querky Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) This is probably one of those questions, where just by writing it down will put it into perspective. I also not sure if this should be under LD or 'Other man/woman' but I thought this would be a better place. I met someone who is in a LD that will last about a year and is midway through it. His gf is very busy and they don't have a lot of contact but I think they manage a conversation once a day sometime late at night. I hear from him that she is very tired and stressed often when they talk. I am guessing that he is left quite deprived by his relationship. My involvement with this man started of innocently, until one day he told me that how much he wanted me, etc. I've liked him for a long time but never thought about it because I knew he had a gf, I suppose I became flattered or pleasantly surprised. So that's how the trouble started. We discussed it as a mutual loneliness and physical needs and that it had no meaning. But regardless I fell in love with him. So now I am avoiding him as much as possible but it is difficult because, I think he's not sympathetic to my feelings. (I am single and I want to be in a long term relationship). Sometimes I wish we had actually dated and broken up - so it wouldn't be an odd grey-area feeling. I find myself angry at him sometimes, for rejecting me. Feelings going as far as wishing he broke up with his gf. Anger at her for leaving him or both of them for agreeing to be in a LD. Angry that I got sucked into this though I could have said no at any time if I had known better. He seems to be quite lonely, I think. But I am wondering if it is okay for me to go NC anyway. I am uncomfortable telling him what I feel because the last time I brought it up with him, he was not as caring as I had hoped. He generally said he loves his gf & it was just physical between us. I don't want to feel belittled again or like I'm chasing him.. I also miss him terribly.. but I think that just takes time. I hope going NC doesn't hurt his feelings, but I am also amazed how he doesn't understand... Edited August 1, 2012 by querky Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Remember, you are only hearing one side of this. You really have no idea what his relationship is like with his gf, what they talk about on the phone. Of course he is going to exaggerate and minimize what he shares with her to keep you in his life. You're a bandaid.. A quick fix while his gf isn't around. Trust me, as soon as she comes back for a visit, he'll distance himself from you. You deserve better and you'll never get that from him. You're clinging to the hope and fantasy of him breaking up and being all yours. That isn't going to happen. I hope you have it in you to dig down deep and tell him that you can't see anymore and maybe one day if they break up, you'll consider dating him the proper way instead of being his side dish and keeping him company while his gf isn't around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author querky Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 Yeah!! Thank you! Like, I don't want to be friends anymore..and he's taking it personally like it's because I actually don't want to be friends with him. But really I just want to move on emotionally so I can find someone I can go out with who's available and everything else. Otherwise, I think he's awesome. I decided not to have a talk with him though.. because I think he's kind of selfish, for not saying "Thank you and sorry. Be happy and move on" in the first place.. that's the part that hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 He told you he loves his gf and what he has with you is just physical. Doesn't get much clearer than that. I doubt his feelings are going to be hurt if you walk away. I think your feelings are hurt and you're projecting those feelings onto him, imagining that he feels the same as you. He doesn't. Go no contact and keep it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author querky Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 Thanks alexandria35 It's creepy to imagine he won't care if I vanish. But also very likely I am projecting my own feelings of being rejected back at him. Thanks for the support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author querky Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) For whatever reason I feel quite emotional about it but I really want to stick to the NC. What makes it complicated is Facebook, and a couple of (new) friends in common that don't know what happened. They are his friends but I ended up meeting them and they started contacting me without him knowing.. so I got sucked in more into his life just...because they started to inviting me to gatherings. I hope avoiding Facebook as much as possible will work and finding excuses to avoid his friends too...which really sucks, but I guess that's the price I've got to pay for not thinking. Edited August 1, 2012 by querky Link to post Share on other sites
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