What does he want from me ?

[I'msolostatthemoment]

I am in the middle of legal proceedings and I have been working with my lawyer for over a year. At first, he was a bit cranky - maybe stressed, but after a few months of working and communicating with him he changed, and was so much nicer to me.

 

I was in court a few months ago, and he stated how beautiful my suit was - I was dressed very professionally for court. He also complimented me on the necklace I was wearing, and asked who gave it to me - I don't know if he was trying to find out if I had a boyfriend or not? He stared at me during the hearing, I didn't look at him though. When the hearing was finished, he opened doors for me, offered to give me his coat as it was cold. He was so nice to me.

 

After that, a number of times, I had to meet him to seek legal advice about my ongoing case. He always stared at my face intently. Then one day I was in at his office getting legal advice, we were just talking normally for a few minutes, and he said "I like you", and he sort of looked down, and said I mean "You're a very honest person". He said it in a very serious way. I turned my head and looked at him, and he had a slight smile on his face, and looked me straight in the eye. He said something else, and I got a little embarrassed. Anytime after that, that I had to meet him and seek legal advice he always stared at me, he also looked at my legs too!

 

He asked at some stage over the past while, who would be accompanying me to court in the future, as I would need support (I went to court the first time by myself). I told him my father would be with me. I don't know if this was another way of trying to find out if I had a boyfriend?

 

 

This is one for the boys in this forum, that I have been trying to figure out, and I need your opinion on. Not so long ago, I was in at his office. I had just stepped into his office, he was staring at my face for a good minute or so, I could feel him, but I didn't lift my head or anything like that. Then he said he would be back in a minutes. He went into the bathroom for 10 minutes, and came back again...what was he at?

 

I have praised the work he has done for me, and thanked him for being such an excellent support, and a great lawyer to me. I have handed up legal work for him to review - which he should have done, but I felt confident enough to do it myself. He has praised my level of work, and how well it was done, and constructed, and I'm not a lawyer! He has also gone out of his way to help me with my case, with which I appreciated from him so much.

 

I had a witness in to speak to my lawyer about my case. I hugged and kissed my witness before he left my lawyers office, and my lawyer turned his head, and I believe it looked like he got jealous - honestly. I get on very well with my lawyer, and he has been a rock of support and help for me.

 

I was recently very seriously ill in hospital, I could have died. I had to speak to him on the phone, and he was really worried about me, and afraid for my health - it was genuine I could tell by the sound of his voice over the phone. I was so glad to speak to him, and said it was so nice to talk to him. He has become such a rock of support for me through legal proceedings, as it is incrediably upsetting what I am going through, as he understands my case, and how badly I have been treated.

 

I have cried in his office, as I am so upset and he always tried to cheer me up, and make me laugh - which he did. He always looks at me when I smile or laugh. He has also called me "Love" a few times which is very sweet.

 

Unfortunately he is a married man, and is also my lawyer. I am wondering what is going on with him? I have been told by many men I am a very attractive girl, just to let you all know. Does he want to have an affair with me, or does he just want sex? With all of this, I have feelings for him, and I cannot tell you how bad I feel about that. I feel so guilty, and terrible as he is a married man, I really do feel terrible, but I couldn't help or control my feelings for him which have developed, as he has been incrediably nice and supportive to me, as well as the flirting and everthing else above.

 

I would really really appreciate some advice as to what is going on with him, as its driving me crazy at the moment.

[whichwayisup]

Time to find a new lawyer..Seriously what you are doing is wrong and you're looking for reasons/signs that he's into you. He is YOUR lawyer, you are paying him to do a job for you and he shouldn't be 'close' to you like this.. And he's married.

 

Detach and stop relying on him to make you feel better. It's one thing for him to help you with your issues as that's what he's being paid for, it's another that you both are playing a dangerous game. His reputation is on the line and he's also in a position of power (aka lawyer/client .. him taking your well earned money) so that is against ethics too.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

Time to find a new lawyer..Seriously what you are doing is wrong and you're looking for reasons/signs that he's into you. He is YOUR lawyer, you are paying him to do a job for you and he shouldn't be 'close' to you like this.. And he's married.

 

Detach and stop relying on him to make you feel better. It's one thing for him to help you with your issues as that's what he's being paid for, it's another that you both are playing a dangerous game. His reputation is on the line and he's also in a position of power (aka lawyer/client .. him taking your well earned money) so that is against ethics too.

 

Thank you, I appreciate your advice.

 

I can't find a new lawyer or change lawyers, as I have signed a contract with him that I have to work with him until the case is finished.

 

I don't rely on him to make me feel better, you have no idea what I have gone through, and what I am going through. My life has been destroyed, and he is helping me with my case, and is supportive to me, as what I have gone through is extremely severe.

 

I would never ever tell anyone what has taken place, as I would never do that to him. He is a very good lawyer, and dosn't deserve to have his license revoked because of this. Sometimes these things happen, and no one can control their feelings. We are human beings in the end

[GLDheart]

His intentions are clear. As a married man he is scum with intent to cheat. He very well may seduce many of his distraught clients. But don't worry. I'm sure you're different from the rest.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

His intentions are clear. As a married man he is scum with intent to cheat. He very well may seduce many of his distraught clients. But don't worry. I'm sure you're different from the rest.

 

Does he want sex or an affair? I would really like to have some idea of what is going on in his head, I'm completely confused over the entire thing.

 

And I do feel like absolute s*it for developing feelings for a married man, I do feel really low. I never intended on this happening. I have more than enough to deal with, and didn't want to do to it with this, honestly.

 

I would ask you all, please don't judge me or make me feel worse than I do. I would just like to know what is going on with him, or what he wants from me, or what will happen?

[Leelou]

This is how a lot of affairs start out -- a married person begins to consider their options with another person (married or single). First they stare and look and are VERY helpful and supportive, and then they compliment, and try little gestures to 'test' out the response and see if the bait is receptive... and so it progresses til you are HOOKED.

 

Don't do it sweetie. There's nothing good in it for you in the long run. And then you endanger him and his family. Has he got young children? Is his wife innocent and trusting?

Has he done this before? Is he the philandering husband, taking advantage of young, VULNERABLE women like you? And yes, you ARE vulnerable. Susceptible to his advances...

 

They come from a man with Power, a man you are paying to Help you. A man who has a clear advantage.

 

Please don't return his advances.

 

You don't have to whistle blow him, but please don't buy into his predatory advances. There's nothing good for you in being his second in line woman.

 

And yes, even if that's all you need for NOW, in the future, after you have invested time and love in him, you may want more of him. And you will be stuck and hurting.

 

Plus, you won't be able to introduce him honestly to friends and family as a married man boyfriend, he will necessarily be your dirty little secret.

 

If you respect him at ALL, you will not allow him to give in to his temptations to get involved with a client.

Yes, he could be dis-barred, and it won't necessarily be from YOU telling on him, but from anyone else who sees it.

 

Don't let him damage his brilliant career.

He's taken. Move on.

[JustJoe]

What difference does it make how he feels? If he was to eff you, or have an affair , would you go with it, knowing he is married? It isn't about him , it's about YOUR morals. Are you an honest person or not. Do you believe in marital fidelity, or not. Are you willing to cheat, or not. what he feels doesn't have anything to do with your actions. Only you know what kind of person you are. So.....what kind of person are you?

[mercy]

Sometimes these things happen' date=' and no one can control their feelings. We are human beings in the end [/quote']

 

As we grow into adults hopefully we do learn to not act first and think later. It's called impulse control. And yes as adults we can and do control our feelings. If not we would be a bunch of out of control children constantly blaming others for our actions.

 

Yes we are human beings and as humans we use the gifts we have been given to avoid situations that our brains are screaming - don't go there.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

This is how a lot of affairs start out -- a married person begins to consider their options with another person (married or single). First they stare and look and are VERY helpful and supportive, and then they compliment, and try little gestures to 'test' out the response and see if the bait is receptive... and so it progresses til you are HOOKED.

 

Don't do it sweetie. There's nothing good in it for you in the long run. And then you endanger him and his family. Has he got young children? Is his wife innocent and trusting?

Has he done this before? Is he the philandering husband, taking advantage of young, VULNERABLE women like you? And yes, you ARE vulnerable. Susceptible to his advances...

 

They come from a man with Power, a man you are paying to Help you. A man who has a clear advantage.

 

Please don't return his advances.

 

You don't have to whistle blow him, but please don't buy into his predatory advances. There's nothing good for you in being his second in line woman.

 

And yes, even if that's all you need for NOW, in the future, after you have invested time and love in him, you may want more of him. And you will be stuck and hurting.

 

Plus, you won't be able to introduce him honestly to friends and family as a married man boyfriend, he will necessarily be your dirty little secret.

 

If you respect him at ALL, you will not allow him to give in to his temptations to get involved with a client.

Yes, he could be dis-barred, and it won't necessarily be from YOU telling on him, but from anyone else who sees it.

 

Don't let him damage his brilliant career.

He's taken. Move on.

 

Thank you for your reply

 

He has got children. I don't know anything about his wife, and I have no idea if he is like this with other girls.

 

I said this to one of my friends, but all she said was he is married, end of. Of course she is right, and so are all of you. I have no one else to talk to about this, its going around my head, and I need it to be switched off someway, as its driving me crazy, which is why I am seeking advice from all of you, so you can help me.

 

So he is being helpful, supportive and complimenting me until I effectively give into him, or indicate I am interested in him? Is he doing all of this for the intent of having sex with me or an affair? I guess its just to know what is going on in his head, or what he wants from me. I cannot, and will never say any of this to him, as I would be too afraid to as he is my lawyer, and I would be too embarassed, and I am extremely shy

[mercy]

Thank you for your reply

 

He has got children. I don't know anything about his wife, and I have no idea if he is like this with other girls.

 

I said this to one of my friends, but all she said was he is married, end of. Of course she is right, and so are all of you. I have no one else to talk to about this, its going around my head, and I need it to be switched off someway, as its driving me crazy, which is why I am seeking advice from all of you, so you can help me.

 

So he is being helpful, supportive and complimenting me until I effectively give into him, or indicate I am interested in him? Is he doing all of this for the intent of having sex with me or an affair? I guess its just to know what is going on in his head, or what he wants from me. I cannot, and will never say any of this to him, as I would be too afraid to as he is my lawyer, and I would be too embarassed, and I am extremely shy

 

Why are you so concerned with what he is doing, thinking, feeling, saying, etc.

 

Just concern yourself with you and what you are doing. Take the focus off of him and when you do that he'll back off.

 

If you have been and are going through something traumatic he is a real pig for coming on to you. JMO

Edited August 2, 2012 by mercy
wanted to add

[I'msolostatthemoment]

What difference does it make how he feels? If he was to eff you, or have an affair , would you go with it, knowing he is married? It isn't about him , it's about YOUR morals. Are you an honest person or not. Do you believe in marital fidelity, or not. Are you willing to cheat, or not. what he feels doesn't have anything to do with your actions. Only you know what kind of person you are. So.....what kind of person are you?

 

I would like to know how he feels, or what he wants so I could deal with it head on, instead of wondering, and it driving me crazy.

 

I don't believe in marital fidelity. I have seen so much infidelity with married people it disgusts me, and only recently as a direct result of this, I have decided I never want to get married.

 

I believe after many many years of marriage, things would get stale, or boring, and in a way I can understand why infidelity occurs within marriages.

 

I'll be honest, I would like to kiss him, and have a moment with him, but that would be it. I could never ever in a million years have sex or an affair with another womans husband. I feel like s*it as it is having developed feelings for him, never mind how worse I would feel if it went any further.

 

I would kiss him, have a moment, and then discuss the issue with him, and tell him an affair or sex would never happen. I have morals, and am a good person, plus if anything did go further with him, it could damage my case, and that is the last last thing in the world I would ever want.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

Why are you so concerned with what he is doing, thinking, feeling, saying, etc.

