I want to keep track of MM

[nofool4u]

Who's scorned?! He still wants me. For now, anyway.

 

It doesn't matter even if he didn't want me.

 

I have options.

 

Apparently you don't have options. Because if you did, you'd avail yourself of them, rather than pulling a Glenn Close and wanting to GPS his car.

 

Oh, and not sure, but if found out, he could have you arrested I believe.

[nofool4u]

Yes, having proof that he may be seeing someone else would make it easier for me to say he's just lying scum, can't be really that interested in me, is using me, or did enjoy me but now is bored and subsidizing the R with new ow ... whatever.

 

He's cheating on his wife. Therefore he IS lying scum. He IS just using you.

 

And in any case, you have no basis to be upset if he is seeing someone else. You are the other woman. You are PART of the problem.

[scatterd]

You have seen all of his excuses to his wife. Now that he has gotten bored maybe its time for him to move on again. Dont allow him to do this to you also. Kick him to the curb and find a man that will be faithful to you. maybe for a change someone will not put up with it and this will surprise him. Having to police someone is not fun nor should you have to. I can see him finding the GPS and wife getting blamed for it. Could be a big mess.

[Leelou]

Apparently you don't have options. Because if you did, you'd avail yourself of them, rather than pulling a Glenn Close and wanting to GPS his car.

 

Oh, and not sure, but if found out, he could have you arrested I believe.

sigh... not going to GPS his car, I asked for a refund or exchange.

 

it's not the danger of him having me arrested if he finds it (he wouldn't do this, he knows the cops here, he doesn't want to bring attention to himself), it's the whole craziness of feeling the need to even check up on him. I'm not doing it. The posters are right.

 

I am going to end it. Civilly. Am going to stick to my guns if he tries to persuade me otherwise.

 

Thanks to all the posters who talked some sense into me. I appreciate it.

[Leelou]

He's cheating on his wife. Therefore he IS lying scum. He IS just using you.

 

And in any case, you have no basis to be upset if he is seeing someone else. You are the other woman. You are PART of the problem.

Yup, got that. I know.

[Leelou]

You have seen all of his excuses to his wife. Now that he has gotten bored maybe its time for him to move on again. Dont allow him to do this to you also. Kick him to the curb and find a man that will be faithful to you. maybe for a change someone will not put up with it and this will surprise him. Having to police someone is not fun nor should you have to. I can see him finding the GPS and wife getting blamed for it. Could be a big mess.

wow, I didn't even consider that, that he might blame his wife!!!

[whichwayisup]

I get that you're hurt and jealous.. Now that you've thought about things, I'm glad to read that you're going to just end it instead.

 

You don't have to go into great amounts of details either, make your point and tell him that it's best for you that the A ends. Make it about YOU not him. Tell him to please respect your wishes and to back off/leave you alone so you can heal.

[canuckprincess]

wow, I didn't even consider that, that he might blame his wife!!!

 

That would be wrong for his wife to get blamed for it. As far as the posters that say the ow or mistress or girlfriend of a mm has no rights, they are right but that doesn't mean when you love someone that it wouldn't hurt. Be strong and good luck keep us posted on the break up. I wish I was as strong as ow.

[Leelou]

Now that you've thought about things, I'm glad to read that you're going to just end it instead.

 

You don't have to go into great amounts of details either, make your point and tell him that it's best for you that the A ends. Make it about YOU not him. Tell him to please respect your wishes and to back off/leave you alone so you can heal.

 

Okay, will do

 

Be strong and good luck keep us posted on the break up. I wish I was as strong as ow.

MM is away for the next few days. I didn't see him yesterday morning as had been scheduled (I felt weird about doing so), and I haven't texted him today. I am leaving things quiet, until he gets back. No sense in upsetting him when he will be with extended family this weekend... he cannot hide his feelings when he gets upset.

I'll let him know on his return.

 

The GPS can be sent back for an exchange for other products (what to buy next, LOL!) fortunately.

I was considering just keeping it in MY car as a sort of LoJack type of security measure (if your car is stolen, you can track it) but decided against it. Maybe I'll order security cameras instead, so I can see each time MM does a drive-by my house, ha ha.

[sad puppy]

Leelou, you're moving in the right direction. Keep reducing your time and effort on this cheater. Look at how much misery he is causing. Just keep moving away and distancing yourself, it takes time, but you will be able to do it. Set your goal to be free, and keep moving towards your goal. He sounds like a mess.

[Leelou]

Leelou, you're moving in the right direction. Keep reducing your time and effort on this cheater. Look at how much misery he is causing. Just keep moving away and distancing yourself, it takes time, but you will be able to do it. Set your goal to be free, and keep moving towards your goal. He sounds like a mess.

Thank you for your encouragement, I know it's going to be tough, but as time moves on will get easier.

 

Never again.

[SoMovinOn]

I would love to ses a woman cheating on her H go to court because her H was spying on her.

 

"Your honor I am outraged. Just becauseI am f****ing other men and risking giving STDs to my H does not give my H the right to spy on me to see if I am a cheater. The nerve of that SOB to spy on me. My privacy is sacred". :laugh:

 

 

Police arrest husband in e-mail spying | KXAN.com

 

Is snooping in your spouse

[Gagirl]

Married men who cheat lie all the time. You cannot believe anything they say. They get their jollies from playing games with your emotions. Shoot! Most the lies they tell are so stupid and are see through but, they don't care because they know the OW will just go along with it or are actually stupid

enough to believe them. Glad you are walking away. You deserve so much more. Don't even bother having a conversation with him. He doesn't deserve it. Just cut him off and be done. One of these days he will get busted and be thankful that you won't be involved. You will still have your good reputation and respect from others. No one will ever know you were involved. Why continue with something that could ruin your life?

[Leelou]

Don't even bother having a conversation with him. He doesn't deserve it. Just cut him off and be done. One of these days he will get busted and be thankful that you won't be involved.

I am considering this. Because it will just be a one way conversation if I DO try to talk. He will deny.

 

I seriously just want to say "It's over" and for him to leave me alone.

Edited August 3, 2012 by Leelou

[sad puppy]

I am considering this. Because it will just be a one way conversation if I DO try to talk. He will deny.

 

I seriously just want to say "It's over" and for him to leave me alone.

 

You're speaking from the perspective of someone who needs his agreement, someone who is powerless, to some degree. Wake up! You have complete and total power over your life and the direction in which it heads! Dump his lying, cheating ass, and move on! Who cares what he says when all he does is lie and betray? Take back your power, how many years have you handed him power over your emotions, your life?

 

Think about it. You have to shift your paradigm here. Take back your power, let it all go, leave that misery behind you and move the heck on!

[whichwayisup]

I am considering this. Because it will just be a one way conversation if I DO try to talk. He will deny.

 

I seriously just want to say "It's over" and for him to leave me alone.

 

Do it. The only thing that counts is what you think and feel. If you really want it over, make it over and stick to your guns about it ending. Do everything you can to make it impossible for him to contact you.

[canuckprincess]

You're speaking from the perspective of someone who needs his agreement, someone who is powerless, to some degree. Wake up! You have complete and total power over your life and the direction in which it heads! Dump his lying, cheating ass, and move on! Who cares what he says when all he does is lie and betray? Take back your power, how many years have you handed him power over your emotions, your life?

 

Think about it. You have to shift your paradigm here. Take back your power, let it all go, leave that misery behind you and move the heck on!

 

I just have to say what I find funny is when the ow isn't happy with the way the relationship is going our friends And online therapist wanna be tell us to dump their asses. Why is it on most forums they don't tell the bs that. I'm getting a little tired of all blame being put on the ap. Ok, yes being in an affair is wrong I agree but that doesn't mean the break ups are any easier. Also in a long term affair chances are the WS and AP share more secrets then the husband and wife do. So yes if your not happy move on, don't be like the sad weak spouses that hold on out of fear or entitlement issues. And if the mm or mw were honest then none of us would be here. Ok I've totally hi jacked your post sorry. Good luck in which ever direction you decide.

Edited August 4, 2012 by canuckprincess

[sad puppy]

Thanks for clarifying, Bentnotbroken! Hey Canuck - I'm a former OW, who dumped my xMM, after a 20 month affair. In my case, he did move out, and it was during his separation, that I really saw what a broken guy he was emotionally, and additionally, what a liar and cheater he was. He was lying to his wife, assuring her he wasn't seeing me, he was. Then he was lying to me in assuring me he wasn't pondering reconciliation, when he was, to some degree.

