Ex is in a rebound relationship, starting proper NC today, i am the dumper

[winstonsdreams]

Jingle14 it was the hardest thing i have ever done, i didn't even know if it was the right thing to, i cried when it happened and have been miserable since nearly 4 months on. More so now she has moved on and i am still unsure if it was the right thing to do.

 

Tough ***t, my loss.

 

There are nice men like us out there believe it or not.

[winstonsdreams]

Oh yeah well it's her birthday today guys. My friend said she will punch me in the face if I try contact her! I can do this!

 

This is going to be a long day, I know this is the right thing to do, NC!

 

Hope she has a great day, without me spoiling it of course.

[Zammo25]

Be strong. You said she wished you happy birthday TWO months ago. That is a long time. Things have changed. Her new chap will be spoiling her. Stay out of it. I have been forced to move on but still think of my ex everyday. I can hope she is happy with her new man as she deserves happiness. It can't be me. It was but not anymore.

 

You loved and lost. Maybe one day in the future your paths will cross again. None of us know what the future holds.

Edited August 16, 2012 by Zammo25

[kindest]

Jingle14 it was the hardest thing i have ever done, i didn't even know if it was the right thing to, i cried when it happened and have been miserable since nearly 4 months on. More so now she has moved on and i am still unsure if it was the right thing to do.

 

Tough ***t, my loss.

 

There are nice men like us out there believe it or not.

 

This just makes me feel so sad.

[winstonsdreams]

well i got through the day guys, if there was a day i was ever going to break NC it was yesterday (her birthday). I had a real busy day at work, then hit the gym hard. I then went out for dinner with a girl to try keep my mind off it.

 

I succeeded in maintaining NC and also didn't ruin her special day. I am sure at some point she thought i was going to call, and probably thinks i am a selfish jerk now. But in the back of her mind hopefully she breathed a sigh of relief and went about her day and had heaps of fun.

 

I hope she understands i did this out of respect and LOVE for her and for both her emotional wellbeing. I am trying real hard to be mature about all this.

 

now at 2 weeks NC. I don't think i will forget this one, certainly my lost love.

 

***k i miss her..

[kindest]

I remember my own birthday a month and a half ago. I was doing well and I didn't expect him to greet me on my birthday, we had a fight two weeks prior to that and I swore to myself I'll never talk to him again; but in the back of my mind I pretty much felt like ***** when I realized he didn't care about my birthday.

 

Then 3 days post my birthday, he shoots me a greeting through IM. It was like an after thought, but I was surprised he even greeted me. Or maybe he forgot. Whatever. Anyway, I stared at the message for hours and took me an entire day before I responded with 'thank you'.

 

Anyway, I wish you luck, bud. Although it feels a little awkward that I am sympathizing with a dumper considering what I have been through with my ex, everyone, including you and including my ex, deserves their happiness. We'll get through this.

[winstonsdreams]

Thanks for being gentle on me kindest, I hope i did the right thing not contacting her still. Everybody told me not to contact her, my family, therapist, NC buddy, i had to listen to them. Plus it would have set me back with my own healing. I will never know what she was feeling through all this. Kind of weird.

 

I just want to be happy again, the weekend is usually good to me.

[not-a-drive-by]

Jingle14 it was the hardest thing i have ever done, i didn't even know if it was the right thing to, i cried when it happened and have been miserable since nearly 4 months on. More so now she has moved on and i am still unsure if it was the right thing to do.

 

Tough ***t, my loss.

 

There are nice men like us out there believe it or not.

 

This makes me cry. I remember seeing my ex's face the next morning I went back to beg for another chance. His eyes were all swollen from crying the previous night we broke up.

 

Ugh, **** it. I'm not even on his mind any more.

[Beatrixx]

winstonsdreams, I can understand the pain you're going through. I broke up with my boyfriend, a few weeks later I regretted my decision and tried to reconcile but he didn't want to be with me anymore.

[Zammo25]

Sometimes things happen that will regret for the rest of our lives. It will ALWAYS be there but you have no choice but to move on. You will probably still be thinking back to this loss when you are 60 but there is no choice but to accept " I f*cked up " and that is the way it is. No one can change history and what we did.