 

Just concern yourself with you and what you are doing. Take the focus off of him and when you do that he'll back off.

 

If you have been and are going through something traumatic he is a real pig for coming on to you. JMO

 

Thank you.

 

I would like to know what he is feeling, or what he wants so I know instead of wondering, as its going around my head so much

 

Something traumatic is an understatement. I was in hospital and almost died as a direct result of the extreme stress I have and am being out through....thats how severe my situation is.

 

He knows my case, and as it is so severe he has been so supportive to me, and understanding, which I am grateful for, as it helps for me to talk.

[mercy]

I would like to know how he feels, or what he wants so I could deal with it head on, instead of wondering, and it driving me crazy.

 

I don't believe in marital fidelity. I have seen so much infidelity with married people it disgusts me, and only recently as a direct result of this, I have decided I never want to get married.

 

I believe after many many years of marriage, things would get stale, or boring, and in a way I can understand why infidelity occurs within marriages.

 

I'll be honest, I would like to kiss him, and have a moment with him, but that would be it. I could never ever in a million years have sex or an affair with another womans husband. I feel like s*it as it is having developed feelings for him, never mind how worse I would feel if it went any further.

 

I would kiss him, have a moment, and then discuss the issue with him, and tell him an affair or sex would never happen. I have morals, and am a good person, plus if anything did go further with him, it could damage my case, and that is the last last thing in the world I would ever want.

 

You are impressed with his status.

 

Kissing a lawyer is the same thing as kissing any other man. Married is married.

 

Soon I'm afraid your clothes are just going to fall off, no fault of your own, of course.

[Floored]

Thank you, I appreciate your advice.

 

I can't find a new lawyer or change lawyers, as I have signed a contract with him that I have to work with him until the case is finished.

 

I don't rely on him to make me feel better, you have no idea what I have gone through, and what I am going through. My life has been destroyed, and he is helping me with my case, and is supportive to me, as what I have gone through is extremely severe.

 

I would never ever tell anyone what has taken place, as I would never do that to him. He is a very good lawyer, and dosn't deserve to have his license revoked because of this. Sometimes these things happen, and no one can control their feelings. We are human beings in the end

 

Sounds like someone is taking advantage of the lawyer client relationship, and depending on what he was representing you for could be legally problematic. Family Law and Divorce lawyers are prohibited from engaging in a sexual relationship with their clients during representation, as it can bring conflicts to a case or hinder some sort of reconciliation with the other party, and also bring about conflicts of interest for both the client and lawyer.

 

Beyond the legal problems, he's married. Are you one to wreck a home? And if he'll leave his wife for you, you know he'd leave you the next time some distraught lass graced his doorway. Sounds like you're at a fork in the road: leave now and avoid countless heartache, or continue this down this terrible road.

[mercy]

Thank you.

 

I would like to know what he is feeling, or what he wants so I know instead of wondering, as its going around my head so much

 

Something traumatic is an understatement. I was in hospital and almost died as a direct result of the extreme stress I have and am being out through....thats how severe my situation is.

 

He knows my case, and as it is so severe he has been so supportive to me, and understanding, which I am grateful for, as it helps for me to talk.

 

Yes I know what you would like. But he's really none of your business. Period.

 

I'm sorry for what you have been through.

[eeyore1981]

I would like to know how he feels, or what he wants so I could deal with it head on, instead of wondering, and it driving me crazy.

 

I don't believe in marital fidelity. I have seen so much infidelity with married people it disgusts me, and only recently as a direct result of this, I have decided I never want to get married.

 

I believe after many many years of marriage, things would get stale, or boring, and in a way I can understand why infidelity occurs within marriages.

 

I'll be honest, I would like to kiss him, and have a moment with him, but that would be it. I could never ever in a million years have sex or an affair with another womans husband. I feel like s*it as it is having developed feelings for him, never mind how worse I would feel if it went any further.