 

He also was sharing all the gory details of his marriage and his affair with an old college friend. Nothing sexual, I spoke to her, but way out of line boundary wise. I explained that that was inappropriate, and that it was a deal breaker, he agreed, a week later he disagreed, I walked out. It demonstrated that he was unable to maintain appropriate emotional boundaries. Also, I found his poor lifestyle choices, too much drinking, not a great father, ... To be indicative of a selfish guy. Plus his capability for betrayal, I knew I could never trust him in the future.

 

I put it all together, and BAM, instant insight as to lying, cheating, betrayal, ... It is truly what his character was made up of. Public persona - successful attorney, a really "great guy", everybody's friend. Real persona - cheating liar at his core who hurt his wife, his kids, and me. Walked out Jan 1 and never looked back. He initiated contact 6 mos later, I responded very angrily.

 

I just decided to protect myself, see him for who he was, quit hiding my head in the sand, and face it head on - walked on plus NC. It can be done if you have the will and desire to have a happier life. Oh, btw, his divorce should be final in a couple months. He will never see me or touch me again. So, yeah, when I say move on, face reality, dump the loser, I know of what I speak.

[whichwayisup]

I just decided to protect myself, see him for who he was, quit hiding my head in the sand, and face it head on - walked on plus NC. It can be done if you have the will and desire to have a happier life. Oh, btw, his divorce should be final in a couple months. He will never see me or touch me again. So, yeah, when I say move on, face reality, dump the loser, I know of what I speak.

 

You must feel so empowered and enlighted! I hope you inspire others who are close to ending it and they have the realization (realisation? lol spelling issue today..must be the heat) that you had!

[sad puppy]

I just have to say what I find funny is when the ow isn't happy with the way the relationship is going our friends And online therapist wanna be tell us to dump their asses. Why is it on most forums they don't tell the bs that. I'm getting a little tired of all blame being put on the ap. Ok, yes being in an affair is wrong I agree but that doesn't mean the break ups are any easier. Also in a long term affair chances are the WS and AP share more secrets then the husband and wife do. So yes if your not happy move on, don't be like the sad weak spouses that hold on out of fear or entitlement issues. And if the mm or mw were honest then none of us would be here. Ok I've totally hi jacked your post sorry. Good luck in which ever direction you decide.

 

And the reason I recommend Leelou dump his cheating ass is because she suspects he has another OW, she was thinking to GPS his car, which is NOT emotionally healthy, and she is being hurt by a major jerk who's carried on a 4 year affair. So, as a "wannabe online therapist", I strongly recommend she bail from her affair. The guy sounds like trash, and she deserves better. If he was moving out, making plans for a divorce, it might be a different story - but he's not, he's a serial cheater. At some point in time, one has to be able to correctly assess not only the situation but the character of their affair partner, when one is FED UP, is usually when a healthy person walks out. And, quite frankly, this applies to BSs as well. Trust me, people are afraid they will "miss them", but the only thing you'll miss is the pain and misery, and realize how much better you feel when they're gone!!!!

[Leelou]

And the reason I recommend Leelou dump his cheating ass is because she suspects he has another OW, she was thinking to GPS his car, which is NOT emotionally healthy, and she is being hurt by a major jerk who's carried on a 4 year affair. So, as a "wannabe online therapist", I strongly recommend she bail from her affair. The guy sounds like trash, and she deserves better. If he was moving out, making plans for a divorce, it might be a different story - but he's not, he's a serial cheater. At some point in time, one has to be able to correctly assess not only the situation but the character of their affair partner, when one is FED UP, is usually when a healthy person walks out. And, quite frankly, this applies to BSs as well. Trust me, people are afraid they will "miss them", but the only thing you'll miss is the pain and misery, and realize how much better you feel when they're gone!!!!

 

I have not texted/called/responded to him since Tuesday (when I was supposed to have seen him but I chose not to, since I felt weird about the need to GPS him at the time). Last night at 10pm he called and left a terse voicemail, and this morning he tentatively tried a "Good Morning" phish text message which I ignored.

He later, around 7pm, texted me, "I take it you're not speaking to me. I've called and text you"

 

Tomorrow he returns from his visit with family.

