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She Left Me For Another Guy. NC UPDATES.


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I think this is true too...

 

She just sent me another text on her lunch break and it's odd because I instantly feel like a weight has been lifted from me and I can just carry on throu my day knowing she still thinks about me. When the ball is in my court finally it gives me strength again.

 

"It's world cat day today :) thinking of you and moe and erl <3. Would like to see you again this weekend."

 

I won't respond to this. I'm busy this weekend anyways and seeing her was draining afterwards on me emotionally. I did leave her with the best impression that I'm happy healthy and won't chase her, I gave her a window and she blew it and she will dwell on it I'm sure with all her new guys short comings.

 

A funny bit of information I work with a guy who is in the same circle as this Ryan kid but not directly. He randomly told me today, because I told him I'd rather not know anything prior, he said it was weird he has never heard about Sarah and everyone in his circle thought Ryan has a girlfriend currently and Sarah has never been around. Just kinda odd.

 

 

 

Since you seem to be handling this great, what would you suggest for guys that are just starting at the breakup part and want to make it work with their ex?

 

*EDIT*

 

Quick background: Normal relationship, almost 3 years together, we are both 22, she is going through GIGS.

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She said she regretted leaving, missed us, was trying to communicate and then yes only stayed 90 minutes but more than anything didn't say anything of value, nothing really. Didnt say anything in person, no actions of regret, no urgency at all to ensure I was ok and wanted to work things out. I feel like I have done all the talking. I feel like I gave her a window to fix things and she's just happy with friends. Am I writing for feeling this way? After everything I was put throu I feel like there would have been way more convincing if there was regret. She's clearly using me as a safety net...

 

Am I wrong for thinking this? Should I at least communicate that I can't continue contact as is?

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She said she regretted leaving, missed us, was trying to communicate and then yes only stayed 90 minutes but more than anything didn't say anything of value, nothing really. Didnt say anything in person, no actions of regret, no urgency at all to ensure I was ok and wanted to work things out. I feel like I have done all the talking. I feel like I gave her a window to fix things and she's just happy with friends. Am I writing for feeling this way? After everything I was put throu I feel like there would have been way more convincing if there was regret. She's clearly using me as a safety net...

 

Am I wrong for thinking this? Should I at least communicate that I can't continue contact as is?

 

 

well u kind of screwed up by allowing her to come to ur house and BS around for 90 mins, when the plan was to hear what she had to say. u got caught up with just vibing like old times and good feelings. u should have been firm and direct and told her ur listening now, as u did in text msg before she got there.

 

i feel like she hasn't explicitly said she wants to just be friends with u. didn't she say she wants to work on things slowly and build back what u had?? yes it was curious she could only stay for 90 mins. but if u believe what she's telling you, she hasn't seen the guy in 10 days, and she had an essay to write. although why wasn't this mentioned before she got there (that she couldn't stay more than an hour or so)??

 

but my point is, ur overreacting UNLESS u totally believe everything she's saying is lies. if everything she's saying is true, i don't see what's so crazy about what's happened so far, to tell u she doesn't want to work on things again. but u know better than us. and if u think she's lying deep down, and have good reason to believe that, then u need to cut it off cold turkey. otherwise demand that she meet with u and actually do what u guys had in plan for her to do that night.

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Since you seem to be handling this great, what would you suggest for guys that are just starting at the breakup part and want to make it work with their ex?

 

*EDIT*

 

Quick background: Normal relationship, almost 3 years together, we are both 22, she is going through GIGS.

 

1. Say your peace and ask her to stay. Get it all out. Do it for a week if you have to but set a boundary for yourself. For me it was her leaving to her sisters. I told her if she left then that's it. Leave your key. Mean it.

2. Accept it's over. You can't change her feelings. Ever get frustrated when someone tries to talk you out of a decision you've spent lots of time thinking about? A purchase or life choice? It doesn't help. That's why saying your puker and space is important. Delete everything! Block her friends and family on Facebook! It's vital. I've saved soo much pain from interpreting pictures or updates.

