lolita jade Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I have been on here broken hearted for the split of my 22 yr marriage. I am just about the other side of all that but just don't understand why my separated husband is dating a woman with 3 children of about 8,11,15 when our children are adult. He has been with her a year now and doesn't like other peoples children. He has told me and other people he has moved on and is happy. This was the first woman he met too after being with me, when he said he still had strong feelings for me and was confused. I know I shouldn't care but I just don't understand why he would take on more kids, expense and the teenage phase again. Can anyone put any light on it?? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Yes, but its not going to be a light you want to see. He loves her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolita jade Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 Yes of course I understand that he loves her but don't understand why he is willing to take on three more kids when ours are adult and he doesnt like other peoples children???? Link to post Share on other sites
PoopHappens Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 When it comes to relationships, nothing surprises me anymore. I agree, that is a huge undertaking, but perhaps it's what he wants to do. The need to feel needed is very strong and can manifest in weird ways. And then again maybe it's the only woman that has looked at him since your split. Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Guys in love usually love the children of the woman they fall for. Whether they are his or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolita jade Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 I think he wnts to feel needed as he could have independence now and although he loves the woman now. At first he wouldn't have done. All those nights in babysitting!!!! Do you think he likes to feel in control and needed or maybe it is a feeling young again thing. He didn't want anymore kids with me and was hard pushed having the ones we have had. He freaked when I was pregnant both times and doesnt like other kids that is why it is hard to get my head around. He is very tight with money too and kids are expensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Bigbot Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 I like your ex was the same. Pushed to have kids and swore up and down I was finished when I had my 2 daughters. I even had a vasectomy. I entered a new relationship with a woman that also had a daughter, which I was fine with even though I did not want anymore kids. Today, I am madly in love with this woman and will be proposing to in the new year. She completes my life in every essence. My feelings for her are so strong even more so than my ex wife's ever were. I find myself often wanting to have a baby with her. A child of our own. These thoughts, come from a person that in the beginning did not want kids, had a vasectomy after having 2 children and swore up and down I was done with having children. I agree with the other poster, he took a risk by meeting with her, however he accepted the kids at first but fell in love later. Love is extremely powerful, and when you meet that one. Everything within you changes. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 That you had a long standing relationship with children that ended after your children together were grown makes me wonder if her having children is part of the appeal. Perhaps he is attracted to women most when they are actively mothering and this puts a highlight on their nurturing side which draws him to them? Or maybe when a woman has children he feels she needs him more than a woman who isn't bring up children would do and something about that increase of dependence is preferable to him? Maybe he struggles to find attraction to women who are nearing grandmother stage and since her children are too young for that, she is grandmother immune at this time. And of course it can be that he found his mate and she just happened to have kids in tow. That's how it went down for my husband and I. Only time will tell. If the kids grow up and he sticks around then it was a genuine paring. If they grow up and he loses interest then you know he has some odd angle on the Oedipus Complex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolita jade Posted August 2, 2012 Author Share Posted August 2, 2012 I have not heard of the oedipus complex. I will look it up. I am a very young 45 year old, probably act younger than his new 40 yr old GF. I know what you mean on the grandmother thing though. The thing is this was the first girl he met. Just think he wants to be loved and needed. A single woman wouldn't need him as much?? He would be a complete lap dog to her I know. I know he is in love but still think it maybe early stages, when you will do anything to be with the mother. He keeps telling me he is so happy??? I will just have to accept he is. Don't know why he hasn't put in for a divorce. Guess that is coming! Link to post Share on other sites
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