He will make a bee line to get ahold of me, but I will avoid him. This has been his tactic in the past, and honestly, I understand the power of ignoring someone, thanks to him.

I just don't see the point in attempting a conversation with him when there is NO way he'd be truthful, plus, I am beyond this. I am ready to end it.

 

I do not want to be all open and vulnerable with him, because there is no way he will be truthful and open with me, and I will just end up giving HIM information to satisfy him, and be left without any input.

 

The fact that I had ordered a GPS and was quite ready to use it on him is indicative enough of how I already know in my heart what he is up to. I have listened to what the posters have told me. I am listening to what is common sense.

 

I just don't want him to persevere in coming after me again. He has in the past.

 

I want to ignore him completely, so he can get a taste of his own medicine (his wife apparently complains that he doesn't SAY anything) and be met with silence when his head is full of questions.

 

I don't want to answer his questions, because he has never answered ours (mine, his wife's, his xOW) when it so suits him.

I also don't want to answer his questions, because that will just give him Information about how to best tackle my objections. Best I keep quiet and he has no power to reel me back in.

 

This time I won't be heartbroken, because my eyes are wide open.

Edited August 5, 2012 by Leelou

[whichwayisup]

One simple text - It's over. Do not call, text, email or try to come see me. I'm done. If you contact me, I will call your wife and tell her everything, so back off and leave me the hell alone. Goodbye.

 

Or something along those lines.

 

It's good you are ignoring him. But, don't think of this as a game (intentional) think of it as your way of coping with it. Only way to really get over someone is to never see or speak to them again.

[Leelou]

One simple text - It's over. Do not call, text, email or try to come see me. I'm done. If you contact me, I will call your wife and tell her everything, so back off and leave me the hell alone. Goodbye.

 

Or something along those lines.

 

It's good you are ignoring him. But, don't think of this as a game (intentional) think of it as your way of coping with it. Only way to really get over someone is to never see or speak to them again.

Do you honestly think it's a good idea to say that - to tell his wife if he pursues me? If that makes him leave me alone, that would be good, because I can recover from a break up faster, but if he comes around looking for an explanation (which I feel I don't owe him) then what do I do? I don't want to tell his wife!

 

I mean, it might be effective a threat in keeping him away, but if I have to follow through, it's not what I want to do.. I don't want to expose him, I just want to be done with this whole A.

[whichwayisup]

Do you honestly think it's a good idea to say that - to tell his wife if he pursues me? If that makes him leave me alone, that would be good, because I can recover from a break up faster, but if he comes around looking for an explanation (which I feel I don't owe him) then what do I do? I don't want to tell his wife!

 

I mean, it might be effective a threat in keeping him away, but if I have to follow through, it's not what I want to do.. I don't want to expose him, I just want to be done with this whole A.

 

Okay, then just tell him that you are done with him and the affair forever and don't bother trying to convince you to change your mind.

 

Change your cell number. Block and delete him on facebook. Change your email address. Make it impossible for him to contact you.

[Leelou]

Okay, then just tell him that you are done with him and the affair forever and don't bother trying to convince you to change your mind.

 

Change your cell number. Block and delete him on facebook. Change your email address. Make it impossible for him to contact you.

So, I guess a final text message is necessary? It's not enough to simply ignore him, right? I mean, he ALREADY got the message that I 'wasn't speaking to him' just because I didn't respond to his call last night, and text this morning (funny how quick he was to jump to that conclusion... he must know I'm fed up).

 

He's a neighbor. He drives past my house every day. There's no other way out the neighborhood. At the moment he knows my children are home, but are due to go back to college soon.

As for my cell phone - I've had this number 16 years, it would be odd to family to change it!

I guess I could always block his number if he doesn't let up.

 

I wonder what needs to be done/said to get him to leave me alone the fastest.

 

The LAST thing I want to do is actually explain my thinking to him. He doesn't. So no more handing him the power.

As another poster said- I don't need him to agree to it being over, I can make the decision and so be it.

 

I don't want to talk to him because he is a liar. A practiced liar. Lying comes very easily to him. There is no use at all in talking to him. I will just come away feeling horrible. At least this way, I can keep my thinking intact and let him wonder, for a change. I don't want to be swayed by his lies.

Edited August 5, 2012 by Leelou