3. Work on yourself! It's super important. The gym was never my thing but I ****ing love it now! I bought a preworkout energy supplement and it gives me so much energy and drive. It honestly makes you feel amazing about yourself. It is always my thought that I'm going to meet someone better, upgrade. I need to be better, upgrade. Imagine seeing your girl with 10 less pounds and a new hair doo? You'd want her. Same works for you.

4. Make plans days in advance! So you always have something to look forward too! Get on a dating website, just for the conversation and to see what's out there. She's not the only girl. She's a special girl but not the only one. Trust me. I've had 5 special girls. Each one makes me forget the last.

5. Listen to music when your alone! Don't have silence. A good song on the radio will lift your spirits.

6. No Contact is needed at least for a while to avoid the craziness of the emotions. Let her stew. If she's going to **** another dude it's gonna happen regardless if your crying on the phone before she goes out. It's not going to be special for her anyways. If anything shell be thinking about how weird and different and awkward it is. Let her. Let her stew and wonder about you.

7. Project happiness and acceptance. She left you and you understand. It is what it is. Look at what you did to contribute. Learn from it. Figure out why. For yourself, not for her.

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well u kind of screwed up by allowing her to come to ur house and BS around for 90 mins, when the plan was to hear what she had to say. u got caught up with just vibing like old times and good feelings. u should have been firm and direct and told her ur listening now, as u did in text msg before she got there.

 

i feel like she hasn't explicitly said she wants to just be friends with u. didn't she say she wants to work on things slowly and build back what u had?? yes it was curious she could only stay for 90 mins. but if u believe what she's telling you, she hasn't seen the guy in 10 days, and she had an essay to write. although why wasn't this mentioned before she got there (that she couldn't stay more than an hour or so)??

 

but my point is, ur overreacting UNLESS u totally believe everything she's saying is lies. if everything she's saying is true, i don't see what's so crazy about what's happened so far, to tell u she doesn't want to work on things again. but u know better than us. and if u think she's lying deep down, and have good reason to believe that, then u need to cut it off cold turkey. otherwise demand that she meet with u and actually do what u guys had in plan for her to do that night.

 

I understand what your saying. I do feel like there are lies. She's very needy and clingy so someone must be eating up her free time. When we first started seeing each other she was still secretly talking and going for "diner" with her ex. So it's hard not to see a pattern here. I think I was expecting a lot more relief and feeling on her end when we saw each other as well. Or at least more text communications the next day ect. Asking how I was feeling about things... I feel like her actions aren't there. No urgency, no worry about who and what I'm up too. Very minimal remorse. I've seen her chase me daily for 3 monthes after I felt she wasn't over her ex. She banged down my door to convince me she needed to be with me. Very different feeling.

 

Am I wrong to think this?

Should I be telling her I'm still not clear of her intentions. Or should I go no contact and see what her actions say?

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1. Say your peace and ask her to stay. Get it all out. Do it for a week if you have to but set a boundary for yourself. For me it was her leaving to her sisters. I told her if she left then that's it. Leave your key. Mean it.

2. Accept it's over. You can't change her feelings. Ever get frustrated when someone tries to talk you out of a decision you've spent lots of time thinking about? A purchase or life choice? It doesn't help. That's why saying your puker and space is important. Delete everything! Block her friends and family on Facebook! It's vital. I've saved soo much pain from interpreting pictures or updates.

3. Work on yourself! It's super important. The gym was never my thing but I ****ing love it now! I bought a preworkout energy supplement and it gives me so much energy and drive. It honestly makes you feel amazing about yourself. It is always my thought that I'm going to meet someone better, upgrade. I need to be better, upgrade. Imagine seeing your girl with 10 less pounds and a new hair doo? You'd want her. Same works for you.

4. Make plans days in advance! So you always have something to look forward too! Get on a dating website, just for the conversation and to see what's out there. She's not the only girl. She's a special girl but not the only one. Trust me. I've had 5 special girls. Each one makes me forget the last.

5. Listen to music when your alone! Don't have silence. A good song on the radio will lift your spirits.

6. No Contact is needed at least for a while to avoid the craziness of the emotions. Let her stew. If she's going to **** another dude it's gonna happen regardless if your crying on the phone before she goes out. It's not going to be special for her anyways. If anything shell be thinking about how weird and different and awkward it is. Let her. Let her stew and wonder about you.

7. Project happiness and acceptance. She left you and you understand. It is what it is. Look at what you did to contribute. Learn from it. Figure out why. For yourself, not for her.

 

 

 

Good, it sounds like I'm doing the right things then. I've been following all of those steps. Good, that makes me feel better.

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"It's world cat day today :) thinking of you and moe and erl <3. Would like to see you again this weekend."

 

 

Jono85 Has really had me feeling guilty as to if I should respond or not. My trust issues at this point obviously make me feel like I'm being played and used. I don't think there is much harm in just holding out on responding if at all. We never agreed to be friends again. It's like she's assuming everything is cool based on nothing changing but I really don't feel like I need to explain my position here again. Kinda confused. Looking forward to my date tonight! Nervous. :)

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I disagree with him.

 

you thought she was lying about Ryan, the essay thing and the timing of the 90 minutes and what it showed you, or didn't show you more accurately, about her commitment to fixing this. you invited her over specifically to listen. she didn't talk. how much real, hard, I changed my **** up totally for you, effort did you honestly see?

 

you saw her and now you are back to day 0, your brain is totally polluted with her

 

hope you have a great time on your date, I did one last night, heard 'last call!' for the first time in many years last night, was a blast, hoping it's fun for you too. bathe in the companionship of the females, awesome stuff

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Jono85 Has really had me feeling guilty as to if I should respond or not. My trust issues at this point obviously make me feel like I'm being played and used. I don't think there is much harm in just holding out on responding if at all. We never agreed to be friends again. It's like she's assuming everything is cool based on nothing changing but I really don't feel like I need to explain my position here again. Kinda confused. Looking forward to my date tonight! Nervous. :)

 

sorry man, that wasn't my intention at all. just didn't understand the whole sky is falling mentality when u can only blame urself for allowing her to waltz in and just have a good time with u, when in reality she should have lost that right until a lottt of explaining had be done. u gave into her so easily, and u need to learn from that. she hurt u tremendously, yet the first time she wants to see u, u start kissing and catching up like she did nothing wrong.

 

to be honest, it sounds like ur gut is telling u she's not serious. and what i've learned about guts, is they're 100% correct, 100% of the time..at least mine seems to be. so take that for what it's worth.

 

u might choose to reply to her only to just finally give u that closure. i mean u already broke NC and hung out with her. u KNOW if u just ignore her, ur gonna have to deal with her **** for another few weeks still. so maybe just demand that u guys have that talk soon or it's gone for good. normally i wouldn't advocate breaking NC but this will drive u nuts and u've already broke it. ur call.

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Well, I went on my date and we absolutely hit it off! Had an amazing time. Drank wine at the beach until midnight. She invited me back to her place and we watched Conan and we had tons in common. Lots of weird things in common. Like there's this obscure indie song from 2 years ago and she randomly played it for me as one of her favorite songs. Odd coincidence. She's amazing looking and a real Girly girl. Successful and career driven and she was persistant that I just spend the night. I did but there was only a couple kisses exchanged but she's a great cuddler. It was perfect and I didn't think about Sarah at all. This new girl has been filling my phone with flirty texts and wants to see me again next Friday. Seems as excited as myself. I'm not looking to be anymore than just hanging out thou. Just getting those new feelings is exciting and healthy for the ego.

 

As for Sarah, ex, I haven't heard from her since the text I didn't respond to regarding seeing me again this weekend. I didn't expect too but it still is confusing why she talks out her ass about regret and wanting to see me then thinks I'm going to initiate contact. I guess she regrets it so much she wants to have no contact over the weekend. Crazy Girl. I don't know if I'll even bother responding when she does message me in the coming days to see if I've moved on or if the hooks are still in my back so she's free to play. It's very obvious her words ment nothing and she just wanted to have the 2 week nc filled in with what I had been up too. This girl needs attention and if she's not seeking it from me she's getting it elsewhere.

