What does he want from me ?

[NoMagicBullet]

If he's started wearing his wedding ring, it may be to remind YOU that he is off limits. Maybe remind himself, too. Or maybe he finally got it resized after gaining/losing weight and now it finally fits correctly. Who knows? It's yet another detail you are obsessing over and over-analyzing.

 

I'm seeing a lot of denial from you to what others have posted. You asked for advice, and people have given it:

1) We can't tell what he feels just from what you have observed. Nothing definitive about it. At most, I'd say he might be attracted to you. But how he feels about it, if so, can't be known.

2) We don't know what his motives are. He's never touched you, and I don't know what these "advances" are you talk about -- from what you've written, he's made no advances on you.

3) You have feelings for him, and you are looking for signs of interest. You seem convinced he wants more from you, yet nothing you've written indicates that he's ever made a move to make that happen. A whole lotta projection going on.

 

And what you keep saying about having that one kiss, that one moment and there would never be sex... that's not real life, that's a sweetly unrealistic movie-of-the-week. I have to wonder how much experience you've had in relationships, because it doesn't seem like a lot if you believe you can stop at one kiss. If both parties feel any considerable amount of passion for one another, it NEVER ends with a single kiss/moment if they see each other again after that. It's easy to say "I would never do xyz" until one is actually faced with xyz -- and many times people find themselves doing exactly what they never thought they would do.

 

Also, you don't get to write the definition of infidelity for everyone else. If you don't believe kissing is a form of infidelity, that's fine for you if it's your man kissing someone else. A lot of people will disagree vehemently. (And have done so in this thread.)

 

Your choice now is to either take the advice offered -- which has been offered for your benefit -- and take a different look at this situation and keep your distance from this man (for your benefit and his), or you can keep arguing from your oblivious, self-absorbed stance. You say you don't feel the need to be desired by anyone, but if that were true, you never would have posted this thread in the first place. You're so obsessed with trying to figure out if this man has feelings for you, that you are ignoring the facts that he's your lawyer and married, and this can't go anywhere and not end badly. It doesn't matter what he feels, it matters what you choose to do.

[JustJoe]

I would like to know how he feels, or what he wants so I could deal with it head on, instead of wondering, and it driving me crazy.

 

I don't believe in marital fidelity. I have seen so much infidelity with married people it disgusts me, and only recently as a direct result of this, I have decided I never want to get married.

 

I believe after many many years of marriage, things would get stale, or boring, and in a way I can understand why infidelity occurs within marriages.

 

I'll be honest, I would like to kiss him, and have a moment with him, but that would be it. I could never ever in a million years have sex or an affair with another womans husband. I feel like s*it as it is having developed feelings for him, never mind how worse I would feel if it went any further.

 

I would kiss him, have a moment, and then discuss the issue with him, and tell him an affair or sex would never happen. I have morals, and am a good person, plus if anything did go further with him, it could damage my case, and that is the last last thing in the world I would ever want.

Do you realize how immature this sounds? Have you any idea how many men and women have said the same thing? "Oh, we'll only kiss but I know when to stop" or "it's only innocent flirting", " We'll just have this moment and then walk away". B*llsh*t!!!!!! You are considering having a PA with a married man and maybe already are in an EA with him. Clue.....Lawyers don't do this from the goodness of their hearts, he was some sex, and feels that you are a pushover.

[JustJoe]

Listen to yourself. I want to kiss him, then "have my moment", the STOP!! and calmly and dispassionately discus why it is wrong to do, what we just did. No wonder you're confused! This is one of the most immature and clueless things I've ever read on LS. Do you actually think life is like this, and do you actually think it's OK for a married Lawyer to be kissing another woman behind his wife's back, and do you actually think it's ok for you to help him hide it from his wife? Where are YOUR morals?

[soulm8]

I am in the middle of legal proceedings and I have been working with my lawyer for over a year. At first, he was a bit cranky - maybe stressed, but after a few months of working and communicating with him he changed, and was so much nicer to me.

I was in court a few months ago, and he stated how beautiful my suit was - I was dressed very professionally for court. He also complimented me on the necklace I was wearing, and asked who gave it to me - I don't know if he was trying to find out if I had a boyfriend or not? He stared at me during the hearing, I didn't look at him though. When the hearing was finished, he opened doors for me, offered to give me his coat as it was cold. He was so nice to me.

I've read the entire thread and you've repeatedly requested people to respond to your first post... so, I have gone through each point to share my own opinions with you.