[winstonsdreams]

Major major major setback over the weekend team. I ran into the ex's sister, probably the biggest setback yet. She proceeded to run up to me with hugs and screams telling me how much she missed me etc.. and ask me what the hell happened.

 

Then proceeded to tell me what a weirdo her new boyfriend was and how much of a lapdog he is, basically giving my ex what she wants. I didn't need to hear this information but she kept going. She said the good thing about me was that i wasn't a doormat, i kind of kept her in place so to speak, her sister said she will get bored of this guy eventually.

 

She said she was happier when she was with me, and if i wanted her back that i had to do something extreme and confront her face to face somehow. Now my mind is doing doughnuts. I really want her back, maybe I should fight for her?

 

Her sister also said some stuff about how they were planning a trip overseas next year and they might elop?! they have known each other 8 weeks? She said they seem to be in love as well. What the hell how is she burying these feelings for me so fast?! What the hell is going on, people please give me some guidance here. I am really struggling today, i did not need this. WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END?! HELP!

[lil hoodlum]

Sounds like the ex maybe in a rebound relationship. They usually don't last. She may be using him to help ease the pain of the break up. Sounds like the involvement of the sister maybe a good things. She gave you some inside info.

 

Hang in there!

 

I agree, if you want something, you should fight for it.

[Tree_Salmon]

So i sent my ex a final email today, wishing her well in her new relationship and letting her know i would always be there for her, and we will always have our song. We haven't spoken in a month

 

No i am not a dumpee pleading for breadcrumbs. The difference with this scenario is i was the dumper, she jumped into a rebound relationship, implemented NC, i came crawling back, and she told me where to go. I got what i deserved right?

 

She doesn't speak to me at all. I have given up the idea of reconciliation, and now will focus on moving on with NC. I want to document each week from today, i am seeing a psychologist every fortnight from today also, my first session yesterday was amazing, i suggest you try it! I would like to post all the feelings regarding the sessions and give my advice to those seeking help or having trouble with NC.

 

It is officially 3 months since i broke it off. the emotions have been very fresh for me since we last spoke 1 month ago, with her telling me it was over and she had a new bf. She was in a new relationship after 7 weeks. But according to her mother, has never been happier.

 

Please anyone wanting to post about struggles with NC and dumpers regret feel free to share your thoughts.

 

I had a date on Tuesday, i won't lie that helped immensely! Get out there and meet new people guys it helps. Making out again was amazing!

 

You left for a reason. Those problems will always be there.

You just want what someone else has.

 

Get over it and move on.

[winstonsdreams]

Honestly Tree that doesn't help at all, read the thread, that is not the case.

 

I decided to deactivate all my social networking sites, i need to break free from everything. I know it is going to be hard but i am going to stay committed to NC.

 

I can't keep putting myself through this, i wish i never saw her sister Friday night, but i won't be making any grand gestures i have to maintain some dignity here. Don't know how i am going to live without Facebook haha. Oh well

 

I find every day i gain a little strength, i really need to focus on myself and keep improving, i am making so much progress. I'll keep you posted friends.

[kindest]

Good on you. I know how it feels to be hearing about the ex while you're trying your hardest to forget her. You're an inspiration.

 

Good luck to you. When I read about people making progress I feel I gain a little strength. It's not that much but it helps.

[Zammo25]

Major major major setback over the weekend team. I ran into the ex's sister, probably the biggest setback yet. She proceeded to run up to me with hugs and screams telling me how much she missed me etc.. and ask me what the hell happened.

 

Then proceeded to tell me what a weirdo her new boyfriend was and how much of a lapdog he is, basically giving my ex what she wants. I didn't need to hear this information but she kept going. She said the good thing about me was that i wasn't a doormat, i kind of kept her in place so to speak, her sister said she will get bored of this guy eventually.

 

**She said she was happier when she was with me** , and if i wanted her back that i had to do something extreme and confront her face to face somehow. Now my mind is doing doughnuts. I really want her back, maybe I should fight for her?

 

Her sister also said some stuff about how they were planning a trip overseas next year and they might elop?! they have known each other 8 weeks? **She said they seem to be in love as well.** What the hell how is she burying these feelings for me so fast?! What the hell is going on, people please give me some guidance here. I am really struggling today, i did not need this. WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END?! HELP!

