She Left Me For Another Guy. NC UPDATES.

[David84]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/337292-shes-cheated-moving-out-wtf

 

Well she messaged me today and it got through because my app for blocking her texts unknowingly messed up. "I miss you :(" when she woke up this morning. It's day 8 of no contact. I haven't responded. I've wanted to all day. My responses ranged from "beat it you heartless ****" to "I miss you so much and I just want one night with you". Clearly not ready to respond. She left me after 3 years, 3 months living with me, no reasons for leaving except she left for another guy. We were happy and rarely had hardships.

 

I have been out with a friend, drinking. Now that I'm alone I find it hard to not break no contact and return her message with SOMETHING. I won't and that's why I'm asking here. Everything was great but we just stopped working to keep the love. Is it wrong for me to think that I can make her love me like she used too. I'm 28 she's 25. Not our first rodeo. I think we both just stopped trying. My heart breaks thinking I won't spend another night with her.

 

Should I say something? I feel like she needs to know I miss her too.

That our relationship was great and something just happened out of nowhere and if she regrets it then I'm willing to listen. I'm incredibly torn. It's impossible for me to move forward feeling so empty and still loving so much.

 

Input would be amazing...

Edited August 3, 2012 by David84

[lil hoodlum]

I totally feel for you man. I understand the confusion of your feelings.

 

It sounded like the two of you had a good relationship. It is hard to walk away from something like that but she did. You do deserve to be treated better than that.

 

I say follow your heart if you think it will make you happy no matter the outcome.

 

Do you think she may actually want a second chance?

[David84]

I feel like things just got stale, comfortable. She chased me forever and I think living together just killed everything. Unknowingly. Im not big into drinking. She started playing beer ball and asked me to come out after and drink with her team. I never did. I was always a safe ride home for her. Trusted her. I just didn't want to go drink at 4 on a sunday.

 

I have regrets because that's where she met her new guy. Whatever it is he swept her away from me. I begged her to stay but I feel like she just got caught up in the excitement and rawness of something new. I feel like she ****ed up while we were together and left as quick ad she could to save face.

 

I honestly don't know what to think. I just know I went one full week wishing to hear from her but I had get blocked on everything except emails. And the morning my week runs out I get a text the moment I'm thinking about how she used to text me good morning.

 

I don't want to break no contact for bread crumbs but I have no idea if she's tried all week messaging me or what she has said. I kinda want her to know that I'm at least listening. She chased me for 6 years. We just needed to water our own grass instead of finding greener.

 

In torn because I begged her to stay. She never wavered on her need to leave through those 2 weeks. Even with the I live you'd from her and the passionate sex the last day I saw her. There was something still there.

 

Maybe I should wait a few days. Maybe clear my pipes and think clearly again. It's not like she sent me a novel explaining how she made a mistake. Just a simple missing me.

 

I feel like I want to say SOMETHING.

I just don't know when or what to say.

Edited August 3, 2012 by David84

[David84]

Duplicate post.

[David84]

She just sent me another text!

At her bed time!

"missing you"

 

I will not respond tonight.

Kills me but I will not. Only good can come from waiting.

I don't know what to think. It gives me temporary strength I guess. But l

Just like today overtime your urges to talk come back.

I'll sleep on it. I'm busy. Missinge means nothing. Wanting and loving and being sorry means something.

[rippedapart]

Oh boy, I wish I would get txt's like that.

 

Sorry I have no advise for your, I would of probably cracked.

[winstonsdreams]

Dude go NC, she left you for another bloke. I have been there, when she contacted me i responded, with "honestly what do you want from me?" They normally want friendship, which is simply not an option, once they get that through their thick skulls they back off.

 

You cannot be a doormat, you have to move on, like i did, it was so hard, it took a lot of time but we get there in the end. Unless she begs for you back and apologizes like there is no tomorrow and you are one hell of a dude, then consider it. I probably would haha

[Jono85]

dude 'i miss you' is next to nothing. of course she misses u u spent 3+ years living together. what did u expect she'd drop u and never miss u again? point is it means nothing and it sounds like u sort of know that. what she's fishing for is validation from you "i miss you and love u so much baby, come back"...that's all she wants. you've been cold to her for a full week, something she probably never saw from u, and it's ****ing her up. don't give her what she desperately seeks. keep reminding u of the 2 weeks or whatever where u fought tooth and nail for her and what u guys built over years and years, and she said 'to f*ck with it, i still don't want u'.

