Obsessing over boyfriends ex girlfriend

[Vanah55]

My boyfriend went out with his ex for almost two years, they broke up a little over a year ago and we've been dating for almost half a year. We met a couple months after they broke up from mutual friends and we fooled around. We hungout every once in awhile but we were nothing serious, we'd just hookup. But after my seeing or talking for awhile, we met up and started hanging out constantly nonstop until we started dating. We got really close these last couple months.

The problem is that I can't except the fact that his ex was such a big part of his life. He is my first serious relationship. My boyfriend and his family constantly talk about his ex girlfriend. Although they mostly have nothing nice to say. My boyfriend has told me a lot of stories about his ex, how she would buy him everything and take him everywhere, even to disneyland. One time I read one of his old Facebook messages and it was about her and he was telling someone that he was glad he broke up with her because he felt like she was going to get pregnant soon because all the sex they had. Even though my boyfriend doesn't really talk any good on her. And he constantly tells me how much better and prettier I am than her and he even says that he has more feelings for me then he ever did for her, I still feel jealous of her in a way.

I go on her twitter just to see if she says anything about her past with my boyfriend. And i go on her instagram just to compare her to me. I feel like she's better than me in so many ways.

 

I want this to stop. I don't want to feel insecure about her anymore. I know my boyfriend loves me, it just hurts to think about his past. How do I get this girl off my mind before it ruins my relationship?

[GLDheart]

I think what you are facing is fairly normal. You may be taking it a bit too far. But, you already know that or you wouldn't be posting about it. You simply need to ask yourself why you are so anxious about it.

 

The only thing you mentioned is that he still talks about her alot. Feel free to let him know you don't want to hear about her.

 

After that, what he does is really out of your control. There's no sense in trying to compete with a memory. YOU are with him now and in the end that is all that matters.

[bluegreen]

Call me crazy but his family might actually not hate her so much or they would ignore her existence and not mention her at all why should they right its like slap in your face kind of thing its you who is issue here see what I mean?

 

As for him he is being usual male insensitive ass who has no clue about when to keep his mouth closed or he is trying to make you jealous cause of his own insecurity I had that happen with one of my ex boyfriends he

"always talked about babes he dated before" until I politely told him unless he wants to hear what a stallion my boy before him was then he better shut his trap once for all about his "babes" from before.

 

Am kind of does not beat around bushes girl so hopefully my post won't offend but will actually help.

[RiverRunning]

You have SEVERAL red flags here that are a problem:

 

The family should table discussions of her, period. And your boyfriend needs to table discussions of her, period. It doesn't matter if he's talking about how awesome and great she is, or how vile and disgusting she was. To be honest, they both generally lead to the same conclusion: he is not over her.

 

You mention that he often tells you how much 'prettier' you are than his ex-girlfriend. On the surface, this seems like a nice compliment: but it's just yet another comparison that's only going to feed into your competition with her.

 

Does he do this off-hand, or is it something you push? I.e., "I feel so much uglier than your ex," "You are way hotter than she is!"

 

I want you to make a promise to yourself: you are going to go two days without checking up on her. If you break, immediately leave the page and don't do it again. Try to go for longer and longer lengths without looking at any of her stuff. Been there, done that: You have to show discipline to start breaking this thing.

 

More than that, like others said, you need to push and you need to push hard NOW. OP, I let something similar happen to me, but I let it go on for almost TWO YEARS. You don't deserve to be second best. If he has pictures of her, they need to go (into drawers, in locked boxes, etc. Not on his Facebook, not displayed, not on his computer, etc.).

 

You need to tell him that you don't want to hear anymore about his ex-girlfriend. You need to tell him that it bothers you when his family decides to spout off about her.

 

You are his present and possibly his future now. If he resists this at all, you need to tell him, "Well, I guess at least you'll be talking all about me to the next girlfriend," before you walk out the door.

 

Don't put up with it. I wish I had never let myself get treated so badly for so long. In my case, I did speak up but just backed down when he tried the "You're controlling/you're crazy/you're jealous" lines. I was having a totally normal reaction to a threat to my relationship. So are you.

 

She doesn't have to be there screwing the guy for you to be jealous if he's so hung up on her memory (and arguably still talking to her and God knows what else).