The Tallest One Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Hi all!, some of you may know my story, I have a few threads that explain everything. My question is how do I get my seven year old to want to spend time with me? About two years ago I got really mad at him in a store and he has been traumatized by it ever since and refuses to be around me. He and his brother live with my ex wife. I see the youngest one every saturday and we have a great time but nothing I say or do will get my oldest to trust me again! I'm stumped and have tried for so long to change this! Any advice folks? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 Therapy, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 31, 2012 Share Posted July 31, 2012 About two years ago I got really mad at him in a store and he has been traumatized by it ever since and refuses to be around me. I will go and read your previous threads to get your backstory. For now, I guess your anger scared him, enough for him not to want to be around you. Or your ex is encouraging him to stay away from you and she isn't helping him get over it by bringing him to counseling. Something you should consider doing though .. Take him to family counseling. This isn't normal, it's been 2 years and he's still not over it? Something is very wrong here. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 What do you mean by "mad at him"? How does he even know you were mad at him? Did you yell or hit him? And when you say no matter what you say or do, what do you say or do? Children usually forgive parents for getting mad, yelling or hitting, unless this is all they get. Even in those instnaces, a child wants to be loved and tries hard to deserve the parent's love. If you've been affectionate and caring to your son otherwise and he is not gerenarlly afraid of you because the incident at the store was just the last straw, I would look into deeper causes. Perhaps your ex-wife is scaring him with you. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 My advice would be to continue to approach him as his father and accept the response, as well as conclude your divorce. IIRC, you've been separated for a number of years and there's a high likelihood that this dynamic has polarized the children's emotions and each child reacts differently to such emotional stimulation and memory. You have no control over what your estranged wife 'puts in his head', so go with what is healthy for you and move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
forzanapoli Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 play some video games with him. i know it sounds basic, but you need to get him back on the same level as you, kids that age love an adult interested in their video games, since so few parents are! Simple things that he's interested, will get him to see you as a friend, and start enjoying time with you. my three nephews see me as that cool uncle they rarely see but trust me because i try to relate to their video games and things like that. Try it, ignore all the trauma in the past, start from scratch. although your situation sounds pretty bad, your ex probably hasnt helped. But it's important you get his trust back on your own, i doubt she'd be too accepting of him getting counselling. Link to post Share on other sites
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