She Left Me For Another Guy. NC UPDATES.

[David84]

Your posts have really struck a chord with me. Very similar situations. I appreciate you sharing with me. I really have nothing further to say to her. Your completely right about having the hope of emotional support with me and *eck* physical support with the other guy. Obviously there relationship isn't as deep and familiar as me just *eck* physical.

 

I am getting used to being single more and more everyday. I full heatedly believe that it's been destroyed well beyond repair. I'm happy with my NC since she took the last of her stuff 10 days ago. Only the one message last night to her which I don't regret. I didn't beg for her or pad her ego. It's just a waste of effort at this point.

 

It's crazy to spend so much time happy together and then after this can't help but question what was true and what was fake. Just all part of grieving and accepting and pushing to learn from it so I can spot signs sooner. The cheating is tough because you can drive a good person crazy keeping tabs but blindly trusting a liar is no good either. Makes me wonder what she really was up to going out for girls nights and work stuff.

[GLDheart]

She doesn't want to get back with you. She just wants to be wanted. That is how she is using you.

 

She did this. In my opinion, she's on her own. Leave it that way.

[smint]

Yes,our situations are so similar find old threads here about"the grass is greener syndrome"and"rebound relationships",I think that mine and your ex belong to grass is greener.And of course her new relationship is nothing,you two have history,and now she thinks that the new guy is going to give her everything she didn't have with you,but it doesn't going like she thinks,you will find about that when you read about grass is greener.

 

Let this message from last night be the last.Try self control with NC,I think that you are handling very well,considering that it is all fresh to you.The good thing for you is because you found out for her cheating,and I have found it out 2,5 months after he left me,so I begged and cried,thinking that I am guilty(he blamed me for BU-to justify himself)and you haven't done that,so that's great for you.You have experience from your previous relationships,and I didn't have,he was my first everything. Oh when I read"take this as new experience"I think why the hell I needed this experience,it was just much easier to live without it!!!

 

And yes it's weird after all we've been through,it's most difficult,I could never find that strength to destroy something like that.They just throw everything we had because of some adventure???Crazy!!!I still can't believe what he has put me through...But as time passes you are going to be more and more rational,and things will be clear to you what she is doing(because somehow even she doesn't know what she is doing),just be patient.

Relationship of my ex is falling apart every day,he exchanged me for a girl who is 28,and by this age she now has no school,no job,she is divorced,and has a child of 5 yrs!!!And as I heard,she is using him for money,to drive her and child,he has problems with parents because of her...And with me he had everything,I haven't used him for anything,I finished faculty,I am independent...so be patient,you will laugh at the end too.

Maybe in your case is chance for repair,but don't think about that right now,give yourself time and space.This forum is great,I wish I have found it earlier.

And one more thing,read about"mixed signals from dumper",I found it very helpful!!!

[David84]

So I had a very busy weekend! But I still spend hours a day thinking and analyzing things. I'm just kinda numb to it all. Truly nothing I can do about things at the point. I didn't hear anything from my ex since Saturday morning.

 

She messages me this afternoon with the following messages.

 

"Hey. Did you want your black dress shoes that I have of yours? I hope your doing well, miss you."

 

I responded "No"

 

She responded "Okay. I don't understand why you hate me and feel the need to shut me out from your life. I thought you were my best friend and i miss u it's ****ty you feel so different"

 

I haven't responded. This is day 12 of NC, except 2 short responses.

I miss this girl and she ment everything to me. Im looking for input on how to respond. I feel like I shouldn't respond. Its impossible to be her friend because I don't want to hear about her life without me. She used to be mine and now she's not. Part of me wants her to come crawling back and I want to be in a better spot so I can tell her to beat it and mean it. Im not there yet. I still want to spend time with her and show her how great things used to be together, how much fun and love we had but i cant get past her being with other guy(s) while I fought for her to stay and not walk away for someone else. I wish we could go back but how could we ever get the support of friends and family let alone fix the trust and hurt she caused me?

 

What should I do?