 

** slight contradiction do you not think ?

[InAFog]

I am also the dumper. Believe me it is not what I wanted to have to happen. But I was left with no choice, he wasn’t willing to work at it and our lease was up, so I left. Its been almost three months and I am still drifting through a world of pain and intense anxiety. Whether you are dumped or the dumper it is still a loss. I am in a state of grieving that I have never experienced before. As for him – he doesn’t seem to mind at all. That hurts the most. I always thought that despite our problems we had something so special that was worth fighting for. And it is mind-boggling to me that it wasn’t worth it to him. That he picked everything else over us. And that he just let me go.

[winstonsdreams]

Thanks kindest, well i have certainly calmed down since yesterday, i think from now on i will also ask friends, family etc to spare me the details of her relationship. I feel like i broke NC! But her sister didn't realise i was hurting so i can't blame her.

 

It was real nice hearing her sister tell me how much she missed me, i always made effort to be polite and kind to her family, so at least they will remember me as a good person.

 

Wow i was thinking of doing something nuts this week and waiting for her after she finished work to tell her how much i loved her! Wow, glad i got my composure back and will be maintaining NC. Still feel bad about not wishing her happy birthday

 

InAFog i am glad you see where i am coming from with all this, being the dumper is not fun. I also agree you kind of feel like didn't mean so much when they move on so fast.

 

I am STILL not ready to date after nearly 4 months, i don't let people in so easily though. Going to take up a new hobby this week, i always wanted to play acoustic guitar, so i am going to get one this week!

[winstonsdreams]

Honestly i need some help here people, can someone tell me if this is worth fighting for? I don't have anyone to talk to right now..

 

Something is telling me i can't just leave this forever, i really need to see her face to face to tell her how i feel. I don't know if this would do me any good or not, but how can i go on forever not wondering if i just had a little fight in me i could have gotten her back.

 

I know this girl had strong feelings for me, and i know i hurt her, but i realise i made a huge mistake, i just want to know if there is anything there. She wanted me, can i just leave this forever? I am really struggling to come to terms with this, i need some advice.

 

Maybe i need to tell her face to face how i feel just so i know if this is over forever! Guys help please! I don't feel like i have the closure i need, yes i broke it off, yes i am an idiot and deserve to be in a world of pain. But something is not letting this go, it's been nearly 4 months since the breakup, she has been with the new guy 2 months.

 

HELP SOMEONE!

[InAFog]

Sorry hon, but i think you're just going to have to wait it out at this point.

Things have gone beyond the point of "just getting back together".

It isn't going to be the same. Even if you did reconcile, the work

that will have to be done between both of you will keep what you

want back a long way away. Its better to wait and see in the future, when you have both worked individually on yourselves, if its possible to be together. Otherwise it seems like just more heartache.

 

Its hard i know. I wish i could take my own advice to heart. But all we can do now is work on ourselves. Let her work on herself. Clear heads make clear decisions. Not messed up, confused and hurting ones.

[kindest]

Your last email was supposed to be your closure. You can't turn back, at least not for now. The wounds are too fresh. Only time and other factors will heal you now. If you beg for her back at this time, you will only hurt both of you and it will be unnecessary.

 

Let her find love that can be found from other people. You are not the only one who can love her, and by the way you treated her when you were stil together, she really deserves better love. I know it hurts, but if you truly love her you will let her go.

 

In a year, or a few year's time when both of you have healed but then you still catch yourself wanting her, then it maybe the right time to contact her again. For now, let her heal.

 

No matter how much I love or still love my ex, no matter how much I miss him and want to see him, I know seeing him would just hurt me even more. Even if he would go after me I will find it very difficult to trust him again because the fear of him leaving me again will always be there. It's too broken now to repair. Maybe in the future we can meet again, but if not, cest la vie.

[winstonsdreams]

oh man, i know this is what i needed to hear, i guess that's why i keep coming back to you guys, for the honest truth.

 

It's just that mutual friends of ours who happen to be engaged keep telling me to do something extreme to win her back. It really hurts when they say that, the thing is they say "well if she says no at least you know for sure". I then tell them if that happened i would honestly not be able to live with myself, and i am 99% sure that would be the outcome. How can she trust me after what i did, i broke her heart

 

kindest you put it so well if i truly love her i will let her go. I keep picturing her marrying this guy and losing her forever. I just wish i could move on. I doubt whether i will hear from her again, i know exactly how she works, she puts up walls and never talks to those that have hurt her again. I am such a goof.

