Friendship gone wrong: Sex proposition:

[Ldrgal79]

** Sorry for the long message but I have to explain the background **

 

Well, two months ago I joined a new job and there began my crisis. Two weeks after I joined a guy joined, I am 33 and he is around 22. Now, as luck would have it, he was assigned to sit next to me. Everything was going well, we were getting to know each other platonically. I am in a comitted relationship and he is in a relationship but not committed (which I found out recently). Now, through the weeks we got to know each other not only because we sat right next to each other, but we are also smokers which made us take smoke breaks (along with other colleagues) and we also went out with colleagues to a nightclub where we danced together (only the very platonic kind of dancing, I mean, we did get a little too close for comfort, but we were always conscious of it and quickly backed out everytime it happened), then we started texting each other, just general texts like How are yous? and what do you do on weekends and things like that. Me being the older one in this, I started to kind of care for him as he was younger and new in town, so I helped him with stuff like restaurant suggestions, bar suggestions etc.

 

On the night when we went out to the nightclub with other colleagues, there were moments when we were alone and we talked about general life and a little bit crazy talk like "What's the craziest thing you've done?" "How many relationships have you had?" etc. I also let him in on a little detail of my life that I was going through a divorce and its tough and things like that. We also spoke about our respective partners and our relationship etc.

 

Again, over the days we'd found our comfort spot with each other and were getting along just fine. Now, three days back, he didn't come to work, and so I texted informing about the shuffling of seats and that he is going to moving to another cubicle in the office. Also, that evening I was going out with my other colleagues to a bar which I hesitantly accepted, I texted him about that and he said "why don't you come over to where I am" Obviously, he was out drinking and wanted me to join him and his friends, but I resisted it knowing that it won't be a good thing and that I am much safer and better with my colleagues who I know. So, I took a call and texted him letting him know that I won't be able to make it to where he was. He was dissappointed but he said it was all right.

 

Now, that night when I came back from the party, I checked my phone and notice he had sent a couple of texts..one saying he is very disappointed that I did not make it and the other saying "Ask me anything you want and I will answer!" So, after a lot of thinking, I copped out deciding that it was the best thing though I was pretty drunk at that stage. He again texted me calling me a loser and insisted I ask him anything I wanted. So, I braved up and asked him how many people he had slept with...and zip came the answer..that its in three figures..And I did not know how to end the conversation, So I said good night.

 

Then, I received a text from him saying "What's the craziest thing you've done?" So, I told him I had lived in NYC for 5 years alone, I had done skydiving twice and somehow I felt it was not crazy enough and at the spur of the moment I said I dated someone that was 10 years younger than me. He immediately replied saying that its really cool. And then I just felt it was time to stop, so I again said good night and then suddenly he texted me saying he wanted to have fun and that he is addicted to sex..So, I just told him that he was in a relationship and that he shouldn't stray, because I really didn't think he was hinting anything to me, I had the impression that we were talking as friends and that he was asking for advice, so I adviced him to not cheat on his girlfriend and that he should break up with her if can't be loyal. And then he asked me "What if I was single?" "I just want to have fun. My girl friend knows that I love sex." And then I just felt it was going nowhere and so I adviced him to stop texting me saying he is too drunk and saying things he will regret the next morning. So, I said good night and went to sleep.

The next morning I noticed he had sent two more texts pushing the proposition to me, and in the morning everything suddenly became clear to me...I felt stupid that here I was sharing things of my life with him as a friend and he only could gather all that propose sex to me! I went to work in anger and in an emotional rage, I sent a nasty email to him saying things like who does he think he is? I wrote "just because I let you in on my life, smoke, care about you like a friend and told that I was divorced, you immediately thought okay, let me have sex with this very open divorced girl" and about loyalty and relationship advice and everything.

 

He came to work late and had already read the email and never spoke to me, I at least expected an apology from him, but I got nothing, He did not respond to the e-mail nor did he text me nor called me to have a talk, absolutely nothing except silence. The day passed and I was getting so restless, I must've refreshed my gmail a million times but still nothing, and I am here thinking "what the f**ck! I at least deserve an apology" The day just got over and I left for home. The next day, I thought "what the heck, let me be the matured one here and forget what he did and ask him if he wanted to go for a smoke break?" I even realised that he might have made the sex proposition in a very drunk state and that I should not have taken it so seriously and should have understood that.

 

So, that evening before I left work, I sent him an email saying may be I overstepped with my words and I did it only because I was emotionally smothered and anger controlled everything that moment, I also told him that we should probably meet and talk things out so we can put this behind and move on. May be we wont share the friendship chemistry we shared before but at least our hearts won't be heavy. I told him that I was hurt and that I needed to talk to him to sort things out. The next morning, which is yesterday, I came to work, he was already at work, he did not even say hello to me, he did not talk to me. And I eagerly opened my inbox to find nothing, after a while he sent me a youtube video link which I thought was his way of saying sorry and through out the song I was trying to decipher hidden meanings of the lyrics and couldn't find anything, the song was called Good morning, So, I immediately thought he did not say hi so he sent me a song. But, however, by the afternoon, I found out that he had sent the song to almost everyone in the office and I gave an imaginary smack on my head for being so stupid.

Somehow because he is quiet I have began to behave very weirdly, I am not able to concentrate on work, I am not able to laugh or talk to anyoone. We still go for smoke breaks in a group and to our astonishment a colleague asked if there was a cold war going on between him and me because we both are looking very upset. And then, there was no looking back, being an emotional woman I started over thinking, Now, if he had written to me and we had a talk things would have been normal, but his ignoring my emails and his silence is just killing me. I feel like I did something wrong and he is punishing me for it.

 

This evening I sent him a text message after working asking him why he royally snubbed both my emails and that I just wanted to talk to him to clear the air because I am feeling weird. He replied saying "I was waiting for the right moment to talk to you, I am not ignorning you and please stop over thinking" And then I acted like a girl who is desperate and felt so relieved with the answer at that moment...but later on realised that if that good moment hasn't come in the past three days, then it's never going to come, I was being so naive in putting my emotions out there and showing that side of mine to him and he is completely manipulating that. I also thought that "okay, he is waiting for the right moment, but at least he could've started with a sorry in reply to my emails" So that's where it stands as of now.

 

Now I am completely disturbed because of this and even fought with my boyfriend because I was angry with this stupid friend of mine. I even want to get drunk before I sleep because I have not been able to sleep for the last two days. Again, to clarify, I have not had any feelings for him, but right now I don't know what I feel, him not giving me attention has clearly brought out the depressed and desperate side of mine! I don't know how to behave anymore. I also feel jealous now because he talks to all the other girls in the office, which used to before too, but I never felt jealous because I knew we were friends, but now I have no clue what we are, except going out on group smoke breaks which might also stop soon.

 

Please advice as to how I should handle and behave in this situation. I am completely clueless and I can't get a hold of my situation. Some times I am even scared that this scar and desperation might lead me to places where I really don't want to go. I have a wonderful and loving boyfriend and I love him to death, but I am really not sure how to handle this situation? How do I behave at work? How do I stop feeling jealous? What are his intentions? Was it because of me he did what he did? Please help me so I can be normal again!

[jeffmeyers]

You've only known this guy for 2 weeks? You say you have no feelings for him (don't think so!), yet get jealous when he talks to other girls? He causes you so much anguish that you have to get drunk to go to sleep?

 

To put it quite bluntly, you seem like an emotional wreck. Have you had other times in the past where you lose it like this?

 

It seems you lead him on a bit. The dirty dancing and your attention gave him the impression he had a shot if he played his cards right. You were a willing participant in all of this. Any issues with the boyfriend we should be aware of?

 

Boys will be boys, his intentions are quite obvious, but... from your recollection of the events, I find very odd that he propositioned for sex through text messaging. Maybe it's just me but it seems he would have increased his chances to "score" with you by hanging out with you more, flirt and wear down your defenses slowly. Luckily for you, he blew it and made you pull away.

 

Add to that that he's a colleague and he's involved with someone else (as you are) then obviously, you don't get involved.

 

Considering you're both new at your job, I don't think you have much leeway about where you're stationned and who you work with. I guess you have to keep the working relationship professional unless you really can't work there anywhere.

 

As for the jealousy, I'm sorry to say that you have some feelings for him, it's something you have to get over. Let him talk to the other girls. The way I see it, you're 33 and not 14, you should have some self control over yourself and relationship experience to avoid situations like this.

[Ldrgal79]

You've only known this guy for 2 weeks? You say you have no feelings for him (don't think so!), yet get jealous when he talks to other girls? He causes you so much anguish that you have to get drunk to go to sleep?

 

To put it quite bluntly, you seem like an emotional wreck. Have you had other times in the past where you lose it like this?

 

It seems you lead him on a bit. The dirty dancing and your attention gave him the impression he had a shot if he played his cards right. You were a willing participant in all of this. Any issues with the boyfriend we should be aware of?

 

Boys will be boys, his intentions are quite obvious, but... from your recollection of the events, I find very odd that he propositioned for sex through text messaging. Maybe it's just me but it seems he would have increased his chances to "score" with you by hanging out with you more, flirt and wear down your defenses slowly. Luckily for you, he blew it and made you pull away.

 

Add to that that he's a colleague and he's involved with someone else (as you are) then obviously, you don't get involved.

 

Considering you're both new at your job, I don't think you have much leeway about where you're stationned and who you work with. I guess you have to keep the working relationship professional unless you really can't work there anywhere.

 

As for the jealousy, I'm sorry to say that you have some feelings for him, it's something you have to get over. Let him talk to the other girls. The way I see it, you're 33 and not 14, you should have some self control over yourself and relationship experience to avoid situations like this.

 

Hi jeffmeyers,

 

Thank you so much for your reply. Well, that hammered a lot of sense into me.

 

To answer your questions: I am in a long distance relationship and my bf lives in another country. We are happy and everything is great but there is that occasional fight and argument mainly because of the distance and the time difference. I mean, the other night when this whole episode went down with my colleague (the text message thing), I actually had had an argument with my bf. And may be it was a momentary discretion that led me to messaging back. And may be I have led him on to an extent but nothing I did intentionally, I mean, I just considered him to be a working friend and I have lots of men as friends before and I've never had such problems ever. This is the first time I am facing something like this. But, yes, I am an emotional wreck, I guess that may because I always over think situations and always think about what others think of me (most of the time), but I am working on that side of mine constantly. But, yes, I have, like everyone else, been in bad relationships where the man took me for granted and made me feel desperate. For instance: I was in this relationship where the guy was completely head over heels in love with me and pursued me until I gave in and started dating him, but after a couple of months things completely turned upside down, I somehow fell so badly in love with him that and so blind in love that he just took me for granted and just completely started distancing himself from me. At one stage I had gotten so depressed and desperate that he did not want anything to do with me, I kind of became lovesick, he said he felt smothered and needed space. So, I stopped seeing him and moved back with my parents, and slowly the pieces of my life came back together and I began living my life again, I was completely heart broken and it took a lot out of me to come out of it...but I did over time. After a year or so, I moved back into town and suddenly the roles had reversed again, the moment he noticed that I was over him, he began to pursuing me again, but this time I knew better and was much stronger and I never gave into it and even today I am very proud of that because it wouldn't taken a second to rekindle everything and move back with him, but I didn't. Anyway, coming back to the point, yes, it has happened to me in the past, but the situation was completely different but it is similar. But I would have been okay if we spoke and sorted things out but that did not happen.

 

I do agree about the attention factor, but that's the kind of person I am and if it's someone I know, I go out of my way to do things, which I know is not a good thing, but I can't help myself. I always try to tell myself to hold back, but somehow I don't. I am the same towards both girls and boys and my family.

 

I wouldn't term the dancing as dirty dancing, it might have been just general dancing and was not dirty.

 

Okay, now my question is: Should I let him know that I don't want to have that talk to him anymore and that I am okay because I really am. I am just embarrassed that i let my emotions out. Or should I wait for him ask me if I wanna talk and then I can refuse? Please tell me what my next course of action should be. I am not expert at these things and being overly emotional about everything in my life, it takes a long time for me to come back to normal.

 

I will try and keep my distance and keep it professional. But any advice would be great. I just need to get back on my feet.

[jeffmeyers]

Boyfriend far away? Bingo! I don't know you, but that's probably a big part of the problem right here. No attention, no intimacy for a while and then a young man, one you initially get along with and one with the virtue of simply being there, appears. You may not have pursued him, but it felt good to have him around, giving you much needed human contact and beyond his "addiction to sex", it probably gave him the impression he had a shot with you.

 

To me, it looks like you've already said your piece, at least twice, and he's not ready yet to talk to you. So leave it alone. If he ever decides to talk to you again, maybe that will be your chance to sort things out. Who knows, you might be over him by then so it will be easier for you.

 

In the meantime, you can work on your boyfriend (is he ever coming back?), do your own thing to keep busy and even go out with friends and colleages (obviously not with the horny coworker).

 

Now I don't want to patronize you or make light of your emotions and anguish, but I think by any objective measure, you should not be so worked out over this coworker. A little introspection wouldn't hurt if only to avoid similar sitations in the future. Look within, be honest with yourself, don't be overwhelmed by how you feel, but rather understand your own feelings then try to act in your own best interest. You sound like a good person, trying to do what's right but you get lost and, as said before, overwhelmed. While it's good to think things over, don't overanalyze things either and preferably don't use alcohol as a crotch.

 

Not sure what else to tell you except good luck. Hopefully other posters will chime in and offer other insights and encouragement.

[Ldrgal79]

Boyfriend far away? Bingo! I don't know you, but that's probably a big part of the problem right here. No attention, no intimacy for a while and then a young man, one you initially get along with and one with the virtue of simply being there, appears. You may not have pursued him, but it felt good to have him around, giving you much needed human contact and beyond his "addiction to sex", it probably gave him the impression he had a shot with you.

 

To me, it looks like you've already said your piece, at least twice, and he's not ready yet to talk to you. So leave it alone. If he ever decides to talk to you again, maybe that will be your chance to sort things out. Who knows, you might be over him by then so it will be easier for you.

 

In the meantime, you can work on your boyfriend (is he ever coming back?), do your own thing to keep busy and even go out with friends and colleages (obviously not with the horny coworker).

 

Now I don't want to patronize you or make light of your emotions and anguish, but I think by any objective measure, you should not be so worked out over this coworker. A little introspection wouldn't hurt if only to avoid similar sitations in the future. Look within, be honest with yourself, don't be overwhelmed by how you feel, but rather understand your own feelings then try to act in your own best interest. You sound like a good person, trying to do what's right but you get lost and, as said before, overwhelmed. While it's good to think things over, don't overanalyze things either and preferably don't use alcohol as a crotch.

 

Not sure what else to tell you except good luck. Hopefully other posters will chime in and offer other insights and encouragement.

 

Hi jeffmeyers,

 

Thank you so much for your insight and advice. I would have never been able to look into my situation the way you did. My boyfriend is from another country and we met last year when he was here for business and then we visited each other once in the past one year. In fact, he was here for two months few months ago. And it was the best time ever! And yes, we will be getting together soon, may be even marriage is on the cards, once my divorce comes through.

 

Coming back to my present situation, I am already feeling better, your advice yesterday really helped..and I have not been feeling weird or jealous or any negative feelings so far. We did go out for group smoke breaks but I kept my conversation to minimum and I did not feel overwhelmed...I am sure I will get through this...and now with your supportive words I am sure I am going to get there even faster. I guess I was the only one who was looking at my situation through giant glasses. Yes, with my boyfriend being away, it does get lonely and getting attention from some perky young guy it is a little overwhelming, but it gets okay after a while because I know at the end of the day that this guy will do the same thing to any girl that he finds is naive and sensitive and will try to propose sex and also the fact that I have a great boyfriend who is so loving and caring, I just got lucky meeting him.

 

Thank you so much for your help...I am really grateful to you. I will keep in mind everything you said. If you ever need any advice...you can definitely count on me! ( Ha Ha!) But seriously you can...I might not be good in my own life, but may be I can be of some good to someone else!

[jeffmeyers]

Wow, that was... easy. I expected more turmoil, but hey, I'm ok with the outcome. And you're welcomed, of course.

 

I'm sorry to say I don't have much issues I need help with. I posted a topic (my only topic so far) two months ago asking for a second opinion and I got near universal "yeah, go for it, man". You'd likely say the same.