 

I also kinda want to tell her exactly how I feel when she contacts me. I don't want to be friends. Your a hurtful liar and I question everything in our 3 years together. I never trusted my gut and it burned me multiple times with your lies. You weren't treating me right and I gave you every oppertunity to come work things out. That oppertunity had passed and I myself have followed your lead and have found there are amazing people out there who I can start fresh with instead of patch this broken relationship up. I've met someone who gave me that new feeling you left me for and I want to focus on myself and seeing where this new path takes me. Please respect my request for no further contact. Goodbye.

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So I had a very busy weekend! But I still spend hours a day thinking and analyzing things. I'm just kinda numb to it all. Truly nothing I can do about things at the point. I didn't hear anything from my ex since Saturday morning.

 

She messages me this afternoon with the following messages.

 

"Hey. Did you want your black dress shoes that I have of yours? I hope your doing well, miss you."

 

I responded "No"

 

She responded "Okay. I don't understand why you hate me and feel the need to shut me out from your life. I thought you were my best friend and i miss u it's ****ty you feel so different"

 

I haven't responded. This is day 12 of NC, except 2 short responses.

I miss this girl and she ment everything to me. Im looking for input on how to respond. I feel like I shouldn't respond. Its impossible to be her friend because I don't want to hear about her life without me. She used to be mine and now she's not. Part of me wants her to come crawling back and I want to be in a better spot so I can tell her to beat it and mean it. Im not there yet. I still want to spend time with her and show her how great things used to be together, how much fun and love we had but i cant get past her being with other guy(s) while I fought for her to stay and not walk away for someone else. I wish we could go back but how could we ever get the support of friends and family let alone fix the trust and hurt she caused me?

 

What should I do?

 

You should stop coming off as angry or just block her number.

 

I get why you sent those messages but I think you should play more cool and collected.

Something like:

 

"I don't think it's a good time to get my shoes but you can mail them to me if it's a problem"

 

Be an a**hole without actually being one. Eventually you will feel much more confident. Don't put off an angry vibe because then itll just make you bitter and look like a baby.

 

We know what you're going through. You can be angry here. But don't show her any emotion. She doesnt deserve it. Be Mr.Cool.

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She said she regretted leaving, missed us, was trying to communicate and then yes only stayed 90 minutes but more than anything didn't say anything of value, nothing really. Didnt say anything in person, no actions of regret, no urgency at all to ensure I was ok and wanted to work things out. I feel like I have done all the talking. I feel like I gave her a window to fix things and she's just happy with friends. Am I writing for feeling this way? After everything I was put throu I feel like there would have been way more convincing if there was regret. She's clearly using me as a safety net...

 

Am I wrong for thinking this? Should I at least communicate that I can't continue contact as is?

 

She wanted to see if she still had you and she knows now that she does.

Don't bother with this one.

 

Sorry, i'm catching up on all your material here.

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Well, I went on my date and we absolutely hit it off! Had an amazing time. Drank wine at the beach until midnight. She invited me back to her place and we watched Conan and we had tons in common. Lots of weird things in common. Like there's this obscure indie song from 2 years ago and she randomly played it for me as one of her favorite songs. Odd coincidence. She's amazing looking and a real Girly girl. Successful and career driven and she was persistant that I just spend the night. I did but there was only a couple kisses exchanged but she's a great cuddler. It was perfect and I didn't think about Sarah at all. This new girl has been filling my phone with flirty texts and wants to see me again next Friday. Seems as excited as myself. I'm not looking to be anymore than just hanging out thou. Just getting those new feelings is exciting and healthy for the ego.

 

As for Sarah, ex, I haven't heard from her since the text I didn't respond to regarding seeing me again this weekend. I didn't expect too but it still is confusing why she talks out her ass about regret and wanting to see me then thinks I'm going to initiate contact. I guess she regrets it so much she wants to have no contact over the weekend. Crazy Girl. I don't know if I'll even bother responding when she does message me in the coming days to see if I've moved on or if the hooks are still in my back so she's free to play. It's very obvious her words ment nothing and she just wanted to have the 2 week nc filled in with what I had been up too. This girl needs attention and if she's not seeking it from me she's getting it elsewhere.

