what is best. Do I re connect and work on my failed marriage and find the sex and fun in that relationship or create a family and life with a girl who is ready to start her own family.......but know we will eventually loose the fun and passion once we build that new life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gilman Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 We have a son, business together and have been good friends for three years. I see the reasons she left and forgave her years ago. Does she deserve a second chance to make a family again. My GF is great and fun and sexy but will want the family thing soon and thats not for me again. I feel like I have a family already....... so why not fix the broken marriage that started it? Feel like its one of those moments regardless which path I take it will be a 'what if' and regret eventually..... Link to post Share on other sites
LvRorynVan Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 We have a son, business together and have been good friends for three years. I see the reasons she left and forgave her years ago. Does she deserve a second chance to make a family again. My GF is great and fun and sexy but will want the family thing soon and thats not for me again. I feel like I have a family already....... so why not fix the broken marriage that started it? Feel like its one of those moments regardless which path I take it will be a 'what if' and regret eventually..... Sounds like you need to "man up" sorry, im not trying to be rude, and see that your obvious choice as you just explained is that you want your ex. Compatabily and friendship + sex is what you want, not sexy with kids you dont really want..and some fun for now..its pretty obvious that you're just dragging your feet on this decision. Maybe you're afraid your ex will leave you again? or not share the same feelings? have you talked to her about your feelings for her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gilman Posted July 31, 2012 Author Share Posted July 31, 2012 It was my ex wife that brought it up. Said for over two years she has regretted her decision and was honest in every way about what happened. When she her GF and I were considering living together she needed to let me know in case that window was still open for us or she needed to let it go. I have everything I need in my ex from hobbies to style to communication to parenting just not that passion I feel with my GF which I know is because she is fairly new and we haven't slowed down yet. I'm not scared she will leave again because I went through it and know life moves on. just don't want to regret leaving my GF if we are meant to be. But feel the same about my ex as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Did she all of a sudden regain interest once you found somebody else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gilman Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 No she had tried to discuss the topic over a year ago and I dismissed it. She says it's been on her mind for over a year and it was more or less getting worse needing to know if I was feeling the same so she could let go of the idea. GF is great sweet kind and willing to expect my life as long as we build a family as well someday. But deep down I feel like I already have a family. Link to post Share on other sites
zsu234 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Your ex is a proven quitter, she left you high and dry when you and your kid needed her. BTW, did I read correctly that she was in a lesbian relationship when she left? Either way go for the loyal, sexy, passionate younger GF and cut the cord with your traitorous ex ASAP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tufa4311 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Gilman, I think you know what you want to do. Sounds like we may have some people with residual anger perhaps left over from personal experiences. If the only thing your new girlfriend has over your ex-wife is the passion that's something to really think about - passion is amazing, beautiful, awesome, and temporary. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying love or being in love is temporary, but I would assume the "passion" you are referring to is the new feelings and hormones that come along with a new relationship. If you still love, and are in love, with your ex, have worked through the issues that led to the divorce, and have two people interested in trying again I say go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 Do I re connect and work on my failed marriage and find the sex and fun in that relationship or create a family and life with a girl who is ready to start her own family.......but know we will eventually loose the fun and passion once we build that new life. I find it funny that you ask what is best for you when you are asking who to love and build or rebuild a life with. Like there is someone here with a high degree that knows how to calculate the odds to know exactly who is going to go the distance. If your looking at this like you need to weigh the pros and cons to decide which woman to be with, then I would say that the answer is neither. The heart wants what the heart wants. You just have to be brave enough to go after it. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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