She Left Me For Another Guy. NC UPDATES.

[David84]

I'm so frustrated with my feelings right now.

I have nothing to reach out and say to her, when she first left I did almost 2 weeks of no contact. It was way easier than this. I don't even know what I miss, I think it's just the interaction. I truly wish I had that raw anger I had at first. That fu feeling of "I was everything for you, good luck finding someone to put up with your ****, your leaving me when im at my best ill have no problem finding someone better" those feelings are gone.

 

I want things to crash and burn with her new guy, I want her to feel pain too. Part of me wants to send him a message letting him know she's a shady bitch still contacting me, I won't because I'm sure she's prepared for that and it's just not worth my interactions, he deserves what's coming to him too. It bothers me she had this premeditated. I wasnt the happiest, but I stuck in there with her, figured 90 days living together things would smooth out. What a cunt she is. Then poking me to see if I'm still here, lies to make me lower my defense and let her have another stab at me before she runs again.

 

Thanks to this board I've spared my friends and family all my pain. They have no idea in still hurting. They would be disappointed if they knew I had broken no contact or let her see me to hurt me more. I don't tell them because I'm ashamed myself.

 

Girl cheats on you and treats you like ****, go **** other girls guilt free. That was always supposed to be the easiest break ups to receive.

Yay, 48 HOURS NC.

Posting here instead.

 

I also was going throu my eBay, we found and bought her a pair of shoes the night before she left for her week away, pretty cold to use someone and come back and kick them in the face a week later by leaving. She had to have known. It was funny cause when she was moving out she asked me to check and see if they had shipped. I looked at her like she was crazy. Wish I still could.

Edited September 19, 2012 by David84

[coltsfan1]

I totally understand your feelings here. But your ex burnt her bridge, you have to look at it likeyou would a friend now. Would you let a friend turn you over this way? If the answer is no then you know what you have to do.

 

Ghost protocol now. Fall off the earth!! I was with my ex for 4 years too

, but when she left I let her. I did tell here where my heart was, she said she wanted to try with someone else. Now she can try with ever male on earth BUT me!!

[Mike_d]

the sooner you "accept" your lot in life at the moment, the sooner your pain will begin to subside. you seem to be longing after something that doesn't actually exist. all your posts are all about her her her, it would be good for them to become about *you* here soon, y'know?

 

have you cut all the ties? blocked all social media? stopped answering texts too? know you are pitching 48 hours NC which is awesome, but is that true hard cold NC with no phone calls or text going from you to her at all, regardless of who started it??

Edited September 19, 2012 by Mike_d

[Chi townD]

Dude,

 

You are a crackhead, speed freak, alcoholic. At least that's how you have to look at yourself. You have an addiction and you're trying to stop chasing that Dragon. What do addicts in recovery usually say? One day at a time. You need to get yourself through the end of the day. And each day that you have no contact, that one more day of strenght that you've gained. Until, one day, you're going to wake up and she won't be the first thing on your mind. THEN!!! You know you've started to heal.

 

NC sucks and it's not easy. And you'll be surprised that you're doing well, then you'll get a text or phonecall and your heart is going to race, and questions will start flooding your head and you become anxious. Then, you'll come on here and tell us that she left a voicemail message, " She said she called to say Hi and to see how I was doing. What the hell is that supposed to mean?!?!?" Then, we'll talk you through it; explaining that it's breadcrumbs. It means nothing....ignore it.

 

It's gonna be tough. BUT!!!! You can come on here and just vent. Blast away your frustrations. Vent away!!!! Pound the keyboard so hard you break the buttons! We'll listen. AND we love to read the successes that you're having. The weight you've lost. The muscles you've gained.The new job with better pay. The trip to Spain that you took. The girl who gave you her number! We'll celebrate your wins too!

 

By the way, I'm glad you posted here instead!

[David84]

Thanks guys!!!

 

It's true 48 hours, never emails, blocked FB and twitter and all her friends the day she left to "think" or turned out get taken to a concert by the new guy. 48 hours is not much, I've had true 10 days a few times and true week twice of no responses. She usually touches base every 4-5 days via texts. I have ignored most but the odd one got me hung up. I wish I hadnt let her in on my birthday, it just caught me off guard her midnight phone call for once and her voice mail telling me she wanted to see me. It was hard to think with my brain not my heart and my dick. But for her it's different seeing me, it's two guys at one time, I'm sure she's had it for a while except I've become guy two. I'm sure she'd text the other guy every few days flirting, see him when she could make the excuse to go out.

 

I was doing awesome, I hadn't posted for a while, I was feeling happier most days and looking forward to the next days plans. I'm not at square one but I'm deffinetly taking a step back in the process. I hope I bounce back quick. Ive set small goals for myself like I did before. Reward myself with something after each week. It's not reaching out that gets me because I don't do that it's the responding to the texts when I'm having a **** day.

 

I hate that I gave her the closure of telling her I missed her and showed her affection and love when I saw her. Feels like I'm saying it's ok to be ****ing someone else, that's cool with me, still my princess. Lame.

