Author Leelou Posted August 17, 2012 Author Share Posted August 17, 2012 I've been thinking. About where I am and what I've been doing. As secret as A's are, and as hidden as mine was from most friends, and all family; a consequence of this A was that I have distanced myself from certain family members since my A, and it was because I didn't want to 'lie' about my life to anymore people than necessary. I knew I was doing wrong and I couldn't 'face' myself when dealing with my extended family, because they all relate to me as the 'old me' who was honorable and straightforward and honest. So I hid from them, because I knew I was not doing the right things. I couldn't bear to lie to them, by omission, so I avoided them all. MM is away for a few days again, I feel certain he will make a bee-line for me as soon as he gets back home. I need to enforce NC to stand strong, so he knows it's no use. I wonder if he feels any wrongdoing? Maybe people just have a different sense of Timing? Surely most of us don't like living a lie? Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted August 17, 2012 Share Posted August 17, 2012 I've been thinking. About where I am and what I've been doing. As secret as A's are, and as hidden as mine was from most friends, and all family; a consequence of this A was that I have distanced myself from certain family members since my A, and it was because I didn't want to 'lie' about my life to anymore people than necessary. I knew I was doing wrong and I couldn't 'face' myself when dealing with my extended family, because they all relate to me as the 'old me' who was honorable and straightforward and honest. So I hid from them, because I knew I was not doing the right things. I couldn't bear to lie to them, by omission, so I avoided them all. MM is away for a few days again, I feel certain he will make a bee-line for me as soon as he gets back home. I need to enforce NC to stand strong, so he knows it's no use. I wonder if he feels any wrongdoing? Maybe people just have a different sense of Timing? Surely most of us don't like living a lie? Again, good for you for recognizing how your behavior and interactions change. You can rebuild those important connections to family and others. As for MM, it helps to know what to expect and be prepared. Stay strong and know that you are taking care of yourself by sticking to NC. Yes, most people don't like living a lie, but some people do rationalize it and a few people get used to it and become quite good at it. I think it is natural for many OW/OM to pull away a bit from people who would natually want to know about things in their life and would not expect them to be involved with a married partner. You should feel good about yourself that you have ended the A that was making you feel you could not tell the truth to people who care about you and who you care about. Don't beat yourself up from what is past, just recognize it, learn from the fact that you made those choices, come to understand why you did that, so that you can make better ones in the future. Then you'll come out of this stronger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leelou Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 So, since I first posted this thread here, over three weeks ago, I have NOT seen MM again... I have kept LC (low contact) by occasionally texting him back, but refused to see him (and he lives close by). I have signed up for grad school and will be busy with that soon. I know I have a lot of fixing me up to do. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Thanks for the update and good luck with your upcoming schooling. My instinct is that dynamic will go a long way in the repair and growth process. Life will teach lessons until we're dead. Never too early nor late to learn and accept them. Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leelou Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the update and good luck with your upcoming schooling. My instinct is that dynamic will go a long way in the repair and growth process. Life will teach lessons until we're dead. Never too early nor late to learn and accept them. Best wishes Thanks Carhill. As for you saying "My instinct is that dynamic will go a long way in the repair and growth process" - I think you're right! My counselor of a few years ago (the one I fired for saying I had a character flaw for dating MM) also said I had a fine brain which I was WASTING on analyzing what my WH and MM were saying and doing! But now with "that dynamic" (my graduate studies) my brain can be busied on more wholesome, useful, and valuable time- consuming academic activities than what two cheating men in my life are up to with me. Keeping track of a cheating partner is not any good. Far better to move onto more useful activities. Live and learn! Edited August 25, 2012 by Leelou 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leelou Posted August 25, 2012 Author Share Posted August 25, 2012 Perhaps I should end it first. And not bother spying on him? Well---that would free up a lot of your time and energy for something more important---yourSELF. To use an analogy---at this point , the slot machine isn't paying off. Do you want to keep throwing good money after bad? Well, Freestyle, you were right... I dumped MM and freed a lot of my time and energy up for something more important - a Master's degree! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MaddenJ Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 You are free to put a surveillance tag on his ankle, but it won't help. I can understand your 'curiosity' though, it's been a long time since we've broke up but I keep checking my ex's Facebook page every now and then... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts