welsh_dragon Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 So probably a story you've heard a million times, boy and girl become friends, boy falls for girl but doesn't have the courage to tell her....I just need to get my feelings out and have other people tell me their opinions (hopefully to tell me to grow a pair and tell her!!). So i've been friends with this girl from work for best part of a year. we are pretty close, not what you would BFF's but as we are both in a city away from home and this I guess we are closer to the top of each other's lists than would normally be. I want to tell her/make a move, but I need to be a bit surer in my mind she like me, and I keep over analysing things and am not sure how to interpret some things. Firstly she is really fussy with who she is freinds with. Those she is friends with tho, she is a very 'touch feely' person with. At first I mistook this as a sure fire signal that she liked me, then i noticed her being like this with everyone. but Im pretty sure she is slightly more touchy with me (tickling, pinching, hugging etc.) She is ALWAYS keen to do something with me, visit places, get coffee, swimming etc. We both work different patterns so a lot of our plans dont materialise, but we do quite A bit together. we get on really, really well, but i sense more in a friend way because there is no flirting in the sense of talking about sexual things, innuendo etc after our first walk/day spent together she txt me that night just to say 'goodnight' we txt alot. Sometime she puts kisses but very rarely. she always interacts with me on facebook, likes pages, posts interesting stories for me etc. I stayed over at hers once, but she made us 'top and tale' (this was when she had an on/off boyfriend twice she has invited me over to hers after work (late at night) to watch a film, although I declined twice. -------------- okay so now I wrote all that out it seems a bit overwhealmingly obvious that she must feel something. thing is im crazy about her but dont quite know what to do. DO i risk it and come out with it, declare my undying love and potentially lose the interest and excitement element, or shall I just try get her alone and make a move? it is literally just building up inside to the point where i cant hold it in any-more. also in the job we work we see eachother all the time so this is another thing putting me off. HELP Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 Stop analyzing things. Maybe she's attracted to you, maybe she only sees you as a friend -- none of what you've told us here is definitive. You know how YOU feel, isn't that reason enough to ask her out? (As long as she has no boyfriend right now.) That's what you should do by the way: ask her out. Be clear that it would be a date, not hanging out as friends. Or just tell her that you like her more than as just a friend and that you would like to date her and see where things go. If she declines, then let it go and don't bring it up again. Since this is a friend you work with, be respectful, direct, and honest. Stop focusing on her and how she might feel. Stop thinking about possible rejection. Do not declare undying love or anything so dramatic as that. Don't just put moves on her out of the blue. Calm down, get a grip, and focus your emotions into acting in a positive, dignified manner. It will change things if you do ask her, but even if it doesn't work out: 1) You can be proud that you took a chance. 2) You will never wonder "what if". Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 Nothing of what you said indicates she is flirting with you. If she DID like you, she would make it obvious, with obvious flirting. I think you need to make some sort of move, physically escalating the touching, slightly. Like flirt touching. When you do that, you will see her reaction, and then you will know if she likes you. BUT dont do it and stare at her, you do it and act like it was nothing for you. Get it? Let her wonder if you really do like her, its called mystery, which young women go nuts over. But my assessment is that she isnt into you. I think if you try to escalate flirt touching she will recoil. So you have to decide if you want to stay friends with her, or if you want her to probably avoid you because she will then know you really like her. Theres no in between. If you stay friends with her after this, you will continue to pine over her, and you wont give any other girls a chance. So if you are going to do this, prepare to torpedo the friendship to take a break from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author welsh_dragon Posted August 3, 2012 Author Share Posted August 3, 2012 Yeah, you guys a right, that is exactly what im doing - pining over her. I know its not healthy and i know i need to sort it out. I am going to tell her and she what happenes! thanks for the help, exactly what I needed - a bit of a verbal slap! Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 Yeah, you guys a right, that is exactly what im doing - pining over her. I know its not healthy and i know i need to sort it out. I am going to tell her and she what happenes! thanks for the help, exactly what I needed - a bit of a verbal slap! Eh, I think we all need a verbal slap now and then. It's the smart people who know they need one. Good luck, welsh dragon! Link to post Share on other sites
Author welsh_dragon Posted August 3, 2012 Author Share Posted August 3, 2012 Eh, I think we all need a verbal slap now and then. It's the smart people who know they need one. Good luck, welsh dragon! thanks so im not sure about the asking her out on date thing, we hang out all the time and do 'date like' stuff alot (walks, coffee, trips away etc). My plan was to take her somewhere nice next week, a nice park or something and explain that I think she's amazing and that im sure she feels something too (bit of a bluff) and I just have to know either way. Now i think about it and after hearing you guys this worries me that its not 'organic' and it might just kill the whole thing there and then. I have always been playing the 'long game', for about 3 months now just trying to build up frequency and intimacy of things we do, but now its go to the point where i just have to say something! The other option is to get to watch a film or get her to stay over and she how she reacts to me putting an arm round her or something, but im not really comfortable doing things like that. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 thanks ... Now i think about it and after hearing you guys this worries me that its not 'organic' and it might just kill the whole thing there and then. I have always been playing the 'long game', for about 3 months now just trying to build up frequency and intimacy of things we do, but now its go to the point where i just have to say something! The other option is to get to watch a film or get her to stay over and she how she reacts to me putting an arm round her or something, but im not really comfortable doing things like that. What do you think? Stop driving yourself crazy thinking about "organic" and "long game" and formula-type stuff. Is this girl someone you honestly care about? Are you really friends? Then quit the gaming stuff! Games are played with people you don't know and don't care about. If you're playing games with someone you honestly care about, or who honestly cares about you, you will ruin it every single time, no matter how good your intentions. If she's your friend and you care about her at least in that respect, if not more, then just honestly tell her that you are interested in being more than just friends and want to date her. Your plan to take her somewhere nice and tell her is a good idea. Don't start overthinking it or trying to predict her possible reactions. This is going to sound cheesy, but... focus on being true to your feelings and to your friendship. Focus on handling whatever happens with sensitivity and dignity. Focus on taking the sort of action you will be proud of years later. Yeah, that's a lot of heavy stuff, isn't it? Maybe I'm getting a little too far into playing your mom here. Oh, well... welsh dragon, son, remember it's not a life & death thing, even if it feels like it. It will all be okay, whatever happens. Now go make Mama Bullet proud! Link to post Share on other sites
Author welsh_dragon Posted August 4, 2012 Author Share Posted August 4, 2012 yes, I care about her, of course. And yes we are friends, like I said not BFF's but because we are both in a city away from home we are close than we normally would be. I dont want to sound horrible, but it wouldnt be the end of the world if the friendship ended for both of us, but I would be a bit upset because its cool to have someone to hang out with and do stuff thats into similar stuff. your totally right, I am the type of person that is really methodical and over analyses everything (something that has started to hold me back in my career and personal life if im honest) but I think i just need to go for this! I know tho if i let my emotions flow I will do something stupid like declaring my unding love or something haha. i think i should keep it simple, something like " i think you're awesome - you're cute, funny, intelligent and sexy. i think about you all the time and im sure you feel something too...i know its crazy but its not just me imagining it is it?...." thaks for all your help and opinions, it means alot Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 I dont want to sound horrible, but it wouldnt be the end of the world if the friendship ended for both of us, but I would be a bit upset because its cool to have someone to hang out with and do stuff thats into similar stuff. It's not horrible, it's a realistic perspective, and it sounds like you're in a good place mentally and emotionally to take this next step. (Some people aren't.) Wishing you the best... let us know how it turns out! Link to post Share on other sites
UpDownAllAround Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 Yes! Please do let us know how it turns out. I love reading success stories. Link to post Share on other sites
UpDownAllAround Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 What no updates??? Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Yeah, we need an update! Link to post Share on other sites
L3galprinc3ss Posted August 11, 2012 Share Posted August 11, 2012 Well i would first ask myself "why am i now welcoming him " as opposed to before? What barriers were involved that have been takng care of? You also need to remember that times have changed and women aren't more afraid of rejection then men anymore. Professional women will try to make moves with subtlety (tickling, hugging, pinching) but if she doesnt get the same vibe from you or you flirt then chicken out, shes going to start getting mixed emotions. Remember women are sensitive yet independent, so expressing it in a rememorable way, it may help with your nervous jitters and help relax her at the same time. Try to find out what she really enjoys and institute that in your plans to the park. Remember, if you feel in your heart that you really like her and you feel she's dropping hints, then its obvious she can't make the move, for one reason or another. Don't wait forever for the woman to make a move. What if she's also insecure? If you really care about her, then you be the strong one. Someone influenced me to be strong and i told a man i work closely with how much i like him since the day i started working for him. It went nowhere because i would flirt then back up, same as him yet we argued like a martied couple from all the tension (i believe) beyween us. I waited too long to say anything, i must have misread him and we both dated someone else. Dont let the same happen to you if you truly want a shot with her. Since its so close to home and everyone gave such great advice, i want details!!!! You can do it!! You can do it all night longgg!!! Link to post Share on other sites
jimloveslips Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Dude, I didn't catch what age group you're in but I'm pretty sure this is going to happen several times more in your lifetime. You have to ask yourself what you are going to regret more, doing something about it and knowing for sure, or doing nothing and never knowing. Well it's obvious isn't it, you'd rather know the girl had the same feelings or indeed that she didn't so that you can move on with your life. So, you can be with her as a friend never knowing, with her as a friend ONLY (if she's a true friend you will still be friends after), you can be more than friends, or everyone will be laughing at you - no, I'm joking, only the shallowest of your acquaintances will be laughing, and quite frankly do you give a damn about their opinion? Remember everyone's been there - if this girl is special even as only a friend, you have nothing to loose by telling her how you feel. Do nothing and always regret it (even when you're happily involved with someone else); do something and the worse that will happen is you won't be able to remember her name five years from now... Link to post Share on other sites
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