JasonRules Posted August 16, 2012 Share Posted August 16, 2012 Dude, stop acting like a pussy. Contact her, like a man, tell her to give you your effing ring back, give her an earful, and tell her to never contact you again. I mean, what the hell is wrong with you? Get angry for once in your life and quit being a "Persian rug" for every biatch to walk over. Grow a pair and take control of the situation. I read your posts and cannot believe a guy is writing this. If this is how you are, there is no woman on the planet who will not take advantage of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyoflove Posted August 16, 2012 Author Share Posted August 16, 2012 Why not then, show her you are done with her - and get the ring back? You have nothing to lose - and everything to gain. .... Unless, of course, you really don't want to show her you ARE done with her..... It remains to be seen whether she takes the point clearly or not. And if she decides that yet again, you weren't serious, and she can talk to you any time she wants - THAT would be a good time to get it back... For sure, for sure.... Good luck! This is not bad idea at all. But I honestly doubt that she will contact me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 OP since u said ur not contacting her again i have a idea! ask a mutual buddy to get the ring back sounds good? TD Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyoflove Posted August 17, 2012 Author Share Posted August 17, 2012 People, I do not care about the ring at all. I stated loud and clear to her that engagement is off. That ring is for me now only piece of jewelery. If she is happy thinking she can have me whenever she wants fine with me. If she ever tries to reach (which I highly doubt) she will find closed door. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 Ok. Here's how to get the ring back.... just kidding... All you need now, is determination to ignore her completely, IF she tries to contact you - and equal indifference to contacting her. Good luck - keep us posted if something transpires..... Link to post Share on other sites
olivec Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 I dont really care about financial side of that ring. The only reason I would ask to have it back would be to show her I am done with her. But as I said, I think I made that point pretty clear. i'm gunna be blunt with you STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. You know its over but just dont want to admit it and by her still holding onto to the ring you figure shell look at it enuff that she'll change her mind and come back. it isnt gunna happen and sadly when she meets another guy that engagement ring will be off quick stuck in a jewelery box in her bedroom colecting dust. the final part for you to let go and move on heal is to get your PROPERTY BACK(THE RING). Because reality is you dont own the GIRL ANYMORE. You have to accept this and do what you gotta do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyoflove Posted August 18, 2012 Author Share Posted August 18, 2012 i'm gunna be blunt with you STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. You know its over but just dont want to admit it and by her still holding onto to the ring you figure shell look at it enuff that she'll change her mind and come back. it isnt gunna happen and sadly when she meets another guy that engagement ring will be off quick stuck in a jewelery box in her bedroom colecting dust. the final part for you to let go and move on heal is to get your PROPERTY BACK(THE RING). Because reality is you dont own the GIRL ANYMORE. You have to accept this and do what you gotta do. You are wrong. I know it is over. I just feel that I would look immature and inconsistent if I contact her again after telling I will not contact her. I did what i think I had to do which is to tell her I am done with relationship and engagement is off. Link to post Share on other sites
olivec Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 You are wrong. I know it is over. I just feel that I would look immature and inconsistent if I contact her again after telling I will not contact her. I did what i think I had to do which is to tell her I am done with relationship and engagement is off. hmmm i beg to differ my friend deep down you want her back and that ring is the only thing left to give you the opportunity. if its truely over why does she deserve something that you gave to her as a symbol of your love and commitment. when she just literary threw it back in your face. it only shows her she walk all over you and still keep the hardware. ONCE AGAIN I'M RIGHT AND YOU KNOW IT. IF YOU GET THE RING BACK LIKE EVERYONE ON HERE TOLD YOU TO DO IT WOULD BE CLEAN BREAK . Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted August 18, 2012 Share Posted August 18, 2012 Jeesh, leave the guy alone, already - I think he knows what he wants to do, and he's made it clear!! Give him a break! Link to post Share on other sites
olivec Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 Jeesh, leave the guy alone, already - I think he knows what he wants to do, and he's made it clear!! Give him a break! hey i've been where this guy has been so i'm not trying to give him a hard time. i just know from first hand experience how this girl operates my ex did this crap to me. i'm even the same age mid 30s its devesating when you have invested time into someone and are trying make a future with someone and then have it thrown back in your face like it was nothing. i wish this guy all the best and hope he can move on from this. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Face Posted August 19, 2012 Share Posted August 19, 2012 (edited) I guess this is really the end. This is all a good thing. You're being emotionally jerked around.. Whether it be intentional on her part or not, she's playing with you. I've been through this before. Except, in my case, there was no ring. It was a fat black cat with an attitude. Do try and get the ring back, but if and when you do contact her about this, resist the urge to talk about anything but the ring. Just try to act like you don't care about anything but the ring. If you get it back without a problem, great. End it for good. No more contact. Period. And if, for whatever reason, she refuses to give it back or sweet talks you to make you forget about the ring, at that point, end it for good. Consider it a lesson learned, a risk taken and some money lost, nothing more than that. And then, no more contact. Period. And I'd like to add one last piece of advice, go hang out with some of your male friends. Talk some s*** and drink a couple brews. Time with "the bros" isn't exactly necessary to recover from this tragedy, but it will definitely help you along. And remember, life goes on! Good luck to you! Edited August 19, 2012 by The_Face Last minute suggestion added 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sissy106 Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 i'm gunna be blunt with you STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. You know its over but just dont want to admit it and by her still holding onto to the ring you figure shell look at it enuff that she'll change her mind and come back. it isnt gunna happen and sadly when she meets another guy that engagement ring will be off quick stuck in a jewelery box in her bedroom colecting dust. the final part for you to let go and move on heal is to get your PROPERTY BACK(THE RING). Because reality is you dont own the GIRL ANYMORE. You have to accept this and do what you gotta do. Dear Olivec, I have gone through a lot of your posts and you remind me of my own ex-fiancee a lot. The way you expressed your griefs initially and the way you are advising people, your experiences and a lot of things are just like my ex. Even your language especially "still feel angry and deepressed"."you were a confident guy", "you both in 30s","it takes something negative to make a positive", " you give cahnce to that gal","there are many fish in river", "I am drinking all day","dumbb girl", "I am with a girl who is Right for me, she has right qualities for you", Your ex contacted you and you forgive her" and now here..."get your PROPERTY BACK (THE RING)"... Its definitely gotta be 100% match here. But the things for which she left you...do you know wat are they? I hope you know atleast this by now that why she left you? As far as I am concerned I left my ex-fiancee coz he was a psychopath, who did not let me be friend with anybody, dont lemme step out of my house except for work, I could not even go with my girl friends, he abused me all the time with his harsh words, always doubted my character (although I was completely dedicated to him), was jealous of my rising carrier, always insecure, we had 5 years relation and in 6th year we got engaged when he moved to another country. He needed all emotional supports from me while I was tolerating his other things too coz he told me and I believed him that only coz he is not settled in carrier that is why he is so insecure about me. And when he went away with his good carrier in the 6th year, he was still the same. All my support with him till that time went worthless coz he was behaving with me like I was a cheap sluut. He get carried away with the new western environment and start thinking that he got stuck too early into serious relationship while other guys around him were enjoing there life flirting around many girls, he also said to me once that no friend of his age are married, and its me who is getting old and not him, he accused me of being sex oriented (and I must tell you in 6 years of our relation we were together for only 1st 2 years after that onwards we had long distance relationship and in that duartion of 4 years I met him 4 times and that too in 3rd, 4th and 5th year. 6th year he did not come back from other country), he made me do breakup with him, I was in full deepression for 3 months aready and that when he told me to Die and Fuuck off with some other guy and that is when I decided to dump him. But he played with me again... ask for my mercy one last time, just because his ego was hurt...and just to Dump me on my Birthday. Now all of you if you think why I fall for this guy who never respected me...then I must tell you that he did loved me, obsessively, cared for me and we did enjoyed wonderfull time together but he had a Double personality disorder. In later years out of his frustation in career he started abusing me. Till that time we had spent 3 years together fully committedly, but when he started behaving worse I thought I should support him coz he is in tough situation and seriously thinking about carier so that we can marry each other, so I tolerated all his bull****s. I said he had a Double Personality Disorder because all these 6 years he bahaved very Normally with the other people around me and everybody thinks that he is a nice guy. Can a person be nice if he calls his fiancee a sluut all the time. But all my love, care and emotional support and time dedicated goes in Vain. Coz he left me when he got his carrier. While I was with him for 5 earlier strong years when he was struggling in his life. So I want to know Olivec how was your realtion with ur ex and why she left u? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyoflove Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Ok, guys its been some time since I posted here. I could use some opinion even though it is probably just my imagination. We've been in NC for 15 days now since I told her I will leave her alone. Last night I noticed that she changed her online status into "another me". In our country it is title of song about girl who regrets realising something too late, wishes she did things differently and tells her ex bf that he is her soul-mate. It is also how we often used to call each other, implying that we are sibblings. Still, I was online for couple of hours and she saw me but did not initiate any contact. Could it be that I am reading too much into all this or she is testing waters? Link to post Share on other sites
Elpis430 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 My best advice when dealing with relationships is to be honest and just say what you really want and feel. If they don't respond to the truth in a favorable manner, then there wasn't alot of hope for you're future to begin with. If your significant other is "The One" (Sorry to Sound Cliche) then, being an open book will always work. Link to post Share on other sites
Elpis430 Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 And in response to your last post, sometimes over analyzing a situation can be our biggest downfall. A woman tends to be pretty up front about what she wants. It seems alot like she is just trying to provoke a response from you, to prove to herself she still has a certain level of control over you. I obviously don't know her, so I could be mistaken about her motives. She may just be expressing lonliness or other feelings. Bottom line is that, like I said, women tend to be pretty direct, so if she wanted to talk to you she would. If she wanted to be with you, she would. I think no contact woul be the best path for you right now. Sounds like both of you need some perspective. Once you can remove yourself a little, I think you will see more clearly what she is trying to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyoflove Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Ok guys, this is urgent and I really need opinions. After setting that status last night, tonight she broke silence. She saw me again online and sent message 'I see you are online so just to say hello'. This was just minutes ago. Should I reply at all or just ignore it? Link to post Share on other sites
sissy106 Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Hey crazyoflove, definitely you should reply her, if she is approaching u herself, dat definitely means something. When u had been engaged earlier that means ur feelings towards each other were more than that of a normal bf-gf couple. Maybe for some reason she brokeup, but if she is trying to get back... allow urself to let her try. Loose all egos is the first thing. There should be no ego in u, if u truely love her, talk to her more and more but dont talk about breakup or why is she getting back. Let her talk about it when she is comfortable with it. But yes if u want to say that u missed her. Say it... just dont attach the word "a lot", to make it simple and not needy. When u love somebody...u take evry chance to get her or him back. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyoflove Posted August 28, 2012 Author Share Posted August 28, 2012 In the end I did not reply anything. I wanted at first just to type hello but then all images of her being ignorant towards me after break up came back. I also think that she should be more open if she wants something. Finally, she ignored my attempts many times so I think if she is serious, me not responding to one vague online message should not discourage her. Link to post Share on other sites
Elpis430 Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Hey there. I think you should tell her that you saw where she tried messaging her. Then, you should tell her exactly why you didn't respond. Be honest. Give it some consideration before you do this. You want to be cordial and quick and too the point. Don't go on and on. I think you should end your reply by telling her you appreciate the contact, but if she is unsure of what she actually wants from you, it would be best if she didn't. Normally I would allow some casual conversation and time to evaluate her motives, but it seems like she has removed that right by being a little confusing and all over the place. You don't seem like you are in a place to cope with any kind of gray area anyways. I know I have been in situations where I was scared to push someone to make a decision, bc I was worried it would be the one I didn't want. But ultimately, you want to be with someone who wants to be with you and doesn't have reservations about it. So just dig deep, and find the place that allows you to understand that if it's legit, it will persevere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyoflove Posted August 29, 2012 Author Share Posted August 29, 2012 Hey there. I think you should tell her that you saw where she tried messaging her. Then, you should tell her exactly why you didn't respond. Be honest. Give it some consideration before you do this. You want to be cordial and quick and too the point. Don't go on and on. I think you should end your reply by telling her you appreciate the contact, but if she is unsure of what she actually wants from you, it would be best if she didn't. Normally I would allow some casual conversation and time to evaluate her motives, but it seems like she has removed that right by being a little confusing and all over the place. You don't seem like you are in a place to cope with any kind of gray area anyways. I know I have been in situations where I was scared to push someone to make a decision, bc I was worried it would be the one I didn't want. But ultimately, you want to be with someone who wants to be with you and doesn't have reservations about it. So just dig deep, and find the place that allows you to understand that if it's legit, it will persevere. I dont know. In the past, she would send something like this or even more direct (on one occasion she sent me apology for everything, on another she said she is mine and loves me) but when I approached she would step back. I dont want to go through that again. I think she knows what she has to do if she wants to be with me. It's been silence after I ignored that message so I guess she was just checking whether she can provoke any kind of response from me. If she contacts again, I might answer with something short. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyoflove Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 Well, here is an update and I would love some opinions. After month of silence she reached today and came to my office. She said that she came to my office many times over past two weeks but did not find me there (true). I just said that I was busy. She says she wanted to talk to me face to face and if I could spare few minutes when I find time (I was not alone when she came so she couldnt talk). I asked why she wants to talk to me to which she asked whether there needs to be specific reason for someone to ask couple of minutes of my time. I said "yes". Then she asked could I help her with some professional things. I was vague and did not give any answer to that. We left it there and she left. I noticed she still wears our engagement ring and during this conversation she was trying to get close to me and touched me quite a few times. I was just cool and distant. Also, for past several days I noticed she changes her online statuses daily to some things which may be related to us (seeing her today I am more convinced that they are related to us). Guys I need opinions here. I do have some feelings for her. Yet, I am affraid she will hurt me and that these are just breadcrumbs. I also think after all the pain she should come more straightforward to me. I was doing so well for past month of NC. Should I call her back and listen to what she has to say or just continue with ignoring her and wait until (if at all) she comes to me with something concrete. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyoflove Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 Here is an update. She came later yesterday again to my office asking me if I hate her, am I avoiding her, why am I not coming anymore to her office (and saying her colleagues there miss me). I just said I've been busy, that I've been in touch with colleagues working with her in office and that they know I've been busy. She then offered help over something but I said I took care of it. She seemed shocked with my indifference and distance. She left office only to return minute later to ask 'how I am'. So I said I am fine. She was shockef and nervous. Today she called me to congratulate on my new car and to say I have style. This was her first call in three months since break up. Also, I noticed she changes her online statuses daily into things that can be understood as messages related to 'us'. Tonight she also changed her contact picture into photo that was taken by her at same place where I took photo of me, same pose but at different points in time long before we met. She often mentioned this photo as sign of special connection between us. Also, she still wears our engagement ring. Guys what you think? Are these breadcrumbs or is she slowly opening communication lines? I was expecting her to be more straightforward after everything that happened during last three months. I could really use some feedback here. Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Here is an update. She came later yesterday again to my office asking me if I hate her, am I avoiding her, why am I not coming anymore to her office (and saying her colleagues there miss me). I just said I've been busy, that I've been in touch with colleagues working with her in office and that they know I've been busy. She then offered help over something but I said I took care of it. She seemed shocked with my indifference and distance. She left office only to return minute later to ask 'how I am'. So I said I am fine. She was shockef and nervous. Today she called me to congratulate on my new car and to say I have style. This was her first call in three months since break up. Also, I noticed she changes her online statuses daily into things that can be understood as messages related to 'us'. Tonight she also changed her contact picture into photo that was taken by her at same place where I took photo of me, same pose but at different points in time long before we met. She often mentioned this photo as sign of special connection between us. Also, she still wears our engagement ring. Guys what you think? Are these breadcrumbs or is she slowly opening communication lines? I was expecting her to be more straightforward after everything that happened during last three months. I could really use some feedback here. I might be wrong but I doubt it, it seems that she really is putting forth alot of effort into being "visible" to you. Getting your attention and giving you "reasons" to meeting her part way. Maybe you might ask her just what exactly are her "intentions" with all of this attention to you. I'm not so convinced that all EXs will exactly beat the door down begging and pleading for a second chance. I believe some like to test the waters first to feel the other persons feelings about a possible reconciliation. It seems she is putting forth effort but is cautious because she doesn't want to get rejected. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
leavemebe1234 Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Hi. I would use some advice on situation I am currently in. We've been together for 8 months and engaged before she broke with me over some fight. For two weeks I tried to change her mind but she acted as if she wanted me to chase her. I eventually gave up and went no contact. This lasted for two weeks (with one attempt to talk to her). Then she contacted me. First few days it was small talk and then she said that she wants to meet me for coffee. At first I rejected because she said that it has no particular reason but then next day I said that I am willing to meet if she wishes to talk about us. I also said on that occasion that if she does not want it I think it is best for us both to move on and disappear from each others’ lives. She then said that she feels as if part of her is missing, dreams of me every night etc and agreed to meet over next days (she is ill at the moment). She also said that I was right when I was saying that it is wrong for us to break relationship (she was the one to insist on it). Over past few days we are pretty much in communication on daily basis. At first through text, then she called me for first time since break up and also through mail. She always initiates contact. I try just to act cool, make jokes, and mention few of our good memories here and there. However, she sends me kisses during conversation, mentions our good memories and flirts with me. Two nights ago a message came out of blue that she loves me. Then last night there is again message saying that she hopes I will leave doors of my dreams open so she can sneak in paradise. Almost as if she is warming up. I love her and want to get back together. It is just that I am not sure whether this is some kind of game and am confused what to do next. If I make step forward I am afraid she will take control and I might look needy. But then again, she said that she wanted to mention topic of „us“ sooner but was afraid because of me acting cold and distant . She is a bit uncertain and cautious so I do not want to scare her off. Any advice on how to proceed would be welcome. She is using you. I'm sorry. I might respond to late, but I've been in situations like this many times. If she really loved you, would she have broken up with you? No. She is trying to mess with you again into thinking that you guys are right for each other. Women do this all the time. I am a woman, but I would never do this to someone I deeply loved and cared for. If she really felt that way then she wouldn't have done what she did. You should move on. And I'm really sorry she did this to you. It makes me upset, even if I do not know you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazyoflove Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 I might be wrong but I doubt it, it seems that she really is putting forth alot of effort into being "visible" to you. Getting your attention and giving you "reasons" to meeting her part way. Maybe you might ask her just what exactly are her "intentions" with all of this attention to you. I'm not so convinced that all EXs will exactly beat the door down begging and pleading for a second chance. I believe some like to test the waters first to feel the other persons feelings about a possible reconciliation. It seems she is putting forth effort but is cautious because she doesn't want to get rejected. Good luck! This might be the case. However, something else crossed my mind. By the end of relationship she held most of power. I generally do not pay attention to these things so I let it be. Could it be that she is waiting for me to approach her so that she can retain power? I dont want that as I feel that her having too much power contributed to our break up Link to post Share on other sites
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