 

I also kinda want to tell her exactly how I feel when she contacts me. I don't want to be friends. Your a hurtful liar and I question everything in our 3 years together. I never trusted my gut and it burned me multiple times with your lies. You weren't treating me right and I gave you every oppertunity to come work things out. That oppertunity had passed and I myself have followed your lead and have found there are amazing people out there who I can start fresh with instead of patch this broken relationship up. I've met someone who gave me that new feeling you left me for and I want to focus on myself and seeing where this new path takes me. Please respect my request for no further contact. Goodbye.

 

You're getting too caught up in explaining things to this girl. Who cares about telling her how she hurt you.

You don't need that.

 

She knows she f**cked you up and now shes trying to play with you some more. You need to delete this person from your life. Concentrate on this much better girl.

 

The best thing you could possibly do is leave you ex alone. She will come banging down your door i'm sure demanding attention, when the other guys don't give it to her.

 

You just make sure your new girlfriend is at your place when she does knock on your door.

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Well it's 10 o'clock Sunday night here in Vancouver.

 

I haven't heard from my ex since Thursday when she texted me saying she wanted to see me this weekend <3

 

This was following her messages of regret and missing us and wanting us to be together and work on things.

 

I never responded then because I felt like I shouldn't be the one arranging plans. I still didnt know what we were doing? She still hadn't said anything. I suspected her of just trying to use me more. I guess I was right because she hasnt even tried contacting me, didnt even ask if I'm ignoring her or why I didn't respond. She has this week off work. I was supposed too as well. We were finally able to get some vacation time together and this week was supposed to be it. We had a blast last year. Went to the interior and were beach bums and then spent 2 nights in Seattle together and took in the city and soccer. It was the best times we shared together. I hope she misses me and thinks about our plans we had.

 

How do you get over a liar and a cheat. I know it should be easy. They over compensate and fake their feelings while they are stabbing you in the back. Looking back there were many suspect times that came up and I turned a blind eye because I was unwilling to end the relationship. I don't know why. Im looking back now and questioning everything, what was real, what wasn't, how much was I just being used. How much are you supposed to trust someone without being a paranoid snoop?

 

I've remained no contact since our uneventfull meeting. Other than saying it was nice to see her as well the next morning. Maybe I gave her closure that I'm doing just fine and happy. Maybe I told her too much when I said I wasn't dating yet and was bettering myself and that obviously I think about her too daily. Im sure she uses that now as her strength.

 

Just a Sunday night rant before I'm back to waking up alone before work.

I'm going slow with this new girl so I'm not texting her when I feel lonely. Rather come here and vent.

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HER: Okay, I love you David I truly do and I know how much you mean to me and I want you to know that. I miss you and i am lonely and I just want you to know I care

HER: I don't want you to disappear on me I feel like I need you to be in my life at least in some way

HER: Don't you miss me?

ME: I don't want to talk. I cannot be in your life at this time. I would only be hurting myself. Its not my intention to hurt you. Ever.

HER: I know you never want too. I want you to know I am regretting my decision to leave you, I miss my time with you, and I will let you have your space but i truly hope that you will miss me and contact me and maybe we could work on figuring us out one day.

ME: I do miss you Sarah. 3 years. I miss you daily, BUT I can't forgive you for your actions. Time gives me perspective. I deserve more. I didn't deserve this. I deserved an opportunity for us to work on making things better. You were mine and you let someone else have you. I've accepted my role in why things are the way they are. But at this point I'm letting go.

HER: I miss you daily too. I wish you could understand my aspect and I never ever left you to be with anyone else but to figure out what I need. I am sorry you feel like I just left you, I am always here if you change your mind. I'm yours David

 

Full convo on page 3

 

I haven't heard anything from her over the weekend after her telling me she wanted to see me. It's been a week of silence. I believe she has gone away on the vacation we had planned with her family and friends currently. That part of the message I keep coming back too. I don't understand why she would say that and then just vanish again. Just been thinking lots today.

