Old member, telling my story of reconciliation. Questions welcome.

[ZimboGon]

Two things. You guys don't know my relationship or what we really went through, and you can't compare it. It had been 4 months apart, man. She only dated the guy for two. We had some pretty deep talks.

 

Secondly, who is Lemon crush? I see you joined my site and i wanted to give you a better welcome

[livelife]

Is there any way i can send you a private message?

[ZimboGon]

There you are, i sent you one

[livelife]

Thank you so much. I don't know if it sent but let me know if it didn't.

[fucpcg]

/\ assuming you are a prize just because you are the dumpee, not the dumper, I think is a wrong and improper assumption. I was dumped, and I once dumped her. We both have our issues. Like I said in a recent thread, always be 100% responsible for 50% of the breakup. Take that stance, and you will see that it's not all about having your ex crawl back, it's about studying what went wrong and knowing why it happened, how to fix it, and what part of it was yours to accept. Then if communication opens again, you can fix a broken relationship. I was at times the best boyfriend in the world, I was at times the worst boyfriend in the world. I have a lot to offer, but she left when I wasn't offering much. To assume she's going to come running back if I just ignore her, and wait for her to recognize what a "prize" I was, well that would be silly. What kind of prize am I if I don't recognize the prize she once was to me.

 

Of course, every relationship is different, and needs to be handled differently. That's why this one size fits all NC crap is just that, crap. It isn't universally fitting.

[ZimboGon]

I really like this post for one simple reason. Birds of a feather, flock together.

 

I'll put money down that it doesnt last another year. You have essentially labelled yourself as a doormat. Instead of doing the one thing that would bring her back eventually the right way and telling her to "GO F*** YOURSELF" and move on to bigger and better things, you chased. Contrary to what mommy and tv taught you, women do not like guys that chase them constantly. The only reason she would come back to you right now is she has no better options.

 

People that truly want their ex's back need to follow 3 things

-----------

1) Patience - to move forward and continue focusing on your life

2) Discipline - to keep NC and reinforce the idea that you have worth more then being a doormat and that its ok for a person to leave you at any time and they can come back whenever they want.

3) Control - not to chase your ex and realize that you are the prize, not them.

 

Did you do any of the above things? Nope. Until you do so with your life, you are going to continue having the same results

 

Oh, is someone jealous? I did move forward with my life. You obviously didn't read anything i posted. I already realized there are plenty of girls out there and it isn't the end of the world if we don't work out. If she ever tried to pull what she did again, she knows i won't stick around to deal with it. We've already discussed it. She knows the only reason we got back together (which is what SHE wanted, just because i sent her a friendly text 4 months after BU) was because i still cared about her fueled by nostalgia when we first started dating. Control? I have plenty of control and i know i am the prize, and i tell her that every time i think of how she left me for some idiot. She even admits it. But she is a prize, too. We aren't always victims here.

 

One thing you don't understand, not every relationship is the same. They start for different reasons, and they end for different reasons. They also can restart for different reasons, but you haven't lived in my shoes for the two years we dated, or for the four months we were broken up. Some people need to stop being so bitter.

[lil hoodlum]

Oh, is someone jealous? I did move forward with my life. You obviously didn't read anything i posted. I already realized there are plenty of girls out there and it isn't the end of the world if we don't work out. If she ever tried to pull what she did again, she knows i won't stick around to deal with it. We've already discussed it. She knows the only reason we got back together (which is what SHE wanted, just because i sent her a friendly text 4 months after BU) was because i still cared about her fueled by nostalgia when we first started dating. Control? I have plenty of control and i know i am the prize, and i tell her that every time i think of how she left me for some idiot. She even admits it. But she is a prize, too. We aren't always victims here.

 

One thing you don't understand, not every relationship is the same. They start for different reasons, and they end for different reasons. They also can restart for different reasons, but you haven't lived in my shoes for the two years we dated, or for the four months we were broken up. Some people need to stop being so bitter.

 

You don't have to explain or justify your relationship to anyone. It is just that, YOUR relationship.

 

Come on posters, people break up and get back together all of the time. Does it mean the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time mean that it will work out? Who knows. Every relationship is different and PEOPLE DO CHANGE. Sometimes for the better or for the worse.

 

I'm not sure where your relationship is going and you may not either, but have you considered some sort of couples counseling to find out what other issues that may be present?

[Gulf-Delta]

Two things. You guys don't know my relationship or what we really went through, and you can't compare it. It had been 4 months apart, man. She only dated the guy for two. We had some pretty deep talks.

 

Secondly, who is Lemon crush? I see you joined my site and i wanted to give you a better welcome

 

Dats mee...

[Gulf-Delta]

I really like this post for one simple reason. Birds of a feather, flock together.

 

I'll put money down that it doesnt last another year. You have essentially labelled yourself as a doormat. Instead of doing the one thing that would bring her back eventually the right way and telling her to "GO F*** YOURSELF" and move on to bigger and better things, you chased. Contrary to what mommy and tv taught you, women do not like guys that chase them constantly. The only reason she would come back to you right now is she has no better options.

 

People that truly want their ex's back need to follow 3 things

-----------

1) Patience - to move forward and continue focusing on your life

2) Discipline - to keep NC and reinforce the idea that you have worth more then being a doormat and that its ok for a person to leave you at any time and they can come back whenever they want.

3) Control - not to chase your ex and realize that you are the prize, not them.

 

Did you do any of the above things? Nope. Until you do so with your life, you are going to continue having the same results

 

You're kinda pathetic

[Jamesblame]

Well I just hope it works out for you.

 

My ex went mad a couple days ago and literally did everything for me to come back to her. Flowers, calls, messages to my friends and family, publicly begged me to come back on her FB wall and mine (we were attempting to be friends).

 

But for the first time since the split, I found a woman who gives me the same chemistry and wonder as this ex. She's amazing and extremely sweet. I don't know if my ex is freaking out due to jealousy (the "relationship" is still in the air and not public outside of the occasional picture together) or if she sincerely cares.

 

All I know is that for me....I am extremely hesitant to take her back ...even though that's all I've wanted since the split. But if it wasn't for this new woman...than I probably would consider reconciling.

 

As is though....my BU playlist on spotify is playing much more Cry Me A River and What Goes Around, Comes Around much more often than Mraz's I Won't Give Up On Us.

 

 

The important thing isn't the power play as much as it is your happiness. So if reconciliation is working out, great! If not get into a new relationship and great!

[hudson701]

This is a remarkable, heart-warming story, but today for the first time I realised I am never, ever going to hear from my ex again. Never see her face or hear her voice! What a really sad thought this is, someone who was in my life so much, for so long and now she's completely severed the ties. It's gut wrenching, I am genuinely sad to the core and will miss the basic things like fun conversations and days out.

 

Sorry for thread drift, i wish real-life was like the op's thread ha!

[Mariana345]

Well first off mariania... That guy sounds like a jerk. Seems like he was tired of the relationship and left you and jumped right back into the field. It was most likely even a girl he started liking while you guys were together, and he handled it horribly. Even if he did come back, i wouldn't trust him unless there were clear issues that made him want to break up besides some other woman.

 

Secondly, why do you know his recent purchases? That isn't really any of your business and you are hurting yourself by finding that out. How would he feel if he knew you were looking at that and finding out about his dates? You need to distance yourself and don't worry about him coming back like you did something wrong to push him away. Guys are guys. One thing i've noticed to guarantee that happening is if you guys didn't have an active sex life. If a guy loves you he will stay loyal, but without intimacy and sex he will start to look at other women sexually. How was the sex life? Regardless, whatever happens next depends on his character. He could have tried to work things out, but he didn't.

 

 

 

and when it comes to who initiates contact, it'll come as a shocker to everyone here but with my girlfriend and I when we got back together after she left me... I contacted her. My friend was talking to her one day, and she mentioned thinking i hated her after the break-up. So, after months, i shot her a random text saying "Whats this about me hating you? :P" and the conversation that followed was me being incredibly relaxed, calm, and playful and her very angry and confused. Turns out that same night she texted her friend, "______ is texting me..." "OMG really?! What is he saying?!" "I don't know.. he's being really nice. Its weird."

 

I made an impact by just being my old self, like nothing had ever happened. Like i just didn't care. She left me for some loser who manipulated her and took a major part of our breakup, and i just didn't care anymore. I understood what happened, and it was in the past. I started flirting with her, she flirted back and here we are.

 

I would NOT take this approach, people, unless you really know what went wrong in your relationship and you are OVER it. Holding in any anger and emotions will not end well.

 

 

Our sex life was great, but we got to a state that we don't have to much to talk anymore and not enjoy as much as before our mutual company... I think we distanced each other emotionally (Even I was considering breaking up, but I just loved him so much that I wanted to work things out).

 

About the purchases, it was in my stalker phase, wich ended like one and a half month ago XD I'll never do that again, it was soooo painful! But it gave me some clearity... I thought it was only my fault that he left me... but now I know it wasn't just me... You know, Its been just 2 months since BU... Do you think is still soon to say anything, or its been enough time to notice if he is not interested anymore?

 

And thanks for answering by the way

[ZimboGon]

The power play never works out, it just leads to resentment. Thats one of the reasons why she and i broke up originally. and thats good Mariana. Its never just your fault. Everyone has reasons, and it takes two people for the breakup.

 

and thanks for the defense Gulf-Delta aka Lemon

 

also appreciate the kind words everyone.

[Twins]

Yes, I would like to know as well. I sounds like no contact for sometime but would need to confirm.

[Stanza]

 

Its never just your fault. Everyone has reasons, and it takes two people for

the breakup.

 

Well said.

[dannykeyz831]

You are wrong.

 

Your relationship is finished and you are simply denying the truth.

 

Your GF is a cheat. She is weak. You deserve better.

 

I joined this forum about two years ago. My story was the same as yours. I recognize everything you are saying.

 

It's hard to let go of the past. It's hard to move on and begin a new life.

 

You deserve better than a weak CHEAT who will betray you every time there is a crisis in your life or your relationship.

 

She only came back to you because the other man failed to live up to her expectations.

 

Basically, she left you. You are not her first choice. The fact that you took her back means she no longer respects you.

 

She likes you. She probably likes you a lot. But she likes you in the same way that she likes her brothers or her gay male friends.

 

At OP, I don't mean to burst your bubble but what Andrew said is pretty spot on.

 

Your story sounds a lot like I mine and my ex gf did this to me not once but 3 times. Once you take them back without a fight, they will no longer respect you. Don't get me wrong, they care about us a whole lot but just don't see us as real men, as challenges. They get back together with us because they're comfortable with us and because they're lonely. My situation is hopeless though because I was the same dude from day one and every time my gf contacted me after 2 or 3 months of not talking to get back together, I would always be like "OK!!!!" I got pussy whiped..I'm not gonna lie lol She is so god dam beautiful and sex was always amazing!!!

 

You on the other hand still have a chance to change and become that guy who she's looking for, what most women are looking for. Just be a man and don't comply to her every command. Don't let her walk over you because she will start get bored and start talking to other guys. She will vent to them about how unhappy she is with you and the guy will then brainwash her and say things like "He don't deserve you" or "You should leave if he makes you unhappy", "Oh hey!, I'll show you a good time, wanna go out with me some time". Women are emotional creatures and will fall for this **** every single time.

 

Part of why they leave you is because of immaturity in their part but most of the reason is because of you. Don't blame everything entirely on them.

Edited August 7, 2012 by dannykeyz831