bluegreen Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I have no actual proof but just inside gut feeling that my s/o family and friends don't like me at all actually "his friends" might hate my guts for no reason at all just cause am with him I been with him for year not one of them acknowledged me they ignore me like I don't exist at all. His family never said one bad word to me we are in long distance relationship so members I met are "just" nice to me but nice as they are to their mail man as well or neighbor. They never ever initiated even one HI whats up call to me or text but on few occasional times I had to contact them about my s/o again they where "just" nice politely cool I might explain it its like they tolerate my presence in his life but that's it. My s/o swears once they meet me for real spend time with me they would adore me and I can even now count on them for anything when he is not there but I know better they just don't like me I feel it somehow inside of me. Although we have religious cultural and few more differences everyone around him knows I adore this guy and he adores me me its plain as day we will get yet it makes no difference to them whatsoever he desperately wants me to get along with them and love them as he does but how can I ? That feeling inside me knows better it makes my skin crawl to know am disliked and rejected and unsure even why we have even fought numerous times over this issue I say am not going to kiss any buts or try to push myself on those who don't want me around he keeps saying it will go away once he marries me and says "this is my wife" take it or leave it. PS: He also deeply resents any comment I make against them even if am right he takes it as if I hate them not true I don't but if he is blind to their faults am not and since they treat me as FLU virus what loyalty do I owe them only in prison you are not allowed to have opinion I say. Any advice on this ? Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 What are the differences ? Is there an educational one ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 No : )) He graduated college am first year 3.5 GPA student religious nationalities and modern you could say am from country where freedom of speech free choices in life and beliefs its normal he is from you could say 20 years back from it still or maybe more if it ever gets to this point one. You think it could be that but why am I being punished for something that's not even my fault ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted August 2, 2012 Author Share Posted August 2, 2012 Just to let you know I gathered courage and wrote to him about it all every last detail and made examples to s... may hit the fan here big time but am tired of pretending and lying to myself. He might see my side or might hate me forever but if he ends up hating me cause of then he never even loved me at all and I lost nothing anyway ... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 You have a narcissistic parent. You are going to feel this way A LOT. It isn't your fault but I've had this problem for a long time too. The general feeling which I can back up through "observations." It becomes a self-fufilling prophecy. "that group would want to hang out with me." "she didn't hire me because there was something about me she didn't like." One way to get around it is to talk back to it. Another way is not to let it assign too much weight in your life until you have proof one way or another. Look for proof that they DO like you first and foremost. It changes the way you present yourself too, and in turns makes you less suspicious and more LIKEable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted August 2, 2012 Author Share Posted August 2, 2012 YES I know you are right at first but NO unfortunately you are not right as second but now that I wrote it out to him it makes me feel like weight fell of my shoulders and all I have to do is see what he will do. Be or end up hating my guts this is going to be one heck of the long night but am glad I found this place and glad that I met YOU and other people like me HUGS ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
capricorndreamgurl3 Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 I hate to be blunt about this, but if he doesn't value your opinions or stick up for you against his friends, even though they treat you this way, he doesn't deserve you. If he does care about you, he will value you the things you say and help you through it and not hate you for it. That is what his job should be. You should be able to talk to him about anything. If not, you guys will have bigger problems later on. But, give it some more time. They may come around eventually. Like DOT says, just look for the proof that they do like you. As long as they are being civil to you, I wouldn't worry. I am the same way however, and it's because I also had NPD parents. I always have to work hard to seek their approval and let me tell ya, it gets exhausting fast. I still have some trouble communicating with my husband about my feelings, even though he is very supportive and is willing to talk through it with me. I am just scared of hurting his feelings or making him mad. But I can't do that. Hopefully everything is okay and that he starts appreciating your thoughts and feelings more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluegreen Posted August 3, 2012 Author Share Posted August 3, 2012 Hello All : )) We talked and he "heard me" I made him hear me well it seems am somewhere between half wrong and half right and more details need to be clarified cause it seems even his relationship with them its not "best" he might have fibbed a little on that before. Yes that's what they seem to be civilized but that's it well I told him am not kissing no b... if am only tolerated I will also just tolerate and who hurts me am hurting back he said he was not upset about me saying that but often felt between rock and hard place and I can get that. Am planing on finding whole truth about this and we shall see from there ... Link to post Share on other sites
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