 

I would kiss him, have a moment, and then discuss the issue with him, and tell him an affair or sex would never happen. I have morals, and am a good person, plus if anything did go further with him, it could damage my case, and that is the last last thing in the world I would ever want.

 

Then why do you want to kiss him and have a moment? Want to do it while his wife watches?

 

You say all the infidelity disgusts you, well, who do you think married people are cheating with? People like you, that's who.

 

You know this guy is married, and he's also your attorney, so you have two completely inappropriate situations here in the way of you 'having a moment' with this guy, yet you are obsessing over him, wanting to kiss him, wanting to 'have a moment', again, is this something you would want to do in front of his wife?

 

You said in another post people can't help their feelings. In some ways, yes, they can, but the most important thing is people can control their actions.

 

You don't believe in marital fidelity, good for you, don't get married. But that doesn't give you the right to get into someone else's marriage.

[Anamikaa]

I think you should not think too much about him and his actions. After all he is a married man and you should not let allow yourself to get get drawn to the guy. If you do you will end up being hurt. Very seldom a married man leaves his wife for someone else.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

Then why do you want to kiss him and have a moment? Want to do it while his wife watches?

 

You say all the infidelity disgusts you, well, who do you think married people are cheating with? People like you, that's who.

 

You know this guy is married, and he's also your attorney, so you have two completely inappropriate situations here in the way of you 'having a moment' with this guy, yet you are obsessing over him, wanting to kiss him, wanting to 'have a moment', again, is this something you would want to do in front of his wife?

 

You said in another post people can't help their feelings. In some ways, yes, they can, but the most important thing is people can control their actions.

 

You don't believe in marital fidelity, good for you, don't get married. But that doesn't give you the right to get into someone else's marriage.

 

I think some of what you said here is a bit unfair to me, and is upsetting to be honest. I have been working alongside him for a long time. He knows my case, he is the only one who understands what I have gone through (How severely the law has been broken), and has and is helping me seek justice. He has been so helpful, and supportive to my situation.

 

Unfortunately because of all that has taken place, as in my first post, I developed feelings for him. I did not intend nor do I want/wish for this to happen, it has though I would like to kiss him because of all of this, and have a moment, but thats all. I would then discuss with him what was going on with me and him, and what he wanted, so it could be sorted out. That would be it though, I'm a good person, and would never go any further than that. I understand and accept kissing a married man is not a good thing to do, but it would just be a kiss, that would be it. We could sort things out then, and maintain a professional relationship. I would consider that cheating with a married man, even though alot of you probably would, but please don't judge me, or abuse me, I'm in enough difficulty as it is.

 

 

And no his wife would not be present, nor would she ever know, as bad as that sounds unfortunately. Wouldn't it be alot worse if I wanted to have sex or an affair with him, when I don't.

 

I wouldn't be getting into someone elses marriage, as I would never let that happen, even though I would like to kiss him (Which alot of you may consider as cheating, but I'm being honest with you all) but that is all.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

Would any of you think or be in the opinion that he wants sex from me, or does he want an affair? Is it possible he could be falling in love with me?

 

I really appreciate all of your replies, as it is helping, if anyone could let me know about this, I would be very thankful, so I know, and its not going around my head

[I'msolostatthemoment]

For some reason, you assume that this lawyer (who is really scuzzy) is all that and more, he isn't.

 

You need to ask yourself why you feel so flattered over a married man's attention to the point that you are obsessed with trying to figure out what this or that means.

 

He very well may like you, but so what, he is just a man who is MARRIED, who flirts with you and will take it as far as you will let it go, preferable to him of course would be getting in your drawers.

 

I don't think you are going to get it, but he is a sleeze because he is taking advantage of a vulnerable client. You need to ask yourself why this flatters you so much? Maybe you are particularly needy right now and he senses it and is using it to his advantage. Men in positions of power are particularly good at sensing who they can manipulate and from your posts you are wide open to it.

 

I hope you in the future discourage his less than professional conduct, no matter how subtle it is, it's still not professional.