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Plan 9 from OS

I read through your thread - it was a painful read. Take this advice for what it's worth and bear in mind that I'm a 38 year old guy and have been married for 15 years. A marriage is not a game. It is meant to be 2 people committing to each other, being willing to love, honor, respect and support each other for the rest of your lives. Also in a marriage, your love starts out as a small yet strong sapling that the two of you planted in a garden. But for this sapling to grow into stronger and deeper marital love, it takes the both of you to tend it. Think of the spouses as gardeners that each have their own role in tending the garden. One can only give water while the other can only provide the plant food. Together, the garden can grow stronger and become vibrant and full of life. If only one works the garden, then it slowly withers away and dies. Why am I telling you all of this? I'm saying all of this because it looks like you are looking for that one person to settle down with to spend the rest of your life together.

 

To put it bluntly, this Sarah is not it. The next time you get a text from her, I would respond with seven words... "You made your choice. Lose my number." After you text that, never, ever, ever, ever talk to, text with, look for, seek out, FB stalk or anything of the like ever again. Good luck with the rest of your life.

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I read through your thread - it was a painful read. Take this advice for what it's worth and bear in mind that I'm a 38 year old guy and have been married for 15 years. A marriage is not a game. It is meant to be 2 people committing to each other, being willing to love, honor, respect and support each other for the rest of your lives. Also in a marriage, your love starts out as a small yet strong sapling that the two of you planted in a garden. But for this sapling to grow into stronger and deeper marital love, it takes the both of you to tend it. Think of the spouses as gardeners that each have their own role in tending the garden. One can only give water while the other can only provide the plant food. Together, the garden can grow stronger and become vibrant and full of life. If only one works the garden, then it slowly withers away and dies. Why am I telling you all of this? I'm saying all of this because it looks like you are looking for that one person to settle down with to spend the rest of your life together.

 

To put it bluntly, this Sarah is not it. The next time you get a text from her, I would respond with seven words... "You made your choice. Lose my number." After you text that, never, ever, ever, ever talk to, text with, look for, seek out, FB stalk or anything of the like ever again. Good luck with the rest of your life.

 

Good advice! She appears to be emotionally unstable. If I were you, I would detach and move on.

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+1 here too, sorry but you've really slipped and are heading backwards at full speed. this can only end poorly for you if you continue. strength and faith in a better future sent in your direction

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Thanks for the input.

I have still maintained no contact other than a one day slip up of messaging and seeing one another. It was inevitable like I said. I think it's very hard for anyone to have a break up and not reach out at least once. Her intentions seemed pure from the conversation. Regardless. I need to see her for her actions and not her words but it really cuts like a knife. Knowing most of our relationship was probably full of lies and emotional cheating at the least. Regardless this is not something that can be fixed. I recognize that. I'm 28 and have seen and been through enough to know that once you've told friends and family the truth of what's been going on, that support system is no longer there for a happy union.

 

I just wish I had closure to avoid this situation in the future. I want things in life, family, children, marriage but most of all, I want a long term loving and healthy relationship. Being blindsided and now having realizations that she most likely had been lying regularly and expressing a fake love is hard to learn from and avoid similar situations in the future.

 

I went on an amazing second date with this girl I had met. Honestly didn't think about things for the last 5 hours but as soon as I'm in my truck here I am typing away. It just takes time. I hate time. I hate the thought of becoming strangers after spending 3 years together and sharing so much. Loving her family and friends and inviting her deep into my life. Such an absolute betrayal and slap in the face to leave me without a reason or warning. I kicked my own brother out to have her move into my home for only 90 days. Surely her feelings didn't flip flop that much in 90 days. 3 years and she walked away. Just venting. Again.

I hope at the very least I have given others something to read and support. I spend hours reading and re reading this fprim to occupy my mind.

 

Thanks again.

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So here's another update.

 

Been a great week, spent less time here than previous weeks.

Ex Sarah has been away with friends in the trip we were supposed to take together. Been no contact exactly 1 week to the day when I received these texts:

 

HER: I really miss you. Been thinking about you lots.

(12 hours later)

ME: Oh yeah? That's nice. :)

(4 hours later, 1AM)

HER: Yeah, just how I feel. Want to catch up soon?

HER: I need you :(

ME: Ya, one day I'm sure we will. You NEED to figure yourself out, remember? ;)

HER: I can still do that while seeing you.

ME: Nah

HER: Okay, love you, message me if you change your mind.

