help!!i am seperated and husband is being scary obsessive! need advice or reassurance

[what2do]

Okay i am just going to cut to the chase, here is my story in a nut shell. i am 22 and married for 3 years. i have not been happy for the last 2 1/2. my husband went on a deployment with the navy, and i had a affair with a guy friend, i know that my unhappiness does not make what i did okay but it happend. i ended up with clymydia. i had to tell my husband about it. so i did. i thought he would be so mad and never forgive me. but he did. he wanted to work it out. i thought if he could forgive me then he must be worth something. and i forgot to mention i have a 2 year old.

 

but then it is like if i wasnt crying and "beating myself up" over it he was all throwing it in my face all the time. so one night he gets drunk and bashes in my friends car. so he is moved into the barracks on base till it all settles down. so to make a rediculously long story short, we have been seperated for 4 monthes now. i am much happier and do not want to work it out as he is still using it against me and calling me names like slut and such in front of my son.

 

we went to a counsler and she said to go out seperate ways for our son, ect. i have told him and told him and told him i dont want to be with him. all he can say to me is i just want to have a lot of differnet men i am a slut, ect. but then 5 min later he loves me and forgives me and will do anything to be with me. i am starting to be afraid for my and my sons saftey. he seems to have a if he cant have me no one can attitude. he is now calling me like constantly. if i leave my cell phone in the car for a hour i will have as many as 21 missed calls from him, if i am on the other line and dont answer he will call and call for like a half hour non stop.

 

and lately he is coming over drunk and trying to reason with me. i dont know what to do. my friends and family are worried about us. is he as phsychotic i think or is he reacting normally? he is always telling me he is going to kill himself and i am so afraid he is going to hurt me and my son. what should i do??? please help

[amzgmanda]

I am not sure what i can say to you will help but I can tell you that this guy is not safe.

He drinks too much and has violent mood swings. I'm not sure of the whole situation but if can bash in someones car then he most likely won't stop from hitting you. Do NOT play into his game.....it's deadly!!! I don't mean to scare you but i once dated a marine who was almost the same way and cost me my pride, self esteem, and even hospital bills. We didn't have children, thank god, but it was still scary and the dumb part was I fell for his lame "i'm sorry's". The only way he will change is if he wants to. Everytime you give in he gains control over the situation. Only you can choose whats right and it it HARD... PLease remember that your love for your son is priceless and there is only one of him and many other men that would love to have the both of you in there life. One other thing, if you're not happy when you are wth him(HUB) and are when you are apart , then I would take time to think whats more inportant....you or him. In my opinion, YOU ARE AND YOUR SON!!

 

Also, If you really are afraid of him then get a restraining order and file for divorce. If he persists...then have him detained. As far as his calls, Record on personal recorder all his messages and carry a recorder wth you for face to face moments. That will help prove that he has broken the restraining order. Also, you may want to seek counceling for yourself....It may help you find and love yourself again. Never give up hope and good luck.. Stay safe!

[Matilda]

I agree with amzgmanda. You may have to resort to a restraining order if his behavior continues to be this violent. I would even consider staying with family for a while until he realizes that your marriage is truly over.

 

 

Also, try very hard not to react to his insults, do not argue back, there is no way to "win" such an argument and you only add fuel to the fire. I think you are going to have to set some limits with him. Tell him you are not going to talk to him about the marriage anymore. The marriage is over. You will only talk to him about matters that concern your son.

 

 

My first husband was abusive, and when we finally seperated for good it was scary. One thing that helped was making him realize that I was done with the marriage, there was no going back. Do not give him any encouragement that you are even thinking about getting back together. Don't tell him that you care about him, don't tell him that you still "love him but aren't in love with him", nothing like that.

 

And definitely go back to counseling for yourself. It will be a tremendous help to you.