 

I have been thinking about this the past two days as I am still very ill, and cannot do anything else at the moment, so its stuck in my head. I am not obsessed with this issue though. I have alot more other things to worry about, believe me.

 

My case, and the extremely upsetting situation I am in has been going on for a few years. I have my friends, but I hate bothering them, as I end up discussing my upsetting situation with them, and I hate that. As a result I don't see them as much, as I am afraid I would drive my friends away. I am in contact with them, but don't see them as much for this reason. I cannot afford counselling or anyone to talk to, and my family are absoltely no support to me - seriously.

 

So, I have my lawyer, who understands my case, and what I have been out through, and am going through, and it helps so much to talk to him, and get legal advice, as he removes alot of my upset and stress. I haven't been in a relationship for years, and I'm not in a position to either, but it helps to have someone to talk to, and can help me. He may flirt or the other things he has done, but it gives me a lift, and he makes me smile, particularly when I am so unhappy, and have been so unhappy for years.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

You seem confused as to the meaning of an affair. Affair is sexual and/or emotional feelings for someone other than your spouse.

 

Does it make it more ok with you if you convince yourself he loves you?

 

The more you post the more convinced I am, that when you let this man get a little closer to you, you are going to be in serious trouble. You are naive and refuse to see that he sees you as weaker than him and he is going to use that to his advantage. You are going to get a lot more than a kiss and yes you want it, you just aren't admitting it to us, but more importantly you aren't admitting it to yourself. Lady you are in way over your head.

 

 

He told me a year ago he liked me (Refer to my first post), and an awful lot has taken place since then, but I never said anything about it, as he is a lawyer, and I am afraid he could take it the wrong way, and I am extremely shy. I would just like to know how he feels about me, or what is going on with him, if he likes me, is falling in love, loves me, or what? Its the not knowing is annoying.

 

Thats what I would like to know, does he want to get closer to me, does he want an affair with me? What does he want with me, or will the flirting etc just all continue?

 

And no, a kiss would be all I would want and then I could discuss all of this with him, and sort it out. I'm a good person, and would never get involved with a married man. I have more than enough to deal with, and do not need or want any more upset in my life, believe me.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

Hon, the above, you have vulnerable and needy written all over you. It's OK to feel that way sometimes, we all do but........what you are failing to see is that this mm is behaving unprofessional , has a position of power over you and is going to use your weaknesses against you. Sadly I'm afraid you are hell bent on getting that kiss, but again, you won't stop there. He will take you down where you don't want to go, don't believe me, go read the ow section.

 

Thank you LadyGrey for your replies. An outsiders perspective is so helpful, and all the replies are, so thank you everyone

 

Ya I am upset all the time, and very uphappy. I have no life. See I can't talk to him about any of this, as I am too afraid to - particularly when he is a lawyer, and also I am way too shy.

 

So I won't be able to kiss him, and won't and am not able to initiate anything like that. If it happens he would have to initiate it, but there is no way in this world I would ever be able to say or do anything.

 

I will stop there, and I don't want to take it any further. With what you are saying, and from what you have read about with all of this LadyGrey, are you of the opinion he wants more from me than a kiss? I appreciate your opinion thanks

[Betrayed&Stayed]

At first' date=' he was a bit cranky - maybe stressed, but after a few months of working and communicating with him he changed, and was so much nicer to me.[/quote']

 

Keep in mind that many men will say anything and act "nice" in pursuit of getting a piece of ass. My guess is that he warmed up to you because he wants to get in your pants. You're being played. He's grooming you for his sexual conquest.

 

He sounds kinda creepy, too!

[I'msolostatthemoment]

Keep in mind that many men will say anything and act "nice" in pursuit of getting a piece of ass. My guess is that he warmed up to you because he wants to get in your pants. You're being played. He's grooming you for his sexual conquest.

 

He sounds kinda creepy, too!

 

Thank you for your opinion. Any more opinions?

[I'msolostatthemoment]

Would anyone be able to give me their opinions on the questions I asked in my first post? I would be very grateful, so it settles my mind, thanks so much everyone