DeesEyes Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 Hello there... I have a problem and I need some immediate advice. I recently had my fiance move in with me and everything is wonderful....except one thing. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me too. While rearranging our bedroom recently I came across some papers stating that he had an addiction problem 8 years ago. This addiction was with cocaine and xanax. I also read in the paperwork that he swallowed 30 xanax pills in an attempt to end his life. I do know that he takes oxycodone for pain from recent hip transplant surgery, which I thought would be o.k. Then I find out he takes xanax "occasionally" for anxiety....which I guess I understand. Well since reading the paperwork I found I started counting his pills daily to see just how much he is taking. The occasional 1/2 of xanax he says he takes is in reality 1-2 bars daily. The occasional 1 tab of oxycodone he says he occasionally takes for pain is in reality 1 pill daily as well. This is done with occasionally smoking pot too... I'm sooo confused as what to do now since finding out his past (which he never told me about). What do I do??? Do I tell him I found the papers and I want him to tell me the whole story in truth? Do I tell him I've been counting his meds to see exactly how much he's taking?? Please understand the pot smoking once in a while doesn't bother me but I'm concerned about the pills....he says his doctor is aware and prescribes them to him for pain and anxiety. Please answer me as soon as possible cause I'm getting sick over this new found information and don't know how to handle it. Thanks for your help.... Link to post Share on other sites
MCMLXXXIX Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 First, you need to know exactly where you stand on the matter of drugs. Personally, I don't think your fiancé should be using ANY drugs (including pot) if he is serious about this relationship. His behavior is self-destructive and could ultimately bring about the destruction of your relationship. You do not want to be dragged into a mess. It's already hard enough to care about one's self. Pot, painkillers, drugs in general and alcohol abuse illustrate a desire to escape reality and generally reflect a great discomfort with one's self and a lack of self-love. If you love him, I suggest you sit down and tell him you are concerned. Don't tell him what's wrong and what's right. There are reasons why your fiancé started using drugs in the first place. One thing is certain however, drug use can jeopardize your relationship and you should try and protect that relationship if you value it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeesEyes Posted August 2, 2012 Author Share Posted August 2, 2012 Hi MC.... Thank you for taking the time to answer and give me some well thought out advice...... I will keep everyone updated .......hopefully all good... Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
MCMLXXXIX Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 I did confront someone once about recreational drug use in my lifetime. Discussing the matter was very difficult and painful at first, but it worked out fine in the end. Perhaps someone who dealt with a partner using prescription drugs should contribute to this conversation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 There is a reason pharmaceutical companies make these drugs and a reason physicians prescribe them. Before you freak out, yes, I DO think you should calmly talk to your partner, coming from a place of love and concern. 1 pain pill and one xanax per day sounds about average, and I don't know many educated adults in this day and age who really freak out about occasional marijuana use. Either way, talking it out is the only way. ( Note, if he gets insanely defensive, THAT might be an indicator of a problem) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 You've come to the right place for some information--me. I beat a terrible cocaine addiction that lasted for four years and haven't used since 1994, but I have had experiences and problems with the other drugs you mentioned and also tried to end my life with an intentional OD of methadone and 70 bars of XANAX (in 2003). Thankfully I was discovered in time and survived, but in both cases--the cocaine craziness and the opiate and benzo (Xanax) addiction--it took well more than a year--maybe two plus some--of sobriety and recovery for me to overcome the damage to my will, identity and the "sleep cycle" necessary for them to be stable. Right now it's a sure thing that your partner is "chemically dependent"--meaning physically addicted and unable to stop without a withdrawal period. The amount he is taking is not tremendous but it's plenty to cause quite a time of discomfort followed by weeks if not months of sleeplessness--and sleeplessness can make a person unemployable, irrational, and susceptible to relapse just to get that sleep they are being deprived of which starts the cycle all over again. One thing is universally true about addicts and that is that they lie to themselves and rationalize things in such a way that they actually believe their own contrivances and often defend the indefensible to their closest loved ones. Part of that is because the drug use itself clouds judgement and reason. In that regard confronting him on it may very well get you more untruths and/or trivializations that lead to promises that won't be kept. He will lie to you and think he is telling the truth but obviously he has gone over the line where he can control the drugs and stick to prescription. The Xanax can be kicked in a few weeks. The Oxycodone can be kicked too by tapering and facing the last wicked end of withdrawal, but these are not drugs you "sleep off" and are back to 100% the next day or two. They are insidious drugs that take quite a while to live down. You will have to challenge yourself to face these facts. If you want an opinion, I don't think you should allow your announcement of an engagement, plans for a wedding, even invitations having gone out to require you to marry this man at this time to "save face" for you or him. You have been lied to and have the evidence. If you do not want to take on a life-time commitment to a person who must always have a supply of narcotics be a number one priority in every decision as to where you go and what you do, that is your right regardless of anyone else's perception. Perhaps you may love this guy enough to simply postpone your wedding long enough for him to not only end being chemically dependent but recover in attitude and the nuanced physiologies like sleep quality which take many months. Whatever you choose, best wishes. And best wishes for him too--he has to face this a one of life's ultimate tests. If he lies and choose drugs, you should take that to represent who he really is and what his priorities are. God bless. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeesEyes Posted August 2, 2012 Author Share Posted August 2, 2012 hello...and thank you for your sincere reply. I'm sure it was not easy to write as it was not easy to read. I'm very emotionally torn now at this point basically because if I hadn't found the court papers remanding him to treatment and the incident of attempted suicide I might not be so very upset. I know having hip replacement surgery is a big deal and the possible after effects and pain are understandable.....but.....why not just take Tylenol?? Why does it have to be oxycodone??? Feeling anxious.....well, I just relax and breath deep and maybe relax with a glass of wine.....but is taking a xanax every day really necessary??? I also question the doctors who so readily prescribe drugs to people who complain of "anxiety"...... Thank you and I will consider your words carefully and I will also post a reply soon with the outcome .... thanks again-it's greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 hello...and thank you for your sincere reply. I'm sure it was not easy to write as it was not easy to read. I'm very emotionally torn now at this point basically because if I hadn't found the court papers remanding him to treatment and the incident of attempted suicide I might not be so very upset. I know having hip replacement surgery is a big deal and the possible after effects and pain are understandable.....but.....why not just take Tylenol?? Why does it have to be oxycodone??? Feeling anxious.....well, I just relax and breath deep and maybe relax with a glass of wine.....but is taking a xanax every day really necessary??? I also question the doctors who so readily prescribe drugs to people who complain of "anxiety"...... Thank you and I will consider your words carefully and I will also post a reply soon with the outcome .... thanks again-it's greatly appreciated Tylenol is over the counter for a reason--it barely works and only works for mild routine aches and pains. An invasive operation where muscles and ligaments are stressed to remove a good deal of bone and replace it with metal alloy where flesh needs to be stitched together and the body reacts with swelling that stresses the wounds represents potential pain on levels of magnitude that can not be imagined by someone else who is not going though it. So, if this surgery was fairly recent--less than 3 months ago, he deserves a pass for taking his prescribed opiate pain reliever. Abusing the med is another story--like if he no longer has the pain and takes it sherley recreationally for enjoyment. And why he would fib about how much he's taking is of concern. But if he is still feeling pain from this surgery it is unfair to judge him based upon a bias you have against medication in general. Medication of many ilks are necessary and effective god sends that do everything from helping people through unbearable pain to fine-tuning their neurotransmitters balances allowing them to conquer fear, depression and hysteria which formerly made them toxic to others they lived and worked with. Medication in many respects has advanced in new ways over the last two decades where there is a new and clear line between ones that simply obscure a symptom (like the benzodiazepines of which Xanax is a member) and ones that work completely "upstream" in the brain on the causes so that one has no uncomfortable symptom to try to medicate away. Unfortunately this fantastic achievement in the change in nature of medicine came at a time when so many other headlines were being made that society largely missed this milestone and continues to act as if nothing has changed since the 1950s and 60 when things like depression were treated with either tranquilizers, amphetamines or both--an upper in the morning and a downer or sleeping pill at night. Things are completely different now and it pays to learn about what the fundamental change is that the SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) revolution represents. As for using XANAX as a long term