Moving on, when He started dating a new girl a week after he dumped me.

[VictoriaLyn]

Its been two months and Im struggling to get over my ex. He was my first serious relationship, and we went out for almost 8 months. He dumped me saying he still loved me and how I would be the perfect wife. He said no girl would ever be more important too him. He just wasnt ready for a serious relationship or any relationship at the moment. I was devastated. The next day he said he regreted it and took me back and dumped me again two days later. I was a mess, I went from anger to heartbreak and we constantly texted. I was extremely self destrutive. Then I found out he had started dating another girl, who he meet while with me, a week after he ended it with me. The pain was indescrible, I felt like I meant nothing to him and still do. I made many mistakes when I found out about them and I am not proud of my actions following the break up. He can not stand me, he has called me pathetic, selfish, a child, a manipulative ****, that I would never make a guy happy etc. He has posted his new relationship all over facebook knowing I would see. My feelings of inadequecy are made worse by the fact that before me he dated a girl for a month and would reguraly text me telling me he was still in love with her as late as five months into his relationship with me.

 

Yet barely a week later he forgot about me, or so it appears. He is extremely happy at the moment, he has a bunch of new friends and adores his new gf. I know I shouldnt care but I do..alot. I feel like I did something to change his feelings towards me. After the break up his best friend told me how He never loved me and would constantly text him about how to win his ex back. I confronted my ex about this, and he told me to shut up and believe what I want.

 

The sad thing is I want him back. It will never happen as he has made it clear he thinks Im only good enough for sex. I have accepted its over, yet I cant move on. I think about him all the time, and how I made him hate me. I feel like apologising to him, but Im scared to contact him and he has told me how he feels he is wasting his time by even acknowledging me. I hate the fact he despises me because I still love him. The worse thing is we share alot of mutual friends, who Im terrified wont want to hang out with me and I have to see him everyday come September as we study the same college course.

 

Bascally Im asking for advice, should I apologise for my behaviour? Will it help me move on? I just want to get him, and all the stuff he said to me out of my mind. ( We are both 19, the girl he started dating was a girl he meet while out with me and who he spent the night talking to. I asked him if he was dumping me for her and he said no and I do believe him, it just hurts that he got with her as quickly as he did. We were each others first and I feel horrifically betrayed if he lied to me about being in love with me just so I would have sex with him. He also started the break up via text after spending three days with me and not mentioning how he was having doubts, which I am a bit upset about)

 

I should also make clear we arent on speaking terms and havent been for the last months since I saw the pictures of the two of them together. Is it wrong of me to be mad at him for moving on so soon? He has told me its my fault I got hurt and that its not his fault I got upset/still am upset.

 

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this and any advice on how to move on from him would be much appreciated.

[KatZee]

What the hell is going on? Has something been spilled into the tap water around the world to make people act this stupid? My ex did the same thing!!!

 

Breaking up with me tells me he still loves me, I'm his best friend and doesn't want to lose me, can see us starting fresh down the line, and that there was absolutely no one else, and I come to find out he met some chick at work and started to date her!

 

My ex also pulled the "lets be a dick" game and when he started up with this girl he OUT OF NO WHERE! told me to sell all the jewelry he bought me to pay my rent, that there was no "us" and that this was the last text he was ever sending me and to have a nice life, good luck, lose my number.

 

I was like... the hell? I haven't even spoken to you in like 2 months and you come at me with that? So I KNEW something had to have been going on. I didn't find out about it until last night, and apparently he was seeing this chick for about a month... the time line fits perfectly. I found out that when he initiated the break up with me, it was only supposed to be temporary... then he decided to try things with this new girl and he completely changed his tune and turned into an as*hole.

 

Also found out last night that it didn't even work. As quickly as it started... it's done. I can only imagine how stupid he feels that he first had the intention to work things out with me, and then went all GIGS and thought he met something better, only to have it fall apart within 30 days... hahahaha. I'm not really sure why people think they can move on from long term relationships in five seconds, and not really sure why they think random girls they don't know from a hole in the wall can even remotely compete with someone who they dated for years.

 

I don't think you have anything to apologize for either. Your ex said some nasty stuff to you, has made you feel worthless and like nothing. F him. I went off on my ex about a month ago when he came at me with the "sell my jewelry" crap and I tore him a new as*hole. I will never apologize for that. He is completely deserving of it, he's put me through so much sh*t and I'm completely justified. So are you.

 

Let him go "walk off into the sunset" with this random girl. Guarantee it will fizzle just as quickly as it started. He thought he was making the right choice, and that's why he became a dick to you. Once it falls apart you're going to be getting the "I made a huge mistake, I miss you so much" texts. WHATTTT EVER.

 

I'm now waiting for one of those texts too! hahahahah.

[TheBetterPerson]

you dont want him back, you want the dream back, you want what you used to have back!!

 

Your saying that after all this and im included in this we want our ex's back?

Because once upon a time they said things we thought we were never going to hear from a guy!

They said all these things to make us feel good and we believed it!

 

My ex did the same to me, said we were soulmates, cant imagine being without me, never told anyone hes loved them except me blah blah blah..

HORSE CRAP!!!

 

we are not the first and we wont be the last!

 

My ex was with me at my work and then we end and he gets with someone at my work!! HOW CRUEL IS THAT, i have to go to work and i have to see him, but he ignores me and gets with a girl that i was ment to be friends with!

that isnt love! thats not even friendship! thats selfish because he didnt want to be alone and or wanted to hurt me!

 

YOU DONT WANT HIM BACK!!!

you would be wasting your time, when you go out with an ex you remember why they are your ex!

 

KatZee is my favourite on here!

she makes some very very good points to old relationships and also makes you think what you want in the new ones you WILL make!

 

Need to put this relationship down as a bad egg!

Break ups come in stages, its also very textbook!

 

you remember the good times and you cant possibly remember what bad times you have, then you blame yourself, then you get upset and sad, then you get angry and then you find out the true them!

 

imagine one of your closet friends telling you your situation what would you tell them????

[morichu]

I do believe him

 

lol

 

Probably the funniest thing I read in that whole story. Why would you believe anything he says after all that? Honestly, this guy is a headcase. Do you really want to be with someone like this?

 

Like someone said earlier, you just want the good times back while trying to ignore the elephant in the room. You just need to move on and find someone better. Trust me there's millions of guys out there who are better than this moron

[flitzanu]

he didn't "move on so soon", he moved on while he was with you. if he was "dating" this girl a week after your breakup, then it was decided long before you actually broke up.

 

he's just another dude, he sounds like a jerk, and you should be glad to have him out of your life. he shouldn't be shopping for other girls while he was with you.

[KatZee]

KatZee is my favourite on here!

she makes some very very good points to old relationships and also makes you think what you want in the new ones you WILL make!

 

Ohhh stooppp it... you make me blush!

 

No seriously, we can all do better than this crap. These guys must be their own special breed. I wish we could round them all up and fly them off to another planet.

[VictoriaLyn]

he didn't "move on so soon", he moved on while he was with you. if he was "dating" this girl a week after your breakup, then it was decided long before you actually broke up.

 

he's just another dude, he sounds like a jerk, and you should be glad to have him out of your life. he shouldn't be shopping for other girls while he was with you.

 

Thanks everyone for the replies, much appreciated

 

I miss him, as messed up as it sounds. He meet his new girl two days before he dumped me, flirted with her in front of me and texted me talking about how interesting she was. I firmly believed he just needed space, but he made it clear shortly after the break up that all he wants me for is sex. He then told me to **** off once he got with her :/

 

Its hard that he's so happy and has moved on when Im still stuck in a pretty dark place trying to make sense of it :/ And its painful knowing that he doesn't care about me at all nor my feelings and will happily hurt me even though there was a point where I would have done anything for him :/

 

I know he is bad news but unfortunately I will have to see him every day come sept, because of the about of classes we share and the amount of friends.

[KatZee]

He then told me to **** off once he got with her :/

 

Its hard that he's so happy and has moved on...

 

My ex did that too. The second he thought he found something better he pulled that card with me. Unfortunately (or fortunately for me?) it didn't work out between them. Obviously.

 

It's your ego telling you he's happy. Your ex right now is peacocking. He's flaunting it in your face, rubbing it in... anyone who is truly happy and secure, has no reason to do this. They just are.

 

The fact he's going out of his way to hurt you and be spiteful, should show you how truly unhappy he is on the inside. This is his way of expressing that. Ignore him. He's NOT happy and give it time, they'll be done with before you know it.

[PoppyLove89]

Haaa! I was reading everyone's replies and I was like 'Oh thank God, I'm not the only one who's gone through this!!!'

 

My ex and I broke up last November, he was fine for two weeks P/BU - still civil and saying he 'missed me' and 'of course he loved me' but was just 'confused'. Cut to him going out with his friends every single weekend who are all 18/19/20 (he's 24 and in the military) and he completely changed (he never used to drink because he said it would be counter-productive to all his Phys training in the army).

 

Then in January I had a rather nasty call off him when he found out his sister had invited me out for a drink, telling me I was 'psycho' and to 'get the F out of his life' and that he wants 'F all to do with me'...I felt this was VERY uncalled for because I hadn't actually spoken to him in 3 months and had deleted his number and his facebook. Yes, it was ME who deleted him so why would I do this if I was trying desperately to stay in his life?! He was lashing out and here's why....

 

Turns out he'd started seeing an 18 year-old girl who seemed to appear out of no where. I know it sounds bitter but when I saw her I was like 'What?! THAT'S my replacement??' - for someone who said he was 'picky' with girls...she's really not a patch on me, I know it sounds big headed but she's not. She looks nothing like me or his ex before me - we look quite similar so we're clearly his 'type'.

 

They were flaunting their 'love' for each other after less than a month on Twitter and Facebook saying she was his 'dream girl' blah blah blah!