Edited August 6, 2012 by David84

[Mike_d]

I feel like I shouldn't respond.

and you are right, you shouldn't have. but it's behind you, don't anymore. these are breadcrumbs. I'm in exactly the same emotional spot and thankfully she has not gotten in touch. I'd prob fold up like a cheap house of cards and do anything to keep the contact going - so in no way am I judging you, I understand how hard it can be.

 

you just need the clock to keep ticking, take the good with the bad, acknowledge that there are going to be some brutal days in your immed future, and make it ok that that is ok.

 

What should you do? take care of you the best you can. write things down each day, in a journal or a notepad to get out of your head. exercise to build testosterone and endorphins that will help with the depression. read self help books on how to get your self esteem back. get social and get out with friends. Date just to date. Dating won't be perfect but being in front of a girl who is happy to be with you is a huge way to temp forget about your ex. But be honest, honest to a fault, about your ****, and don't hurt someone else. Hurt people end up hurting people, watch yourself and your emotions, no lunging or desparate grabs for others. Till when? For me I say: "I'll know I'm fully healed and ready to move forward when I meet someone and there will be no need or desire to compare her to my ex, I will work on accepting that this may take awhile" Keep posting here, work on helping others and you'll learn to help yourself

[Samilia]

I don't understand why you hate me and feel the need to shut me out from your life. I thought you were my best friend and i miss u it's ****ty you feel so different"

 

All I can say is that she got balls.. she cheated and took off, is now with another guy. She doesn't understand? Is she dumb?

 

I wouldn't go back with her no, I'd start fresh with someone else when the time is right.

[Chi townD]

She responded "Okay. I don't understand why you hate me and feel the need to shut me out from your life. I thought you were my best friend and i miss u it's ****ty you feel so different"

 

 

Hello! Trying to get you in the friend zone. Look, part of being in a good, healthy relationship is knowing that when you look at her, you are looking at your best friend. But, again that is only a PART of a RELATIONSHIP!

 

When I read that text, it shows nothing of, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I need to come back if you'll have me." All I saw was breadcrumbs. And in the end, she blames everything on you." It's sh*tty you feel so different" making it your fault and your hang up that you can't be friends. See, no contact and she wouldn't know where your heads at. Contact and now she can put the blame on you, easing her of her guilt because you don't want to play nice.

Edited August 6, 2012 by Chi townD

[Mike_d]

maybe time to consider changing your phone number?

 

I was going to point out the whole strange dichotomy of the cheater accusing the other person of changing, glad someone else brought it up. girl is not right in a lot of areas. keep solace though in the fact that she cheated on you, she'll cheat on the next one too. In the end she won't be able to run away from herself

[David84]

So from what I've read, you feel that even responding with the "no" letting her know I'm still not interested in contact with her, was an error because she has now convinced herself that I'm being the jerk for being mad/hostile.

 

I should just remain MIA so she has zero idea of my headspace or what I've been up to? I understand I just felt like saying no would indicate the same as ignoring her. She clearly must be aware my headspace is one of being hurt and wanting nothing to do with her. Perhaps not thou because she isn't being very rational in all of this.

 

I agree that she hasn't offered any remorse or apologies. I don't think it will come anyways but it would have more bearing. I won't be responding further knowing that responding even in a minimal, negative way would give her something to feed off. Its funny because my folks were asking me how things had been going and where confused why I wouldn't be talking to her. I was able to explain the NC and bread crumbing and had them on board to not respond.

Just a different generation I guess.

[Mike_d]

So from what I've read, you feel that even responding with the "no" letting her know I'm still not interested in contact with her, was an error because she has now convinced herself that I'm being the jerk for being mad/hostile.

 

it would have been easier on you to maintain NC vs the battle you have going in your head right now

 

I should just remain MIA so she has zero idea of my headspace or what I've been up to? I understand I just felt like saying no would indicate the same as ignoring her.

 

nc is nc, replying with a no is not nc. control what you can, stop giving her power over you

 

She clearly must be aware my headspace is one of being hurt and wanting nothing to do with her. Perhaps not thou because she isn't being very rational in all of this.

 

in any of this fify

 

I agree that she hasn't offered any remorse or apologies. I don't think it will come anyways but it would have more bearing.

 

give it some time, there *will* come a point where what she does/doesn't do won't matter to you. you're doing good, just keep slogging and you'll be out of the mud soon

[Chi townD]

She responded "Okay. I don't understand why you hate me and feel the need to shut me out from your life. I thought you were my best friend and i miss u it's ****ty you feel so different"

 

 

 

Well....... the proof is in the pudding. Funny how a simple "No" about shoes caused her to text THAT! She's looking for ANY excuse to communicate with you, so she can lay that crap on you. To justify her actions and (in a small way) blame you for the current situation.......all over a response about shoes.

[David84]

Thanks for all the great responses!

 

I honestly feel better knowing I haven't been completely forgotten about yet as I work towards bettering myself. I have gone throu 5 breakups of relationships over or around the 2 year mark. Various reasons. This one I never saw coming/ didn't deserve but I feel I have handled and matured so much over the years that ive handled this one the best even with it being the worst of them. Being able to document my thoughts and story and have input has been so invaluable. Don't feel like I'm completely alone. So a big thank you to everyone who has helped and I hope some people are reading my story and finding strength of there own as I have from all the posts on here.

 

She knew I wasn't going to be her friend. I told her I was going no contact when she was moving because "I didn't do it to hurt you, your not in love and I'm not there yet. I need time to heal. I hope the best for you and you will always remain special to me". I think when she received that 12 days ago should have explained everything about how I didn't hate her and why I needed NC. It's odd she is trying to twist my healing from the hurt she caused into me abandoning and trying to hurt her. It's so weird how you think you know someone, I have met some crazy girls, I just never saw any of this coming.

 

Hearing from her atleast gives me strength to keep working out and staying active. I've been spending so much time with all my old friends and family it's great. I feel wanted and cared about by all of them. I'm past the point of talking about her with them which is great for me and them as well I'm sure.

 

I'm feeling awesome about myself again and I know regardless of how any of this plays out I'll feel like it happened for all the right reasons looking back a year from now. I've always felt that way looking back upon other failed relationships after time. Why not this one?

I deserve do much better!

We all do!

[smokey bear]

I feel like things just got stale, comfortable. She chased me forever and I think living together just killed everything. Unknowingly. Im not big into drinking. She started playing beer ball and asked me to come out after and drink with her team. I never did. I was always a safe ride home for her. Trusted her. I just didn't want to go drink at 4 on a sunday.

 

I have regrets because that's where she met her new guy. Whatever it is he swept her away from me. I begged her to stay but I feel like she just got caught up in the excitement and rawness of something new. I feel like she ****ed up while we were together and left as quick ad she could to save face.

 

I honestly don't know what to think. I just know I went one full week wishing to hear from her but I had get blocked on everything except emails. And the morning my week runs out I get a text the moment I'm thinking about how she used to text me good morning.

 

I don't want to break no contact for bread crumbs but I have no idea if she's tried all week messaging me or what she has said. I kinda want her to know that I'm at least listening. She chased me for 6 years. We just needed to water our own grass instead of finding greener.

 

In torn because I begged her to stay. She never wavered on her need to leave through those 2 weeks. Even with the I live you'd from her and the passionate sex the last day I saw her. There was something still there.

 

Maybe I should wait a few days. Maybe clear my pipes and think clearly again. It's not like she sent me a novel explaining how she made a mistake. Just a simple missing me.

 

I feel like I want to say SOMETHING.

I just don't know when or what to say.

 

 

When we split, several people said to me "you couldnt have been up to scratch in the bedroom department"

 

I shook my head at everyone of them, same as you, days before, we were still so in love we were rippping the clothes off each other at the front door and making love up the stairs.

 

To this day, a year later, the love, lust, connection, trust, want, its all still there yet we are still apart..............

 

Some things just have have to happen in life, thats the way it is.

[smint]

Yeah,don't respond even with"no",you need to act indifferent,like you don't care.I know,I don't like that but it will only work out like that.Ever since there are emotions(and you are showing to her some kind of angry emotions with that"no",and being angry is emotion),you are telling her that you still care.