medication, this is something medicine tries to avoid. Xanax and it's cousins Valium, Ativan and Klonopin came out after the period where amphetamines and barbiturates were the normal go-to medication in the American family medicine cabinet and they were a great step in a good direction for their time. Previously many people accidentally overdosed and barbiturates--especially when mixing them with alcohol, and sedatives of the 1950s and 60s stayed in the system and made people sluggish the next day causing them to turn to "uppers"--amphetamines to get them back to function. It is very hard to OD on benzos because the brain has a saturation point where more medication above that point is simply ignored. Xanax however is a "crutch" for many people and is analogous to a "Martini in a pill". Most ethical doctors today try to resist prescribing Xanax and other benzos and only prescribe limited amounts for short durations to avoid the development of dependency. Also, use of benzos like Xanax cause anxiety which comes on when a dependency takes hold. There are however some cases where Xanax is prescribed long term or permanently but usually that happens in cases where the patient has a problem producing a natural substance called gaba-aminobutyric acid which is necessary for normal movement of oxygen and nutrients through brain cells. With depressed ability to produce this "gaba", biological by-products like "chlorine" molecules get trapped in brain cells and causes what is experiences as "general anxiety disorder". Doctors try to boost production by prescribing a drug called "Neurontin" or "gabapentin" to get rid of the biological breakdown that manifests as anxiety. Xanax can be a taken for severe attacks which people call "panic attacks" but taking Xanax every day without trying to address the under-production of gaba-aminobutyric acid is just basically leaning on a sedative with no sense of rising above the crutch. That's what I can tell you for now. Link to post Share on other sites
durentu Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 Your first reaction is probably the correct one. I'd say talk it over, but pack first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 well first of all anyone who uses xanax or any prescription painkillers for any amount of time gets addicted. Its just a fact. It doesn't mean you are weak minded or trying to abuse the drugs its a physical addiction. And its prescribed by your doctor too. What was the story 8 years ago? Was it all recreational or was it because he needed it at the time? 1 pill of oxy? thats nothing! From what I understand tho the xanax is more physically addicting than the opiates so make sure he is careful with that. I guess what I am saying is don't label him with having an addictive personality or relapsing or anything till you know more. He may have needed them 8 years ago and then he may have needed a doctors help getting off them. Like I said if you take opiates for more than a couple months for pain you WILL be addicted. No matter who you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted August 7, 2012 Share Posted August 7, 2012 well first of all anyone who uses xanax or any prescription painkillers for any amount of time gets addicted. Its just a fact. It doesn't mean you are weak minded or trying to abuse the drugs its a physical addiction. And its prescribed by your doctor too. What was the story 8 years ago? Was it all recreational or was it because he needed it at the time? 1 pill of oxy? thats nothing! From what I understand tho the xanax is more physically addicting than the opiates so make sure he is careful with that. I guess what I am saying is don't label him with having an addictive personality or relapsing or anything till you know more. He may have needed them 8 years ago and then he may have needed a doctors help getting off them. Like I said if you take opiates for more than a couple months for pain you WILL be addicted. No matter who you are. If that "1 pill of oxy" a day (on a daily basis) happens to be an 80mg dose (or even half that), that's plenty to cause a dependency that will be very bad to go through and will have lingering effects on sleep issues and general compsure for months. It should not be trivialized. One 80mg oxy (green tablet either round or oval) is equal to 8 percocets. Just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
Brady_to_Moss Posted August 15, 2012 Share Posted August 15, 2012 If it is 1 Percoet pill a day. That is fine if he actually does have pain. I doubt it's 80 MG unless he has been on it a while...probably on 5 or 10 mg I am having issues right now with oxy. I have been taking 45 mg a day for the past 4 days. That's a lot for me. Luckily i am out. it's it's hard to resist to pick up the phone... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Oxy processes in the body the same as heroin. The withdrawals can be expected to be severe. Xanax is another big concern! I don't drink anymore and I NEVER allow any doctor to prescribe me anything mind altering! I state that right up front! Meditation gets me through the worst long term pain - even severe kidney stones for months at a time. He has so much work ahead of him - best to delay any long term plans! Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 The fact that he has a history of addiction and is now lying about his drug use, even if they are prescribed drugs, tells me that you are dealing with a person who has a serious problem. And NO ONE who has overcome an addiction to Xanax should be prescribed Xanax. If he has a prescription he got it by lying to doctors, which is normal addict behavior. You have a big problem too. You are counting his pills. I probably would too (and have, in similar circumstances) but this shows that his drug use and behavior around it is affecting you seriously. If he were a regular guy using his medication as prescribed, you would not be having the concerns that you are. My husband recently had a total hip replacement and the doctor gave him a VERY small quantity of Oxy. I think he took them for about a week to 10 days. He did not need them any further. And a For the record, I am a recovering drug addict and my ex husband was clean and sober for about 14 years before returning to using and destroying a home, business, family, etc. I would love for you to avoid this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 There is a reason pharmaceutical companies make these drugs and a reason physicians prescribe them. Before you freak out, yes, I DO think you should calmly talk to your partner, coming from a place of love and concern. NO person with a history of addiction to Xanax would ever be prescribed Xanax by a responsible doctor - if the doctor is aware of the history. 1 pain pill and one xanax per day sounds about average, Lying about what drugs you are taking is not average. It's a sign of a drug problem. and I don't know many educated adults in this day and age who really freak out about occasional marijuana use. I do. People who are in recovery from addictions and who have consciously chosen to be clean and sober. I'm not "against" pot smoking or even using drugs for fun, but for some people, like me - and like the fiance, it seems - these recreational activities are not a safe option. Note, if he gets insanely defensive, THAT might be an indicator of a problem) Hiding drug use is a huge indicator of a problem. He is not going to be open about it if she has had to find out about it through snooping. Link to post Share on other sites
markrn Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 After having a 6 yr relationship come to a screeching halt due to opoid addiction. My GF said she had to break up for me to realize and get the help i need for my 90 mg a day use of oxycontin and my 30-60 mg a day vicodin use on top of it. I have multiple chronic pain issues from military service but it was a wake up call for me. She stated i had been emotionally abusing her and her children. I'm an ER nurse and finally went taper with the contin and went here for the vicodin which i/m into day 2 of cold turkey. Opoids are insidious. Drugs Forum is a great site that will give you insight as to how much is to much and what needs to happen. Dont let yourself get sucked into a bad relationship. I love my gf and just handed her tonight my bottle of vicodin. Its killing me as i type cus i love her and its a long road to redemtion to include counseling to get back together with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 You're doing this cold turkey? Link to post Share on other sites
markrn Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 To clarify the vicodin i'm using immodium ad read on sorry about that. I tapered the oxycontin to 20mg bid then went cold, sick for 3 days with gi flu symptoms took Loperamide which helped with the runs. The vicodin i'm using immodium ad. it has an opiate in it that doesnt cross the blood brain barrier, hence the body gets its opoid and the brain doesnt. Heres a link Can Loperamide help with going cold turkey off both Methadone and Oxycodone? - Page 4 - Drugs Forum. One has to use increased amounts of immodium, but so far i'm in day 2 of no vicodin and asymptomatic. Google immodium and opiate withdrawl. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Just checking, I saw that you are RN but my immediate reaction was.. Uh bad idea. As you must be aware not all nurses are smart. Best of outcomes to you. You're doing what needs to be done. Not an easy journey. Link to post Share on other sites
markrn Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Thanks, 30 yrs in the field, lots of resources to fall back on. Hard to swallow your pride and state your need help as a nurse. nurses are givers and not takers. We dont take care of ourselves until were rock bottom or dead. Take care all Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulBrunette Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 My advice is to......run! Link to post Share on other sites
markrn Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 My advice in retrospect what i have had to do over the last several weeks i would be extremely hesitant to marry someone with known drug issues coupled with a history of depression / suicide attempt. Buyer bware. Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulBrunette Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 My advice in retrospect what i have had to do over the last several weeks i would be extremely hesitant to marry someone with known drug issues coupled with a history of depression / suicide attempt. Buyer bware. Amen. I recently got out of a relationship with an addict. He's been sober now for 7 months but that doesn't mean I've healed. Heck, doesn't even mean he's healed. If you choose to stay with a person who is an addict, prepare yourself for one long road. Link to post Share on other sites
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