Wish I never told her I was open to working on things, I refused friendship and told her I'd never get back if she left, then I broke and showed her it was an option even thou it really isn't in my sane mind.

 

I wish I could knock her off that perch I put her on. Feels like I keep putting her up higher after the break up when in reality I saw loads of flaws while I was with her. I digress.

Edited September 19, 2012 by David84

[Mike_d]

you'll get there grasshopper, one day at a time. you are doing great, keep on babystepping

[NoMoreJerks]

Change your number. I know how hard it is to do this, because you are probably still hoping that she would keep contacting you, and changing numbers would probably mean losing all touch with her, but that is the only solution if you keep breaking NC.. Clearly, she is playing games and is not truly interested in getting back to you anyway. If she were, you should've given it a try so you would realize, from your own personal experience, that once a relationship is broken, it's over and done with. My parents always told me that sometimes you need to make the same mistakes others have done, in order to learn -- it's not enough to just learn from others' mistakes by observing them. You gotta live it yourself. But then again, if you give her a second chance, will she even accept it? Also, you should go into it with the full knowledge that it will break down, and zero expectations that it will work out. Plus, the full knowledge that you are wasting precious time which you could be spending on recovery and moving on to someone more deserving.

 

I am probably a hypocrite for writing this, as I prrobably would do the same thing you did if my ex contacts me right now. I would give him a second chance only because I cannot live with the constant wondering, in my head, as to whether it would have worked out if I had given him a second chance. I would want to give him that second chance, and if he ****s up again, I can get more closure. Sure, it will hurt even more probably, and it will send me back to square 1, but this time i will know for sure that NC is the only way forward.

[David84]

Unfortunately I cant change my number because I've had it for ten years and it's my business line. I installed iBlacklist on my iPhone and that works ok but it has messed up a few times in freezing my phone and letting her text go through. Those are the ones that catch me off guard, the "I NEED YOU <3".

 

Blaaaaaaah.

 

I'll get to that spot where I don't give two ****s anymore I know I will. It's just a **** road I've travelled a few times and I know it takes about half as long as you were together to become indifferent. So I guess maybe this time next year I'll be in the sane and clear

[David84]

So I went home yesterday and figured out this blocking app.

It sends all her calls if she does call to a busy tone.

It deletes her texts and keeps no history for me to even see she's trying to contact me. Pretty much blocked her number and kept mine.

Decent investment for ten bucks.

 

I have a better mindset today knowing I will have no idea if she is or inst contacting me and I can stop wondering if it's her when my phone goes off.

 

The app sends her a text response to her calls and texts.

 

"I've blocked your number. Your a very selfish and confused girl. I don't want you involved in my life as I continue to move forward. We had a good run. You ruined it. Goodbye."

 

I debated if I should give an automated response but I feel like I want her to know I'm not ok with how she's treated me. Gives me peace of mind to have the last word and a bit of an up yours...

 

60 hours NC. Wooo

[geegirl]

"I've blocked your number. Your a very selfish and confused girl. I don't want you involved in my life as I continue to move forward. We had a good run. You ruined it. Goodbye."

 

Sounds immature, bitter and spiteful. Trust me in a year you'll wonder why the heck you did that. Seems like you need to have the last word. The biggest statement is just disappearing and letting her wonder rather than the above.

Edited September 20, 2012 by geegirl

[Mike_d]

ya, agree ^. just move forward, too much emotion still invested. dark dark dark

[Chi townD]

 

I debated if I should give an automated response but I feel like I want her to know I'm not ok with how she's treated me. Gives me peace of mind to have the last word and a bit of an up yours...

 

60 hours NC. Wooo

 

 

No, no, no, no and no! I'm beginning to see that you are the type of person that HAS to get the last word in. Don't do any of that crap anymore.

 

You put that crap down and the ONLY thing you're accomplishing is justifying her reasons for the break up. " Hey girls! Listen to this sh*t. Can you believe that psycho?!?! I'm glad I dumped him! He's a complete asshat!" You just gave her a reason to forgive herself.

 

If she dated you, then she KNOWS you're the type of guy that HAS to get the last word in. If you say nothing, that's going to drive her crazy. Because, that would be a complete departure of what she would know what you would do. If you left that message it would be typical David behavior as far as she was concerned. If you leave nothing....she gets nothing. She has no idea where your head is at. What's he doing? How come he hasn't responded? Where is he at? Did he find someone else? Is he THAT mad at me? See...you give her nothing!

 

Your silence would speak a hell of a lot more than that message ever could.

Edited September 20, 2012 by Chi townD

[David84]

I see how it can be perceived that way.

My silence will be enough for her to know we're not buddies and I'm not cool with her selfishness. I'll change it to nothing ASAP.

 

Thanks peeps!

[Mike_d]

glad to see you continuing to post and finally following the help of others.

[Calico]

I see how it can be perceived that way.

My silence will be enough for her to know we're not buddies and I'm not cool with her selfishness. I'll change it to nothing ASAP.

