gocrazy1999 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 I don't know exactly where I should post this. It doesn't seem to be talked a lot about in any one forum. "Marriage" was the closest I could get. A few weeks ago my husband dropped quite a bombshell on me. There were clues along the way but for a variety of reasons, I didn't catch on. Maybe I just wanted to deny it as long as I could. We've been together for 17 years, married for almost 13 and now he tells me he is bisexual. Apparently he's only had one "real" experience but he is turned on by men - sometimes - and he is definitely still turned on by women. Thank goodness! At first I thought everything had changed and that it would mean our marriage was over. But he has gone out of his way to reassure me that he still loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I kept looking for changes in him...you know, obvious signs, changes in his personality, the way he acted towards me, towards everyone. I couldn't see any changes except that he was no longer afraid to talk to me about it. So then I began looking for things that were the same and I realized everything that mattered was the same. In the beginning I thought trust would be a major issue because I felt like he'd been lying to me since day one. It doesn't seem quite the same as a usual "trust issue" because it wasn't that he wanted to keep a secret, it was just that he had no idea how I would react. I didn't know either. The only thing I do know is that he has never lied to me in the past which is one of the things that first got my attention. Even in the early days of our relationship he told me everything (no matter how mad he knew I would be). So the trust seems to be intact. So what am I posting for... I'm just curious if anyone else has ever gone through something like this and how they handled it. It would be nice to have someone to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasey70 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Hi, has he ever stepped outside your marriage with the bisexual thing? I'm meaning has he cheated with another man or anything like that? Not only that, but because he has now told you he is bisexual and gets turned on by other men, do you think he might would want to try that out with another bisexual man? I had this friend along time ago that her and her husband seemed to have a really good relationship, had 3 kids etc. However, she was the one that was bisexual, and told her H about it, the next thing you know she is having sex with other women because it was part of who she was. Told her H that she had always been like that but didn't know how to tell him. Turned out he liked it because he could have his wife and she could have another female and watch etc. I'm by no means saying that it will happen like that for you and your H, I'm just saying maybe you should sit down and ask him since he has told you about him being bisexual, would he do anything like that. Since he is, I'm sure the curiosity for him would be there. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 I know exactley where you are coming from. My wife dropped that bomb shell on me just recently. Only her curiousity is just that. She's talked to me about it and opened up to me that she's always felt this way. We both are Christians and we know that it's against what God wants for us. So I truly believe that she won't act on it. It's good thing that he's told you. That just tells me that he cares about you and your feelings....a major plus!!!! We can't change how my wife or your husband feels.....but we can be there for them. We can let them know how we feel about it. To me, ( Much to the surprise of the men on this forum ), I wouldn't want to catch my wife in the act with another woman. In my eyes it's as bad as if I caught her with another man. Even if I were invited to join in, it would crush me and I would have to leave before someone got hurt. Those are just my thoughts. I say to be there for him and to help him stay away from laying with other guys. It's a very harmfull thing to anybodies marraige. Good Luck Moose Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 before I got married recently and had a chance to date over the period of 5 years I dated a few guys whom I suspected were Bisexual. I suspected this because of the mannerisms (not all are trying to act ladylike though...) and the other would be the sexual practice. I've been asked to "toss salad" and to wear a stap on and do some penetration. If this doesn't say I like "Johnsons as well I don't know what does"? Although some of these guys insisted they swang one way. I was sure their door went in both directions. Now if he insists you guys can get thru this you may have to consider doing some of the same stuff if that's what you both want to do, Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 My husband is attracted to other women....whooptido. Your husband is attracted to other women AND men...whooptido. He only told you this, so you'd feel closer to him, and he'd feel closer to you, because you share a secret about him. My husband told me he's attracted to women with big boobs. That doesn't mean that either of our husbands are going to cheat on us...it just means they like to look at and get turned on by people other than us. I don't like it when he acts on it too much (aka porn) but I am attracted to *gasp* men besides my husband. What are you really worried about? Is it the fact that you had an idea that your man was masculine, and now that you know he likes men, he seems less...manly? Look on the bright side...now when you're out in public with him, you can both check out the guys I'm not making light of this, because I would be upset to find out my husband was bi too. Logically, however, it's not a big deal...in today's world Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts