Oversensitive girlfriend...

[Somewhat Healed]

We are both 17 yrs old students. She's my first and i'm her first serious partner. We've been together since 5 months.

 

She's very nice but she lacks some self-esteem and confidence. I always choose what we do, her usual response is "I don't know" or "I don't mind, do what you want, i'll be happy to be with you". It didn't disturb me at first but i'm getting tired of always choosing our sexual position or movie that we rent. Is that normal ? But I want to make something clear : I do love her with all of my heart. She's intelligent, beautyfull and very understanding and we have the same values. I just wish that she could be more "active" in the relationship.

 

I talked about it with her and she started crying. That's the other problem... She cryes very often, to me, it's not normal but i'm not a psychologist. By very often, I mean at least 2 times every week-ends (btw we almost only see each other on week-ends). Sometimes, she cry and even doesn' know why (I don't really buy that...). It makes me feel very guilty, unsecure and stupid. I always ask myself all the day what bad I did.

 

I'm writting this because today she did it again, just before leaving me, she had a sad face and didn't want to say why. I think it's because I didn't wanted to sleep in her appartement (her bed is a single place and I have to wake up at 6am tomorrow), anyway I've spent every hours of the weekend with her and next week we only have 2 days of class.

 

I'm very tired of this, I always say to myself that she needs some sleep or it's her PMS but it seems that it's getting worser with the time. I don't know what to do, I always been supportive for my girlfriend but.. guilt isn't a fun feeling. What should I do ? I love her so much....

[Tony T]

It sounds like inexperience and immaturity. It's something she'll grow out of. Her family of origin and upbringing also have a lot to do with it.

 

She could have self esteem problems but there is also the possiblity that she truly doesn't care what the two of you do because her main concern is for you to be happy. Believe it or not, there are a few people out there in this cruel and selfish world who still are made happy if their partner is happy.

 

You really need to talk to her, very sensitively, and get to the bottom of why she is so agreeable. My guess is that at this point in time she doesn't have enough experience to know what sexual positions she prefers or what she wants to do on dates, etc. It seems she cares enough about you that she is happy as long as she is with you, no matter what you do.

 

Latch on to this gal and treasure each and every moment you have with her. There are very few ladies out there like her. If she is the way she is out of a genuine caring for your happiness, you have found a jewel and you don't want to let it go.

 

As far as the crying goes, my guess is that for the first time in her life, she feels really loved and is moved by this. She may not tell you this but she is sensitive and has probably been starved for love for a long time. Let her cry if she needs to. It's only temporary. She will grow out of it in time. Just be happy you've found someone who cares about you so much.

 

You got a great lady here...STOP COMPLAINING.

[Kelly]

Tony,

 

It seems to me that she is just what you said..overly sensitive. What other things does she have in her life, friends, family..what has she been through? If she has people in her life and she's been through nothing then I think she may just be insecure. Try to be more sensitive with her and try boosting her self-esteem up by saying nice things to her...compliments and stuff. She may be this way b/c you guys are young and the realtionship may be too new for her. She may not be in touch with herself on that level or she may have unexpressed feelings in which she doesnt know how to express the right way. Just take a different approach and if you talk to her make yourself seem really understanding..and if you get her to open up, you will be surprised at what comes out of her mouth..maybe things she's never told you b4, get her to trust you more so she'll be more comfortable talking to you about these things instead of her crying about them and making it seem like there is something wrong with your relationship.

[Deejette]

It sounds like she her personality type is passive. She wants you to make the decisions and she will go along with them. But then she is not happy and cries, leaving you to be a mind-reader in order to find out what is bothering her.

 

I'm glad you love her so much, because this kind of behavior would get on my last nerve. She is too young and immature to form opinions of her own, to make her needs known, and to have any insight into her own behavior.

Tony, It seems to me that she is just what you said..overly sensitive. What other things does she have in her life, friends, family..what has she been through? If she has people in her life and she's been through nothing then I think she may just be insecure. Try to be more sensitive with her and try boosting her self-esteem up by saying nice things to her...compliments and stuff. She may be this way b/c you guys are young and the realtionship may be too new for her. She may not be in touch with herself on that level or she may have unexpressed feelings in which she doesnt know how to express the right way. Just take a different approach and if you talk to her make yourself seem really understanding..and if you get her to open up, you will be surprised at what comes out of her mouth..maybe things she's never told you b4, get her to trust you more so she'll be more comfortable talking to you about these things instead of her crying about them and making it seem like there is something wrong with your relationship.

[Somewhat Healed]

Oh, yeah you're right, I got a great lady! I love her so much... But there is something that I don't understand in your philosophy Tony, I just don't get it could you please light me ?

 

I noticed that she is the female equivalent of that famous "Nice Guy" thing. I know what it is because I was one the them. (I still consider myself nice but i'm no longuer a lovesick puppy). I do agree at 110% with you when you say to the guys here to be a man and to stop being so predicable and dependant. In a relationship girls need to be challenged a little bit and I think it's perfectly okay.

 

If i'm a man don't I need to be challenged too ? I know that if I don't organize something for our 6 months of frequentation she won't do anything. I know that if I don't find where to hang on, we'll stay in the bedroom for the day. I'm against male domination and I'm being tired of being a dictator in the relationship. Beside that our relationship is perfect, I just want her to be a little more active, like if she could be able to choose what street we take when we walk together...

 

I think Deejette put her finger right on it :

 

"She wants you to make the decisions and she will go along with them. But then she is not happy and cries, leaving you to be a mind-reader in order to find out what is bothering her."

 

What do you think ???

 

It sounds like inexperience and immaturity. It's something she'll grow out of. Her family of origin and upbringing also have a lot to do with it. She could have self esteem problems but there is also the possiblity that she truly doesn't care what the two of you do because her main concern is for you to be happy. Believe it or not, there are a few people out there in this cruel and selfish world who still are made happy if their partner is happy. You really need to talk to her, very sensitively, and get to the bottom of why she is so agreeable. My guess is that at this point in time she doesn't have enough experience to know what sexual positions she prefers or what she wants to do on dates, etc. It seems she cares enough about you that she is happy as long as she is with you, no matter what you do. Latch on to this gal and treasure each and every moment you have with her. There are very few ladies out there like her. If she is the way she is out of a genuine caring for your happiness, you have found a jewel and you don't want to let it go. As far as the crying goes, my guess is that for the first time in her life, she feels really loved and is moved by this. She may not tell you this but she is sensitive and has probably been starved for love for a long time. Let her cry if she needs to. It's only temporary. She will grow out of it in time. Just be happy you've found someone who cares about you so much. You got a great lady here...STOP COMPLAINING.