She Left Me For Another Guy. NC UPDATES.

[David84]

It's going good, I guess.

 

I don't want to post because NC was broken dispite my best efforts.

On Monday I was driving home from a friends and passed my ex driving the other way. I hadnt seen her driving since the break up. We were the only vehicles on the road and both did a double take as we passed.

 

I immediately went home and worked out because I had this overwhelming anxiety. Later that evening I received 5 blocked calls, a voicemail pleading to talk and an email sent to my phone pleading to talk.

It ate at me for a few hours and I responded.

 

Asked her what she wanted. She said shes hurting and didn't expect to feel like this for so long. Blah blah blah. Asked me if I had received her texts over the weekend and how long I've had her number blocked. I hadn't received anything from her. She said she wants me to forget that any of this ever happened and go back to the way things were. That she's sad everyday and had pulled over and cried when she tried calling immediately after seeing me and couldn't reach me.

Then she asked to come sleep with me.

 

I turned her down at first but then gave in and told her id give her an hour and shed have to leave by midnight. She came over and I think it was good. My feelings have faded a lot, she looked weathered, was awkward, I've had better sex since the BU. She complimented everything about me and how she missed our relationship and how she ****ed up. She was asking if I missed her ect. It felt natural to not respond, feed her ego. I honestly just felt detached. She's just so lost and confused I feel bad for her, I sincerely think she's hurting but it's her own wrong doing and way to much has happened. She left without incident and that was that. I didn't feel hurt or anything.

 

I didn't hear from her until yesterday. Said she liked being with me, that it felt right. I told her that we will not be reconciling and that I will be blocking her further. She asked me not to and said that this doesn't have to be forever. She's said lots of weird stuff. Things like she will always find a way to contact me regardless of my blocking. That we're going to be together again one day. Just weird clingy kinda creepy stuff. No tears thou or real sorrow or pleading. She said she will leave me be like she always said and that she isn't going anywhere and will always be open to being with md again when I change my mind. Weird hey? I feel like some real crazy is headed my way in the future.

 

I never asked her anything about her life, if shed still with her guy. I don't care. She tried to tell me about her life a bit but I just sushed her. I'm disappointed I caved but when she left I said to myself, wow, my feelings have really changed towards her, even being intimate with her again which is what I wanted, I honestly couldn't even maintain an erection for her.

 

So that's where I stand. I have now blocked all private and blocked calls, all 3 of my emails as well. I think it was for the best.

[Mike_d]

was that really your *best* effort?? I thought the whole block thing you had setup was to avoid this exact situation? did you leave a small window open on purpose?

 

and what happened to posting here instead?

 

you've got tools in your toolbox, you just don't seem to be interested in really using them to help yourself

 

unless you go total dark cold NC you're going to continue to ground hog day over and over and over and over - is that really what you want?

 

So what else is unblocked? facebook? twitter? instagram? home phone? ?

 

My feelings have faded a lot, she looked weathered, was awkward, I've had better sex since the BU.

 

you slept with her?? oh man...

[JayL]

My friend, I know it is hard... we've all been through that.

 

If you feel strongly for someone and badly want them back, we just cannot help it and we understand that.

 

What you need to realize though is that she left you after over 3 years of being together for another man.

 

All those good times, good memories, good things you shared together have gone to trash when she made the decision to leave you for another man.

 

You have lost her because of her own decision and she has LEFT you for another man.

 

Now, ask yourself... think 10 years from now, you have kids, you have a family etc... if she can do this to you NOW, what makes you think that she cannot do this to you later? Hell....She could be screwing Diego the gardener behind your back in the future who's 10 years younger than you when you already started a family with her.

 

Again, if you think logically, WHY would you want someone like her back?

 

Yes, I know, you probably wake up at night missing the nights when you cuddled with her in bed, the good sex and the picture of you two having sex stuck in your mind, when you're feeling horny you miss her a lot more.

 

I've been there, so I understand.

 

What you need to do is DROP HER for good. Find yourself again as an individual. She has shown her true colors.