 

What's funny is, is that we were best-friends when we were together and we'd literally laugh our heads off, always be joking around etc. We were always adamant that whilst everyone knew we were together, and our relationship was on facebook, that we didn't need to flaunt our relationship by posting 'awww I love you' etc on our walls because that was between us. We'd just make fun of each other or something like that instead as the lovey-dovey stuff was left for phone calls/text messages etc.

 

Now this made me feel like crap because I started thinking 'What? Did I not mean as much to you as this new chick does? Why are you flaunting her? When you used to agree with me that it was tacky and clearly the people that do this only wanted to convince the outside world.'

 

Then I read the post above mine, he's clearly 'peacocking'!

 

And lately they've also started to argue in public - ie. posting snide comments to each other etc AND he's re-added all of the girls he's slept with even though he has a new gf. He deleted them all of his own accord when we got together because he said he didn't need 'the past' on his facebook. He also hasn't integrated her into his family yet - he was begging me to meet his family only a month into our relationship and we spent almost every weekend with them.

 

I don't know if it's a rebound or not because they've been together around 6 months now but there's no sexual tension between them at all (I saw them together for the first time 3 weeks ago in a bar and they were sat miles apart with their hands in their own laps and they weren't even speaking despite being with two other people). Whenever he and I were together we were forever poking and prodding each other, holding hands under the table, his hand on my leg etc...we only had eyes for each other. As soon as he saw me that night, he just kept eye contact with me...it's like she didn't exist next to him.

 

To sum up: Our exes clearly fell into things waaay too soon!!! Settling for whomever said 'yes' first, they probably thought it was a match made in heaven with those rose-tinted pre-breakup glasses on, GIGS or whatever you want to call it but when the mist disappears and they begin to see clearly, the wheels will slowly fall off. It takes time to find a person you truly connect with, you don't just fall out of one long-term relationship and stumble into the next. It's all about TIMING and FATE in my eyes.

 

Screw them! We've all done the hurting, the anger, the crying...we're healing. And we'll have healthy new relationships before they even realise what they've lost. One phrase sums our exes up: Ignorance is bliss!

[Car10e]

Same thing happened to me. Dated my ex bf for 4 1/2 years. We were on a "break" for like a month, but I tried to convince him to try to make things work. I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't at least try. We ended it a few weeks in, and I found out a week after we broke up that some girl at his work was going around calling him her new bf. I then realize he was probably already seeing her, while I tried so hard to make things work between us.

 

For me, breaking up was heart breaking, but finding out he replaced me so quickly is what really hurt me. People tell me not to worry, because she is just a rebound, but it still hurts because in the end he chose her over me.

[lil_zee]

To Car10e:

 

After 4.5 years that would have been tough

 

I'm currently trying to cope with losing my boyfriend of 1.5 years who is now dating a girl he met at a party while we were together.

It's taken me about two months to realise how incredibly naive I was to go, 'Oh yeah, sure you can make a random friend and add her number in your phone and text her' kind of thing.... I trusted him so much.

 

And we were on a break - with me trying desperately to get us back together, until he turned around 2 months later and said, "I've met someone else."

Up until then it was all, "I love you but I don't want the responsibility of a gf at the moment, I just want to be a kid for a while" (He's 23).

 

I asked her name and he told me, and I said, "oh... that girl you were texting?"

And he was surprised I remembered. I think he was trying to make it look like he'd only just met her.

 

Anyway... gahh there's just so much you can think and say over these things.

In the end, all that's in my head is confusion.

Why would he would love me so, so much,

and then just choose someone over me?

It makes our love and our past seem worthless.

And it makes me hate guys, because who can see that coming? Especially when they're so lovely and caring like my boyfriend was - we didn't even fight ever, he just wasn't happy after moving interstate with me.

[not-a-drive-by]

. Oh dear. After reading the posts above, I can't help but think maybe my ex had eyes for some other girl at work during the last few months of our relationship . Maybe that is a reason why he is so adamant to not give us another chance....

[Car10e]

While on a break, my ex bf became more distant as the weeks passed. I asked him each week where we stood, and he just was not willing to commit. I told him he had to make a decision, because he was stringing me along and it wasn't fair to me. Even though I didn't know he was seeing someone while we we're on break, I see now why it was hard for him. He was still choosing who he wanted to be with and I made the decision easy for him by forcing an answer.

 

Oh yeah, and my ex bf is dating a girl from work. I'm pretty shocked.

Edited August 16, 2012 by Car10e

[flitzanu]

While on a break, my ex bf became more distant as the weeks passed. I asked him each week where we stood, and he just was not willing to commit. I told him he had to make a decision, because he was stringing me along and it wasn't fair to me. Even though I didn't know he was seeing someone while we we're on break, I see now why it was hard for him. He was still choosing who he wanted to be with and I made the decision easy for him by forcing an answer.

 

Oh yeah, and my ex bf is dating a girl from work. I'm pretty shocked.

 

sorry, "on a break" = "broken up".

 

just keep that in mind for "next time".