wolfman Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 :(I have been in a state of ambivalence for some time and seeing a MC. Nothing seems to work I always come back to thinking its time to leave. We have a high conflict marriage with 2 children and we have never really been very happy or in sync with each other’s needs. We have been married for 18 years and this loneliness has become the norm. Those of you that were in a similar situation, who had the courage to change your life are you glad you did. What it like after the awful transition period. I would really like to hear from you. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 It sucked. The first three months were hell on Earth. The loneliness of an empty apartment, the same quiet four walks seem to leer at you. Then, imperceptibly, and with IC and friends, it got a bit better. Then, the first time I slept with another woman after 15 years...well, I had a ****-eating grin the next day. And a few more after that tbh. Then, more time passes and you wake up and you discover that hey, I'm ok. Kids are ok. Life is ok (not good, just ok). Then it gets better. This routine, once foreign, lonely and terrifying, seems, well, normal. The custody, the visitation, the freedom, the kids...it all begins to meld together. Then, for me it was about a year, you actually feel happy. Life is good, not just ok. The kids, hopefully, have adjusted and seem ok. Good even. More dates. More lovers. (ok, I had more fun than maybe a single divorced go should...nah, it's never enough ) Then, after just over two years, therapy, lovers, good dates and bad...I met the woman who would, just recently, become my W. With a new daughter. Second one Life isn't good now, it's freakin awesome. No, the path is NOT easy. It's hard, painful, lonely and fraught with second guessing. Get IC for you. Family therapy for kids and take it one day at a time. There will be good days, bad days and everything in between. Life after D is what YOU make of it. Make it good ok? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wolfman Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 Thank you jwi71, what you said really gives me hope there is life on the other side of D. I do have an IC already. And is helping me cope with the impending doom. The thing that I dread the most is the first day I tell her and the impending psychotic episode the will erupt. She is a borderline, I am sure the divorce will be hell. Thanks you for your words of hope, I know after the first year things will be great, because I am in purgatory now. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I am not divorced. However I have heard that it gives one the freedom to fry up bacon sandwiches in the nude at 3 am. Has your wife actually been diagnosed as BPD? or is this a guess & check scenario? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 There is a light at the end of the tonnel...but the length of that tunnel is unforseen. It depsnd on the state you live in and the issues in the marriage. After your divorce you need time to heal before dating again. Most women will not touch you if they know you just got out of divorce...unless they knew you beofr this divorce started so they know much more about you. If she is psychotic...then comes the issue of custody with the kids...would you go for custody or not? Link to post Share on other sites
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