 

And for parents,I had the same problem,they just don't understand,especially if they are old like mine,and mine are over 60 both!!! They are also finding weird why I don't respond to him,they were never in our situation,so I stopped informing them,I just told them that we are not together anymore,without details,no matter how hard it was to me to pretend that I am fine,but I just couldn't tell them"guy who was coming to our home for 7 yrs,who became member of our family...cheated me,lied to me,treated me like crap in the end"...I know how it is,at my home were days of mourning... And even after 5 months,still can't believe what he has put me through!!!

[David84]

I BROKE NO CONTACT...

 

It had been two weeks. I have truely been feeling great about myself. Been super busy, Ive found things that make me happy again. Working out has been amazing, Ive lost 15 pounds and have put on some noticeable muscle. I look and feel the best I ever have. Soccer twice a week, amazing weekend with friends, new friends, family and a whole lot of sun. After knowing she wants to see me because of the prior shoe comment I made the decision to contact her yesterday morning. My intentions are to regroup myself knowing Im busy the rest of the week and have 3 dates lined up with 3 different girls. Ive waited long enough to at least get my feet wet and see whats out there. I knew it was inevitable that I would test the water at some point and Im in a good spot currently and I wanted to show her I've been happy and how amazing I am and what she walked away from. Not so much to get her back but to get back my power in the situation, dignity? show her Im not a mopey mess nor mad. Im just genuinely accepting of whats happened and that I agree things werent working how they were, it was inevitable that we would break up if we werent working or talking. I also miss her and wanted a physical connection with her. Im just being honest.

 

Heres The Texts Sorry For The Length:

 

HER: Hey. Did you want your black dress shoes that I have of yours? I hope your doing well, miss you.

ME: No

HER: Okay. I don't understand why you hate me and feel the need to shut me out from your life. I thought you were my best friend and i miss u it's ****ty you feel so different

ME: I don't hate you Sarah. I just need space to take care of myself after everything. I can't just be friends with you. Clearly you must see how much you hurt me. Time heals.

HER: Okay, I love you David I truly do and I know how much you mean to me and I want you to know that. I miss you and i am lonely and I just want you to know I care

HER: I don't want you to disappear on me I feel like I need you to be in my life at least in some way

HER: Don't you miss me?

ME: I don't want to talk. I cannot be in your life at this time. I would only be hurting myself. Its not my intention to hurt you. Ever.

HER: I know you never want too. I want you to know I am regretting my decision to leave you, I miss my time with you, and I will let you have your space but i truly hope that you will miss me and contact me and maybe we could work on figuring us out one day.

ME: I do miss you Sarah. 3 years. I miss you daily, BUT I can't forgive you for your actions. Time gives me perspective. I deserve more. I didn't deserve this. I deserved an opportunity for us to work on making things better. You were mine and you let someone else have you. I've accepted my role in why things are the way they are. But at this point I'm letting go.

HER: I miss you daily too. I wish you could understand my aspect and I never ever left you to be with anyone else but to figure out what I need. I am sorry you feel like I just left you, I am always here if you change your mind. I'm yours David

ME: Ok.

HER: I miss you babe. Every single day

ME: How much?Come talk to me tonight. I want to hear in person.

HER: Lots. I miss our good times, not the bad parts. Miss my best friend.

ME: Come talk. I'll listen.

HER: I'll try my best too I have dinner plans with sis so after?

HER: Is that ok?

ME: Give me a time and be early, not late.

HER: Okay I will message you when I know when she is coming? No fighting though okay?

ME: What does that mean? Ok, no fighting.

HER: I am just scared to fight with you anymore cause I hate it so much, I don't want to see you and it somehow make it even worse that's all just asking for open mind

ME: I'm giving you a chance to talk. You told me you regret leaving, you love and miss me, and that you wish I could understand. I would regret not talking to you if you truly feel this way. Im weary your going to hurt me again now that I've given you this oppertunity. I sense hesitancy and a lack of urgency and the things you do have been much different than the things you say. I will be open minded for you. Are you coming 100% and what time ish?

HER: That is how I truly feel Dave, and I do want to talk and to see you but of course everything can't go back to the exact same it was, I can't move back and clearly we would need to slowly work on getting back where we were, I just know that I miss my life with you. I want to come, but I need to talk to my sister and will let you know ASAP? I just don't want to sell her out

ME: I'm sure she would understand completely that this is important. But it's totally up to you. Don't burn me, again, and sell out.

HER: I am not trying to burn you but we have to have realistic expectations, we would be starting all over again

HER: I have never meant to hurt you

ME: I'm willing to listen that is all. You have lots to explain because you have hurt me and destroyed my trust. When things get tough and you love someone you should communicate that and fight with them to make things better. I know I was responsible for making you lose interest in me but I didn't see it at the time and i resent you for not telling me. You are responsible for leaving me without the opportunity of salvaging the last 3 years. I'm as open minded as I can be, no we can't just take it all back I agree. I just felt like we had something special for a long time and I don't know now if that's meaningfull anymore.I can't believe I'm talking to you but I'm looking forward to seeing you again.

HER: I know, I am sorry for hurting you it was never my intentions. I am worried about the trust thing because that's been ongoing but I am more thAn willing for us to talk and at least figure out where we are at. Do you believe me yet that i did not leave for Ryan?

HER: I do believe we had something special David

ME: I don't. Its hard because you have lied to me about things in the past few months. It made me feel foolish for just trusting you. I feel certain something happened Canada Day to start all of this. I feel betrayed that you were flirting with him while you were with me at the very least and that you were dating and being intimate with him while we were in the process of separating. I feel like your dinner plans are with Ryan. That's where my trust is at as it should be.

HER: Okay I understand your feelings, I swear to god I never cheated on you David I promise you that. I would never do that to you. My dinner is not with Ryan.. I apologize that he was made to be a part of this, that was never my intention.

HER: I have no reason to lie to you about anything, even him.

ME: Well then I'm willing to hear the truth finally about what happened and what went wrong and why i couldn't stop you from leaving and why your having a change of heart now.

HER: Okay babe it's just because I miss you just miss you lots

ME: I love you lots.

HER: I know David. I love you too this whole situation just sucks

ME: Yep. Pretty ****ed.

HER: If its meant to be its meant to be we got the rest of our lives still. I just don't think we should cut each other out when we both care

ME: I feel like your mentality hasn't changed since you left and your still just looking to be friends from the things that you are saying. I feel like your lonely and only miss my friendship. My intentions aren't to watch you be with other people. That really doesn't make me feel like we have something special. That really isn't regret over leaving...

HER: I am lonely, I do miss your friendship but I also miss us being the two of us, I miss your love. I can't go back to just having a boyfriend but I do want to work on our issues and see whether we can feel the way we did before. Of course i still have worries but I need you around and want to work on us to see if we can get those feelings back

HER: I am not looking to be with other people I am looking to ensure I make the right choice, that's why I told you I needed my own place, but I want to work with you while I figure myself out. Sucks being without you

ME: I also feel like our relationship was dying. We stopped trying and the passion wasn't there. We stopped doing things together and you were always busy and tired. I felt like you didn't love me like you used to and it wore on me. I didn't know what you needed. I wasn't happy and forgot who I was before you. The last month has been amazing to find myself and reconnect with what makes me happy. I would love to have you back and in love and happy. I truly felt you were the one for me for a very long time.There is a ton of hurdles thou Sarah and its gonna take time and sorting out of feelings to see if it's worth it or possible.It needs to be about me thou. Not because your lonely. There are other people out there who can keep you company if your just lonely.

ME: Can we just talk tonight in person? What time?

HER: Yes we can, I am just waiting to hear from my sis, 7 o click should be ok?

ME: Yeah I'll be done by then.

HER: Done what? Did you wanna come to my place?

ME: No. Just errands/gym.

HER: Ok...

ME: I'll see you at 7.

 

Later In The Afternoon:

 

HER: You think the last month without me has been amazing? Are you happier without me?

ME: I think it's been amazing because I've taken time to be alone, to get back into soccer, working out, I feel confident and I have reconnected with old guy friends and met some new guy friends. Im feeling happy and outgoing. I've all but stopped smoking pot and I'm not lazy and Ive hardly been home. Stopped playing PS3. Its the first time being alone in 6 years. I've adapted and realized I don't need to be codependent. I looked at myself and tried to figure out why I stopped being happy. I miss you in my life. I miss when we used to look forward to seeing each other everyday. I miss how you used to be soooo in love with me. I miss going out and doing fun things and getting drunk and touchy with you. I miss feeling like I was working towards a life with you. I miss the passion we used to have a year ago. I feel like we were special together. I miss your family and I really ****ing miss that dog. I miss showing you how much I love you. But I don't NEED that to be happy. I can be happy alone and it's validating and exciting. I WANT to be happy WITH you, not rely on you.