ME: Haha. Your crazy! You think I'm going to come running back to you still? Are you serious? Your a cheater and a liar. Your an idiot for leaving me but it was the best thing you've ever done for me. Beat it Sarah.

HER: Okay, just wanted to let you know how I feel. No cheating or lying, just love. Sorry, I just really miss you.

 

I left it at that. I'm always reluctant to say mean things. I feel like I stoop to a lower level but I also feel like I need to have more of a back bone and stick up for myself. Hope I did the right thing. Going away this weekend so I'll keep my mind off it for a few days.

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curious as to why you don't just let this go? hard to figure out how the constant contact serves you, and how you plan on going forward with something you say you want with all this still rattling around in your head?

 

no dog in the fight, I just know that I couldn't do it like you are, and trying to see if there is something for me to learn here

 

oh, and it's you're vs your. /grammar nazi off

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David why do you respond to her still?

 

I understand the meet up a couple weeks ago, and I think you handled that well, but now what is the point of talking to her? Do you want her back? Or do you want her to feel bad? Like what is your goal in still talking to her? On one hand you seem like you want reconcilliation cause you miss her, but on the other you tell her to get lost, I don't get what you want to accomplish.

 

Does the new girl you're dating know you are so freshly out of a relationship? I'm glad you are not jumping into something too quick with her, glad you recognize you need to heal first.

 

Your ex is a piece of work...she very clearly uses you for an ego -boost and only has interest in you when it suits her. She doesn't even seem bothered by some of the meaner texts you send her which just shows how little she actually gives a s.hit about what she did to you. What a user. I'm sorry.

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Because I do miss her. She uses key words, regret, need, love.

I know that there's no way to work on things just "seeing" each other. She told me she doesn't want a boyfriend right now, that screams that she wants to fu.ck other men. How can I build trust and passion off of that? I'm supposed to woo her from other men? Again?

She knows I'm not interested in being friends and catching up on things that will hurt me to hear. I don't want to hurt her but I do want to know that she truly is hurting. I really hurt. I feel like her wanting to see me and missing me should be taken as bread crumbs. She should be knocking down my door if she really felt she made a mistake in leaving, right? I think if she had that "oh sh.it" moment of true regret id listen. I thought she did but then just nothing came of it, I'm the dumpee, there's no way I'm chasing her after all this. The more time that passes the more my feelings fade. They have faded a significant amount to the point Im almost certain I would decline reconciliation. for some reason when she messages me it gives me a boosted ego and kicks my low for a bit.

 

I'm interested in this new girl. It's new and exciting. Been out twice and going on a day trip tomorrow to an event me and my ex had tix for. I'm really looking forward to it. Our previous relationships haven't come up, I'm weary to be 100% truthful because it would be a red flag for her. I'm doing my part by taking things very slowly with her. I just dig the company and conversational texts during the day.

 

Good questions thou.

Edited by David84
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http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/337292-shes-cheated-moving-out-wtf

 

Well she messaged me today and it got through because my app for blocking her texts unknowingly messed up. "I miss you :(" when she woke up this morning. It's day 8 of no contact. I haven't responded. I've wanted to all day. My responses ranged from "beat it you heartless ****" to "I miss you so much and I just want one night with you". Clearly not ready to respond. She left me after 3 years, 3 months living with me, no reasons for leaving except she left for another guy. We were happy and rarely had hardships.

 

I have been out with a friend, drinking. Now that I'm alone I find it hard to not break no contact and return her message with SOMETHING. I won't and that's why I'm asking here. Everything was great but we just stopped working to keep the love. Is it wrong for me to think that I can make her love me like she used too. I'm 28 she's 25. Not our first rodeo. I think we both just stopped trying. My heart breaks thinking I won't spend another night with her.

 

Should I say something? I feel like she needs to know I miss her too.

That our relationship was great and something just happened out of nowhere and if she regrets it then I'm willing to listen. I'm incredibly torn. It's impossible for me to move forward feeling so empty and still loving so much.

 

Input would be amazing...

Thats how I feel.. I wish my ex would just sit down and talk. I mean thats how I always work problems out. But it's like girls don't want too sit down and talk.

 

Sometimes problems can be worked out if u SEE how the other person feels.

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