 

...man up.

[YorickBrown]

Oh boy, I wish I would get txt's like that.

 

Sorry I have no advise for your, I would of probably cracked.

 

Dude!!! Same here Sadly.

 

@David84, DO NOT REPLY!!! I repeat, DO NOT REPLY to her yourself.

 

If you have a butler, have your butler do the replying for you. Better yet, a French maid...yes, have your French maid, call her ---make it a video call!!!

[JesseMartin]

Hey man,

 

I know you're going through hell, I went through a very similar situation. I took solace in knowing that it wouldn't kill me, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Maybe that helps.

 

In any case, I agree with the other guys.

 

There's a certain inertia to a relationship that doesn't go away overnight. But in these situations it's more of an attachment feeling, than a romantic love type of feeling.

 

I wouldn't say it means nothing, but it doesn't mean what you hope it means. And that's a trap a lot of guys fall into (I know I have). You're better off dismissing it.

 

More often than not, cheating is a symptom rather than a cause of problems. I think it's likely she did not feel emotionally fulfilled in your relationship, and although she still feels attachment towards you, she no longer feels romantic attraction.

 

She's likely not going to be aware of the interplay of these emotions and the role they've played in her decision making. I say this because I believe infidelity has its roots in insecurity and immaturity.

 

So let go of the hope that you'll get some kind of explanation, apology or any kind validation for what she's putting you through. You won't get it. Instead you need to validate yourself, and we're here to help.

[Chi townD]

Dude just remember that twitter quote you saw. Where her friend said that it's easier to lie and cheat and ask for forgiveness rather than permission. And what did your Ex respond? "SO TRUE!!" As if what she did to you is acceptable behavior. There is no remorse in that statement. You see her true colors.

 

Now, she's sending you little, "miss you" texts you need to blow those off. They're breadcrumbs. Not an admission to being sorry and wanting you back. I guarantee you that if you respond, you have some idle chit chat and an empty promise of meeting up in the future and she'll call you tomorrow. Then you'll be waiting for a call that never comes and looking at your phone for a text that won't be there. All you did was give her and ego boost. She was pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there. Right now, she pulled on the leash and she notice that the dog was gone. She's looking for the dog.

[David84]

So I've decided not to respond. 5 words over 2 messages means nothing to me after everything. The twitter thing was her friend commenting "so true". I don't think the ex was even aware but her friend who posted it clearly had just had the conversation with her regarding the break up which would be the context of the quote I feel.

 

I'm doing decent with the no contact. I just need to push through the weekend.

****ing breadcrumbs. Probably laying beside her new guy messaging me that **** anyways.

 

Thanks guys.

Wish I knew about this board years ago going through tough breakups. Really helps putting your thoughts out of your head!

[JasonRules]

" 3 months living with me"

"she's 25"

 

 

Just curious; what made you think that a 25 year old GIRL is mature and emotionally stable enough to want to live together with her?

 

I'm a guy and have a lot more experience than you so take my advice based on my personal experiences. Females become WOMEN after around 30-31 in most cases. Most females under 30 still have the mental state of a girl. Of course there are exceptions, but these are rare.

 

My advice to you? She left you for another guy, so you have two options:

 

1. Be a doormat and take her back after the other guy tapped it

2. Be a man, deal with the pain, and move on

 

You're still very young. Enjoy your life, date, explore, travel. Why the hell would you want to live with someone at such a young age anyway?

[Appleness]

Hey David,

 

You're the second person today who told me that they have this insane urge to text. Do you have an extra $20 bucks? Cause if you do, here's what you can do:

1. Get a burner phone (they sometimes come with a $5 credit already). Activate it.

 

2. Save the number of said burner with your ex's name.

 

3. Text to your heart's content (or until you run out of prepaid credit).

 

I'll bet you in 6 months time, when you look back on that burner phone you'll be glad you didn't send that stuff. You want closure. Your ex is not going to give that to you. (At least not what you want to hear anyway). You have to stay away from those breadcrumbs, especially so-called mutual friends. I have mutual friends who said stupid stuff to me too. Then I realized that as harsh as it sounds, if they're not with me then they are against me (in terms of healing). Take care of yourself. If she really missed you, what's stopping her from coming back? She's staying away out of CHOICE, no one is making her do so.