HER: Did you figure out why you stopped being happy with me?

ME: Because I stopped being happy with myself. We lost the physical connection, we became smoking buddies, we stopped doing things together, I felt like you weren't responding to the things I needed, felt like you stopped loving me like you used to, felt you weren't attracted to me and that I bothered you. I blame myself and not you, I'm solely responsible for my own happiness. If I was happy with myself and things weren't working I would have left. I think it strained the relationship. My expectations of living together were probably miles apart from yours and we didn't communicate them. I caught you lying and stealing from me and it really changes my feelings about how much you loved me. I feel like its a two way street and that it really takes both people to keep things new and exciting. I was really looking forward to time away with you this month. You got so busy with work and school and ball teams and work friends. I felt left behind. But I should have came along because I used to love drinking with you. I just wasn't happy and stopped trying.

ME: I've really taken time to think about things and I know what I want and don't want. It's only been 4 weeks but I feel so much healthier all around.I hope you have taken the time to figure out your side of things too because it wasn't all just me. It was both of us and I really want to hear why things happened and how you've felt. But I really want to see you. 2 weeks is the longest we've been physically apart. I miss your face.

HER: You can see my face tonight

HER: I'm worried to see u

ME: Y?

HER: Worried well fight and just nervous and feel unprepared in what to say

ME: Don't be. It is what it is. I WANT to see you. Don't be nervous.

I'm not going to fight, it's either gonna work for us or it's not. No fights over it.

 

 

THIS MORNING...

 

HER: It was really nice to be with you

ME: It was nice seeing you too Sar.

HER: Good, I hope you have a great day, I look forward to seeing you again soon.

ME: Hope you have a quick day too!

HER: <3

 

She came over and brought the dog unexpectedly, It was surreal because a MASSIVE lightning storm started as she arrived, its been years and it my absolute favorite thing. Just weird timing, romantic watching on the patio. We were both nervous but affectionate. The strange thing is that she just caught up with what i had been up to, I was sparse in details. We spent our time in the bedroom laying with the scared dog Cuddling, Kissing. We never talked much about or current situation. She said she hadnt seen the other guy for 10 days. Says she hasnt slept with anyone. I said I havent seen anyone or touched anyone by choice, need to focus on myself first. She told me should could only stay for 90 mins, apparently an essay to write. we were moving towards sex awkwardly but she stopped and said she wanted to go slow, i pressed a little and she agreed she wanted too aswell which we did. She left very nonchalantly and when I said we never really talked about anything she said we would next time, no long goodbye.

 

I dont really feel anything over all this, Im not inclined to communicate with her. I still feel everything from the texts is true for me as I just reread them. I acomplished what I set out to do. I showed her how happy and healthy I am, she couldnt stop saying how good i look, smell. Missed me so much ect. I never asked her to be with me or anything mushy, very neutral, naturally too. I have nothing to lose at this point, just another cross roads.

I didnt hear from her last night after she left nor did I contact her. Im not discrediting that she could be lying about anything and in my head i feel like she is still seeing this guy and left to go to his place not an essay but thats just my thoughts no proof and it doesnt bother me.

 

My question is where does that leave me? Im ok with carrying on in my life as I was, dates tomorrow, plans this weekend, Im not going to contact her and Im going to be very neutral if she contacts me. I need to push the issue that Im not being friend zoned and if she truely feels all these feelings we still need to talk about it and have a sexually exclusive relationship if we feel we CAN work on it. Ill play it by ear depending on how or if she communicates further with me. I refuse to be a DAILY ego boost. Last night was mutual for both of us. I dont know if I can work on things with her and i really want to see how i feel after a few dates as she had an oppertunity to take, nothing has really changed on my outlook on how damaged our relationship is and i dont know if she has a good enough game plan or desire to make it right. Certainly wasnt crying at my feet or moving mountains to fix things. We just kinda left it at spending 90 minutes of quality time remebering how amazing it used to feel to love each other.

 

Long One, Sorry.

More For Me To Journal Than Anything.

Thoughts?

[David84]

My gut tells me that too. Something just felt off about two weeks apart and only 90 minutes spent. The fact she didnt even message me the rest of the night. She left at 9. Plenty of time to see her new guy after just having dinner with her sister and him be non the wiser to it. But again I have zero proof. The crazy in me wants to facebook him and tell him what she was wearing but sadly at 28 I feel its not worth my drama. I feel like I cant stop what she wants to do but atleast I can show her what she left behind. This guy is a 23 year old pot dealer. Im a successful man with a future and goals, better looking too

 

I appreciate you reading. Im not looking to be physical. Im just looking to see if I can make a connection with a beautiful girl, kill some time, take a step in the right direction towards healing my ego. Maybe get excited about something new. I do worry about the alternative of missing the comfortableness but its a calculated risk, i feel great about myself.

 

This site and everyone reading and commenting has been a saving grace for a quicker and more focused and calculated healing.

[David84]

Its now 10 o'clock. Im not surprised because I knew it when I said her lack of urgency and hesitance really negated the regret and missing me talk. The 90 minutes of contact after completely shutting her out for two weeks should have been a sign. Im not bothered so much as just "WOW". I give you an opening to talk and you start to say all the right things and then you just completely fail. Whats your angle? Even if your trying to keep me on the go as plan B wouldnt you at least fake it a little? Just WOW. You were even shaking with nervousness when you first saw me... Bravo. It was mutual and calculated, I got rough angry sex out of it and I guess you got your fix of familiarity or just knowing Im not banging someone else like you are, YET.

Still, just crazy is the only word to discribe the difference in your words vs your actions. Here I was thinking I ****ing knew the person i spent every day with. I had no intentions of going along with your being friends scheme anyways, your starting over from scratch to see if we still have it not wanting to be with anyone and figuring yourself out. Still have never told me why you needed to move BACK to your parents like a grown loser nor what you needed to FIGURE OUT about yourself. Remember your best friend crying in our house because she was so jealous of what we had?

 

I know Ill hear from you again like everything is fine but you had your chance, 36 hours to present your case or at least show a little sign of life. Its exactly what I expected, NOTHING. That is exactly what I NEEDED thou to be strong again and kill the feelings of doubt that were creeping up on me. Its dead just like this sad skeleton of a relationship. Its all part of the process of moving forward. You are an amazing liar and actor and talker. You snakey bitch.

 

Now do I go NC and block you forever?

or

Do I write you an nice email explaining why IM having a change of heart on reconciliation and then block you forever?

or

Do I call you out and say all the awefull things that I hate about you, point out all your disgusting personnal flaws and hygiene I overlooked and lived with because I was in love with you? BLOW THIS **** UP WITH RAGE AND HURT.

 

HAHAHAHAHA ****!

[David84]

 

what dating site are you on

 

pof hill8750 might be a far drive to arizona!

[dannykeyz831]

I'm gonna make this short and sweet.

 

Some people just don't really know what they want. However, it wouldn't be wise to jump right back into a relationship with her especially after stabbing you in the heart like that. It's really hard to see a person the same after that because you really do lose respect for them. You've been doing great without her man so just keep that momentum going and don't let her enter your life so easily.

 

Best of luck bud

[David84]

Well I still haven't heard anything from her.

It's really crushed me and I don't know why.

Ive almost broke down at work already.

Soooo stupid! She's an awefull person.

Feeding me words I wanted to hear. Regret, Sorry, Miss Us, Love You.

I'll learn from it thou.

Just REALLY hurting today.

looking for answers, why.

What a ****ing using liar.

[Chi townD]

Dude, you just didn't take the breadcrumbs, you took the whole loaf!!

 

If your gut is telling you that something wasn't right. The needing to leave in 90 minutes rather than staying longer and working the issues more, then trust your gut.

 

I agree with you and I believe that she wasn't having dinner with her sister.

 

NC!!! SQUARE ONE!!!

[Mike_d]

the sayings we see here a lot are:

 

- actions speak louder than words

All we can tell you is the same thing you learned as a kid, that old cliche, "actions speak louder than words" -- just repeat that over and over until you are sick of hearing it. Someone can say the words, but if they don't come through for you, what's the point of listening? What's the point? Just words

 

- if they really really want you they'll move mountains to make it happen

 

me? I'd think this would be a good hopping off spot, you ended the evening even handed, she showed you her level of interest via her actions. you have the message, hard cold NC. with the knowledge that you are all up in her head, you have the upper hand here, take it and seize the moment

[David84]

me? I'd think this would be a good hopping off spot, you ended the evening even handed, she showed you her level of interest via her actions. you have the message, hard cold NC. with the knowledge that you are all up in her head, you have the upper hand here, take it and seize the moment

 

I think this is true too...

 

She just sent me another text on her lunch break and it's odd because I instantly feel like a weight has been lifted from me and I can just carry on throu my day knowing she still thinks about me. When the ball is in my court finally it gives me strength again.

 

"It's world cat day today thinking of you and moe and erl <3. Would like to see you again this weekend."

 

I won't respond to this. I'm busy this weekend anyways and seeing her was draining afterwards on me emotionally. I did leave her with the best impression that I'm happy healthy and won't chase her, I gave her a window and she blew it and she will dwell on it I'm sure with all her new guys short comings.

 

A funny bit of information I work with a guy who is in the same circle as this Ryan kid but not directly. He randomly told me today, because I told him I'd rather not know anything prior, he said it was weird he has never heard about Sarah and everyone in his circle thought Ryan has a girlfriend currently and Sarah has never been around. Just kinda odd.

[Jono85]

I think this is true too...

 

She just sent me another text on her lunch break and it's odd because I instantly feel like a weight has been lifted from me and I can just carry on throu my day knowing she still thinks about me. When the ball is in my court finally it gives me strength again.

 

"It's world cat day today thinking of you and moe and erl <3. Would like to see you again this weekend."

 

I won't respond to this. I'm busy this weekend anyways and seeing her was draining afterwards on me emotionally. I did leave her with the best impression that I'm happy healthy and won't chase her, I gave her a window and she blew it and she will dwell on it I'm sure with all her new guys short comings.

 

A funny bit of information I work with a guy who is in the same circle as this Ryan kid but not directly. He randomly told me today, because I told him I'd rather not know anything prior, he said it was weird he has never heard about Sarah and everyone in his circle thought Ryan has a girlfriend currently and Sarah has never been around. Just kinda odd.

 

am i missing something??

 

what window did she miss?? did u tell her to contact u by a certain time or something? did she tell u she'd contact u by a certain time? i wanted to say something earlier when u were posting like the sky was falling, but was too confused to even bother. did u leave out information or did i just completely miss the piece where she completely dropped the ball after ur 90 minute meet-up.

 

ps. i'm not insinuating u all are wrong on thinking it was strange that she only had 90 minutes, and it just didn't seem right, etc., but a far cry from what ur recent posts have been indicating. so can u clarify?

[Mike_d]

am i missing something??

 

what window did she miss??

 

 

ME: I'm giving you a chance to talk. You told me you regret leaving, you love and miss me, and that you wish I could understand. I would regret not talking to you if you truly feel this way. Im weary your going to hurt me again now that I've given you this oppertunity. I sense hesitancy and a lack of urgency and the things you do have been much different than the things you say. I will be open minded for you. Are you coming 100% and what time ish?

 

ME: I'm sure she would understand completely that this is important. But it's totally up to you. Don't burn me, again, and sell out.

ME: I'm willing to listen that is all. You have lots to explain because you have hurt me and destroyed my trust. When things get tough and you love someone you should communicate that and fight with them to make things better. I know I was responsible for making you lose interest in me but I didn't see it at the time and i resent you for not telling me. You are responsible for leaving me without the opportunity of salvaging the last 3 years. I'm as open minded as I can be, no we can't just take it all back I agree. I just felt like we had something special for a long time and I don't know now if that's meaningfull anymore.I can't believe I'm talking to you but I'm looking forward to seeing you again.