 

Do you guys think i should tell my friends that they are not helping the situation and i would appreciate it if they let me be and not give me any updates on her life? Maybe if i know nothing i will stop thinking about her. Damn it is so hard not having a FB!

Edited August 22, 2012 by winstonsdreams

[winstonsdreams]

3 weeks NC

 

Still feeling ***t!!!! Although i made some drastic decisions during the week, i.e. deleting all social networking sites. Scoped out an acoustic guitar i am going to buy Saturday that is pretty cool. I am also meeting with a girl i hurt a couple years back this weekend, it will be my chance to apologise to her, and bury the hatchet. I feel awful for treating her badly, rebound relationships don't work lol!

 

nearly 4 months on from the break up, she has moved on and is happy, and probably thinks it's pretty funny i am on a site like this pouring my hear out.

 

I just want to know how long am i going to be pining for her back? I still love her so much, i reall wanted to break NC this wk and fight for her. But you guys said not to, i would hate to see how that would go down anyways.

 

Man this girl loved me so much, i just want her back so bad. I really don't want to lose this one forever, the weird thing is i know if i maintain NC i will move on eventually, but will never forget.

 

I think it might also be best if my friends stop updating me on her life and quit telling me to fight for her, i just can't handle it right now.

 

So many set backs, seeing her sister, for one was horrible.

 

I just hope NC works over time, i have a lot of self improvement to do. Anyone scoped out Caliguy's NC guide? I read that last night man he is a legend on here. LS has helped a lot.

 

Any tips people? you have all been so helpful!

[kindest]

Yes, tell your friends that. They only want what's best for you. They probably don't understand how complicated the situation is, they think it's that easy to go after someone you have hurt and that all will be forgiven and you'd be back in each other's arms. I mean that's great, but this is not hollywood. lol. Take it from me it's not that easy to take someone back especially if that person really hurt you. It takes more than just one big romantic gesture. She already knows you're sorry and that you love her. For now I think that's all she needs to know.

 

I think I am very much like your ex. I run away from people who hurt me. I think my ex had a hard time accepting that but that's just the way I am. I don't know if I will contact him ever again, and for now honestly I can't evenstand hearing anything about him. I don't know how I'll feel in the future though, I mean of all my past boyfriends he was the one who didn't really treat me that bad, never cheated on me, and I had no doubts that he loved me. That's why I was stunned when he broke up with me all of a sudden.

 

Heal yourself, and let her heal without you because your presence may be hurting her even more. As they say, NC is win-win. You move on, you heal, and you accept what happened. We never know what the future brings, you could meet again, or if not you could meet someone who you will fall in love with and you'll have the chance to correct your mistakes. Everything will be okay.

 

Look at it this way: that girl you're meeting up with could be her in a few years... and if by that time you still love her then you could try with her again.

Edited August 23, 2012 by kindest

[winstonsdreams]

Thanks kindest! At least you are giving me some advice! Well after what you said i just sent my friends a text advising them that i appreciate they care but i am letting her go. I have admitted defeat. I love her and want her back, but am accepting she has gone.

 

I just had a good hour long talk with another close female friend of mine, who said she actually appears real happy (going by Facebook) and i should definitely just let her go. I really do owe it to her. I will continue to heal and let NC do it's thing.

 

I honestly don't feel she is in a rebound relationship anymore, i think she is actually happy and maybe has found love? Maybe i wasn't the one. I wish i was, but she wants it all now. I want to get married but i want it to happen naturally, i don't know why she pressed it so much, i was in the relationship for the long haul why didn't she see that? She wants the best for her and her son, i understand

 

If this guy is willing to give it all now then maybe this is for the best. It KILLS me to say that, but i know i have so much to offer, i just want to give it to someone who accepts me for who i am first, before wanting to jump into something so major, i mean marriage is a big deal!

 

God what we had was so awesome! I just want that back! Man this hurts, i really have to let her go. I will leave her alone, as i owe her that. Maybe just maybe one day we will meet again. 3 weeks NC, life still sucks, but i can see light at the end of the tunnel for the first time.