 

Try to realize this: It does not matter one bit what she thinks or knows. Healing and moving forward is about you. She is no longer part of your life and it is completely insignificant what she does or feels. As long as you are concerned about this, you get stuck.

[Mike_d]

still her her her her

 

now is about you! acceptance of the reality of your life as it is *now* is key here

[David84]

So I did as suggested and just have her number stone cold blocked via the app I purchased. No automated text response anymore. Her calls go to a busy tone to avoid her leaving a voicemail. Previously it had stored a history of her messages but was password protected which I left the password in a cupboard. It stopped me from responding or knowing what she was saying while out or at work. Now no history or record at all, just silence and unknowingness.

 

It's a big step for me to completely block her attempts to contact me in the future, I wasn't ready too but there is nothing she could say that would benefit me at this point. She's a liar and all the things she's said thus far are just bs games. It feels like a weight has been lifted even after only a few days. Like I've built my wall up a bit again I guess. I've began believing it's done for good and I don't want her back. It's a real fresh take on things today.

 

On a side note.

 

I was checking my old email that I check twice a year.

There was an email from my very first ex, first love, 5 year RS.

She's married with kids and left me 5 or 6 years ago now.

Its weird because as I was logging in I thought it would be weird to hear from her because my previous ex had contacted me on my bday.

Well after two years she wrote me a quick email in response to one I had sent her 2 and a bit years ago just basically saying I hope all is well and sorry for the sloppy breakup hope all is well ect. In her response she said she didn't know how to respond when she first received it and now has. Just couple quick sentences saying she's well and hopes the same. Closure, not needed but still nice to hear.

 

Funny in the span of two weeks to hear from both my substantial exs and feel indifferent. Those were tougher breakups than this should be. Maybe just a reminder its all for the best and there are other and better people out there.

 

4 full days true no contact! Haha!

[Mike_d]

atta kid, great job. you're on your way now

[geegirl]

You're doing great! Baby steps but it'll get you where you need to be. Stay strong.

[David84]

I just wanted to post and say thanks!

It's been 1 full week of zero contact and I feel much better.

Blocking her from my life has relieved so much anxiety and stress.

It's been 10 or 11 weeks now since the break up and the past week has been amazingly better for me.

I've continued to stay busy, focus on friends, work and soccer.

I haven't heard a peep from Sarah and the difference this time is blocking her has not allowed her breadcrumb messages to mess with my heart and it's allowed me time to think with my head and start taking her off the pedastile.

 

Can't wait until the days turn into weeks, months until I'm no longer counting.

I have no doubt she will find a way to reach out but I'm well on my way to a place where it will feel good to continue ignoring her crap when she does.

 

I thank you all for helping and reading.

I hope others can learn from my errors and stay on the right path of full NC.

[okiedokie]

Can't wait until the days turn into weeks, months until I'm no longer counting.

 

One of the best quotes I read somewhere said that at some point extended NC will cease being NC and will instead just become you living your life after this person. I always liked that b/c it meant to me that although you may have to force yourself to be NC in the beginning, eventually it just becomes the natural state of things.

[David84]

Well I've made it two weeks full on no contact.

 

Today has probably been the worst of it.

I really miss my best friend, not so much the relationship because I've seen the flaws but I miss the company of my best friend daily. I also miss the damn dog a lot.

 

NC has been the best thing because I have had some stretches where I'm actually not thinking of the past which is a very refreshing feeling. I reread my threads and kinda walked through the breakup from the beginning of July. Almost 12 weeks ago which is crazy it's been that long. I have mixed feelings, some of the things she was saying seemed to be more than breadcrumbs but I wasnt interested in having her back at that time nor am I now. If she really wanted things to workout she would have done it with actions and took advantage of the opportunities I gave her. She didn't and she's still with the guy she left me for and I'm moving on focusing on myself.

 

I have no urge to contact her. It's nice being oblivious if she's tried to contact me further since I've blocked her. I doubt it since she could still try to call blocked or email but that is fine, it's just my ego wanting its fix but it fading slightly. I'm doing just fine.

[Mike_d]

how's it going?

[David84]

It's going good, I guess.

 

I don't want to post because NC was broken dispite my best efforts.

On Monday I was driving home from a friends and passed my ex driving the other way. I hadnt seen her driving since the break up. We were the only vehicles on the road and both did a double take as we passed.

 

I immediately went home and worked out because I had this overwhelming anxiety. Later that evening I received 5 blocked calls, a voicemail pleading to talk and an email sent to my phone pleading to talk.

It ate at me for a few hours and I responded.

 

Asked her what she wanted. She said shes hurting and didn't expect to feel like this for so long. Blah blah blah. Asked me if I had received her texts over the weekend and how long I've had her number blocked. I hadn't received anythingbfe

[geegirl]

"So I did as suggested and just have her number stone cold blocked via the app I purchased. No automated text response anymore. Her calls go to a busy tone to avoid her leaving a voicemail."

 

I thought the app doesn't allow her to leave a voicemail?

 

She sent an email to you? If you went through the trouble of purchasing an app to block her calls, why wouldn't you block her email address from your email accounts?