 

Cut her off, she does not exist. She will do no good for you.

 

Easy for us to say, just like it was easy for people here to tell me to let go of my ex, but you know what.... they were right... I'm much better now. I joined LS 2 months ago shattered, now... I may still get affected if I see my ex, but pft! She doesn't deserve someone like me.

Edited October 5, 2012 by JayL

[David84]

I wasn't anticipating seeing her drive past me. It honestly really shook me. We both never take that route nor close to the same time. I was utter fluke for us both to pass with not a car in the distance. Regardless.

 

I didn't anticipate her blowing up my Phone with blocked calls and email to talk. Pure desperation. Posting on the forum wouldn't have helped real time. When the biggest part of your life for 3 years wants to **** and your alone watching tv at 1030 it's very hard to make the right decision.

 

The positives that came was that I realized the sex isn't that great, I've had and am having better, the love is gone, both from her end, in her actions and from my end via time and her actions, it's familiarity and caring but not true love.

 

I blocked all forms of contact she had used previously. I didn't think she would email or block call. She was never that desperate. I feel at this point it's more than breadcrumbs. She's clear in her words she wants me back however

I have now gotten to the point I had hoped for. I always felt after 3 monthes she would come crawling back and I had hoped I would be in a better place and mindset to not take her cheating ass back. I loved who I thought she was and not who she is. I'm not going to patch things up and look like a fool because of her selfishness and temptations. Things will never work, I know I will never be ok with her being late or leaving the house for dinner with a Gf. This chapter is now closed. So no I'm not interested in taking her back. I could call her up now and tell her lets try and she would, how things change and I'm glad she hurts now like I did.

 

I have blocked everything now moving forward, I feel like I gain from this rather than set back. She could show up at my house, work, where I park my car for carpool, mail me a letter, call from her offices, parents, friends. It's impossible to block her most valiant efforts but it's easier to ignore with less and less feelings.

 

I'm doing well all things considered.

[David84]

I am really really sad and hurting today.

[geegirl]

Those feelings will come in waves. Just as you have good days, those bad ones will sneak up on you. Talk it out.

[David84]

I just really miss her.

I was doing fine.

I feel so many things in my head.

I just got instagram and her page popped up with all her photos.

I had no idea she had this thing.

She looks amazing and happy and active.

I truly am sad and hurting.

I can't have her back but I want her so badly.

[geegirl]

I just really miss her.

I was doing fine.

I feel so many things in my head.

I just got instagram and her page popped up with all her photos.

I had no idea she had this thing.

She looks amazing and happy and active.

I truly am sad and hurting.

I can't have her back but I want her so badly.

 

I know you are and unfortunately it's something we've all had to deal with when trying to go through the process of healing. It's part of grieving. We all at one point after that break-up wished for the same things you are wishing now. Feeling the same pains and gut wrenching hurt you are feeling now. If there was an alternative, I'd share it but there isn't. It's a slow step, one foot infront of the other. One day at a time. It won't always be this way, that's for sure.

 

You said you were doing fine so you know if you stay on a path that keeps you away from triggers, you can surely get to a better place. You've just seen these pictures and it's gouged that wound again. Delete that email and block her or whatever you need to do to keep you away from these triggers. In a few days you'll get back up again and keep moving just as how you did before you saw this. It's just a little stumble. Feel the feelings and let them pass, because they will. Don't make contact because you will fall in a deeper hole. Stay focused, stay strong and come here and vent if you feel the need to react.

[David84]

I have everything blocked. All my emails and everything. I set filters to delete her emails. I hadn't heard from her but two days ago I was emptying my emails on my phone and I guess it doesn't delet my trash it keeps trash until I delete it.

So stupid. The email was so confusing a has torn me up inside. I guess I should have deleted it because here I am.

 

She basically said she loves me and wants to come back, but mows not the time.