[Ldrgal79]

Wow, that was... easy. I expected more turmoil, but hey, I'm ok with the outcome. And you're welcomed, of course.

 

I'm sorry to say I don't have much issues I need help with. I posted a topic (my only topic so far) two months ago asking for a second opinion and I got near universal "yeah, go for it, man". You'd likely say the same. [/

 

There is no turmoil but there is a constantly brewing undercurrent. Like today he got these cookies called "kiss" chocolate cookies... He asked a few girls from work "do you wanna kiss" and then he would hand over the cookie... No wonder he got those cookies...I was aware of this because he sits right next to me.. But (not that he has to) did not share the cookie with me whereas I remember how he used to share anything he got with only me sometimes... But for someone who doesn't share his cookies.. He just borrows cigarettes from me all the time.. In fact I've become his official cigarette sponsor. Another thing is that we don't talk the entire day... While before we used to talk so much and share jokes and videos and have fun... But now the only time we even talk is during smoke breaks that too it will be something that he or I will say to everyone in the group... So no direct conversation. We don't talk.. We go out for smoke breaks and then like magic we come back and we're quiet again. I mean I would understand if didn't talk at all before then I would know that we're just smoke buddies... But since we shared that good camaraderie it just feels weird and I feel a lump in mu throat... But I guess he doesn't feel the same way because he talks to all the other girls and is always talking to someone.. While I stay at my seat except for a break.

 

Also, when I left work today it was raining and I take the bus... And he comes to work on his bike, so he was downstairs waiting for the rain to stop... But I walked right though him... A royal ignore is what I gave him. Yes it did bother me a bit because I am not a person like that but somehow I thought that was the right thing to do instead of having an awkward conversation or something that will make me spill my emotions again. Do you think I did the right thing?

 

May be I am over thinking... But him telling me that he was waiting for the right moment to talk was just an excuse /trick to just shut me from sending him any more emails or text messages... Yeah? Tell me if I am wrong about this one?

 

I don't know where all this going but today I was in more control than yesterday and I guess tomorrow it's going to be even better... I will update on what unfolds tomorrow.

 

But I would like to know... If you know men like him... What's he trying to do? What are his inner motives? Does he even have any? Why is he doing what he is doing?

[jeffmeyers]

I think you're trying to read too much into him. He's young, horny and shallow. He likes girls, wants to be with them and ultimately sleep with them. He's not the smoothest, but he tries. Maybe he has some redeeming qualities, but from your description, I can't see any. What do your other colleagues, make or female, think of him?

 

It's quite possible the age difference (or something else) made him intimidated by you so he was on his best behavior for a while. Or maybe this falling out made you see his same old normal behavior in a less favorable light. Both could be true, but I can't be sure from my limited POV of this situation.

 

As for the "right moment", it could be either way (I'm leaning towards the excuse though), but it doesn't really matter since it means in either case he doesn't want to talk to you. Remember, you offered him to talk, to make a truce, the ball in his court and he refuses to take it. It would be best if you could work it out but it's currently not an option. So no, ignoring him is not out of order, especially if you don't make an issue out of it.

[Ldrgal79]

I think you're trying to read too much into him. He's young, horny and shallow. He likes girls, wants to be with them and ultimately sleep with them. He's not the smoothest, but he tries. Maybe he has some redeeming qualities, but from your description, I can't see any. What do your other colleagues, make or female, think of him?

 

It's quite possible the age difference (or something else) made him intimidated by you so he was on his best behavior for a while. Or maybe this falling out made you see his same old normal behavior in a less favorable light. Both could be true, but I can't be sure from my limited POV of this situation.

 

As for the "right moment", it could be either way (I'm leaning towards the excuse though), but it doesn't really matter since it means in either case he doesn't want to talk to you. Remember, you offered him to talk, to make a truce, the ball in his court and he refuses to take it. It would be best if you could work it out but it's currently not an option. So no, ignoring him is not out of order, especially if you don't make an issue out of it.

 

Hi,

 

I guess he is shallow, but he also young and there are people who don't grow up until they are 40.

 

May be what you said is true, the falling out has made started looking at him differently, actually, no..I mean, I noticed during the first week of him joining, that he was a ladies man...not in a good way...he talked and had fun...and then one day he was not himself..So I asked him if something was wrong (this was one week after he joined)...he said no one is taking him and his work I seriously, and he was feeling hurt because of it...So like a good Samaritan I advised him to not talk all the time...especially because our office has more women than men...so most the women will just see him a clown who laughs, flirts and talks but does not work that much....I told him to not stop clowning around but I told him he should know where and when he can be a clown and when not. I told him not everyone is as cool as they seem...they would just want to talk and laugh with you and when it comes to work they might be different. So, in between he kind of took my advice and set boundaries....but I guess all that has changed in the last few days.

 

Last evening he was asking someone about where he could get his bike fixed as he is new to this town...since he didn't ask him, I didn't bother to tell him. But this morning I thought about it and felt that no matter what helping someone is more important even if you don't like the person...So, I texted him the address to the nearest bike fixing store. I've always been someone who helps if I could. That's that!

 

And I guess you're right about he wanting to sleep with people. He is quite shallow that way. I mean, till that night the incident happened, we were turning out to be good friends, I do not make friends easily..and if I do then I try be good friends...I guess honesty is not the best policy when you talk to a guy who you think is your friend when they have completely different way of processing the information that comes out my mouth...at least he does. I guess also because on some level he was attracted to me...he took everything I was telling as a clue..It can happen to anyone. If I was attracted to someone then I would take everything that person is saying as a clue or sign even if they don't see it that way.

 

I haven't said a word to my boyfriend about this..and I am going to keep it that way. Him being another country will only make him hyper.

 

Your thoughts on anything I've written is totally welcome. Actually I want to hear your thoughts.

[Survivor12]

Just a couple of things to add to what has already been said....There is a big diffence between being "friends" and being "friendly" and from what you've said, there is nothing to indicate that he has ever been a friend to you. He does seem to be quite social and a bit of a flirt (which is not necessarily a bad thing) but you seem to have taken his banter--and attention--to mean something more.....On the other hand, you have obviously given him reason to believe that you are interested in being "more" than an acquaintance/colleague. (i.e. when he told you to ask him anything--you chose a question that was sexual.) If you were truthfully not interested in more than a platonic friendship, why would you steer the focus in that direction?).....The bottom line is that none of this is about what he has done or said--it's about you attempting to deny and then justify your interest in him. Knowing that he's a "ladies man", you gave him reason to believe that he had a good chance of sleeping with you--and he thought he did! You were the one who contacted him about being out with friends, you made the choice to "mention" that you'd had a relationship with someone who was (coincidentally!) his age, you brought up the topic of sex!--but then, when he picked up what you were putting out, you responded in fury! Now, you're trying to pretend that you were completely innocent & claim that he was out of line! .....Perhaps you weren't interested in having sex with him; maybe you were just interested in the attention he gave you & in being "one-up" on the other ladies in the office. At this point, it really doesn't matter...what does matter is accepting that he is not your "friend" and that it is because of your actions that he is no longer as "friendly" toward you. Instead of trying to deny whatever attraction you have/had with him, own it and try to understand your own actions. As far as he is concerned, let him be. There is nothing to talk about at this point. Just be cordial when you see him and move on.

[Ldrgal79]

Just a couple of things to add to what has already been said....There is a big diffence between being "friends" and being "friendly" and from what you've said, there is nothing to indicate that he has ever been a friend to you. He does seem to be quite social and a bit of a flirt (which is not necessarily a bad thing) but you seem to have taken his banter--and attention--to mean something more.....On the other hand, you have obviously given him reason to believe that you are interested in being "more" than an acquaintance/colleague. (i.e. when he told you to ask him anything--you chose a question that was sexual.) If you were truthfully not interested in more than a platonic friendship, why would you steer the focus in that direction?).....The bottom line is that none of this is about what he has done or said--it's about you attempting to deny and then justify your interest in him. Knowing that he's a "ladies man", you gave him reason to believe that he had a good chance of sleeping with you--and he thought he did! You were the one who contacted him about being out with friends, you made the choice to "mention" that you'd had a relationship with someone who was (coincidentally!) his age, you brought up the topic of sex!--but then, when he picked up what you were putting out, you responded in fury! Now, you're trying to pretend that you were completely innocent & claim that he was out of line! .....Perhaps you weren't interested in having sex with him; maybe you were just interested in the attention he gave you & in being "one-up" on the other ladies in the office. At this point, it really doesn't matter...what does matter is accepting that he is not your "friend" and that it is because of your actions that he is no longer as "friendly" toward you. Instead of trying to deny whatever attraction you have/had with him, own it and try to understand your own actions. As far as he is concerned, let him be. There is nothing to talk about at this point. Just be cordial when you see him and move on.