 

Commenting on your beautiful suit and necklace do not mean anything. Opening doors for you, being nice to you and offering his coat because it was cold are gentlemanly and simply him taking care of his client. It's possible you remind him of a sister or friend or depending on your case, he could simply see you as a young woman who's been mistreated and is trying to ensure your comfort as his client.

 

If you didn't look at him, how could you know he was "staring" at you during the hearing? You may have felt a sense of him staring at you, but logically, can you imagine your own lawyer staring at you so the judge and anyone else present could see him doing so?

 

After that, a number of times, I had to meet him to seek legal advice about my ongoing case. He always stared at my face intently.

Then one day I was in at his office getting legal advice, we were just talking normally for a few minutes, and he said "I like you", and he sort of looked down, and said I mean "You're a very honest person". He said it in a very serious way. I turned my head and looked at him, and he had a slight smile on his face, and looked me straight in the eye. He said something else, and I got a little embarrassed. Anytime after that, that I had to meet him and seek legal advice he always stared at me, he also looked at my legs too!

 

Some people are better at maintaining eye contact than others. Some people seem to "stare" a little longer or "intently" than others. Your lawyer is representing you. It's not difficult to imagine a lawyer maintaining eye contact to discern truth, validity or understanding.

 

A lawyer telling you that he "likes you" because you're a very honest person doesn't surprise me. It makes representing you easier when he can trust your word. What did he say that embarrassed you? As for a man looking at your legs... don't most? Just because a man looks or flirts, doesn't mean he wants to risk his marriage and career.

 

He asked at some stage over the past while, who would be accompanying me to court in the future, as I would need support (I went to court the first time by myself). I told him my father would be with me. I don't know if this was another way of trying to find out if I had a boyfriend?

 

This is one for the boys in this forum, that I have been trying to figure out, and I need your opinion on. Not so long ago, I was in at his office. I had just stepped into his office, he was staring at my face for a good minute or so, I could feel him, but I didn't lift my head or anything like that. Then he said he would be back in a minutes. He went into the bathroom for 10 minutes, and came back again...what was he at?

You're reaching.

 

I have praised the work he has done for me, and thanked him for being such an excellent support, and a great lawyer to me. I have handed up legal work for him to review - which he should have done, but I felt confident enough to do it myself. He has praised my level of work, and how well it was done, and constructed, and I'm not a lawyer! He has also gone out of his way to help me with my case, with which I appreciated from him so much.

 

I had a witness in to speak to my lawyer about my case. I hugged and kissed my witness before he left my lawyers office, and my lawyer turned his head, and I believe it looked like he got jealous - honestly. I get on very well with my lawyer, and he has been a rock of support and help for me.

 

I was recently very seriously ill in hospital, I could have died. I had to speak to him on the phone, and he was really worried about me, and afraid for my health - it was genuine I could tell by the sound of his voice over the phone. I was so glad to speak to him, and said it was so nice to talk to him. He has become such a rock of support for me through legal proceedings, as it is incrediably upsetting what I am going through, as he understands my case, and how badly I have been treated.

 

I have cried in his office, as I am so upset and he always tried to cheer me up, and make me laugh - which he did. He always looks at me when I smile or laugh. He has also called me "Love" a few times which is very sweet.

 

How close are you to your father? Has he been supporting you? It sounds like you're somehow confusing the support and concern from your lawyer as the validation you want from your father.

 

It's his JOB to understand your case. It's in his best interest to empathize with you and make you feel like he's got your back. There's nothing unique or special about the treatment you're getting.

 

Unfortunately he is a married man, and is also my lawyer. I am wondering what is going on with him? I have been told by many men I am a very attractive girl, just to let you all know. Does he want to have an affair with me, or does he just want sex? With all of this, I have feelings for him, and I cannot tell you how bad I feel about that. I feel so guilty, and terrible as he is a married man, I really do feel terrible, but I couldn't help or control my feelings for him which have developed, as he has been incrediably nice and supportive to me, as well as the flirting and everthing else above.

 

I would really really appreciate some advice as to what is going on with him, as its driving me crazy at the moment.

 

Unfortunately, you need to listen to what everyone's been telling you and stop reading so much into your lawyers words and actions. I don't understand why it's so important for you to "know" if he genuinely cares about you or is trying to have an affair with you.

 

In my humble opinion, based on what you've shared, I think you need to view him as a professional trying to win your case. He may be attracted to you, but who cares! Many men do and will find you attractive.

 

Why are you obsessed with this man to the point of imagining he jerks off by the sight of you? You need to let it rest. Go on some dates. He's married and hasn't been unprofessional with you. It's your thoughts that are tormenting you; not him.

[JustJoe]

Really good post!!!!!!

[Ms. Red]

I've read the entire thread and you've repeatedly requested people to respond to your first post... so, I have gone through each point to share my own opinions with you.

 

Commenting on your beautiful suit and necklace do not mean anything. Opening doors for you, being nice to you and offering his coat because it was cold are gentlemanly and simply him taking care of his client. It's possible you remind him of a sister or friend or depending on your case, he could simply see you as a young woman who's been mistreated and is trying to ensure your comfort as his client.

 

If you didn't look at him, how could you know he was "staring" at you during the hearing? You may have felt a sense of him staring at you, but logically, can you imagine your own lawyer staring at you so the judge and anyone else present could see him doing so?

 

 

 

Some people are better at maintaining eye contact than others. Some people seem to "stare" a little longer or "intently" than others. Your lawyer is representing you. It's not difficult to imagine a lawyer maintaining eye contact to discern truth, validity or understanding.

 

A lawyer telling you that he "likes you" because you're a very honest person doesn't surprise me. It makes representing you easier when he can trust your word. What did he say that embarrassed you? As for a man looking at your legs... don't most? Just because a man looks or flirts, doesn't mean he wants to risk his marriage and career.

 

You're reaching.

 

How close are you to your father? Has he been supporting you? It sounds like you're somehow confusing the support and concern from your lawyer as the validation you want from your father.

 

It's his JOB to understand your case. It's in his best interest to empathize with you and make you feel like he's got your back. There's nothing unique or special about the treatment you're getting.

 

The bolded is what I feel also. Being nice to you is part of his job. It's what lawyers do.

 

 

And when I said:

Yeah, WTF did he do that was so bad and crossing the line? He said "I like you". SHOCK! That's just terrible! How dare he say such a thing. I have people tell me that and I don't jump right on it like they are crushing on me. IMO, I think ppl are over-reacting. But this is the drama section after all.

 

I was referring to a lot of the posters over-reacting with their comments of:

 

As a married man he is scum with intent to cheat.

 

he is a real pig for coming on to you.

 

this lawyer (who is really scuzzy)

 

he is a sleeze because he is taking advantage of a vulnerable client.

 

he wants to get in your pants. You're being played. He's grooming you for his sexual conquest.

 

Unfortunately, you need to listen to what everyone's been telling you and stop reading so much into your lawyers words and actions. I don't understand why it's so important for you to "know" if he genuinely cares about you or is trying to have an affair with you.

 

In my humble opinion, based on what you've shared, I think you need to view him as a professional trying to win your case. He may be attracted to you, but who cares! Many men do and will find you attractive.

 

Why are you obsessed with this man to the point of imagining he jerks off by the sight of you? You need to let it rest. Go on some dates. He's married and hasn't been unprofessional with you. It's your thoughts that are tormenting you; not him.

 

Agreed. Your whole post soulm8 is what I wanted to say but was too lazy to type out and do all the quotes the other night.

 

I think the OP took my previous post wrong. I wasn't saying she was over-reacting.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

I have done alot of thinking the past few days about all of this, and read all of your replies. I have come to the decision if he tries anything I would tell him I would not engage in anything other than the client lawyer professional relationship because -

 

He is my lawyer

He could look into suing me for possible sexual harassment or something else

He is married with a wife and children

It would damage my case

I deserve better, and I deserve someone who will love me for me, and I won't be anyone's bit on the side

I am worth more than that to end up having any kind of an affair

And finally

I am an independant happy girl, and don't need a married man wanting to have an affair or sex from me to make me happy. I make myself happy.

I am a very strong person, and can say no.

 

 

I am happy with my decision.

 

I would like to thank you all for all your contributions to my dilemma, and helping me see the light, and you all did.

 

Thank you all very much

[NoMagicBullet]

I would like to thank you all for all your contributions to my dilemma, and helping me see the light, and you all did.

 

Thank you all very much

 

We can be kind of harsh here at LS sometimes, but ultimately we mean well -- most of us, anyway. (There are trolls lurking on these forums, to be sure. There are always trolls.)

 

I'm glad it all helped. I hope your legal case can be resolved as smoothly and as quickly as possible, and that you and your attorney part ways amicably, professionally, and platonically. Good luck!