Katlady Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Well, I have an update to my "fear of change" story. (Fiance ended engagement, needs space, and still wants to do all the things we talked about) On July 3rd, he agreed to go to a party with me and we had a blast. Stayed together for most of the party, ended up at a concert that city put on, ended with some chaste kisses and lots of hugs and lots of (him first) saying what a great time he/we had. I thought, this is great! What a great way to begin again, right? So, silly me, thinks he'll call some time last week to maybe go on a hike or something this past weekend. Wrong! By Friday, all my prayers for patience and understanding were wearing thin, he wouldn't pick up my calls at work (he works in the next suite, although we rarely see each other during the day), so I went to his office at 4:00. I was totally calm, quiet (get their attention more when you're quiet, right?), and matter of fact. When he said he's giving 100% to work and the new house, I said all I'm asking for it 5% and that we deserve that. I said that we'll never know if we're "meant to be together" (his words from a couple of week ago) if we're not spending any time together at all to see how we are together. Then I said if he doesn't want to try, to just tell me right now, be a man and just end it, right now and we can set it up to give each other our house keys back and for me to come down and pack up the rest of my stuff and we'll be done. Well, he said no, he doesn't want to do that. He said he just can't let us get back on the fast track to which I replied I don't want us on the fast track either. (I didn't think we were before, but he does. Plus, if he thinks I'd trust any emotion packed declarations from him any time soon he's mistaken.) Then he said, really quietly, almost tearfully, that he just can't make another mistake. I felt sorry for him then; he looked so lost. He thinks he made a mistake by buying the house he's living in that we were supposed to be sharing and he's lumping me in with all of that. At one point I reminded him about all of the validation he's had about us from his parents and family, all of his friends. They all love me and think I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him! I also reminded him about all of the good times we had together and all of the plans we made, that we don't have to be married to do, reminded him that he told me he wanted to continue all of that so let's do it; let's spend some time together. He agreed to go hiking with me this past weekend, but he called Saturday night and baled on me. But, to be honest, I'll take that as a positive sign that he called and just didn't leave me hanging. Plus, I cooked a big pot of soup for my grandparents and he was excited when I told him I saved him half and I'd drop it off on Sunday. (No, didn't see him, he was probably still sleeping when I left it on the patio early.) He's going to find out if he got his promotion or not this week. That will determine how I proceed from here. Question: many months ago he bought tickets for a concert for us and his family for July 25. Do I ask him if I can still go? Do I just assume so and ask him what time I should be at his house to leave for the show? Any suggestions? There is no way I'm letting this event pass without talking to him about it. Plus, I'm visiting my sister in TN that weekend and will need to head home early to go with him so I need to know by the middle of next week. Ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Why are you harping on what everybody else thinks of you when really all that matters is what HE thinks. It seems as if you are more concerned with the tickets than about his feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katlady Posted July 12, 2004 Author Share Posted July 12, 2004 Sorry, Debster, didn't mean it to sound as if the concert is what's important, because it's not -- it's the spending time together that's important. I don't care if it's in a cave. I just don't think if someone tells you they want to start over with you, twice, then goes NC on you, that it's wrong for me to try to keep the contact going. Also, about what other people think: it's him that needed the validation at the beginning of our relationship, but that wasn't clear in my post, and I was on a roll on Friday evening and I just said it. Hey, he agreed with it, so it wasn't so bad to remind him. I love him and we both truly believe we were brought together by some divine intervention (we both took a lost of twists and turns to get to meet to each other now in our lives). It's only his fears that are keeping us apart now. (He just thinks too much!! ha ha) Thanks for the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Question: many months ago he bought tickets for a concert for us and his family for July 25. Simplest way to find out if you should expect to go is to ask him. "Am I still going with you to the concert on July 25th or have you made other plans?" There ya go...simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Just ask him if he still wants you to go or if you can consider yourself free that evening. You have every right to ask especially since the date is drawing nearer. Plus if you're a bit vague about why you want to know he may wonder if someone else wants to make plans with you. Normally I think games are a waste of everyone's time but I think your fellow needs a little "encouragement" to get himself on the RIGHT track (note I didn't say fast track ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katlady Posted July 12, 2004 Author Share Posted July 12, 2004 You're right, Olivia! And so simple! Geez, me thinks I think too much, too! Thanks a lot!! Link to post Share on other sites
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