 

BTW, if you don't have $20 but you have a friend who isn't creeped out by you sending random angry stuff to their phone, then that works too.

[Samilia]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/337292-shes-cheated-moving-out-wtf

 

Well she messaged me today and it got through because my app for blocking her texts unknowingly messed up. "I miss you :(" when she woke up this morning. It's day 8 of no contact. I haven't responded. I've wanted to all day. My responses ranged from "beat it you heartless ****" to "I miss you so much and I just want one night with you". Clearly not ready to respond. She left me after 3 years, 3 months living with me, no reasons for leaving except she left for another guy. We were happy and rarely had hardships.

 

I have been out with a friend, drinking. Now that I'm alone I find it hard to not break no contact and return her message with SOMETHING. I won't and that's why I'm asking here. Everything was great but we just stopped working to keep the love. Is it wrong for me to think that I can make her love me like she used too. I'm 28 she's 25. Not our first rodeo. I think we both just stopped trying. My heart breaks thinking I won't spend another night with her.

 

Should I say something? I feel like she needs to know I miss her too.

That our relationship was great and something just happened out of nowhere and if she regrets it then I'm willing to listen. I'm incredibly torn. It's impossible for me to move forward feeling so empty and still loving so much.

 

Input would be amazing...

 

I don't know.. I feel like you could be setting yourself up for another heartache if you answered her with a "I miss you too". I also don't want you to be missing out on something.

 

If you feel like replying, I would ask for a serious conversation. It's easy to send a text message, there's not effort put into it.

 

Personally I would have a hard time getting over the cheating, leaving for another guy, etc... It's hard to trust someone after that. If you were back together, could you be with her knowing she left you for another guy? What if she did it again?

[GLDheart]

She just needs an ego boost. I don't know what is making her feel low... maybe the new guy is being a douche.. I don't know. But once you respond, she will feel better and no longer need you.

 

You will be back at square one and feeling worse than ever allowing yourself to be used. If she wants you back, LET HER PROVE IT!

[David84]

I haven't heard anything today. It's the weekend so im sure she'll be drinking and busy with the new guy. I'm going out drinking but I worry I'm going to break nc. Ive burried her number at home incase I am tempted.

[David84]

Well turns out she messaged me and I broke no contact. Unfortunately. I just had to respond. I can go back to no contact if I choose to but I just feel I needed to say SONETHING. she messaged me at 11 tonight saying "Still always think of you :("

 

I responded when got home and noticed she did try and message me. "While your laying beside your new loser drug dealing boyfriend?

****ing beat it.

Your a fool for leaving what we had."

 

Its how I am feeling right now. Drunk and alone. I'd rather be angry than sad about it all. I think it's pathetic she is sending me **** like this nightly now.

[Radu]

Don't beat yourself over it dude, at least you didn't send a doormat message.

[Samilia]

Well turns out she messaged me and I broke no contact. Unfortunately. I just had to respond. I can go back to no contact if I choose to but I just feel I needed to say SONETHING. she messaged me at 11 tonight saying "Still always think of you :("

 

I responded when got home and noticed she did try and message me. "While your laying beside your new loser drug dealing boyfriend?

****ing beat it.

Your a fool for leaving what we had."

 

Its how I am feeling right now. Drunk and alone. I'd rather be angry than sad about it all. I think it's pathetic she is sending me **** like this nightly now.

 

She clearly drunk texted you, I like your answer though, you called her on her bs.

[David84]

Thanks.

 

I don't feel horrible. I don't know if it was a drunk text. I feel a 2am bar closing text would be but not 11. Shes smoker more than a drinker. Kind of a mute point thou. She responded at 8 am " I don't have a new boyfriend nor do I want one. I am not with him, I spent the night at (a Gf)'s. I feel kind of foolish.. Miss u"

 

I really don't know if I should continue the conversation. I think I should sit on it for today. She finally woke up to a message from me. Maybe I'll just leave her to stew. Feeling foolish about what?...

 

It helped that I got 3 numbers at the bar last night. I've never done that well, I'm not that guy but I had nothing to lose and just threw myself out there. Boosted my confidence and attitude towards her.

 

More than anything I'm just thinking about how great the break up sex would be with her. I can't see how it would ever be salvageable as a relationship but my heart is still attached and I'll feel empty when she leaves again regardless.

