Stoneman70 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I wish women knew that if a man picks up his phone,dials your number, and calls you.... He has feelings for you!!! If he doesn't call you, he doesn't. Men aren't like women and put so much complexity into things. By wanting to hear your voice, we do care for you. If we didn't care, we wouldn't bother. If I maybe care a little,I might text, but calling does mean something ladies.... Just my two cents... Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 So, if he calls because he cares, and nothing is complex, why not just say he is calling because he cares? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Speak only for yourself. Men can call to hear a woman's voice because he wants an ego feed. Or he's playing games. There ARE malcious and game playing guys out there who don't care and will still call. Your thread may give others in bad situations hope. Not all situations are the same and men certainly aren't all the same. Just because you called your exMW with the intention of love, doesn't mean others are. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I wish women knew that if a man picks up his phone,dials your number, and calls you.... He has feelings for you!!! If he doesn't call you, he doesn't. Men aren't like women and put so much complexity into things. By wanting to hear your voice, we do care for you. If we didn't care, we wouldn't bother. If I maybe care a little,I might text, but calling does mean something ladies.... Just my two cents... I've had a man call me because he had feelings between his legs. Does that count? Or are you saying he wasn't really a man? 9 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 As a man I can refute this. I have called women I couldn't care less about. But I knew they would sleep with me. I have also called women I knew had feelings for me - again just for sex. To make it worse, I didn't have any feelings for them. (it was my azzhat stage of life) And yes, that was reprehensible of me. Equally true - it was over twenty years ago. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 As a man I can refute this. I have called women I couldn't care less about. But I knew they would sleep with me. I have also called women I knew had feelings for me - again just for sex. To make it worse, I didn't have any feelings for them. (it was my azzhat stage of life) And yes, that was reprehensible of me. Equally true - it was over twenty years ago. A man calling a woman for something other than to let her know that you cared about her? Tell me it isn't so! Stoneman, you are love-besotted and I think it is making you look at all men through rose-tinted glasses, when really some men are perfectly capable of calling a woman for their own selfish reasons and not just because they are in love. I'm surprised you've never called for other reasons yourself in your pre-S days. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I wish women knew that if a man picks up his phone,dials your number, and calls you.... He has feelings for you!!! If he doesn't call you, he doesn't. Men aren't like women and put so much complexity into things. By wanting to hear your voice, we do care for you. If we didn't care, we wouldn't bother. If I maybe care a little,I might text, but calling does mean something ladies.... Just my two cents... Okay . . . so where is the action? That and the two cents will buy me what? Sure if I am not sure if a guy is interested and I gave him my number and he calls the action of picking of the phone means something pretty major. We are stepping in a direction. If I am in a relationship with someone that isn't working because of certain perimeters and we break up, calling me and by the fact of calling me is suppose to show me that he calls is what? What does that do? It doesn't fix the problem. It doesn't make the obstacles go away. He hasn't done the things on his end to fix why he can't be with me. Sorry, my dMM would do that when we were broken up and I was to think what? All he could offer me was a phone call? Screw that. At that point in the game, a phone call just doesn't cut it. I know he cared. But is it enough to actually force change? If it isn't then keep on walking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 OK, so if what you are saying is that men only call women they care about, please tell your species that we would appreciate you stop playing games. If you care, then say so. Do not call a woman you had sex with while married and say things like “I’m happy and have a nice life” if you are calling because you care and love the woman. This cases undue pain to the woman you care about. Or, maybe it’s possible that there are men out there who do tell the truth. It’s possible that when a man calls a women he had sex with while married and tells her he is happy and tells her to have nice life, he is being honest and not playing games. Or, are all men just jerks that want to manipulate the feelings of women they have already hurt? You tell me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I wish women knew that if a man picks up his phone,dials your number, and calls you.... He has feelings for you!!! If he doesn't call you, he doesn't. Men aren't like women and put so much complexity into things. By wanting to hear your voice, we do care for you. If we didn't care, we wouldn't bother. If I maybe care a little,I might text, but calling does mean something ladies.... Just my two cents... Thanks for that? But in the context of an A....I'd rather you be with me than call me from far away while with your wife to say you care Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I've had a man call me because he had feelings between his legs. Does that count? Or are you saying he wasn't really a man? LOL! Yea...I have had guys who I haven't spoken to in years call me. I'm sorry, it wasn't because they had deep feelings of love. They had feelings alright...some times it was because they indeed cared and I ran across their mind, sometimes it was because they were in town and remembered fun times gone by and wanted to see if I was available to relive the past , sometimes it was because they wanted an ego stroke, they were bored or otherwise fishing for something. I don't think a woman should assume any man calling her is because he cares so much or loves her. That's naive. People call for all kinds of reasons. Just like someone may flirt, see you or date you for reasons that are not about love and care. You can't assume that but need to ask and observe actions and words to glean their REAL motives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stoneman70 Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 Ok, fair enough ladies. On the flip side, do you call men you don't care about? Sure a guy calls for a booty call, usually after 10pm. He doesn't call months later when you are worlds apart for sex. I agree ego boost, yes, but there is a smidge of care there. You seem to think I'm saying that calling equals love. I'm not. I'm saying that calling when sex isn't an options does mean he cares. Im not talking about actions to back it up..just that he cares. If that doesn't matter, fine. That's not my point, but I do agree with many of your statements as well. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Ok, fair enough ladies. On the flip side, do you call men you don't care about? Sure a guy calls for a booty call, usually after 10pm. He doesn't call months later when you are worlds apart for sex. I agree ego boost, yes, but there is a smidge of care there. You seem to think I'm saying that calling equals love. I'm not. I'm saying that calling when sex isn't an options does mean he cares. Im not talking about actions to back it up..just that he cares. If that doesn't matter, fine. That's not my point, but I do agree with many of your statements as well. You can't compare a regular relationship to an affair. You don't realize that you hurt your exMW more by reaching out to her. This call wasn't about her, it was about you. If you were so concerned about her and wanted her to know that you loved her, you would have said goodbye and given you both closure back then. But, you didn't because YOU couldn't handle saying goodbye or tell her you were moving away and deal with her emotions and reactions. Also, where does your innocent wife fit into all this? You've not ONCE made a thread about her about either fixing your marriage, reconnecting with her or divorcing her. Link to post Share on other sites
alexandria35 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Ok, fair enough ladies. On the flip side, do you call men you don't care about? Sure a guy calls for a booty call, usually after 10pm. He doesn't call months later when you are worlds apart for sex. I agree ego boost, yes, but there is a smidge of care there. You seem to think I'm saying that calling equals love. I'm not. I'm saying that calling when sex isn't an options does mean he cares. Im not talking about actions to back it up..just that he cares. If that doesn't matter, fine. That's not my point, but I do agree with many of your statements as well. Not usually, but yes, I have called a guy that I didn't care about just to make myself feel better in the moment. I know it sounds horrible and I'm not sure that I was entirely aware of what my reasons were at the time, but now that I am more self aware I realize that when I was younger and immature that I sometimes did use people to make make me feel good. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Ok, fair enough ladies. On the flip side, do you call men you don't care about? Sure a guy calls for a booty call, usually after 10pm. He doesn't call months later when you are worlds apart for sex. I agree ego boost, yes, but there is a smidge of care there. You seem to think I'm saying that calling equals love. I'm not. I'm saying that calling when sex isn't an options does mean he cares. Im not talking about actions to back it up..just that he cares. If that doesn't matter, fine. That's not my point, but I do agree with many of your statements as well. I make a point of telling people why I am calling no matter who they are. In the case you are referring to, the man was very clear about why he called. If I were to guess who he cared about most, I would say he made the call because he cares about himself and wanted to make sure the person he was calling didn't become an obstacle to him of any kind. My question is, why do you not believe he told her the truth as to why he called? Why do you feel he wasn't being honest with her? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Ok, fair enough ladies. On the flip side, do you call men you don't care about? Sure a guy calls for a booty call, usually after 10pm. He doesn't call months later when you are worlds apart for sex. I agree ego boost, yes, but there is a smidge of care there. You seem to think I'm saying that calling equals love. I'm not. I'm saying that calling when sex isn't an options does mean he cares. Im not talking about actions to back it up..just that he cares. If that doesn't matter, fine. That's not my point, but I do agree with many of your statements as well. I call men who are friends. I call men to ask a question about something. I call to chit-chat. I have in the past called men I knew who liked me because I needed a favor. I'm not going to call someone I hate...but care is a broad spectrum. I care if some people are dead or alive, but it's not a very strong, day to day active care. But a very broad and general, I care about you as a person. Soooo again...not sure why it matters if you care or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Ok, fair enough ladies. On the flip side, do you call men you don't care about? Sure a guy calls for a booty call, usually after 10pm. He doesn't call months later when you are worlds apart for sex. I agree ego boost, yes, but there is a smidge of care there. You seem to think I'm saying that calling equals love. I'm not. I'm saying that calling when sex isn't an options does mean he cares. Im not talking about actions to back it up..just that he cares. If that doesn't matter, fine. That's not my point, but I do agree with many of your statements as well. It depends on the circumstances and the dynamics. If my fiance calls me today just because he is thinking about me, that is WONDERFUL! I love it! When we were broken up, wasn't sure what he wanted to do, hadn't separated yet, but wanted to call to tell me that he was thinking of me. Well he could go piss off. Calling at that point wasn't enough of anything and having that call could ruin my day. We were past the point of no return and anything less than "I am here for you I have separated and filing for divorce" was really a stab in the heart more than anything else. It really is an " and then what" moment. Depending on the dynamics of the relationships, sometimes there is too much riding on that innocuous "hey just calling to say hi". Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Not usually, but yes, I have called a guy that I didn't care about just to make myself feel better in the moment. I know it sounds horrible and I'm not sure that I was entirely aware of what my reasons were at the time, but now that I am more self aware I realize that when I was younger and immature that I sometimes did use people to make make me feel good. I can relate to this. I've been guilty of that too. I'd call guys who I knew were really into me, because I knew they would stroke my ego and tell me how pretty I was, how much they liked me, they'd flirt with me blah blah and that would be great. I too knew I wasn't interested and it was my own need at the time for that "boost" why I called them up. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I wish women knew that if a man picks up his phone,dials your number, and calls you.... He has feelings for you!!! It should really read... I wish women knew that if a man picks up his phone,dials your number, and calls you.... You are really just an option and not a priority!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stoneman70 Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 I make a point of telling people why I am calling no matter who they are. In the case you are referring to, the man was very clear about why he called. If I were to guess who he cared about most, I would say he made the call because he cares about himself and wanted to make sure the person he was calling didn't become an obstacle to him of any kind. My question is, why do you not believe he told her the truth as to why he called? Why do you feel he wasn't being honest with her? I'm not suggesting he's lying to her, but to have the urge to pick up the phone and make an expensive phone call after 6 months of not talking because a coworkers said, hey goldfsh asked about you, shows he still has feelings. I'm not the only poster who said this either. And just because its on my mind, its very sad how mean everyone is to some posters looking for support, not to be s h i t on. Do so many think there are no good people? That everyone is out for themself? Tough love is fine sometimes, but basically spewing, "he/she hates you, get over it, you're a bad person, no one loves you" is a terribly hurtful thing to do. I guess I'm a sensitive guy and a romantic and here is my sob story boo hoo. I wish that many of you didn't hate men (or women) so much and take everything at face value. Sometimes people say something and mean something else or do something and mean something else, and vice versa. Some people can't say what they really want to. Some people hide their feelings to do what they may feel is right. Not everything is so black and white in life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rhw Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 We were past the point of no return and anything less than "I am here for you I have separated and filing for divorce" was really a stab in the heart more than anything else. oh wow, that really hits home for me personally. i haven't been seeing it like that. from now on, a call or an email from him is NOT anything more than stabbing me in the heart unless it's to tell me, "i left her for you. my marriage is over. she and i both admit to loving other people (that is a screwed up marriage no matter how long they decide to stay together!)" beyond that, if he called me now or emailed me now, he's only making me feel worse than i already do (and if i could tell him that, it'd be there's rock bottom, twenty layers of **** and then me.) it truly is an addiction. 0_0 because even the smallest efforts on his part are much like a fix. i've been taking any small thing. an email to say i miss you? i lapped it up. $%^^, what the hell did i get myself into?! Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 What is sad about this thread is that some are assuming men can't be real or say what they are really feeling. The OP states that men are not complex and then says we should just assume that because a man calls a woman he cares (and possibly loves) her. Not only is that idea complex, it is ludicrous to read that into a phone call when it's not in any way communicated in the phone call. To think that men are unable to call women and be honest and open about how they feel is an insult to men IMO. And, to make it more complex, that sentiment is coming from a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I think it's safe to say that one mustn't ASSUME why someone is calling. To quote: assumption is the mother of all f_ck ups. Do NOT assume they are calling because they care about you. It could be an ego stroke Or a booty-call Or you owe him (or her) money. Could be a thousand reasons. So ask. Why are you calling me after <X amount of time> Simple. Easy. Unambiguous. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 I'm not suggesting he's lying to her, but to have the urge to pick up the phone and make an expensive phone call after 6 months of not talking because a coworkers said, hey goldfsh asked about you, shows he still has feelings. I'm not the only poster who said this either. And just because its on my mind, its very sad how mean everyone is to some posters looking for support, not to be s h i t on. Do so many think there are no good people? That everyone is out for themself? Tough love is fine sometimes, but basically spewing, "he/she hates you, get over it, you're a bad person, no one loves you" is a terribly hurtful thing to do. I guess I'm a sensitive guy and a romantic and here is my sob story boo hoo. I wish that many of you didn't hate men (or women) so much and take everything at face value. Sometimes people say something and mean something else or do something and mean something else, and vice versa. Some people can't say what they really want to. Some people hide their feelings to do what they may feel is right. Not everything is so black and white in life. No one has said any of the things you are accusing us of. No one has told her or you "he/she hates you, get over it, you're a bad person, no one loves you". This is another example of reading meaning into things that are not actually said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Lol.....:d:d i've had a man call me because he had feelings between his legs. does that count? or are you saying he wasn't really a man? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Do so many think there are no good people? That everyone is out for themself? Don't compare regular relationships and that dynamic to affairs and affair dynamics. There's a huge difference. And yes, many people IN affairs are only concerned about themselves. Affairs are extremely selfish and on the expense of innocent spouses/partners. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts