Beez Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 My husband and I have been married for 11 years. He has cheated on me 3 times that I know of and I can't take it anymore. I am 29, 5'1 130lbs red hair blue eyes have three children and am a stay at home mom. He has caused me so much stress I have been seeing a pyschiatrist who has been helping me make some strange decisions??? Help me out I would like your imput on what you think?? She thinks that I should goto school for the next four years and get my bachelors degree, play the ever so happy wife, be open if someone were to come along and sweep me off my feet and once I get my degree divorce the man. I'm unhappy and would love to be in a awesome relationship. I am such a fun person and this dude is bringing me down. Link to post Share on other sites
Yeti Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 that is the perfect idea, start school... you don't even need to go for a 4 year degree, a 2 year degree is just as well. in the mean time if some man comes and is everything you want in someone, don't be afraid to go for it. that really is the best advice for your situation. it worked wonders from my mother when my brother and i were little guys. the fact that you no longer want to put up with it shows me that you are a strong woman, and i know you will be able to get through it. - Yeti Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beez Posted July 12, 2004 Author Share Posted July 12, 2004 What the about the kids, and how they will look at me. They will be older and think I am the one who is being the monster. They know nothing about their father's situation and mine. I have stuck in it as long as I can and it has caused serious emotional problems for me. I worry about the emotional problems it will cause on the 10yr old. If I do meet a man, am I not doing the same kind of thing back to him. One wrong doesn't make right kinda thing. I am young and I have a lot of life to live yet and I just don't plan on being this unhappy for the rest of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 record a conversation, preferrably on video between you and cheating hub...with him of course divulging all his ugliness. Have it transferred to DVD, put it in a lockbox for safe keeping. Divorce him. Years later when the kids can understand better, show them. I'm not sure if 10 is old enough to comprehend, but I would guess so, maybe youngest being 8. So give that a wonder Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Wow, I can't believe what therapists recommend these days. Ever considered mutual counseling? Please leave the husband before you cheat on him. I don't think it'd be worth it to cheat on him, leave him now if he's that bad. Single mom's can go to school too. Just ask me...I am one. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 I find the advice of the therapist a little disturbing. You should live a lie for four years in order to go to school? There are ways to go to school without having to stay in an unhappy marriage. If you're unhappy in your marriage file for divorce. Discuss custody arrangements. Get child support. Get alimony. Get scholarships for school because you're a single mother and go to school on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
msrealdoll Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 If you're comfortable staying in a bad marriage while you attend school, then go for it. It will be a good example for your children-trying to improve yourself as a solution to your marriage problems. Who knows? Your marriage may improve as a result of it. However, the advice of cheating on your husband is asinine. How can you engage in a behavior you feel is wrong and caused you so much pain? Is it okay to engage in infidelity just because he started it? What kind of message would your children get from that? Looking for another mate while married is a very bad idea. I think it would undermine your self esteem. You need the whole breakup process to grieve and overcome any feelings you have for your husband. You need to go into a new relationship with a clear conscious and a fresh perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 May I say that it is much easier to find "someone on the side" than to have the courage to deal with your own problems. You are a wife, a mom, and do not have a career. All of theese mean benefiting of some advantages and taking some consequences. You think another man will bring the sunshine onto your window! So true. Do you honestely think that with another man in your life (beside you hubby there) will have the time to watch the kids, be a loving wife and study? I'm about to finish my studies now and I'm amazed at how many women when in distress say: "I'm gonna go back in school and have a career"! Everyone can start going back in school, honey, not everyone finishes it! I'm telling you, you're in for a lot of effort and a hell lot more of a work than you expect. So have your priorities right - which is you, but on the long run! and then, make some difficult choices. Think: can you afford to study if you divorce your husband? I think not! Than you'd better do a great job at keeping him happy while getting that degree! Don't try to fool him or yourself, I know no one able to keep their affairs that long under the covers! BTW, you risk losing everything! Link to post Share on other sites
phi3587 Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 I concur with your pyschiatrist... it's better if you go to a 2 year school to get your degree. Then leave the man. It aches me that a woman should suffer for 2 years... but it's the best way to go. I'm sorry it's not working out for you. Yes, life is unfair, but know that you're not alone. Good luck with all your future endeavors. Link to post Share on other sites
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