[smint]

I don't know what to tell you.My boyfriend of 7 years(and I am 26),did it to me in March,and in the end I had nothing of chasing him and believing in"friends story",because if you continue answering her angry or sad,she has respond of you,and control over you,and that's what she wants.

 

I know it's hard and it is normal what you have done by answering her in that way,I did the same,those are mind games they are playing with us,but in the end you will be the one who is hurt.Believe me.Indifference will crush them,not our angry reactions,and if she really miss you,and wants you,she knows where to find you.Let her face life without you,be strong.I know it's easier said then done,but believe me.

 

My ex played those mind games with me for 5 weeks,then I really couldn't handle that anymore,and I went on NC for 29 days(I couldn't resist to wait one more day to hear him ),I called him and we had decent conversation,then I heard from friends that he already has new girlfriend,and that completely destroyed me,and when he heard that I know,he told me"it's just old friend"(for who I've never heard for 7 yrs,yeah right!!!)...

 

Thing is that they are not our friends anymore,they are using us for their ego boost,they are selfish and insecure!!!In my case it's been almost 5 months since the BU,and I still cry sometimes,I just can't accept that I lost my best friend,someone for who I would put my hand in fire,someone whit who I was building something,watching series,sleeping with,travelling...7 YEARS he just forgot and went to another girl!!!And idea that he is with someone is killing.

 

And one more advice,go out and take numbers from girls,date but don't expect much,in my case that helped me about my self esteem,I even dated one guy,he was jerk,but it helped me anyway to feel wanted again.

And my ex is still sending some signals,texting me what's up,what is going on(and I am ignoring it,cause I don't fall for those mind games anymore),and on the other side I heard that he presented his new girlfriend to his parents(while texting me).

[David84]

Smint.

 

I'm sorry that your hurting and I can relate to your story very much.

I really appreciate all of your insight. It's dumb because hearing from her gives me this temporary rush of feeling indifferent but in the end it has proved to be crippling. I've spent all morning now just thinking and checking my phone. She's a liar and a cheater. I need to remember this. She can and will say anything for her own gains. Of course she isn't with this guy... Of course she slept at her friends house randomly... Of course she KINDA feels foolish...

 

I poured my heart out for her to stay. Wrote a novel explaining everything I was feeling and why I loved and wanted her to stay. Now I get small scraps from her and over analyze and twist her words trying to see between them. It's very simple thou. I've had her chase me before. I know she has it in her if she really wanted to. Telling me she KINDA feels foolish for leaving. That she misses me, not that she loves me still. This is just her letting go on her terms.

 

I agree with the taking it slow as far as new people. I'm not even in the headspace to think about being seriously physical with another lady. I know from past experiences that it takes me a while to get over that mental block. I actually feel guilty about it subconsciously as if we were still together. Wish I had more of the mentality of getting under someone else to get over her because she is but I'm not wired that way.

 

It's funny reading back all these posts. I'm well aware how all over the map my thoughts have been the past month. Thankfully it's all been here.

[veggirl]

Please please try to stop responding to her.

 

I read your original thread. This girl cheated on you. She is now using you because she feels lonely. Don't let her. Trust me she is coming back on her terms and hers alone. The second she doesn't need comfort or familiarity, she will not be texting you. No Contact!!!

[smint]

I also wrote a novel to my ex,I wrote it so beautiful,I told him how much I love him,how I miss him,how I would give everything to make our relationship better...and he totally ignored me.

 

Now I regret for chasing him very much.Because he is liar and cheater like your ex,and they know that we want to believe them,they know that we love them,that we trusted them,they like attention even if they know that it hurts us,so they lie us.Think about how she feels now while getting attention from two guys!!!Imagine this,when I heard for his new gf,I called him to ask,and he made me believe that much that it's just"old friend",that I believed to him,not to all people who even saw them together!!!He knew that he has power over me,and that I have hope.They know how to make us blind,they want us on STAND BY!!!

 

One more thing,jumping into new relationship right after long term relationship is just not healthy(in our case even during our relationships),that shows that the person is really insecure,those are called"rebound relationships"and 9 of 10 fail very soon,and one more big reason why to stop responding to her is because if she is seeing someone and you stay in the picture then the relationship with the rebound tends to work out because she is getting emotional support from one side and physical from another. It's like putting both her feet in the door.