 

Hi Survivor12,

 

Thank you for your advice. But I do not understand something.... there were lots of times when he has spoken about his sexual life and his escapades and I have never taken in it the wrong sense or misused it. And yes, I do agree that on that particular night I did ask him a question on how many people he's slept with but just to make it clear...on that night...I was also pretty tipsy, but I never intended to go overboard with it or act upon it. I mean, when he tells me things I do not immediately pounce on the first chance I get to ask him to sleep with me..so how come men always take everything as a signal or clue when a woman reveals something about her relationship or sex life? I mean, we were becoming friends...I know we were not best friends yet, but who knows? And after a point when things were getting serious, I did ask him to stop...but the thing that angered me the most was the messages I saw in the morning...that felt like he was pushing too much. I was not angry the night he asked it...I took it as lightly as possible and understood that it must've been because he was pissed drunk, but when I woke up the next morning and found that he just didn't stop despite my backing out..that kind of was the last nail on the coffin. I sent that e-mail to him in an emotional state. But I have never intentionally led him on....even when I told him about that relationship with a younger guy....I never expected him to take it in the wrong sense..I mean, if he had said he'd had a relationship with an older woman, I wouldn't have jumped into bed with him. So, I really don't understand. When people are under the influence of alcohol loose talk but they also know where to draw the line...and I clearly, after a point, told him to go to sleep....but that never happened!

 

Yes, I am moving on. Actually, today I do not feel anything at all. Even today he was working next to me..but I did not feel intimidated or jealous or overwhelmed by his presence or actions. I just kept to my work. I am sure things are only going to get better. And from next time on, if I ever start getting friendly with anyone else, I will try not to talk anything personal which may give someone ideas. But, honestly, this is the first time I've had this problem with a guy, most guys I know...we've shared much deeper secrets...they have said some and I've told them some..but they never ever made a move or took advantage of it..they are still very much my friends. So, I dont know how this turned out to be like this. The only reason I can think of is that it was too soon to reveal certain things..I should've waited before I opened my bag of personal stuff!

[jeffmeyers]

I'm not sure I have anything to add myself. Seems like things at work are slowly getting less difficult for you. But working on Saturday?

 

I'm glad someone else took a stab at this topic and I do agree this whole thing smells like a misunderstanding. I also like the distinction between "friend" and "friendly".

[Ldrgal79]

I'm not sure I have anything to add myself. Seems like things at work are slowly getting less difficult for you. But working on Saturday?

 

I'm glad someone else took a stab at this topic and I do agree this whole thing smells like a misunderstanding. I also like the distinction between "friend" and "friendly".

 

Hi Jeffmeyers:

 

Yes, things are getting better with each passing day. Yes, I work on a Saturday. I work for a online news & entertainment company, So the news never stops pouring in, so we work depending on our shift and get two days weekly off on a Monday & Tuesday or any two days of the week.

 

In your post you said: "I do agree this whole thing smells like a misunderstanding" Could you please explain this? Did I misunderstand him? Or did he misunderstand me? Or did both of misunderstand each other?

 

Well, yesterday things were cordial, we did go out for a smoke break...there was one smoke break where we were alone for some time and then another colleague joined us...but those moments when we were the only two people...an awkward silence took over. But I kind of broke the ice and asked him if he went to the bike repair store? And I was talking to him about the gym before which the other colleague joined in. But that was it. Besides the few moments of awkward silence there was really nothing. Slowly I have started coming back to being myself.

[jeffmeyers]

Survivor12 already touched on this.

 

Your coworker is shallow and despite being "friendly", he probably wasn't looking for anything else than having some fun and if lucky, get into your pants. You didn't see that and in fact expected something else out of him until things fell apart.