Her words were that she is really ****ed up right now and needs to figure out her wants and needs. That she is dealing with something and has seen her doctor to find out why she feels so off. Said the new guy is nothing serious and NOTHING compared to me. Says she thinks about me every second of everyday.

Will come back to me when she knows 100% she can be the person I deserve.

She can't be right now but prays to god she realizes how badly she has ****ed up. Feels that day is coming soon she hopes. Wants me to be happy and understands my need for NC. Told me when she wants me back for good that nothing will stop her, she will hunt me down and find me and I will know that we are ment to be forever. She will make me know she is the one. Loves me forever and sorry for how much she has hurt me and wish she knew how to get back to her happy life with me. Says her end game is me and we just have different paths to get there. She's 26 I'm 28.

 

So confusing. I feel like I'm not the most stable person.

I hurt for her confusion. Who says stuff like this?...

It was a very long winded email.

[KatZee]

She basically said she loves me and wants to come back, but mows not the time.

Her words were that she is really ****ed up right now and needs to figure out her wants and needs. That she is dealing with something and has seen her doctor to find out why she feels so off. Said the new guy is nothing serious and NOTHING compared to me. Says she thinks about me every second of everyday.

Will come back to me when she knows 100% she can be the person I deserve.

She can't be right now but prays to god she realizes how badly she has ****ed up.

 

And you say YOU'RE not stable? Please re-read this and realize that this is the biggest load of horses.hit that you will ever see from her.

 

She loves you so much? Wants to come back? But can't because she wants to be the best for you?

 

Oh OK, so in the meantime she'll sit around and continue screwing a guy that "means nothing" to her.

 

This chick has absolutely NO intention of finding out what's wrong with her. She can't even be single to figure her crap out. She's not adverse to being in relationships, she just doesn't want to be in one with you!

 

Her email doesn't even make sense! If she was so intent on fixing herself, she'd be with you! Not this other person.

 

I call SHENANIGANS on that e-mail. Tell her to go piss off.

[geegirl]

Said the new guy is nothing serious and NOTHING compared to me.

 

This was enough for me. The guy is nothing compared to you, yet she chooses to be with him rather than you. Do you see how a bunch of words can just be a bunch of words when action is clearly showing you the opposite? I'd rather settle for second best than go for gold? Baloney.

 

Don't hurt for HER confusion. Hurt for what her confusion is putting YOU through. Put you first. Think about how much her actions are hurting you. There may be no confusion and just a bunch of declarations to rid her guilt. If she needs mental help, you best stay away from it because there will never be any guarantee that you will ever have an emotionally stable relationship with her.

 

You're not stable because your emotions are on high. It's normal. If you are her "The One", then time will tell. Hopefully by then, you get to a point where you can smell BS and walk the other way.

[David84]

What's the reason for such an odd email?

This isn't just bread crumbs it feels more messed up than that.

I agree with your perspective. I appreciate it.

I'm trying really really hard to let go and forget.

 

She could be working out her issues with me or being single and dating me.

She's just enjoying the single life and figuring out how long she will enjoy it for.

That's her confusion I feel. But I just don't get why she would reach out and tell me to keep her blocked and she will hunt me down. That she wants and knows that is coming and hopes very soon.

 

Mind ****ed...

[geegirl]

And when someone gives you a mind ****, it's a sign that they are not reliable, not trustworthy or emotionally healthy.

 

Again, words are words. I got the emails as well but he was cheating. And I was just like you trying to piece the words to the actions. I could never tie them together. When you can't do that you have to let it go because it will never make any sense. It's futile.

 

Work with what you've been presented with in that she wants to be let go.

[badplace]

me and my ex split up about 4 months ago, we have an 11 month old baby together...

litrally as soon as we broke up she got with one of her good friends and is still with him and it seems to be quite serious already..

i wont deny i was neglectful when we split but i was nothing like the man i am now.. loosing my family was the wake up call i needed. i honestly want to marry this woman and have more children.

the break up was bad and i went crazy when i found out she was with this guy as she has done this to me before...

 

i have told her i lover her and my daughter more than anything and am even going to counciling to sort my head out..

 

im terrified i will never get a chance to make things rite

 

HOW DO I GET HER BACK, LOOSING HER IS NOT AN OPTION i know deep down she still loves me

[badplace]

me and my ex split up about 4 months ago, we have an 11 month old baby together...

litrally as soon as we broke up she got with one of her good friends and is still with him and it seems to be quite serious already..

i wont deny i was neglectful when we split but i was nothing like the man i am now.. loosing my family was the wake up call i needed. i honestly want to marry this woman and have more children.

the break up was bad and i went crazy when i found out she was with this guy as she has done this to me before...

 

i have told her i lover her and my daughter more than anything and am even going to counciling to sort my head out..

 

im terrified i will never get a chance to make things rite

 

HOW DO I GET HER BACK, LOOSING HER IS NOT AN OPTION i know deep down she still loves me

[veggirl]

If she was serious about working on herself and "getting better for you" she would be single and focussed on that, not focussed on a new guy. She is a user. And David you seem to be suffering right now of "you don't understand" syndrome where she is "so messed up" and no one could possibly understand you guys but you two. But that isn't the case. Nothing is special or unique about this situation, you have to get that out of your head.

[David84]

It's tough.

Time makes me forget I was unhappy living with her.

Please bear with me this is for myself.

- She didn't cook or clean equally

- She lost her sex drive completely

- She was stealing from me and lying

- She was lying about where she was.

- She had poor hygiene

- She expected me to wait on her

- I took care of her dog

- She stopped spending one on one time with me

- She stopped being affectionate towards me.

- She took me for granted and mocked my gifts

- She didn't appreciate how much I cared for her.

- She cheated and left me unannounced

- She called me names to hurt me in front of family and friends

- She wouldn't fall asleep together, cuddling, affection.

- She never changed her behavior when I brought it up, sex, hygiene, cleanliness, name calling, stealing, lying.

 

I did love her thou. 3 years and lots of great memories and we were together side by side daily. I guess I just want to know why I would want her back, I think it's my pride. I know my family and friends would be so disappointed I would be terrified and embarrassed to tell them. I know i feel the new guy cant be better than me. But obviously he is or different. I know I could never trust her. But I miss her. Without the mental aspect. Just the physical person I guess.

I think that's something about me and I want to know how to fix that.

The fact that I want someone who hurts me and I want them for the wrong reasons, I don't really want her. I think I'm a fixer.

 

I'm still hanging out with this new girl and I don't compare her to my ex but I do in the sense that she is better than my ex in the areas that were missing for me.

She is really good at taking care of me and appreciates me and the things I do for her. Our sex is amazing. She is affectionate all the time and cuddles and rubs me all night in bed. We laugh all the time and she loves spending time with me as I do her. I know I would be more miserable ten fold had I not met her and it's

just in my nature to want someone in my life to share my down time with. I like being wanted and loved.

 

Sarah's constant contact every few days and then her desire to see me every two or so weeks has been tough on me. I just see her as the girl I love and not the crazy she is. Her tears and talks of missing and regret I could take as breadcrumbs. This email seems to be a stretch to more pure crazy. Time and space, I just want to let go, I want to know its the right thing to do and I deserve better then her. In her email she said that I'm the reason my relationships have been so special. That one day I would look back at how good I treated her and how much she had hurt me and I would question why I treated her so well. She said that she's had anxiety and confusion over then last 100 days and wishes she could have the clarity she needs to come back to me and be amazing for me but it just hasn't happened. She says she is really ****ed up right now and unhappy. I wish I hadn't read that email or saw her pics.

[David84]

Well it's almost been 4 weeks no contact!

Last I talked to Sarah I told her that she was a ****ing loser. People don't lie cheat and steal from people they love. I asked her why she had been stealing from me, something she never came clean about and denied which made me feel crazy during those times without catching her red handed. She just responded that she didnt know why and has no explanation. For some reason after everything hearing her admit to stealing was enough to flip a switch in me. I guess because it's the only wrong doing she's come clean about. I've told her I want nothing to do with her and if she contacts me I will tell the people who are important to her what she is up too. I shouldnt have to hide. That was 4 weeks ago. She texted me last tuesday at 8 am saying she was "thinking about you lots this morning, hope your well <3", also again today "if your free tonight and up for seeing me let me know" I've ignored both easily. I've also received 4 blocked calls and one voicemail of what sounded like her going "hmmmph" and hanging up. It's been 4 monthes since break up. She's 26 next week. I have zero intention to ever interact with her moving forward. I can see how unstable she is with her mixed signals and perusing. I've found a healthy new happiness and have been enjoying it to the fullest. I'm sure I haven't heard the last. I feel me ignoringing her will eventually bring out some new crazy unfortunately.

[theLWord]

David, good job on the progress, its good to hear someone doing better. Are you going to block her number?

[ilou]

I say this half jokingly but reading about all your relapses. I'm guessing she has a really nice vajayjay cause despite the better sex with your lady friend you still go back.

 

From what I hear her say is pretty much, "I love you <3. I miss you. I f*cked up. Thank you for the sex but I gotta get back to my boyfriend now. Another time?".

 

4 weeks huh? Good luck.

[Tmo2]

dude 'i miss you' is next to nothing. of course she misses u u spent 3+ years living together. what did u expect she'd drop u and never miss u again? point is it means nothing and it sounds like u sort of know that. what she's fishing for is validation from you "i miss you and love u so much baby, come back"...that's all she wants. you've been cold to her for a full week, something she probably never saw from u, and it's ****ing her up. don't give her what she desperately seeks. keep reminding u of the 2 weeks or whatever where u fought tooth and nail for her and what u guys built over years and years, and she said 'to f*ck with it, i still don't want u'.

 

...man up.

 

This is exactly what I need to do.

[David84]

**** I Hurt!

 

Started out the new year fresh. Xmas was tough for me obviously so I decided New Year, fresh start. 7 days in I start getting a missed call from a random number same time everyday. I miss these calls due to work. Finally answer one a few days in and it my ex. Calling from a work phone. Sounds flustered to be talking to me. Heart sinks when I realize it's her. "David please talk to me, I regret leaving you, can we talk?" I say no I'm busy. "I left him" "I want to work on us." ****.

 

Well again that opened the ****ing lines of communication. The girl I had been seeing is kinda on the back burner due to work and schedule. I'm cold towards my ex and only allow texts. I'm weary but she's sending me dirty pics, asking to spend the night, asking to see me. Finally our schedules line up, says she wants a date Saturday, spend the night. Like we used too. I agree.

When Saturday rolls around I'm all ready to go, message her to see what time works, it 6pm. She tells me she's unavailable and that she is going to get back together with the guy she left me for. Maybe they never split, I don't know. Well I ****ing lose it, obviously, who does this??

 

Next morning at 8 am she comes over unexpected. Buzzes until I answer. Begs to come in and sleep. End up ****ing. She leaves 4 hours later.

I get a message saying "I'm sorry I'm so ****ed up, I don't mean to hurt you. I need to figure myself out"

 

What a nightmare. DAY 1, 7 MONTHS LATER...

Please help me stop this cycle.

[geegirl]

What to do with you? The moment she didn't want to meet and told you she was going back to the guy, you should have slammed the door on her face when she came by in the morning. Instead, she wants to sleep and you let her in and bang her.

 

You have 10 pages of advice. How does anyone help you anymore?

[veggirl]

:eek:

 

WTF!!!

 

Dude, CHANGE YOUR NUMBER.

 

Jesus christ that chick has some balls! where are yours...damn....make a decision and stick to it.

 

What is it going to take for you to cut her off?!?! Next time she tries to entice you with a dirty pic tell her if she does it again you're gonna share it with your buddies. Maybe that'll scare her off for once. damn.

[Chi townD]

Seriously?!?!? Change your number and move dude.